My nine-year marriage has been rocky for quite some time, and my husband and I periodically talk about divorce. A friend told me I should stick it out a while longer since there are benefits to being married ten years or longer. What are those benefits?
In some states, such as California, in a marriage of ten years or longer the court retains he right to order that alimony be paid to the lesser-earning spouse for as long as she needs it, if the other spouse has the ability to pay. If you do not know the rules in your state, you could unintentionally lose your right to alimony.
For instance, you and your spouse might negotiate a fixed amount of alimony for a set period. If your settlement agreement designates that the alimony is non-modifiable, the court will not retain the right to extend alimony beyond the time specified, even if your marriage was longer than ten years.
Similarly, you and your spouse may include a mutual waiver of alimony inn your divorce agreement. If you waive your right to alimony, you can’t get it back, even if your marriage lasted over ten years.
A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration.
If you were married for ten years of longer, you will be eligible to collect derivative Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse’s earnings record when you reach retirement age (if you aren’t married to someone else at the time).
Those derivative benefits are equal to one-half the amount your former spouse is eligible to collect, based on his earnings over his entire career, including the year after your marriage was dissolved.
If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.
Ten years is also important if your spouse is in the military and will be eligible for retirement pay. If you were married for at least ten years while he was on active duty, you will qualify for direct enforcement, which means your portion of retirement pay will be paid directly to you by the military finance office.
i retired and got married years after i retired we have been married for 11 yesrs i brought my home in 1999 she want me to pay her almony and she want the house i pay for it with my retirement what do i need to know she dosent put amy money in that account
I only earn about 900.00 a month. I have Fibro. Can I get alimony 4 life and how do I do this?
Alimony is in accordance with the laws of your state, so consult with an attorney to find out how it works in your state and the procedure for securing it. In some jurisdictions, there is a facilitator at the courthouse who can help you with the paperwork.
We got it you have fibro. that sucks. But instead of looking for your ex to pay you alimony for the rest of your life how about you grow up stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and find a job that pays more than 900 a month and try and take care of your own self. Stop looking for free hand outs from some poor guy that’s working hard for HIS money
of course this is coming from a man AKA Johnny!! Funny you would reply with your comments when you don’t even know the entire situation… You assume that her 900.00 comes from a job and you obviously know nothing about fibro… you idiot!!! You must be a resentful, scorned ex husband whose wife took him for everything. If this is the case… Good for her with your attitude!!!
Kandy, depending on which state you live in and their laws you could possibly receive alimony for life with a disability such as yours. It’s definitely worth looking into.
I agree with Mr. Cage. So she begged some doc to put her on disability, I’m guessing? Fibromyalgia is often secret code for “I hurt all over because I don’t like myself and I want attention.” Many health professionals doubt its very existence. The overwhelming incidence in females and attendant cross-comorbidities with mental illness is very curious, indeed. Nonetheless, perhaps she wouldn’t be so emboldened to whine to the thousands of Americans actually WORKING with far worse disabilities. If she can fix a meal and watch T.V. there’s probably a sedentary job she can perform and at least try to be a somewhat productive member of society. She can obviously work a computer keyboard quite well as evidenced from this thread. In case she missed the memo, lots of folks make a living working the keyboard these days. (you know, that Internet thing that Al Gore invented). But maybe I’m just a tad bit too optimistic. I can’t verify it, but I’m fairly certain even Apple founder Steve Jobs worked with terminal pancreatic cancer. I’m sure there’s something about her case or genetic makeup that’s “special,” of course.
Instead of selling herself short, however, perhaps this individual should get the help she really needs (other than a handout from the ex) and get back into the work force, or at least some type of vocational rehab/retraining. No matter how bad this person’s situation, I will bet lots of $$$ that I can give you an example of someone who has it worse that is actually trying to be part of the SOLUTION and working. Instead of devoting so much time trying to plot the ex into financial ruin (which must take an incredible amount of negative energy), why not stop working the system so hard and, actually, well…WORK for real? By the way, not all of us are disgruntled men who got taken to the cleaners. I’m a male and took my ex to task quite well (thank you very much) because I was keen enough to pick up on her nearly perfectly executed plot ahead of time and was VERY patient with a broken family court system.
