Living Apart Together

Separate and TogetherToday, my husband of almost seven years is packing to move out.

We loved it when we lived in different states and saw each other two weeks a month.  Living together full time with two dogs, four cats that don’t get along and an ever-starving teenage son has literally put us in different states – of mind.

We still love each other, and we aren’t divorcing – instead we’re starting our new journey of “Living Apart Together” to see if that works for us. This concept isn’t new, and I’ve long been a fan of this idea – in theory. Now we are going to join over three MILLION other couples in our country who are “living apart together” for a variety of reasons. Fingers crossed that we become the three million and first success story – I’m very optimistic!

As usual, when things get rough, I find refuge in my work, as I am doing today. I really enjoy interfacing with Candace and Ginita on the various projects of, sometimes for pay and sometimes as a volunteer. And as usual, one thing leads to another. Back in August, I was talking to Ann Marsh, an incredible reporter who writes for many wonderful magazines, including Financial Planning,about a story she was writing about the Women’s Choice Award for Financial Advisors. Somehow we got off on the topic of “Living Apart Together,” so I gave her a call to tell her the latest development in my life.

I shared with Ann the irony I felt with my husband moving out at the same time I was working on launching our new online educational website for Second Saturday: What Everyone Needs to Know About Divorce.”   I told her how excited I am to be doing something to help even more women navigate divorce, and how inspiring it was to have an “angel” donation for this work from an incredible woman, Karen Camp, who went through an awful divorce and wanted to help so others would not suffer.  We also talked about how Ginita and Candace have selflessly run the Second Saturday workshops for 25 years, donating about $300,000 back into the San Diego community, helping about nine thousand women.

Make that nine thousand and one, including me.   The support and community provides has helped me understand that no matter what it is I’m facing, I never have to do it alone – neither do you!

Happy 2014!

3 thoughts on “Living Apart Together”

  1. My husband and I have just started living apart together. We had been married for 12 1/2 years with four kids.We are both much happier with his/hers houses 🙂

  2. My husband filed for divorce seven months ago and he had planned about it for 1 year. While I was visiting my family in Brazil, he sold our house, closed our bank account and opened a new one only in his name. When I came back to USA, he told me that he wanted divorce. He is tracking my phone, spying on me in my computer. I had to stay with my 2 kids in his parents house,because I was full time mom while he rented his own apartment and move. His mother was watching me all the time and texting all the time saying things that I wasn’t doing. Anyways, we went to the court and my pro bono attorney didn’t represent me right and the judge ordered my ex husband to pay $ 500 for both kids and health insurance nothing else. I have to pay even copay. He took my health insurance even he knows that I have health issue, our assets he didn’t give me anything even the judge told him to divide. I just don’t understand how the law could do this. The. Judge even asked him to prove his income. My pro bono attorney was talking with his attorney 3 times in private and didn’t tell me anything even when I asked her. My pro bono attorney changed in the last minute while were waiting to talk with the judge and my pro bono attorney asked for permission to talk with the judge in private with his attorney, when they came back from the private conversation the judge ordered him to keep my kids 4 days and I keep my kids 3days. I didn’t study about law, but I am pretty sure that my attorney and the judge did wrong. I believe because he’s American and a veteran and I am not American. My kids got sick for 1 month since he started keeping them. He is with my kids only 2 days the other days my kids are in daycare from 6a-5p. His parents are really old and they don’t treat my kids right. We are sharing custody because he doesn’t want to pay child support. My ex husband makes pretty good money , he is a leader at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas and I make $9per hour and I work only 3 days. I just don’t know what to do. I just need to survive in here and it just so hurt. Please I need help. I’m alone in here no family, no nothing. I need to get the new attorney ad soon as possible. He is hidden assets and doing a lot things. On Christmas he showed up in my apartment and he said that even we are not together anymore we can have sex. I truly believe that he is bipolar and he is having mental disorder. He was in War outside USA and now he’s acting like a kid his mother is controlling him and he just accept because she’s paying everything for him. I can’t write everything that happened with me, but I just want to know if I can ask for other judge and how can I change this situation. We have been married for 6 years. Please help me.

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