The Benefits of Being Married Ten Years

ten-of-heartsQuestionMy nine-year marriage has been rocky for quite some time, and my husband and I periodically talk about divorce. A friend told me I should stick it out a while longer since there are benefits to being married ten years or longer. What are those benefits?

Answer In some states, such as California, in a marriage of ten years or longer the court retains he right to order that alimony be paid to the lesser-earning spouse for as long as she needs it, if the other spouse has the ability to pay. If you do not know the rules in your state, you could unintentionally lose your right to alimony.

For instance, you and your spouse might negotiate a fixed amount of alimony for a set period. If your settlement agreement designates that the alimony is non-modifiable, the court will not retain the right to extend alimony beyond the time specified, even if your marriage was longer than ten years.

Similarly, you and your spouse may include a mutual waiver of alimony in your divorce agreement. If you waive your right to alimony, you can’t get it back, even if your marriage lasted over ten years.

A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration.

If you were married for ten years of longer, you will be eligible to collect derivative Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse’s earnings record when you reach retirement age (if you aren’t married to someone else at the time).

Those derivative benefits are equal to one-half the amount your former spouse is eligible to collect, based on his earnings over his entire career, including the year after your marriage was dissolved.

If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.

Ten years is also important if your spouse is in the military and will be eligible for retirement pay. If you were married for at least ten years while he was on active duty, you will qualify for direct enforcement, which means your portion of retirement pay will be paid directly to you by the military finance office.

815 thoughts on “The Benefits of Being Married Ten Years”

  1. I live in Alabama and have been married over 20years. Out of those twenty years, I have only worked a job that offered me retirement for 7 years. Mainly because our son was born with a disability and I was/am his primary caretaker. Because I was extremely aggressive with early intervention, our son excelled and his disability is noticeable. This allowed me to return to work. My husband has worked almost 27 years at the same job and has a solid retirement fund. My question is a matter of understanding his offer. His lawyer has offered me all of the equity in the property and the property itself, meaning I will get 100% of the sale proceeds after payment of the current mortgage and the debts allocated to me in the event of a sale. In return, he does not want to give me any funds from his retirement. He will be paying child support and alimony for 2years. I am not sure what to do. please help

    1. Think about your sources of income in your later years. Will you have enough to live on, or will you need the income you could get from having your share of his retirement funds? If you’ll need that income, then this might not be such a good deal for you. If you are thinking that you’ll sell the home then and live off the proceeds, figure out where you might live, and then make some reasonable projections of how long the sales proceeds would last until you are out of money.
      Also think about owning your home, as he proposes you will, if you’ll give up your interest in his retirement funds. Can you afford the mortgage payments, the property taxes and insurance, and the maintenance upkeep? Does it have deferred maintenance that you are somehow going to need to find the funds to do in future years? Is it the right home for you, or would you be better off living somewhere less expensive with less upkeep, or even renting? If the mortgage isn’t assumable, can you qualify to get it put into your name alone?
      You may need the services of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to help you analyze your situation so you can make the choice that is best for you.

  2. I lived in Utah and I’ve been married for 16 years. I’m planning on divorcing my husband, we have a rental property which is he purchased it before we are married, but he put my name on the property plus he received an inheritance from his Dad and put my name on it as well. He told me he is not going to give a penny but we didn’t sign any prenup. What’s my chances of getting some share of the property when we get divorced? What happened if he contested the divorce and don’t want to give me anything? How long will it take the divorce to get finalized if he contested it?

    1. You will get a portion of the marital property by virtue of it being marital property. It’s not his decision to make how much you get, it’s a matter of the laws of your state. As to how long it will take, obviously it will take less time if you and he can agree on the division rather than duking it out in court, so I recommend that if he’s willing the two of you meet with a mediator to work things out. But first, consult with someone who is familiar with the laws of your state about what you might get, given your particular situation and the laws of your state.

  3. I am in social security disability. I have been married for 30 years. I understand I get half of all assets, but do I also keep my disability benefits too.

    1. I’ve been married 23 years and my husband has been my sole provider. His parents loaned us the money to pay off our mortgage. My name is on the deed with my husband’s. How much say so would his parents have over the property if we divorce? Also, in Tennessee, would my husband pay me alimony? And if so, how long would he have to pay?

      1. If his parents are owed money for the home that is owned by both of you, if the house is sold they will need to be paid off. Look at the mortgage document with them to see if they have any other rights, such as demanding payment after X years or upon divorce or anything similar.
        The laws of each state are different regarding alimony, so you’ll need to do an internet search for your state’s rules and/or talk to someone familiar with your state’s laws.

  4. Hi me and my husband married for 12 years .we have 2 daughters one is disability . My husband said he will leave me after 5 years later.he said he didn’t want to be with me. He doesn’t respect me he always angry with me .and he wants to take loan from our home . He always dominated me . I think he will leave only loan for me after 5 years. Because of this I m frustrated and my mind being crazy to think about what happen after 5 year . Can you please suggest me what should I do . Is there anybody who help me file divorce process freely cause i don’t have any money I’m not working.I live in Maryland.

      1. Janet Marie Kelley

        I have been married to my husband since 1991 I got with him in 89 we have two kids my boy is 32 and my daughter I talked to her when she was 4 months old so I never seen her and we have no money at all never have we have no property nothing just the paper saying we’re married I’ve been broke up from him for at least 17 years probably been a while what can I do to get money and divorce for free help me please and he beat me up forever I got I got proof of that for real forever he was a drunk man I need alimony he don’t get no money no more he don’t work he’s a drunk but I’m a housewife and I’ve never worked and I need some kind of money or something if you could help me knowing cuz I don’t know the law I don’t know nothing and I need a lawyer to divorce me for free if you can I live in Sealy Texas Janet Kelly’s my name and my husband Michael John Kelly senior he didn’t in corpus with his mother

        1. Janet,

          Contact your local courthouse and ask the county clerk how you can get help filing for divorce — they probably have a legal aid or modest means panel of attorneys somewhere around you. If he has no money coming in, I don’t see how you are going to get alimony, since he doesn’t have any money to pay you with. But talk to the attorneys to find out what you can do in your state.

      2. Please hang in there my husband constantly made threats as well throughout our marriage from the very beginning. After 12 years of his mental and emotional abuse I filed for divorce and finally good with my decision ??

        1. Yes I am I’ve been married for 23 years he’s 100% disabled vet and he’s also disability he gets Social Security and SSI so being married that long but he didn’t serve 20 years in the service he might’ve served 15 years in the service because he served 10 years before we got married so he was an active duty I believe for five or six years then he got an animal discharged but he got 100% because when he was at the Iraqi war so I just want to know am I entitled to anything

          1. I don’t think that you are entitled to any of his disability pension, since he’s considered the one who is disabled, but you certainly would be entitled to a portion any retirement pension they paid, since you were married during a portion of the period that service credits were earned. And you may get Social Security retirement spousal benefits (or divorced spouse benefits, if you end up divorcing) based on his social security record, if those benefits exceed your benefits based on your own earnings history. And if you divorce, you may be entitled to alimony, since his income likely would exceed your own.

  5. I was married 13 years to my 1st husband ( divorced him ) remarried years down the road but divorced 2nd husband 2 years into the marriage. Can I collect off 1st husbands social security ( receiving 50% at the time of my max benefit year 67 ?

    1. You and your former spouse must each be of retirement age, and must have been married for 10 years or longer, and you must not be married to anyone else now. Sounds as if you will qualify (unless you decide to get married again and are married when you are 67).

      1. I moved into my husband’s home in March of 2007. We married in October of 2010. In November of 2018, we moved but did not sell the house. We rented it out to make the mortgage. In November of 2019, my husband sent me a text saying I’m not coming home from work tonight-or ever again. I am on social security disability. I have no idea what/where my husband is working now as I have not seen him for over 2 years. I learned from a close family friend that the house we left in Ohio was sold. My name was no where on it because he bought it about 10 months before I moved in. I’m really struggling, physically, financially and mentally. I know I can do a no fault divorce without knowing his where-a-bouts, but I’m not sure if I can file at fault, due to abandonment. He knew I had no family or friends I could turn to around here when we moved from Ohio to Alabama. I can’t afford an attorney. It all I can do to make my rent and medical expenses on my SSDI payments. I don’t qualify for any public assistance because I am still married and even though we haven’t lived together for over 2 years, I still have to count his income because we are still legally married. I’ve exhausted every online advice I can find. I’m not dumb, but none of it makes any sense to me. I welcome any suggestions on what to do.

        1. I am guessing that under the laws of your state, your husband has a duty to support you if you need support and he has the means. If he won’t do that voluntarily, then you will have to take court action against him. So contact your local court house and get the paperwork needed to begin the court action. And PS, you are probably entitled to a portion of the funds he got from selling the house. You’d need to consult someone knowledgable with the laws of the state you live in to tell you for sure.

        2. Amen , I was married 11 yrs national guard, I’m ssdi , he left abandoned, and had another baby with a woman while being married to me . Plus I lost 400 a month on ssdi cause i had to work 2 jobs to keep me in a home my husband was 1/2 responsible, but feed another woman and family left me no insurance, and I called his commander ,he said won’t help unless Cort ordered…OMG ? REALLY…SO NOW I HAVE AN ATTORNEY…LEGAL AID HARDLY HELPED

      2. Hi I’m elizabeth b specker I was married to joseph h specker twice..were married jun181993 and hi divorce me on jun 12 1996 and we get married again on Jan 11997 we married tel 2009 hi file the divorce again I just wandering if I get some money his melitary on was navy but not his married to live in Thainad I can’t talk him hi don’t mgive money any seem divorce on 2009

        1. Look at your divorce agreement to see what it says about his military retirement. It is my understanding that you were entitled to a percentage based on the service credits earned while he was married and in the military compared to his total service credits. If your divorce agreement provides for you to get a portion, then be sure to file the appropriate forms with the military as soon as possible. If your divorce agreement did not deal with his military retirement and service credits were earned during the marriage, then you’ll need to talk to someone knowledgeable about divorce in your state to see if you can open up the divorce for the purpose of dividing that omitted asset.