One of my life’s goals is getting the word out to other men about these gold diggers and their strategic divorce planning almost from the moment they say “I do.” Cases like this tie up the legal system for years and are now, quite properly, an epidemic. They should make us, collectively, nauseated. I’ve talked to a lot of men about their divorces, and none of them spoke to me about plotting for financial gain during the process. For some reason, women seem to be particularly clever at this game-but the game is changing and men are learning. Ladies, please put away your aprons: it’s no longer the 1950′s. You’re equal. I know that. Thousands of successful AND disabled women also know that. Do you?
Would love your feedback.
P.S. I’d write more, but this disabled writer needs to go to work in the morning.
Your an ignorant idiot. I’d like to say that to you when you gave someone their children (their only lasting legacy), dropped out of the workforce so you could cook dinner, do laundry and take care of everyone else.
. Women who have dropped out of the workforce, can not usually go back after 10 years and make a livable wage. Suck it up loser. You didn’t mind when she cooked, cleaned, gave you sex and put up with most likely horrible in laws. You should have stayed single, been lonely and taken care of yourself!
Entitlement mentality at its worst. FYI, I brought home the bacon, cooked it, did the dishes, and then the laundry, raised a child while She was off in her own internet world, spending thousands on crap… and then she met a fella. Im still paying her way 3 years later, and living in the same house. shoot me now! By the time I actually recieve a decree, I will be ruined in every way. But thats okay, because I am an evil producer of honest goods and or sevices, and was horribly responsible. Got exactly what I deserve. This country is cooked a dozen diferent ways, this is just one of them. Lets give the people who should be run out of town, more rights than the people who make the town run.
Yet another excellent reason to despise perpetually scheming and conniving American “women.” Keep in mind how hard women try to get custody in order to receive child support and avoid paying it. ALL females are whiny bums who believe they are automatically “entitled” to steal anything a man has worked his entire life to accumulate. I have learned that ALL females are pathological liars, therefore I do not hire attorneys, I employ “other professionals” to take care of business…
John Adams, I feel sorry for you. Not all women are not the same and I worked and supported our 3 children while my husband was out of work after he left the Military (honorable discharged of course). I don’t need a man to support me as I can do that for myself. Most men who are mistreated, know what kind of women they were getting involved with anyway just blindsided by her beauty/body. A lot of you get what you deserve. You can tell a gold digger, she won’t hide it. Guys should be more careful in the women they choose instead of always blaming the woman for taking everything you have, blame yourself for getting involved with such a person.
ACTUALLY I AM A EDUCATED, RESPONSIBLE MOTHER OF FOUR. I WAS MARRIED OR 19 YEARS TO A CRAZY SOB WHO LOST MY HOME, MUTUAL FUNDS, HOME SELLS GAINS, AND FORCED TO FILE BK BECAUSE I WAS BEING SUED DUE TO HIS INABILITY TO PAY OFF SECOND FOR HIS SO SO SO LUCRATIVE BUISNESS. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO KEEP MY RETIRMENT BUT MY LOOSER SOON TO BE X THINGS HE SHOULD HET HALS . WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP THIS. I HAVE HAD TO USE SOME TO SUPPORT MY HOUSEHOLD AND CHILDREN DUE TO LAYOFF.
Seek legal help immediately to see what your options are under the laws of your state.
My dad used to say “Son, there’s not one reason to get married, you can rent all the women you want for a few dollars a day.”
You’re dad didn’t give you good advice.
I have been divorced more than 10 years; however, his retirement was not mentioned in any way in our decree nor was a real property given to me by my parents after I was married. When the issue of real property came up 3 years after the divorce, I agreed to not “go after” his retirement if he removed his name from the family property making it 100% mine. Years went by and he did nothing. When he remarried, I told our daughters the family property now belonged to me, their father and his new wife. After they talked to him, he signed his portion over to the girls. Now the land is one half mine and each daughter has one quarter. I would like to know if I am still entitled to a portion of his retirement? I’m having a difficult time finding specifics on the www, so if anyone has had a similar experience of being divorced long term and taking a second look at their spouses retirement, please respond. According to one attorney, I’m still co-owner of those benefits.
Aftrr ten years of divorce my ex retired and owes me part of his retirement, he refuses to send me the paperwork. How can I get him to comply with court orders without spending more money on attorney fees?
You can probably go to court and ask the judge for assistance in getting him to comply.
dad died 3 months ago active service landed on normandy (utah beach) , mom and dad were married for more then ten years then divorsed she remarried to someone else for 8 years then divorsed she never remarried again although she moved back in with my dad for 20 years ,is she still able to collect from the va since she was married to dad for ten years
As far as I know, VA benefits would only extend to widows who were married to the service member at the date of his death. It doesn’t sound as though that’s the case. Check with your VA benefit office to be sure — I know a lot about social security, but not much about VA benefits, which are different.
What is the alimony rights for the state of Texas?
I am married for 9 years. I don’t work, I am 58 years old.
My husband changed bank accounts and moved out of the house, taking just his necessary things.
We are putting the house on the market, also we have another home in Colorado, that he wants to keep it for him self.
What are my rights?
I don’t have a lawyer yet…I am very confused in what to do
I love your site! Perfect for gold diggers who are not ambitious enough to make it on their own. Shameful and pathetic. Romney should have included these evil women in his 47% rant. Why work when you can (legally) empty someone else’s pockets for a living? Did I say shameful and pathetic?
ok I am trying to find this answer out for a friend of mine. He was struggling and losing his house. An old flame came into the picture and after her coaxing him and waving retirement benifits in front of his face he finally married her. Problems started arising immediately and now he is stuck. I am trying to find out how long they have to be married before he would be entitled to any retirement benifits of hers here in the state of Arizona. Can anyone help me with that?
In most states, retirement benefits earned during the marriage are marital property to be divided. But retirement benefits she earned before marriage would not be marital property, unless they have a prenuptial agreement that said otherwise.
Married for ten years and about to be divorce my husband. Work for for five years because I came here from another Country. marriage not working out will I be able to get any benefit from this marriage.I’m 58 years old he is 75 years.
When you are of retirement age (62 or older) you can qualify for divorced spouse benefits. Meanwhile, ask for alimony so that you can pay your expenses.
I have been married for 10 years, my husband and I only lived together for 3 of those years. I am in the military and am tried of being alone, I want out of this without having to give someone who did not support my career half of my retirement or saving’s that I went without to save. He chose not to work and live off of his disability check from the military. I own the house he lives in, he pays for basic utilities – the ones he is using in the house. What would you advise someone like me?
One thing many of you women never think about is, if the soldier ETS’s before 20yrs and decides to say “Screw It” and not retire, you will get nothing and it’s a way the guy can stick to you for trying to take his retirement….so be careful what you wish for or try for….because you may end up with nothing if the guy is smart and gets out before 20yrs and collects NO RETIREMENT just to spite you and for trying to divorce him and take half of what he earned. Think about it everyone.
Oh, BTW to FED-UP….you can just ETS from the military and get no retirement…..that way he gets no of your military retirement because you decided to get out and not retire….YOU WIN…..then you can go get a federal job like the post office say a year or so after you leave military….you BUY BACK your military time into the federal job and then you only have to do the difference between time you were in the military to the time to retire from the post office….(Example…did 10yrs Army, got out, then transfer those years to POst Ofice, do 10yrs PO and get out with a 20yr retirement from Post Office, he can’t tough it, because you were never married to him while working with PO)
Guys can do it to former spouses to and females can do it to their civilian husbands if in the military…..the servicemember can bet the system and not let the divorcing spouse take their years of service and they WIN…..HOOAH !!!!
You women are a bunch of money grubbing
leeches. You don’t cook, or give sex during
a marriage. You cut your hair and get fat.
There us no benefit for a man to get married.