  6. My (technically) husband and I were married in 2006, 15 years ago, and share 1 daughter who is 15 years old. 3 years later, I “left” him because of his gambling addiction. Together, we made good money at that time as we both worked. I worked in a state hospital for 15 years, which closed down due to budget cuts in 2015. He works as an accountant. At that time, he also worked as a controller for a company on top of certified tax preparer during the tax season. After my work shut down 6 years ago, I found myself out of work, which led to some unfortunate series of events leaving me with nothing. I was homeless, had already cashed in my retirement, and left struggling without many options to get back on my feet. My credit was destroyed by my ex and we had foreclosed on a house in 2008, as everything was in my name. This led to 2 subsequent evictions and I can no longer find a place to rent. I was surprised with another child with someone else, who is now almost 9 years old. Her father is involved with her but we were never together on any level other than a few sexual encounters, however we learned to co-parent with one another. I found myself with no other option than to move back into his house for the sake of my safety and support for our daughter. I don’t pay rent and am currently seeking employment with no success thus far. From then til now, there have been significant changes with him as well. He went on to start a sole proprietorship operating his tax business from his home. His mother and grandmother died leaving him with an inheritance of the family trust split with his sister, who now lives in another state. He is very successful, but continues to struggle with gambling addiction and poor spending habits. He makes a lot of money but much of it is not reported so on paper it looks as if he doesn’t make as much money as he really does. He is excellent at embezzling, reallocation of funds, assisting others with loans and government funding, grants, unemployment, laundering, and helping criminals with their fraudulent endeavors so he has a substantial amount of money often. He is also very selfish, and none of which funding has gone to help my situation. He handles all my taxes and any funding I am eligible for to his own discretion with monies going to his bank accounts, as I am unable to get a bank account of my own. He has even sabotaged opportunities I have pursued for unemployment, government assistance, disaster assistance due to pandemic, and a few other endeavors resulting in the little tax return money I was supposed to get went to garnishment of wages. I haven’t been able to even obtain copies of my tax returns in about a decade. A few years ago, he was diagnosed with diabetes. It remains unmanaged, as he is burning the candle at both ends. He exhibits scary symptoms with his medical diagnosis, and I am worried that he might not be around much longer. We never followed through with divorce, and we are still technically married. With his unmanaged diabetes, he has had several emergency episodes. My question is what is going to happen to his house, car, money (unreported money, accounts, etc.) if he dies and no will has been written? I don’t have any money and still, I haven’t been able to fix my credit over the years due to life’s setbacks and misfortune, in addition to having no income. Any suggestions on what I should do or any particular direction I should take now as precaution?

  7. I have been married for 32 years now no kids in this marriage. My husband tells me all the time leave get a Lawyer. I am not entitled to anything but my clothes. We live in a 55 community and his is still working over the road. And gone for 3-4-5 weeks at a time my family is up north And I only get there when he takes me. I am retired and worked most of the time in our marriage but he never gives me Credit for nothing. But I have taken care of every place we lived in. He gets So Hateful while his gone. I went though a lot in this Marriage Brain Surgery And Breast Cancer and it’s like whatever. But when he had to have a Kidney out I was there no matter what. He gets really smart with me and Of all things No SEX since 2009. Yes 2009. I get S. S. Every month but after I pay my own Insurance I have only 260.00 to go on. And he had me on his Work Insurance till I turned 62 and stopped paying for me. He told me he is working till his 68 so I have a few more years before I can claim his S.S. And I think his doing it as long as I don’t get any of his. I have put up Abuse and Name Calling and his One thing is He tell me I haven’t Done Anything for him. My Neighbors know what his like and there only nice to him when ever he does come home because of me. He is a Miserable Person. He told me if I don’t like it go Hang Myself. WOW That Really Hurt. He is good at starting crap when we get inside the house. And no one around. Has Not One Friend. His Own Family don’t want to have any thing to do with him. His brother up north Washed his hands of him. That’s Pretty Bad. I just want to know what I am initialed to. We have Always a a Harley and he tells me That’s his and He is going to buy his self something when we Retires. Maybe a Rolex. That bike is Worth 24 thousand but he told me I am not getting any of it. It sits in the garage and only gets used when I am not here in Florida. And in Illinois with my family. And his here by his self. If it wasn’t for me he would’ve have that bike. He had bought 4 bikes since we have been Married and sell them when he fills like it. I haven’t been on that bike for 5 years now. There is No going to talking to anyone he won’t do that. I feel like I have Missed out on a Lifetime of Happiness. Please let me know what you think. He comes home we may go out to eat and then no talking or anything.He gets on his phone or tablet and I watch tv. Either he has someone else or he turned Gay Like his Nephew. He is just Sooooooooooooo Hateful and Has the Most Nasty Mouth of any Man I have ever Seen. When I had Cancer he told me don’t worry. It will not Change anything. Boy was that a LIE. He Never Looks at me or says Anything Nice to me. Not a Word. Thank you for your time. ?

    1. And you are staying with this gem of a human why? I suggest you talk to someone who knows the laws in your state about what you would be entitled to if you called it quits. That doesn’t mean you have to leave once you talk to someone, but at least you know your options. And you sure need to find a therapist who can counsel you on how to stand up for yourself to have a life that works for you.

      1. Hello I’m been with my husband 15 years. Married for 12 years, and have been stay at home wife,mom of 3 beautiful kids!
        I don’t have money because I dedicate my years to take care of them. Now my husband wants a divorce but said he will give me $2,200 for the 3 kids every month and nothing for me,I because he said I have no rights to it so don’t know what to do. any advice please!

        Thank you

        1. I’m guessing that your husband has no idea what the laws are, so his interpretation that you have no rights is ridiculous. Of course you have rights. Talk to someone who knows the laws in your state about what child support and spousal support you are entitled to, given your income, his income and the child sharing arrangement. Oh, and my advice? Quit taking legal advice from your husband.

          1. In my state,( Kansas) spousal support is calculated as higher earning spouse (usually husband)less the other spouse’s earnings. Take that remainder and you get 25% of that every year for half of the amount of time of the marriage. So if your husband makes 100k and you make zero then you get $25,000.00 per year or around $2,100.00 a month.
            Kansas is somewhat rare as it’s one of the few “Common Law” states…so if you can prove you cohabitated and combined finances prior to getting married legally, you can count that as the start time of your marriage.
            In my case we’ve been together 8.5 years and married only 3 of if I divorce next year I would get support for 4.5 years. It helps that we have signed a lease together , have a joint checking account for that entire time and I made sure we filed taxes jointly too.?

      2. Hi me and my husband is in a divorce right now we where married since 1999 and he left walked out on me in 2011 moved to Tennessee and filed for divorce in 2020 but I been paying all the bills and mortgage now he want to get equity out the house that he did purchase

        1. I’m not sure what your question is, but I’m guessing that you are wondering whether to let him “get equity” out of the house, whatever that entails. I don’t know the laws of your state, but generally when you are going through a divorce each of you is prohibited from making major changes to your finances, such as refinancing the house to get equity out. Certainly, he is entitled to whatever his equity is, and that equity is computed according to the laws of your state. The house can be sold, or you can buy him out by refinancing and borrowing out the funds you need to pay him or giving him more of other assets.

      3. Excellent advice I have been in therapy for over 11 years married 12 years and still continue therapy as of today. It has been life changing for me.. I don’t roll over and allow him to dominate me with his mental and emotional abuse.I finally stand up for myself using the law ??

    2. Marie, why are you remaining in this abusive marriage? You have been married at least 10 years and will benefit from his Social Security. I am assuming you are hanging around for some financial reasons.
      Your husband has no respect for you. He knows you are accepting his crap to benefit later.
      Sounds this way to me too.
      I don’t see your life changing with him. Hang in their for whatever it is that you desire. Don’t expect any changes, unless lightning strikes him.

      1. Do you mean if we get a divorce in the state of NH, we have been married forr 15 years plus lived together. for 3 years, 18, 2003 we lived with eachother,2006, we got married, i put up with 16 yrs of his alcoholism, for the last couple of years or so he has done well because i was ready emotionally to finally leave,, financially i wasn’t,, i am stll not financially, i am on ssd, but i have been paying off old dedts and i take care of both veh.ins., what bit of cash i fo have and make, usually hoes for groceries,,gas for my vehicle, he still works, works for the town and his boss doing work that goes with his town job,. I , over the years, have literally fallen out of love, I don’t want to b married to him any more, haven’t for quite a while, i cannot take care if myself with just ssd, I don’t know what to do, not happy anymore, i want out.

        1. If you want to save your marriage, you two should probably meet with a marriage counselor. If you don’t, then you should meet with a divorce attorney, or the two of you meet with a mediator who can help you work out an agreement regarding support and property settlement.

    3. If you had a ex win the lottery and they had money tooken out of the winning lottery and they died and left the lottery money in Virginia could the ex wife get the money after she reed married again and she won it the start with am I aloud to get that money after the ex husband dies

      1. I don’t know, but if he was due money from the lottery at the time of his death, and that money is now due to be paid to his estate since he’s no longer alive, I imagine it would go to whoever was his beneficiary. It’s likely not you, his ex-wife, but I don’t know how your state’s laws work, so you should check with an attorney who knows.

    4. Wow you sound like me what I went through. I was married for 21 years to an abusive jerk. Physically and mentally abusive. Would tell me how worthless I was because I didn’t have a job and stayed at home with our three kids but I did want to work and he sabotaged it every time. I never had a car, I was supposed to find a free babysitter and walk back and forth to work. He told me every day how worthless I was and if I didn’t like things to get out I never had a dime in my pocket because it was his money. I live in Indiana so I don’t know what your state is like but I couldn’t take it anymore and I moved out when my kids were teenagers. My oldest two kids had just turned 18 and 19. My ex had to give me half of his retirement account oh, and half of the equity in the home. Until the divorce was final he had to pay me something called maintenance I don’t know if that’s the same as alimony this was in 2001 and he paid me $200 a week. We weren’t Rich by any means either and I got to keep a car that we had for the previous four years still owed a year on it but he had to pay it off. I was so happy to be out of the abusive relationship and I was thrilled that he got his comeuppance when he had to pay me. As far as the contents of the house my lawyer told me to make a list and I got everything I wanted. I met and married a wonderful man within a year and we lived happily for 18 years until he passed away. Please don’t waste another day of your life. I wish you all the luck in the world because you deserve to be happy and at peace. You are capable of so much you will find a job you love and you will make friends there there are so many job openings right now. I was beaten down for so many years I didn’t think I could do anything well my ex-husband was wrong I found out I’m talented and I’m good at a lot of things, and so are you. So get out there and live!