IN THE SHORT RUN YOU MAY MAKE OUT,
BUT THE NEXT GENERATION OF MEN (UNDER
30 YEARS OLD), are going to learn, and it is
going to come BACK AND BITE YOU. In the long
run, you will not win. Men are not lonely when
they stay single, they have 400 friends, and a
different girl every night of the week. What do
they need you for?? You treat men as sperm
doners & human wallets. The only difference
between a wife and a prostitute, is that the wife
lies, and tells you she loves you.
I am married since 7 years and separated, I am I am working for a Private company, my wife is well educated (more then me) but not willing to work. She is living with her parents (are financially strong). I am planing for divorce her as she is not willing to come to me anymore.
My question is…..if she demand for alimony, will it be supported for her? Can she demand the alimony? Is honorable Court will take judgement on favor of her?
You’ll have to check with your attorney to find out the rules in your state. Each state is different.
Ive been married for over ten years to my husband however we only lived together a year after we got married, i left due to his illegal drug activity. He has since retired from his company, am I due any of his benefits?
Yes, since you have been married for more than ten years, you qualify for Social Security spousal benefits on his record.
I’ve been married for almost 20 years. My kids are sophomores in high school (twins) and my husband and I have decided to wait until they graduate to file for a divorce. We are friends and our divorce will be amicable. We are working on our settlement agreement and decided that he will assist me financially for a few years until I get on my feet. I have been a homemaker, stay at home mom with no skill and no training. I am in my mid 40s. I would like to go back to school. I would like to go into nursing. My question is regarding tuition. My husband said that he will help me. But should I get a student loan, make monthly payments or do both? We’re not rich, we’re not poor, we’re doing okay without having to live paycheck to paycheck. Thank you.
If your husband is willing to help with the tuition no matter how it is paid, then you will need to figure out which of your options will result in the lowest amount paid for your education: student loan or monthly payments. If your husband is only willing to help with monthly payments, then that may be your best option.
I love how women elude to the excuse that they cooked, cleaned, did the laundry gave a man sex etc. Women have this sense of entitlement and it’s really sad. How about you seek employment? Women seem to think that they are so much stronger and better equipped to handle divorce than men. That’s because you take the man to the cleaners and maintain some of the same financial benefits which you had when you were married. The man ends up with all of the bills and debt in addition to having to pay a woman out every month. Try walking away from a marriage and seeking employment. I’ll show you how much stronger I am if the six figures I pull in isn’t garnished to pay you out alimony and child support every month. I assisted my ex in raising her daughter. I put her in private schools gave her a good Christmas every year, took her to Disney world as well as various other family vacations and I never complained. Do you think her biological father was taken to court and asked to pay a cent of child support? Nope! This man managed to escape the hard shaft of the family court judge for 18 years. I on the other hand was screwed royally. The judge followed my legal separation to the letter. If ever I wanted to be amicable, my ex would insist we follow the guidelines of the court. I view her as a money sucking leech who is no better than a person who collects unemployment for 99 weeks and refuses to find a job because the unemployment would stop or the welfare recipient who refuses to get out and be productive because the money they receives will amend the welfare check and section 8 housing. As a married man when I was laid off of my job, I found another job. In fact I found two jobs and worked 7 days a week in addition going back to college full time to finish up my degree. Why can’t she do the same? Let me guess, she is a woman scorned right?
I am 70 years plus, married 10 years, prenup sighed prior to marriage, house in his name and now up for sale, never wanted me work, has provided for me ..what if anything am I entitled to>\?
Married in British Columbia
It sounds as though you are in Canada, so you and he may not have built a Social Security record, but you may have a Canadian equivalent. Your prenup, if valid, will be a roadmap as to what you are entitled to. Talk to an attorney in your community to discuss the prenup terms and validity.
I’ve been married 10 years and we are talking about ending it, I want to be fair to both of us. I brought money into the relationship and worked the first year. I was diagnosed with a genetic disease that’s pretty much incapacitated me and have disability benefits. My husband was close to retirement when we married and has been retired the last 7 years. The house was his though we did refinance in both of our names and is worth a lot more than we owe. He has a good pension, collects S.S. and has a large annuity account. I guess I’m asking what I’m entitled to after ten years, I’ve been a good person all my life and I don’t want to ruin my record. Thanks for any help you may offer.
The laws of each state are different, so I suggest you see an attorney to find out the answer to these questions.
I have the opposite question; if the leaving spouse waits until ten years of marriage in California, and then starts a divorce, is there any way to make that a disadvantage? That is, can the surprised spouse use the leaving spouse’s premediation against them? Thanks!
Probably not.
Also, can you clarify what you mean by “If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.”? How does future earnings potential play in to a divorce? Thank you.
A high earner will get greater social security benefits than a low-earner, and so the divorced spouse benefits would also be higher. Divorced spouse benefits are only available in a marriage of 10 years or longer.
My husband and I will be married 11 years this year and have 2 children together. While we have tried to work things out, our marriage has been going downhill for some time, now. He has been active duty Army for 14 years and I just started working the the Department of VA 5 months ago. I need a quick synopsis of what my rights are as a military spouse/dependent and mother. He recently told me that he is still young and good looking and if he and I aren’t on the same page, we need to end our marriage. Mind you, his worst fear used to be our family being torn apart by divorce.
Here is a link to rights of a military spouse: http://www.ehow.com/list_6742008_rights-military-wife.html
And here is a link to rights of a military spouse in divorce: http://usmilitary.about.com/od/divbenefits/a/idcardshousing.htm
I consider, what is it ? a false way.
Wow, there are a lot of angry men here. Angry because they fell for the woman than screwed them…Its equal in all walks of life rather it be men doing the screwing or women. So get over yourselves, because women like me with a disability, a child to raise, a good job that DOESN”T need a man will never take a look at jerks with a sorry outlook on woman such as yourself.
Sure, find yourself a new woman every night for just a couple of dollars because that is all you will ever be able to have….if they are even women.
Leslie, I agree with you, good point. Men.. be smarter in who choose for a wife and it may not happen to you.
I started collecting my spouse’s reduced derivative SS benefits at the age of 62, and Medicare A under my spouse’s SS number at the age of 65. Shall I lose both if we divorce before 10 years of marriage expire?
Thanks
I have a question for anyone.I divorced and left my husband was married 21 years.I only asked what I was entitled to by law. I will be getting his pension etc. I am just confused about when I will actually be able to collect it. He is retiring next year he is much older than me I am 48. If anyone can help with that info I appreciate it. His company is doing the QDRO on it to set up the funds seperatly for me.
You can begin getting pension benefits under at QDRO at the earliest age at which your former spouse can retire. You can decide when to start, but once he does retire, you must begin getting benefits.
my husband and i are living in Arkansas and have not yet been married for 9 years. over a year ago we separated due to issues between us in our marriage. he had an affair while we were split up and we eventually have gotten back together but the same issues arise from the last separation plus he keeps in contact with this woman he had an affair with. i work but not enough to maintain a stable place, however, friends have allowed me to rent their home when i decided to leave. we have talked about divorce and i feel like i would be happier with out this mess he helped create for this last year. he has a job as an RN and i just clean houses for a living. i have no idea if I’m entitled to alimony. no property except what is inside our home and he has a new car compared to a car i barely keep running. i do plan on leaving and will make it with help of a few friends and family.
should we have a period of separation before i file? should i ask for his car in the divorce settlement? and am i entitled for spousal support before and after this divorce?
any help is appreciated.
The laws are different state to state, so you definitely should consult with an attorney regarding your questions.