    5. I’m so sorry. I feel the same. The boat and Harley are far more important than me. He won’t sleep in our too or hold my hand. It’s been 17 years and I feel lost. Leave if you can financially if not just stay and keep your mind busy on everything from him. And you retire from sex. He doesn’t deserve you

      I never comment on these public forums but your story ripped my heart out and hit home.


  8. Ive been with my husband 20 years. Married for 18 years and have mostly been a stay at home wife. I don’t have enough income of my own to survive. What am i entitled to as it relates to this? im afraid ill be homeless as i have no where to go. He has manipulated me and has taken years of my life. I feel trapped. How will i survive on my own?

    1. That is why most states have alimony, so that spouses who have been dependent on their partners for money can continue to live. The laws regarding alimony vary from state to state, so talk to someone who knows the law to see how it will work in your locale.

    2. I was married to my ex and he went to prison and got married to a woman that worked at the prison and he was still married to me and the prison that she worked at was the prison that we got married it’s been YEARS but even so the pain will always be there

  9. If I left my husband of 8 years of marriage. Can I keep the house? Every year for the past 6 years I winter with my parents in Florida for at least 4 months a year, this year for 6 months. Would that cause a problem for me? My name is not on the house, I have not contributed any money whatsoever to the bills. He also would put money into my retirement fund and give me money for things I needed. I have not worked in the last 7 years.

    1. The laws of each state are different. In many states, the home becomes at least in part marital property during marriage, so you’ll need to find out what happens in your state, and what the consequences, if any, of your periodic absense might be.

  10. I filed for divorce after 9 years of marriage. My wife collects social security disability (blind in one eye, TBI, and arthritis), I told her she did not have to work while we were married. She worked prior to marriage, now she is claiming she can not work because of her disabilities. She has a trust fund of over 300K. She is asking for the house which I had 12 years before marriage paid it off after 3 years of marriage, and she wants lifetime support, also she wants half of my assets. She has not been truthful with the information she is giving to our lawyers. My question is is she entitled to everything that she is requesting? We live in Indiana.

    1. I don’t know whether she is entitled to what she is requesting under Indiana law, but if your attorney knows Indiana law, they would be a good one to ask that question of. If you can show that she is not being truthful in the facts she is disclosing, then you need to present the correct information so that all the facts are available. It sounds as though you have a considerable separate property interest in the home, which you need to have someone compute so that is taken into consideration. And in most states, support is based on the income that each of you have, so be sure that her trust fund income is taken into account when computing support.

  11. Hello, Ginita,. I live in California. I have been married for almost 14 years. Now my husband asked me for a divorced. I am a full time student. I have no work. However, he is telling me that he is going to give me just the child support for our unique daughter. I will like to know if I could ask for alimony even when he doesn’t agree to help me? Thank you.

    1. Here’s something to keep in mind as you go through divorce: your state lawmakers write the laws about how divorce works in your state, not your soon-to-be-ex. So don’t take legal advice from him.

      You are entitled to spousal support (California’s term for alimony) as long as you need it and he has the ability to pay it.

  12. I have been unhappily married for 36 years and now that my kids are grown and done with college, I am getting divorced, I have 4 homes and a small pension, but about $4,000,000 in a 401k, I would like to give her everything she is entitled to but would like to keep my pension and not pay spousal support, can I give her more than half of the 401k and 3 of the homes in exchange if she agrees. I plan to work about 7 more years before retiring.

  13. My husband filed for divorce in 2015 l didn’t sign the papers until 2016 as of 2 months ago he had a paralegal call me with an offer which lm not going to agree with it bc of what lv been told l can get a whole lot more.if he’s barely wanting to finish a there a time limit on this bc l got a paralegal can l file for divorce after so long that l haven’t heard anything about the divorce btw it sad to say we’ve been married for 26 years

    1. I were married to my ex-husband for 24 yrs and he has been working at the post/ office for about 21 years he is now remarried in the divorce degree I were given the house and half of his retirement is there anything else I am entitle to or when can I get my retirement He filed the divorce in Virginia and send the divorce degree for me to sign any I did but I have not filed the divorce degree in Texas o what do I need to do before it’s to late.I Need Help

      1. You are entitled to whatever your divorce agreement says you are entitled to. When it comes time to claim social security benefits, be sure to let them know of your prior marriage so they can compute whether divorced spouse benefits might exceed your own benefits. It sounds as though your divorce was completed in Virginia. Texas has nothing to do with it, there’s nothing to file in Texas.

  14. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. Over the course of the 19 years we have been together as a couple, his occasional drinking has manifested into an every night indulgence. 95% of the time, there is a bottle of vodka in the freezer. As a result of his over-indulgence, he developed erectile dysfunction which had rendered ours a sexless marriage for more than five years now; no cuddling, no caressing, no intimacy whatsoever. I took over the spare bedroom for myself for two reasons: 1. His breath is putrid from drinking. Whenever I open the door to his room, the stench invokes a gag reflex. 2. I spent far too many tearful nights lying next to him in bed after my flirtatious advances were ignored and he fell asleep/passed out. To preserve what was left of my self esteem, I moved into another room. That way, the blame for us not having intimate relations of any kind would be because we didn’t sleep together, not because I was no longer desirable.
    My husband has never physically abused me or put his hands on me out of anger, but his snide remarks regarding my cooking, parenting abilities, lack of common sense, and decision making skills, cut to the quick. I’ve gone to counseling (he refused to attend claiming the shrink I hired would naturally take my side) and attended a few al-anon meetings (which he claims is a cult). Over time, I found it easier to take my mind off of this dismal relationship by staying busy. My husband acquired cellulitis seven years ago, since that time, his health has deteriorated and his drinking increased. He stands on his feet at work most of the day so when he gets home, he eats, showers, has his first of many drinks for the night and sits in front of the TV until his sleeping pills kick in, then he’s off to bed.
    He got a DUI driving home from a bar one night last year and spent close to $10,000 in fines, attorney fees, mandated classes, having a device installed in his car that he had to blow in to before it would start, license reinstatement costs, SR22 insurance, and payment to the court for his five day incarceration stint. The night I picked him up from jail after he was booked and released for the DUI, he wasn’t remorseful, he was pissed off. So much so when we got to the house, he downed an entire fifth of vodka.
    He is a hard worker, very intelligent, and conscientious when it comes to meeting his financial obligations (we keep our money & bank accounts separate; always have), and maintains a good relationship with our 16 year old daughter; everything a wife could want in a husband, right? No. Evidently not. I am, quite literally, starving for affection, a single compliment on any of the many projects I’ve completed, or an “I love you” that doesn’t sound like an obligatory statement. He says I need to get on medication that will help me with my moodiness; the moodiness that is a direct result of feeling neglected and unloved.
    I’ve been up all night researching grounds for at-fault divorce in Idaho when I happened upon this site. I don’t know what my future holds in store for me, I just know that at this moment, I can’t go on like this anymore. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

    1. If it is time to file for divorce, do it. Get some advice about whether fault divorce is the way to go — it may set up a legal battle that you don’t need right now, and not get you anything more than non-fault divorce would. Don’t spend a lot a money to get a public audience for your grievances — it isn’t worth it.

    1. Military retirement is a lifetime benefit, and is not limited to the years of service by the servicemember. The marital portion subject to division is based on the service credit earned during the marriage compared to the total service credits earned, and it therefore a fractional lifetime benefit.

  15. Question.
    My boyfriend and his ex were married 30+ years and been divorced 2 years. She married 3 months after divorce to man she was cheating with. Now here’s the question,
    My boyfriend’s mother died a couple weeks ago and the ex wife thinks she is entitled to. Part of the insurance money (she is not a beneficiary) because they were married over 25 years. I say she isn’t, especially since she is remarried. Am I right about this?

    1. Why in the world would she be entitled to the death benefits from an insurance policy that mom had with her son as beneficiary? Unless there was something in the divorce agreement that said this, which I really doubt, then I think she’s out of luck. Whether or not she’s remarried has nothing to do with it — she wasn’t mom’s beneficiary, mom left it to her son, not to his ex.

  16. Susan Pate-Norris

    Stumbled across your website while researching my retirement.
    I was married to my ex-husband for 20 years. The last couple of years he was alive he drew Social Security Disability benefits. He passed last December at the age of 60. After his death and after turning 60, I remarried.
    I was a stay home mother until we divorced. After the divorce I went back to my profession; teaching in the state of North Carolina. He worked for over 40 years while I took care of our children and our home.
    If his Social Security benefits are greater that my own, am I entitled to those benefits?
    I am currently 61 and plan to retire in June 2021 with 19.5 years of service.
    Please advise me in this matter.
    Thank you in advance.

    1. You will be entitled to the greater of your own social security benefits, your spousal benefits based on your current spouse’s earnings history if he is collecting benefits, or your surviving divorced spouse benefits based on your former spouse’s earnings history, whichever is greater. If your employment with the state was not covered by social security, then they will offset the benefits you were entitled to by 2/3 of your government pension (which is called the GPO – government pension offset).

  17. I live in md. I been married for 11 years. I on disability and just recieve a kidney last year. I also have e.d which being sick has effected me sexual. My wife wants a divorce. I don’t have enough money to get a place to stay and live comfortable because I’m in disability. She has stayed out over night. I found text messages with other men. Can I get alimony?

    1. Each spouse has a duty to support their other spouse, and in most states that duty extends for some period after divorce, if one spouse needs support to maintain their lifestyle and the other spouse has considerably more income than the other. Each of the 50 states have their own laws, so you’ll need to find out what the laws are in Maryland regarding support from someone who is familiar with those specific rules.