This is horrible! My heart is broken & turned upside down by a person who became just like the rest of the younger generations. Instead of fixing things, they just throw it away. I don’t want my divorce even though I have been cheated on & treated cruel with mainly emotional & mental abuse. My health started to deteriate over time. I recognized my condition would only get worse so I got some assistance to put me through school so I could work a job with my condition. I did not want my spouse to end up having to take care of me completely when my condition got worse. Granted I can’t work as many hours at my job I’ve had over 5 yrs because the programs requirement to help me w/school is to go 12 credit hours or more. Because of my health getting worse I can’t do things like I used to, so my spouse wishes to divorce me because of my health. My whole world was turned upside down when I was cheated on after 10 yrs. I thought I could trust the person I was with. I love my life, home, & friends. Now it has to change because someone else decides they are going through a mid life crisis & doesn’t want to stay through sickness & health? Hmmmm not right & not fair at all. I don’t want my lifestyle to change because someone else is selfish. So yes alimony you bet. I’m not scornful & I certainly don’t want to cause anguish. Not when you truly love someone, you can’t just turn it off like a light switch. Why would you want the person you love hurt? I’m more angry at the fact that someone wants to throw away years of something we built to just throw it all away like it was nothing. So if you want the divorce, I will be compensated for the time & work I put into the relationship, because I’m willing to make it work so I’m not wasting 13 yrs of my life. Women & men alike haves paid alimony & it stands to reason, yes not everyone of them should have, but before passing judgement on someone & why they wish to collect it, I don’t feel any opinion negative or positive. Passing Judgement on someone is wrong.
Hi,
I am 42 years old Floridian man with 13 years of total marriage with only first two years golden time. Rest of time deteriorated with time due to several issues.
After two years of my golden married life problem started but mainly inter fearing with my in-laws. Apart from this, few major incidences are…
1. she diagnosed as bipolar after six years of marriage. However, she was first diagnosed when she was teen. Back then, she took some medicines for few years and then discontinued due to the normal behavior. I was kept in dark until her second episode after my six years of marriage. I treated her and doctors advised that she has to take medicines life long. she is taking medicines regularly and she is almost back to normal life. She is being prescribed antidepressants and also for mania both at a time. Due to the medicines, she lessened her emotions and no matter how I tensed/upset/sad/ due to the domestic fight/work tension etc, she will never come to me to say few good words. it is like, I don’t care what you feel.
After second maniac episode, she had another two mania episodes (total four including teen episode) and my life is really turned traumatic. In second episode, she told hospital staff that I will kill my kids and then “Child Protection” came into picture. However, later on they (CP) realized that there is no truth behind the hospital staff’s statement. She is loving mother of our two kids but less concerns about kids food and education. We have no commons in any way. We are totally mismatch couple.
I know she is in touch with another guy who used to be our neighbor but she kept him very low profile to me but I was completely aware of this person. She has given him some of our house hold items to him sometimes. She exchanges mails and posts messages on facebook. She also calls him but I dont know how this relationships is??
One day, i thought I should break silence and I told about this guy. She disagreed and said I don’t know this person. I also mentioned about the exchange of things, emails, talks, messages but she firmly denied. When I shown proof, she reluctantly agreed. She also not in favor of sex with me. Most times she says I don’t have mood. Aren’t these sign of cheating??
I am tired of fighting with her and I want to end my marriage.She is asking me alimony. I am barely meeting my end needs and I don’t have good bank balance. Neither have money to pay for attorney. I wonder if anybody can help me any other options I may have!! If she is asking alimony and child custody , it will be a tragic life which I can not imagine!!
Thank you very much in advance.
NB:I know this website is for wives but there are also good women out there.
Please help…
I just read some of the comments, and its sad how many women really think they are entitled to the money they get, the whole “I had children, cooked, cleaned and had sex” bull crap thats why many women are just weak and pathetic liars. First off its not 1920 and all that cooking and cleaning talk please, you women after 10 years you use sex as a weapon, oh cry me a river just because your too lazy to go to a gym drop some pounds don’t get all upset when your husband is checking out that young hot body or better yet a woman your same age who takes care of herself.
I just hate the fact that I have deployed back and forth to some un-thinkable places and because this lazy turd hung around long enough now she thinks she is owed my hard earned retirement, oh btw when you pull this tramps out of a trailer park or the hood get them off Section 8 housing and welfare they seem to forget the hard times when they see E7 or higher pay.
i don’t hate all women trust me there are a lot of good ones out there too bad in todays society women are brainwashed to be gold diggers just watch those real housewives shows digging in a mans pocket just because they spread their legs a few times like most military wives spread their legs now they got you trapped.