  18. My ex and I worked out our own Child Support/Alimony agreement. She wasn’t really working at the time, got a job, and i agreed that I’d help her stay on her feet for the sake of the kids (not having to sell the house, change schools etc) It’s going to be 3 years this October.
    She is getting surgery next week, and rumor has it she is getting Cosmetic Surgery.
    Since the spirit of the alimony agreement was to help her transition into being independent, and now I hear she is using the $ to shrink her… well you know…

    Do you think I have a case to modify? October the alimony goes down by $1,000 per our agreement, then after 5 years it goes way.

    1. If your court order calls for modification, you generally can apply for such a modification upon a change in circumstances, such as her income increasing or your income decreasing. But your disapproval of what she spends her money on generally is not grounds for modification. Ask someone knowledgeable in the laws of your state to be sure.

  19. I was am still am married to my husband of thirty-three years. I was married to him for nineteen of his twenty years in the navy. I knew nothing about spousal support or anything for that matter. He never would give me an allowance as I saw other wives receiving. I learned about SBP quite a few years after he retired. I asked him if he had done that for me and he said “ he’ll no!, they’d take all of my mother #%*ing money!” While later telling my cousin of this conversation he informed me that I would have had to sign away my rights to SBP, is that true? I signed nothing when he retired. He was a LN1 upon retirement and he just came home one day retired.

    1. When you are of full retirement age, your social security disability will be converted to social security retirement, which will be based on your own earning’s history or your former spouse’s earnings history, whichever provides the higher amount.

  20. Hi, I lived in NC and have been married for close to 30 years. I have been with my husband since we were 16. I want to leave him but I can’t afford to. He makes close to $4,000 an month compared to my $1,500. He recently received a check for $40 thousand dollars from an retirement settlement that he took out over 20 years from his first job while we where married and named me beneficiary at that time, which meant in order for him to receive the money I had to sign paperwork stating that I know that he is cashing out. We have a joint savings account but instead of depositing it into your savings he opened up a separate savings account which I don’t have access to and then he lied about it. My question is am I entitled to part of the retirement check which was just made out in his name only and can I receive alimony? Thanks for your help.

    1. If your state allows for alimony, given the disparity in your incomes, I would imagine that you would be entitled.

      If the retirement was all earned during marriage, then your state law probably classifies it as marital property that could be divided in a divorce.

    2. I’ve been married 30 years next month and I have no money for a divorce and I have know that my husband is having a affair with some girl he works with I was 15 years old having his son and my husband was 27 years old I gave him my life basically he raised me and are two kids and he doesn’t have any thing with my name on it car’s bank accounts he said he paid my way the past 30 years and he wasn’t paying me for the years to come he finished school and he was in the army for 6 years and I was a house wife were still together in the same house been renting since 2007 please give me advice to what I can do for legal aid help. Thank you

      1. Contact your local county clerk’s office and see what provisions there are for people in your circumstances to get free or reduced legal services. In most states spouses have a duty of support to each other, so it is likely that he has an obligation to pay you alimony after the divorce.

  21. I live in Hawaii and my ex-husband and I were married 17 years. My monthly income exceeded his throughout our marriage. I begun collecting social security disability income following a stroke at age 58. I receive long-term disability income from a private insurance plan as well. This continues until I am age 66 1/2. At which time my LTD income would discontinue. My combined monthly income is roughly $2,800. My ex-husband died unexpectedly in 2018. It was recommended to me by the Social Security Administration that I am eligible to collect my ex-husbands full Social Security entitlement. I was advised that
    if I delay applying for his benefits until I reach the full retirement age of 66 1/2, I am entitled to a monthly income roughly $200 more a month than my current combined income. Does this sound accurate to you?

  22. My Mom was married to my Dad for 21 years. She was a housewife throughout most of their marriage. She has a lot of health issues now, at age 55. Because of these health issues, being able to hold down a job has been a challenge. Speaking with a disability lawyer, it seems like we have a decent shot at her qualifying for SSDI. Her and my dad have been split for almost 10 years now, so there isn’t a whole lot left from the divorce, but enough so that she does not meet the asset requirement for SSI. She quit college when she and my Dad got married, so without any sort of degree or work experience, most of the jobs she has worked since the divorce have been close to minimum wage. Needless to say, the amount she has contributed to her social security over the years has been very little. So even if she is granted SSDI, her monthly payments would amount to less than $400 or less, which is obviously not a livable amount. Is there no other options out there for divorced housewives suffering a disability? I know she can pull out SS benefits for my Dad’s earnings when he retires, but that will be 13 years from now. I feel like there has to be some other recourse.

  23. I have been married for 25 years in November 1994. My husband who was in the military for over 23 years, retired the same summer that we met. His first wife had died the prior April of his retirement in June 1994. He had retired before we met, so did not put me down as to get a portion of his retirement. I found out later that if we married up to the year he retired he could have added me. Together we each had 2 that we brought into the marriage for a total of 4 teenagers (which are all now grown) His children were a mess, and still a mess and on drugs and homeless. He was sort of verbally abusive at the beginning but not too bad. He just had a temper but the last few years, he has explosions. He is so emotionally and verbally abusive I cannot stand it anymore. He has had 4 heart attacks and 3 strokes in the last few years and a huge personality change to it is very scary sometimes, as he yells and screams, throws things, cusses and swears as I have never seen. Since I have been married to him for 25 years in November do I get anything? His retirement is about 2,000 a month, his Social Security is about 1400 and he also is 90% disabled so he gets money from the VA of about 2000 a month. Please advise me on what to do. I am leaving to go live with my son, who is in the military as well. Do I have any rights to any of his money? He says no I don’t, but I cannot believe after that many years I wouldn’t get something. He has also left me in deep debt, he would force me to take out loans so now I am knee-deep in trying to work as many hours as possible to pay those off, and have not even put a dent into them. Please advise

    1. The worst person to take advice from is your soon-to-be-ex. He doesn’t know the laws and he is speaking from his position of self-preservation. I don’t know the laws in your state either, but in most states the spouses have a duty of support to one another, so if he has substantially more income than you do he may be required to pay you support. You’ll need to talk to someone who knows the law in your state surrounding these issues. As for social security, one you are of retirement age of 62 or older, you can begin getting benefits based on your own earnings history or spousal or divorced spouse benefits based on 50% of the amount your spouse is entitled to, whichever is greater. If you collect before full retirement age of around 66-1/2, your benefits will be reduced for life.

      1. i was married to my husband for 48 years, he passed away in march. he a 100% disabled vet who choose to divorce me and about 9 months later put a girlfriend on the life ins. policy…he had demensia tbi and ptsd…could that be a reason
        for me to be able to kick her to the side of the road, and get that life ins. she is 9 years older than he was an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler..they were together 5 years.

        1. Look at your divorce agreement and see what it says. if it says that he is required to keep you as beneficiary on the life insurance policy, then you have a claim for the proceeds. But if it doesn’t say that he must name you as beneficiary, then he was free to name whomever he wanted.

  24. arcelia ramones

    hi i have been married for over 13 years and my husband and i have lived together for 25 years
    we have a home that we share been living in it since 2008 and that him is under my husband and his brother name , while we were married my husband gave his brother 100 dollars and the brother put my husband name on the deed . Now i am going to separate from my husband , my questions is can i fight for half of that house , i am the only one that pays property taxes on it every year for 12 years

  25. My husband divorced me 4 month before our 10 years would have been up. His mother pressured him to divorce me before the 10 year year mark. I have had such an awful time getting my life in order. My ex husband is about to retire from the army. Is there anything I can do that could help me with my life? I was told I could possibly get health insurance still but I don’t know anything with anything. Please help me be more knowledgeable?

    1. Here is what I found at
      The USFSPA does not automatically entitle a former spouse to a portion of the member’s retired pay. A former spouse must have been awarded a portion of a member’s military retired pay as property in their final divorce order.
      The USFSPA also permits former spouses to continue receiving commissary, exchange, and health care benefits after a divorce in certain cases. In order to qualify for continued benefits a former spouse must show that the service member served at least 20 years of creditable service, that the marriage lasted at least 20 years and that the period of the marriage overlapped the period of service by at least 20 years.

  26. My husband and been together for 9 years befor we got married. Now we been married for a year and a half. He cheated on me. And so many problems thing going on that not good anymore on our marriage. I’m I getting anything if I’m going to file a divorce. I’m not sure about the law about divorce so pls guide me.

    1. In most states, it is my understanding that what happened before marriage doesn’t matter, the courts can only deal with the period from marriage on. So whatever you brought into the marriage would probably be yours, and half of whatever you accumulated. You may be able to get support for some period of time. The laws might be different where you live, or because of the facts of your case.

  27. Justina Wilmont

    Hi, I was married 28 years before I got divorced. We were married 14 years of my husband 20 year military retirement and 14 years of his 20 year police retirement from Phoenix Police Department. When we got divorced he wasn’t retired from the police yet and he told me he was getting out instead of retiring so I received a small amount of his pension and deferred compensation, but he stayed in and will be retiring in Jan 2020, my divorce papers say I get 50% of his pension and deferred compensation (similar to 401). So my question is will I get the 50% in Jan since he is now retiring or none since I already received some? I don’t know if a QDRO was filed, it’s been 6 years since divorce.

    1. If you were awarded a portion of his retirement plan, you need to file the QDROs on both the retirement plan and the deferred comp plans or you won’t get anything. If he will be getting retirement when he retires, you should be getting your share. You say you were awarded 50%, but I’m guessing that’s 50% of what was earned during marriage, which will be less than 50% of the whole, since he continued working and contributing after divorce.

  28. Margaret Hampton

    Married over 10 years, now divorced. My ex gets VA Disability and has for many years. Am I eligible to get half of that money.

      1. My friend was married to a millionaire for 30 years in 2013 they got divorced and he tricked her into using the same lawyer he had so she wouldn’t get but 250,000.This is I Alabama is her divorce legal isn’t that a conflict of interest?

  29. Hello been married 16 years he walked out in 2017 . Was a stay at home wife and mother son is 14 and I am 52 .only finished high school and I have been looking for work but at 52 it has been really hard . How long will I be able to get alimony for in New York because if at 52 it is difficult then at 56 getting a job will be near impossible. The woman in court is young can dress in high heels and looks great she says at 56 I should be able to get what I cannot get now.Can you tell me what is my beat course of action.

    1. I agree that the older you are, the harder it can be to get a job. In many states you will get support as long as you need it, and in others it is limited to half the length of the marriage, and in still others it is limited to a shorter period of time. Talk to a divorce professional familiar with the laws of your state to see how it is treated under your laws.

  30. Marie
    Email: AbusedSpouse@Mail.Com
    Topic: Fraud DIVORCE judicial
    Question or Feedback: My name is Ms. Nadine, and I am an abused military spouse , with health issues that are NOW– IRREVERSIBLE because my husband was found guilty and ORDERED to restore my benefits that he–diverted to his ex-wife, He was ARRESTED in DIVORCE COURT For CONTEMPT- Because He Would NOT Comply…Being Released In Illegally As A Pauper. However, puts on his “Financial Affidavit That He ONLY Makes $4,800 a-Month in Government Pay—But He NEGLECTED TO Put His “Main-Pay-With-The-Military-As-A E-9 Retiree” and was STILL – RELEASED– However, My Husbands EX-WIFE— is still receiving my benefits to this day, and She Was Only Married To Him For 3-years & she is healthy…. Because of further fraud, I ALSO—No Longer am I Receiving $160 a month for support, after a 15-year marriage, With-Out-My-Diverted-Benefits, While My Husband Still Receives Over 20k (Twenty -Thousand-A-Month) In government retirement & I need help with my divorce please. It is still pending. I filed an Interlocutory-Appeal. While the Appeal was pending, the New Judge had a hearing and entered a final judgment and decree—FRAUDULENTLY, As He Superseded The Higher Court Of Appeals. I Then Filed A Timely (Motion –to- Vacate) and it’s still pending for FIVE -Years Now — The Judge That Illegally Signed The RELEASE For My Husband and Another One Of My Attorneys, Once She Was PAID by My Husband—Is Now, That Same Judge That Has NOW FINALLY RULED ON MY VACATE – WITH A DENIAL—ON–NOV. 7 2018…. Since the Judge That Superseded The Higher Court Was REMOVED—–From The Court–
    I Filed Motion For A TRANSFER Of Venue December 07, 2018– ProSe., Because The Judge “Prejudiced The Case – Favoring The Husband” and the Marital home that the husband was ORDERED to restore, current making sure the Marital Property DID-NOT FORECLOSE. Foreclosed In 2015, Therefore, no one resides in that County/ Jurisdiction….. AND Res- Judicate, (The contempt Order was a Final Order so; He had No- Jurisdiction to set aside contempt)…. Abused Spouse At Mail Dot Com… Please consider me for representation on these three entries, as time is of the Essence in my case.
    404. 312. 8186. Thank you Counsel.

  31. Real Honest Truth Is

    Most men and women in the good old days really made their marriage last. And for the couple that are starting on their 82nd year together, God really loved you both. Today unfortunately, a very different story.

  32. Hi my name is Rosa cruise and my has been and I got a divorce but I had left everything to be modified if needed for the alimony and child support. I just found out his dad has properties for him. If he does come up with those properties and he sells them can I get the money that he owes us. As for Child-support and alimony.

  33. I was married to my husband for almost 11,years . I want to know if I am entitled to his military benefits.. also when he file for divorce he used the wrong maiden name will that affect my divorce

  34. Hi I,ve been married since 1992. We separeted for 3 years. He recently went and got an insurance policy for 60,000 and will it to hi neice. My son were furious. If he passes away can we get an attorney to stop that money cause he,s still legally married.

    1. That’s a good question.I’m guessing that if he is using money he earned after you separated to buy the policy, it is his and he can name anyone he wants as beneficiary. But that’s just a guess. An attorney familiar with the laws of your state can tell you what the law says about that.

  35. What is wrong with you women? You don’t give up your life for husband keep getting your education & work that way you can stand on your own. Don’t stop working because you have children. What is wrong with you? Never give up your freedom

    1. I fully agree with Deb must be because my name is also Deb. LOL and no really it must be because I’m a 60 year old grandma who has been divorced since 1990. I did not ask for alimony when I was divorced because I wanted as little contact or little to do with this man as I could possibly have at that time. But he also had my children because he wanted to take them and change their religious beliefs. But upon teenage here’s my son came back to live with me. My daughter on the other hand stayed with him and grew up the religion that he brought her up in. But that’s neither here nor there as far as the finances I will be 62 in a year and a few months and will be able to collect on his Social Security which is probably twice as much as my disability is now so other than that the one smart thing I did what stay married to the man that I was with from the age of 13 at least I stayed married for over 10 years. Unknowingly that would benefit me in the end

  36. I live in SC with my 3 daughters &son to be Ex Husband of 13 years (in march). 4 months ago he started sleeping on the couch and although we have a joint account he started separating his direct deposit out into another account. I was a stray at home mom although I did contribute by buying groceries every month with money I made from odd jobs. I currently have a full time job. He makes 4x as much as me… Can he just keep his money separate from mine?? I was told by him today that he is looking for a separate place to stay. He plans on leaving me in debt high and dry. what can I do to quickly get alimony and child support so the transition is as smooth as possible for my girls and I. Thanks,


    1. A married couple can make whatever financial arrangements they like — pool their money, keep it separate or any combination that makes sense to them. Once you file for divorce or separation you can petition the court for alimony and child support, if you and your spouse can’t agree on it between yourselves without resorting to the court to decide.

  37. I’m going through similar issues as most of these women. I live in ga. I’m 30 married with 3 kids. Was just recently diagnosed with perm syndrome and sjorens syndrome. Have a bucket of mental illness as well.

    My husband who I’ve been trying to get away from since 6months into the marriage is a controlling narsicassit.

    I have contacted lawyers. Been to dfacs. Gone to child support office. I’m virtually screwed every which way from Sunday. I live with my mother and she choose him over me. Constantly reminds me I need to forgive him for just recently knocking me down with the door to my room leaving my naked and bleeding screaming for anyone to call 911. My mother and childern did not.

    As it stands now I’m looking into how to give up the rights to my children so I am free to move to where I can get help for my health.

    There is no help for me here. I have a 1 in 1 million rare autoimmune disease and it’s been effectively killing me since I was 15.

    Ssi case is hinging in March…

    I don’t know if I can make it…I don’t need advice…I just wanted to say to all these other women I fn hope you get the help you need. Fight for you…do what’s right even if it kills you. Don’t take the easy way out…and for God’s sake any other person who shames you for needing help or shames you for being different….get them out your lives….

    We deserve better than the vile voices in our head from the words of the men who destroyed our confidence and this society who shames a woman for being a woman….

  38. Well I fell short of being married for 10 yrs by 11 days. I get 500 a month social security. I’ve tried an they will not talk to me about anyway I might be able to collect from my ex husband. Even tho the ppl at the social security office keep telling. If I could collect from my ex husband I would be collecting an extremely substantial amount more a month. I am a breath away from being homeless. It upsets me they have the nerve to tell me this. An they can’t or won’t tell me how I might be able to collect ss from my ex husband only being married 9yrs 11 months and 19 days.

    1. There’s a good reason they can’t tell you how to collect social security retirement benefits on your former spouse’s earnings history. You don’t qualify under the rules, since you must be married for 10 years or longer and you were not.

  39. I and married to a younger man 33 and I am 56 and we been married almost 10 years in 2020.My husband have never had but 3 jobs since I met him .i do not work but i get about $750.00 a month for SSI AND Social Security .My husband just started working in August 2018.My husband have a drug problem (PCP,Alcohol and Weed smoking problem since we met and still do,He also was charged in August 2018 for a Domestic Violence case which he chocked me and he was found Guilty and received 1 year Probation.I got hurt in Hospital and I am suing the Hospital.Is my husband entitled to my Lawsuit money if I filed for a Divorce or we Separate?

  40. I have been married 19 yrs and I just moved out from our house as it was getting to be to much we have 5 kids one is 19,17,16,13 and 8. all but the 19yr old live with me as he lives with family on his own. he did not want to leave and tells me the house is his as it is only in his name. I have been out with my kids for a month now and had to rent a house for us. does this mean because I left with my kids the house is his?

  41. Ugggg, why should any spouse have to pay alimony? My wife has never worked a day in her life. I do all the cooking, cleaning, taking care of pets, drive her everywhere since she doesn’t have a license, give her my entire paycheck to go shopping, etc… Why should I have to pay her a dime after we divorce just because she is too lazy to do anything to support us?

    1. I understand what you are saying. If you really want to know why your state decided to have alimony, you’ll need to research the legislative history to see what the lawmakers said who proposed the law that awards alimony.

  42. I think that someone sticking with the marriage until that 10 year mark to divorce someone is a pretty low person. If the marriage is bad, then get out. Get a job, have them pay child support until you are good enough to be without it. People are so greedy these days and out to get each other. No wonder why these marriages dont last.
    I dont want to get married to the person im with because they are greedy. They admittedly have used every person they’ve been in a relationship with, and they want me to buy them a car, and pay all the bills, and help them out with their debt when i have my own. they’re lazy, and dont want to work enough to pay for their own things. I’m not getting married to someone who is spiteful, will marry me just because I’m going to making a lot of money. they need to do something with their own life. I don’t want kids, but she does. she’s only going to be able to have a kid if she goes out and sleeps with someone or goes to the sperm bank. And if she’s with me and gets pregnant, that means she cheated. She can’t get pregnant with me because I am a female too. So the only thing she can do is make me marry her and be entitled to all that I have built myself, while she doesn’t do anything to make money of her own.
    People these days just want a handout and to not have to work. I bust my butt working, but she hasn’t done anything to get a job the past 10 years. These people who can’t go out and work Have options to work online from home. You just have to search for it. I came up with my own business too, found all my clients myself, created a business page for FB and IG, and she is trying to weasel her way to get money out of me without lifting a finger. She wants to be my scheduler and get 50% of my earnings. But I’m doing all the hard work, getting meetings set up. and she want’s 50% of everything when what she would do is just literally 1 hour of working. thats not comparable to what I do One bit.
    Her instincts are only solely on survival. That’s what she has known. But you can’t just go fucking people over. Don’t rely on other people, and have your own.
    no one just leaves a marriage out of the blue unless theyre unhappy, and you should be able to tell with the distance, arguing, or lack of talking and interacting. Why stay unhappy longer for the benefits and just get out and move on!

  43. Ginita,

    In reading your responses to these ladies, I’ve noticed that you’ve given some very basic, sterile and somewhat useless ‘advice’. As each person here is in desperate need of assistance and/or guidance, I would hope that in the future you could give a better response other that telling them to ‘speak to an attorney/find out what the laws are in your state’ (research and TELL them/something).
    Why don’t you put EFFORT into your responses by maybe soliciting some more information from them (their state for example) so ‘you’ could give a more helpful answer them and provide hope for them when they are truly in need of it instead of just doing the minimum.
    Without using her name, there was one poor soul who was homeless and your answer said several things to me: 1.) You have absolutely zero understanding what it means to be homeless (she’s UNABLE to just log on like you to cruise the internet. 2.) That may have been the last opportunity for her to use the internet for a very long time. 3.) Her needs (basic survival) are unlike your own and yet, SHE found the time to come to you, why couldn’t YOU find the time to do your very best to offer her outreach/solutions in a timely and helpful manner?
    There is not one person on here (from their own words/explanations) that is able to afford the ‘luxury’ of an attorney to get answers to their individual needs/questions; after all, look at the platform they are using, YOURS! One would think that you would at very least, TRY to provide a service that would make a positive/effective difference for them and justify the urgency in their own words by doing more than entering generic, useless and rather ridiculous responses to those that truly are in NEED of help.
    Answering to many (a lot of) queries is nowhere near the same as helping just one or two EFFECTIVELY and allowing others to use that same approach/answer for their own situations; which if you actually took the time to analyze your own site, would see that is exactly what would happen due to the end-state similarities in so many of them. Stop using speed and expediency to replace accuracy and effectiveness. Doubt me? Okay. Answer this one… ‘Why isn’t there one single human being that has replied to your site with the RESULTS of what you shared with them and how it helped them correct the problem(s) they originally had when they first reached out to you’? Not a single person has… Now THAT should be a giant RED FLAG of just how effective your ‘advice’ is…it’s useless to many! Don’t you think they deserve better than what you’ve offered them? Or, maybe this platform is satisfying YOUR individual needs more than theirs…which to ‘me’ certainly seems to be the case ( I could be wrong/if I am, I ‘sincerely’ apologize!
    The issues presented here by these ladies are REAL. They are not to be taken lightly and deserve better than what you’ve given them. I feel heartfelt sorrow for each one who was told to ‘speak with an attorney’ and then cut loose to figure it out on their own. They each deserve an ‘educated and informed’ answer rather than what you’ve provided. I don’t have your ‘specific’ credentials, however, I can definitely assure you that MY area of expertise is in a field that requires (at minimum) cognitive thinking, initiative, reasoning, persistence, attention to detail, integrity, psychology, time management, persuasion, social perceptiveness and judgment…to name just a few. In honesty, I was able to accomplish writing (30 minute investment) this to you while waiting for a friend and sitting ‘alone’ in a room full of people. How did I find this site? Simple. I merely LISTENED to how a lady was frustrated with her own situation and was looking for help; I googled (wanting to help her) and found this site and started reading FOR RESULTS before I offered it as a viable suggestion. I read through it first (thankfully) and realized that I would’ve only compounded her frustration more by telling her to try you out for help…
    If you are proud of your credentials, take them seriously and actually care about others, try to show it (by example) by using your supposed ‘skills’ to help these ladies out when they do place their trust in you. Further, this site could actually do more damage to their lives by the Men that are hurting them when they (abusers) see just how useless your answers are/can be (emboldening abusers/men) and how hopeless their victims actually are by having to resor to ‘your’ type of help.
    Try harder is all I’m saying. Work harder, go further for them by (for example) ASKING QUESTIONS of them. Take ownership of their issues and get them results that will encourage them to refer others to you for future help. I have faith in you, I truly do Ms. Ginita. If I didn’t. I wouldn’t have spent the last half-hour ‘caring’ in my own way and putting some ‘skin in the game’ (unlike Jack did) if you will. It’s comforting to know there are people like you out there TRYING to do the right thing for those that need it, our moms and wives. Please don’t be discouraged by my words and PLEASE don’t take offense. Instead, re-evaluate your course/tack and consider my constructive approach to offer criticism in trying to merely help you to help others. These are real people counting on you and my words and intent are equally real in that I was raised by a ‘lady’ that didnt have the luxury of a website to seek help for her and her boy (me). I had to watch her struggle and suffer…it was horrible and still hurts me as I write this. Please try to ‘be there’ for each and every one that reaches out for you; you can’t save/help them all but if just ONE can be helped by you, your mission can be considered a resounding success. I wish you the best and am encouraging you to simply ‘do more’ with your gift of compassion, your concern for others and your education level. Godspeed Ms. Ginita, and thank you for giving these precious people hope.

    Most respectfully,


    1. I appreciate your thoughtful response. Thank you for taking the time to write it — you’ve given me some things to think about. Now, if you don’t mind, let me give you something to ponder. Let’s say someone said “I have a spot on my arm, and lately it has gotten hot and red. What is it and what is the best way to treat it.” Now, given that I am not a doctor, do you think that I should nose around on the internet and come up with a treatment plan? I’m guessing that you’d agree that my advice to see a doctor right away would be the most responsible thing to do. So why is someone asking me for legal advice any different? I am not a trained attorney, and I am not qualified to give legal advice to them about their specific situation under the laws of their state. Sure, I could nose around the internet and make a stab at it, but that’s not the responsible thing to do. When the request is for general information I am able to answer their question. But when someone requests specific legal advice, I have no choice but to advise them to seek counsel from an attorney familiar with the laws of their state.

    2. I’ve been wanting to say the very exact words!!! Her answers are so generic and not worthy of attention. Seems to me women of lesser means, but who are desperate for guidance come here for moral support as well as financial guarantees dance. They spill their life aspiration and are met with… ‘I don’t know the laws in your state…’ so why do you even have a forum? Social Security is a federal insurance program that applies to everyone depending upon their marital status. If this is your forum’s specialty (wives of 10 years or more), then know your shit or shut down your forum!

      1. Thank you Tiana. I understand everyone’s frustration: you post a few facts about your situation, and you expect to get clear, decisive answers. And sometimes I can give those answers, for example as you point out when it’s a question for which the law is both clear and universal, such as re social security. But that’s not the case when it’s a legal question — first of all, this is not a legal forum and I am not an attorney, though I know a lot about divorce in general. But when you have a specific legal question regarding the laws of your state, the answer to which is influenced by the nuances of your situation, that’s way beyond what we can offer here (or what any responsible message board should be offering). Here’s what I told the original poster who brought me to task for telling people that they need to consult with someone who knows the laws of their state and how those laws would apply to their situation:

        Let’s say someone said “I have a spot on my arm, and lately it has gotten hot and red. What is it and what is the best way to treat it?” Now, I am not a doctor, but I guess I could nose around on the internet and come up with a treatment plan. I’m not willing to do that, it’s too dangerous. And I would imagine that you’d agree that my advice to see a doctor right away would be the most responsible thing to do. So why is someone asking me for legal advice any different? I am not an attorney, I don’t know all the specifics of their situation, and I am not qualified to give legal advice to them about their specific situation under the laws of their state. Sure, I could nose around the internet and make a stab at it, but that’s not the responsible thing to do. That’s why, when someone requests specific legal advice regarding the specifics of their situation, I have no choice but to advise them to seek counsel from an attorney familiar with the laws of their state.

  44. good morning, I have been married for 30 years with two grown children. My spouse and I both currently work for the federal government and we both make 6 figures. My question(s) are 1) if we divorce am I entitled to a portion of his pension, even if remarries; 2) Am I entitled to a portion of is SS even if he remarries; 3) Am I entitiled to a portion of his TSP (Thrift Savings Plan) equivalent to a 401K if he remarries? lastly, we live in the state of DE. and I don’t care if he is titled to mine.

    1. When you divorce, the division of property such as retirement plans will be in accordance with state law, unless you agree otherwise. In most states, retirement earned during the marriage is considered to be marital property that belongs to both of you. Social security is in accordance with federal law. You will be entitled to social security benefits based on his earnings record (divorced spouse benefits are the equivalent of 50% of what he’s entitled to) or your own benefits, whichever is higher. There will be a government pension offset, however, that may wipe those benefits out.

  45. My question is I have been married a little over 7 years I own my own house had it before I married my husband and my house is in a trust. He sold his house he burn through most of his money he did fix my kitchen with the sale of his house, then he boughta house in April 2017 outside of California. He has been living off of me since we got married I’ve sold 3 cars refinanced my house to keep us going I felt he was selfish to buy the house when he really didn’t need a mortgage My question is would I have to pay him alimony or split my house with him I don’t wanna lose my house which goes to my son and my son and I are 50/50. The husband didn’t seem to care of that I sold other 3 cars to keep us going he doesn’t seem to care about anything I think he slightly narcissistic and it’s always my fault and I’m at the point that’s fine but I don’t wanna have to owe him any money because I feel like I’ve paid enough and I keep losing with him the other hard part is why haven’t filed sooner is because hes terminally ill but at this point with a verbal abuse and just mental abuse over all I think it’s time to say bye again I just don’t wanna have to owe him anything I don’t wanna lose my house over this man he did buy a house out of California and it has cost him some money some repairs his investment ideas are not good sorry to say but because he has a house without my name on it and I don’t want nothing to do with his house what I still have the support him

    1. If you divorce, you can agree on whatever property division you wish. If you don’t agree, then in California you each would be entitled to 50% of all community property value. You could agree that he will take the house that he bought and you will take the house that you live in as an offset to that value. If you earn substantially more than he can earn, then you may need to pay him alimony if he requests it.

  46. I was married 14 years and together 17. My ex lived in attic dads at 22. He moved in with me. I worked 3 Jobs went to school. At the store he worked st as sticker a woman approached him to rep a one of product lines of willing to move to Minnesota. We were in Ohio. He asked if I would we should do it. Engaged at time. I said If that’s what you want to do I support it. I left my jobs school friends family and moved with him. Drove all around 4 states with him. I had 80,000 in bank when he met me. Ended up using tomoay for our wedding and his car and down payments homes condos. We moved to 8 places over course together. I found jobs wherever we were but never e fed up getting degree and were mainly bar tending or sales. Ended up having two children he ended up climbing ladder. One son challenging mild asbergers. One travel sports. Between the insane travel schedule and my other sons needs plus I volunteered school on board where we lived and headed up many of the teams fundraisers. I was far far far from lazy. Great fed both year each as he insisted. Was hard. He travelled 3-4 days week I was doing it all alone often. Eventually he got to be such a hot shot in his eyes that he ended up with ten years younger coworker. Left me during time I actually was sick for year lost 30 lbs rashes and chronic pain. (Went away and never figured out for sure cause). He moved out of state to her hometown. I have been raising boys since 3rd,5th grade alone. I am a busy ass mom and do work ..but because was 40 when left and still had to parent alone..not very marketable without degree. I have jobs making 10-15 hour. My ex made 1000 a day. Too percent of country. I resent anyone saying woman lazy and free loaders!!! All have stories. Being just a single parent is hard hard work if doing it right! I’m screwed while he has career and married a girl he worked with making a lot. I work but will be hard to keep head above water making what I make caring teens and now I’m
    47. My state alimony is only 1 for 3. Plus he hid money. He bought a million dollar home. Two 100,000 vehicles. Travels all over and no responsibility here. Ignored agreement. If sees kids it’s random at his leisure! Please tell me how this is entitled or unfair for a woman to get her fair share??????

  47. Wondering about SS benefits.

    I was legally married for just over 10 years from 1974-1984, but we separated and began the divorce papers at 9 1/2 years. We are both now in our early 60’s. He is retired. Am I entitled to receive a portion of SS benefits from his earnings?


  48. Hello I hope you can help me I was married to my first husband for 12 years we had 2 kids together he
    retired from the Navy I think I am entitled to 50 per cent of hi retirement but he wont give me his social security and I don’t know how to get around this I cant find any paper work with his social security number on it do you have any suggestions what I can do to get my part of his retirement.

    1. I can’t tell for sure, but it sounds as though you are divorced. If you were awarded a portion of his Navy retirement in the divorce, or if it was not addressed, contact the military and see how you go about getting it. If they insist on his social security number and he won’t provide it, you may need to go to court to have the judge compel him to produce it so you can get your legal due.

    2. You can request copies of your tax returns from IRS. I believe you can only go back six years but if you filed joint returns, his SSN would be on the return.

  49. So far the record still holds for the couple that just started on their 82nd year together and still going strong. 1936 is when they did get married, and here we are 2018 today since many marriages did last very long in those early days but not as long as theirs. God really wanted them to be together since it was really meant to be for them.

  50. I need advice, have been marry for 15 years but my marriage is just going because of my kids.
    My husband doesn’t want to do anything with me and always alone. We dont go out as family he just go out with kids and he just want to spend time with kids and treat me like I am no buddy. My in laws got property for us and I have been paying all the bills and house taxes. My husband doesn’t help me with any bills.
    He just pay for his stuff and stay for free since his parents got this property. So question is that how is divorce will work? I have two kids and my daughter doesn’t want to be with me and my son has autism. I am so lost dont know how the process work? Please guide me I am in California

  51. Hello Miss Ginita – my question may be odd…

    I divorced after almost 20yrs of marriage. I am now 53 and remarried. He did not remarry, and he passed away unexpectedly recently – after we have been divorced this last 4yrs now.

    Am I entitled to collect any social security in Alabama? We were married in Tennessee… and is there anything I should do to followup? See a lawyer, etc? I guess I may not be entitled since I remarried?

    Thank you Miss Ginita. I appreciate any insight you may have on this.
    -Abigale in Alabama

    1. Social security is a federal program and it doesn’t matter where you live or what state you were married in. Once you are of retirement age, you can collect reduced social security payments based on your own earnings history, or an amount equal to 50% of your husband’s benefits if he is retired and collecting benefits, whichever is higher. You may want to wait until full retirement age of 66+ so your benefits are not reduced for early commencement. Since you are currently married, you cannot collect benefits based on your former spouses’s earnings history. If your current marriage ends, then you will be eligible to collect reduced surviving divorced spouse benefits based on your first husband as early as age 60, or full benefits at age 66+, if those benefits exceed your own.

  52. Hello,
    I’ve been with my husband ever since 1999, He now wants to move from GA to TX. I do not want to move.
    So he says he’s retiring at the end of this month and going to put our home up for sale and move without me to TX. He says, that he doesn’t want attorneys involved. That we can do this that he knows how to file himself. That they have these divorce, and adoption packets at Home Depot. My concern is I’ve been married way over 10 years and I qualify for something I know, some kind of help. Do I go to the Social Security office and give his Social to receive some type of support? We do not have any children together, I lost the one at age 40 I’m now 54. please help.

    1. First of all, talk to an attorney to get advice. You may be better off filing for divorce in GA under GA laws rather that waiting until he establishes residency and files under TX laws. As for social security, once you are both of retirement age (62 or older) you can apply for social security benefits. When you apply, that’s the time to give them his social security number, so they can pay you the highest benefit to which you are entitled.

  53. Bosibori Onyancha

    I was divorced in 2008, I have four kids now with my boyfriend, he wants to leave. I live in mn. Please help

  54. I have a question regarding the 10 year married mark. What if you filed for divorce before the 10 year mark? Like if you filed and paperwork had started being processed months before the 10 year mark and you had already been separated months before filing? Can an ex try to get benefits years later? And if they signed of saying they don’t want anythings, can they go back on that document?

    1. Ask an attorney familiar with the laws of your state how this will work for you. Each state is different. Once you have a final agreement, unless it is challenged fairly soon thereafter, you will have the agreement about how things will go.

  55. James mccreery

    I’m married for 11 yrs and my wife is on ssi so if I get divorced can I get ssi since she had the only income for 4 years

  56. I have been marred since 1994 .It was told to me that my husband had divorce me. But come to find out he hadn’t. And I’m getting disability. We have been legally married over 20 yrs since I’m diable can I apply for his disability for spouse since we are still legally married

  57. Alimony got denied by his lawyer as well as by the VA, I get only SS, and this is not holding up on a monthly base.
    What can I do?

  58. Hello! I’ve only been married to my husband for 9 years when he retired from military service of 21 years. I ‘m really thinking of filing for a divorce. My question is whether I will be entitled to a portion of his retirement here in California? I was prior military also and served for 11 years and reached the rank where I can retire had I stayed in for 9 more years. I ended up getting out of the service because we had a toddler and a baby at the time and since the detailer wanted to send me to sea duty instead of him, my husband said that he wouldn’t be able to handle the kids on his own if I get deployed (his own words). I guess my sacrifices didn’t mean anything to him because he ended up cheating on me anyways and I wasn’t able to finish my school because we kept moving. I feel like I should get a part of his retirement for all the sacrifices I made for him. Also, would it matter if our kids were born first before we actually got married? we’ve been together for 12 years but only been married for 9 years while he was enlisted

    1. The period during which you lived together won’t affect how much retirement you get. Contact an attorney knowledgeable about military retirement to find out how the rules apply in your particular case — if there is someone on base that you can talk to, that would be ideal.

  59. If we both have high paying salaries is it still potentially beneficial to wait the 10 years before divorce? Or does it not even matter if you both are likely at the salary for max social security benefits? We are both still only 39 years old. If i qualify for max benefit on my own what more do I gain by also using my soon to be ex’s benefit?

    1. If you were married for 10 years or longer you can take the greater of your own benefit or divorced spouse benefit upon retirement. That likely will not be of benefit to you unless you became disabled or unemployed for a substantial period of time and didn’t work. Upon his death you would become a surviving divorced spouse and get the equivalent of what he would have received, which might be of benefit if his benefits were greater than yours because you were out of the workforce for some period of time —

  60. My mother in law was married to her ex for 9 years and 7 months…..can she claim his SS benefits? Does it HAVE to be exactly 10 years?

  61. I have been in relationship for 17yrs (2 children). After 12 yrs we separated but had community property so I filed a dissolve of a “Meritricious Relationship” in WA state and received 72% of his deferred comp but wasn’t entitled to LEOFF pension. We later reunited and got legally married (4yrs now) and I wish to dissolve the marriage. Would I be entitled to Any portion of LEOFF pension, House (title in his name) or any alimony (stay at Home Mom since marriage)? Or how long in WA state must I married to receive at least half of LEOFF pension?

  62. For those of you bashing men, remember everyone has a story and here is mine that has me in an uproar. First and foremost, I completely agree that a stay at home mom is a full time job! My parents were married for 53 years until my mom passed a little over a year ago. They had us 3 kids together of which I’m the oldest. After my moms passing , my life fell apart because I handled it poorly. My dad on the other hand didn’t have a problem dealing with it and moving forward. He started going to grief therapy and and met a lady whom he married less than 9 months after my moms passing. Now here’s what has me bent. I’ve never been married so at 51, and in today’s age of “internet” dating, I background check everyone I go on a date with. This has proved to be valuable multiple times over. So when my dad dropped this bombshell on us kids that he had just gotten married, I laughed and hung up the phone. Next came a “discussion” of the will. He was elated to tell us about his new wife had used her knowledge and attorney, to combine their assets. I immediately went to the internet to look her up since she had already been married 3 times and he said some things that made zero sense with regards to her finances. Come to find out that just a month or two before she started dating my dad, she lost her final appeal to her previous husbands life insurance. I read the court documents front to back and the associated rulings along the way. In a nutshell, she met husband number 3 and married him within months. He was postal worker and his life insurance was $72,000. She requested that he up this by $200,000 so in the event something happened to hm, she could pay her house off. It got messy because in the process of updating his new beneficiary on the additional 200K to the policy, it never formally made it through the appropriate signature process. In the end, she spent a fortune trying to collect on these benefits and lost, and was required to pay the defending parties attorneys fee’s and expenses. My dad just sold his home which was almost paid off, and he’s paying off half of her mortgage. We have no visibility into the newly written will but should very soon. In a nutshell, he took all the money he was worth along with his assets and combined them with some women he hardly knows. My problem with this is, my mom helped him acquire his wealth and now her half has been combined with some money hungry butch. I personally don’t care about his money, however I do care about it going to my nieces and nephew. Fortunately, my dad and I haven’t seen eye to eye, and haven’t since I was able to think for myself, so I’ll be having this conversation with him in the very near future. I don’t expect it to go well nor end well, and we’ll most likely never speak again when this is over, which is fine by me. It will keep the heat of my brother and sister and allow them to move forward with discussions surrounding this topic. This entire process has validated my thoughts about my dad…… He’s not what he portrayed himself to be all these years. The laws that are so favorable to women in this country need to change, it’s no wonder our divorce rate is quite the joke.

  63. I was married to a service connected army man. We were married for 10 years. We divorced in 2004. Since than he has remarried. Now, he is also collecting his Social Security check. Am I entitled to any of His benefits?. The reason being, is now I’m on social security disability and I’m only 55. So therefore , I’m not old enough to collect on mind. Just for my information. Thanks
    Humbly submitted.
    Angela G.

  64. Hello here’s my question i was married for 35 years and got a divorce. I would have loved to try to stay in my marriage but my ex was cheating. Not just because of that I was very sick and I had heart failure during the marriage had to have a trach in my throat and had two children to raise also had to sleep on oxygen that marriage cause a lot of pain and almost cost me my life. All I wanted at that time was out he was not there for me or anything. But at the time I divorced him i was so sick I could not think of anything but out no help no one to guide me and let me know that I could have gotten support because he had a job. Now i’m just wondering if I can get anything he’s on social security now he will be 62 in November help I need suggestions.

  65. My wife and I got married late. I was 50 and she was 45. No children together. We get along great and love each other. However we have been married for 9.5 years and I am concerned about my exposure given I just retired and am on a fixed income. In interest of my finances I feel that I should proactively get divorced. You never know ,,,she might be just trying to make the magic 10 year mark. Your advice?


    1. OK, let me get this straight — you have been married for over 9 years and you get along great and love each other. And you are thinking of divorce because it might end? Most people reading this would be thrilled to be in such a marriage.

  66. Hi,

    I’ve been married for 9 years and we have two children between us, and 2 children she born before our relationship. She has never filed for child support for the 2 older children. She stopped working 7 years ago to stay home with our 7.5 year old who has special needs. I have paid her ex’s portion of support for the 2 older children (13 years worth), but especially during the time she stayed home, I was happily paying her and her ex’s portion of support for the 2 older children. Our 7.5 year old has been in school full time for 2 years now and my wife is educated and able to go back to work, but is choosing not to in order to receive child and spousal support from me. I’ve negotiated 50% split time for our children. Although principally I have a problem with paying her child support for taking care of our children part time, I understand the reasons behind that.

    My question is, am I legally required to pay child support for the 2 older children if she hasn’t filed on the natural father? Also, I’m signing a quit deed, giving up 11 years worth of equity, to leave the house to her so that she doesn’t have to refinance for a significantly larger mortgage payment. I’ve also agreed to keep her and the 2 older children on my insurance for a year post divorce. As well as half of my 401k for the amount of time that we’ve been married. At 9 years in, am I legally required to split 401k with her? And if so, do I have a legal stake in her quarterly trust fund? Lastly, with all of the assets (11 years equity in the home, not requiring her to refinance, paying for an additional year of health insurance, and giving half of my 401k) do I have enough to argue that that IS spousal support? Sorry for the long post and thank you for your time.

    1. In most states, you are required to support your natural and adopted children, but not children who do not fall into those categories. The portion of your retirement that was earned during your marriage may be marital property to be divided, depending on the laws of your state. As for her quarterly trust fund, I don’t know what that is, so ask an attorney about that specific asset. I don’t know how spousal support works in your state, so I am not able to answer your questions about that.

  67. I was awarded 50% of my ex husband retirement he went n claimed all to ga disability now I get nothing how can I get my share of awarded retirement now that he has traded it my share as well as his for VA BENEFITS

    1. You should have filed a Qualified Domestic Relations Order to claim your portion of his retirement account so that they wouldn’t pay it all out to him. If you did not and he has now drained the account, you have a claim against him. Talk to your attorney about this. I don’t know anything about VA benefits and what it takes to qualify for those.

    2. No. Federal law – specifically, the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act, found at 10 U.S.C. §1408 – exempts VA disability payments from division upon divorce. It is not an asset which can be divided at divorce as marital or community property.

  68. Hi. I live in Colorado which is a marital property state. I’ve been married for 14 yrs. I haven’t worked for 10 of those yrs. (due to chronic pain and mental illnesses). I take care of our household as I’m able to do so. My husband works. Our first home was bought (outright, no mortgage) with money, given to my husband (from a family member of his). He put his name on the title only. Intentionally keeping my name off. That home has since been sold. Our current home was bought (outright, no mortgage), from the sale of the previous home. Again, my husband intentionally put only his name on the title. He did it so he could stake claim to it, and throw it back up in my face, that his name is the only one on the title. That’s his words completely. He said them to me yesterday, during an argument. He is threatening divorce and says that our current home was bought by him (even though he put no money into buying it). He’s saying because of the monetary “gift” he got to buy the first home, our current home is a “gift” as well (even though it was bought from the sale of the previous home). He’s been saying that if the house is sold, he gets all of the money. If the house isn’t sold he has the legal right to give it to whom ever he wants (not me), and I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been reading about the marital property law here in Colo. But I’m still confused as to how a home would be dealt with durning a divorce. We have no children together. My children are grown and don’t live at home. His son is 15 and doesn’t live in the house either. The mother of his son (which he didn’t know he had, until the boy was 7) keeps him away from my husband, due to my husband’s extreme temper and abuse (mental, emotional, and some physical), she dealt with during their relationship (they were never married). He hasn’t seen his son since he was 8. He barely even had/has a relationship with his son, since he only got to visit with him for 3 1/2 months. One and a half of those months, he had to do supervised visits. Anyway, we have no children living in our home. So what happens with the current house, in a divorce? Even though he has his name on the title only. Is it still considered a “gift” given to him, because of the monetary “gift” he received to buy the first house? As I said, it was (and the previous home) bought during our marriage. Thanks so much for your help.

  69. I’ve been married for12 years and my husband has at least 10-20 jobs in a years time, just to keep me from having Insurance. So I’ve been fighting for Disability for 5 years they granted it to mean June30,2017. He promised to pay rent& electric bill till end of September, but now he’s backed out on paying them , he’s been gone off and on for 6 years now. There trying to kick me out my trailer for rent & they don’t want to wait till I get my money. Can I get spousal support from him in the state of Tennessee.

  70. Hi, I’m getting a divorce after 10 years. My husband works under the table but is working. What do I need to tell the court, I do not want to have to pay him alimony. He does make less than I do

    1. It sounds as though this has been going on during the marriage. If he’s getting paid in cash, you’ll need to show that expenses aren’t being paid from his bank account, and so he must have cash that he’s using.

  71. I’m more then a bit lost, my husband and I have been married for 15 years. I have been a stay at home wife and mother of 3 children for the duration of our marriage. My husband held a civilian career throughout our marriage and was in the National Gaurd for the last 4, retiring with in the last month. One of our children has a severe learning disability and my husband and I decided that me being a full time homemaker and mom was necessary for our family from the very start of our marriage. He has asked for a divorce. We have no assets together, our home (which is paid off but worth less then 20k) is solely in his name, both vehicles are in his name (still making payments). We are a pay check to pay check family as it is. I’ve mastered extreme budgeting skills to keep us afloat with what he makes. He works an average of 70 hours a week, which was another driving force in keeping me at home (doctors appointments, extra curricular activities for the kids, regular need for a parent to come to the school because of my son’s severe learning and behavior issues). To say I have nothing of my own is an understatement. I’m positive he will need the children to remain with me, his job would never allow him to leave for the needs of the children. I am having difficulties finding employment that will allow me flexibility to see to the needs of the children. I truly don’t know where to start and more then a little afraid. I don’t have extended family to help me with child care. I’m looking for a direction, a starting point, as I’m truly at a loss of how to proceed.

    1. Start by talking to an attorney about what you are entitled to under the laws of your state. In most states, you are entitled to a portion of whatever was accumulated during marriage (home, vehicles, retirement, etc.) From there, perhaps mediation would be the least expensive option.

  72. hi
    please advise
    my husband and I have been divorced for the past 15 years. this was not a personal issue but rather a business arrangement. we still lived together since then till april this year due to arguments over the kids who are now adults and over family.
    the house that we lived in is on his name. all the years I lived there I contributed my part as a wife. now he is letting the house out on rent for a much higher rental than the monthly bond. do I have any rights to this as I an now living with my daughter and can barely make ends mead…

    1. If you were awarded part of the house in the divorce and you are not getting your share of the rents, you definitely should assert your rights as part owner. If he was awarded the house in the divorce, then what he does with it is not your concern. If you are entitled to receive support in the divorce, his income from rents would be considered in determining how much his income is and how much support he could afford to pay.

  73. I need help I am from Mexico and married and american man legaly in florida in 1979 and had two children the divorced ended in1999 am i entitle to collect benefits from him from his retirement benefits he makes good money and i am cero i left the country back to mexico and my family takes care of me i am disable and nt collecting any benefits i also worked while married to him and help with the house hold expenses i dont have his social security number but i know where he works what can i do, i am still divorced and never remarried

    1. If you were awarded part of his retirement in the divorce, you need to file a Qualified Domestic Relations Order to secure your portion of the retirement, so it will be paid to you and not to him. If he was awarded the retirement in the divorce, then you are not entitled to any of it. If your divorce agreement did not address the retirement, then you could consult with an attorney to see about reopening your divorce to divide an overlooked asset.

  74. I have a question. I am considering a divorce from my husband. We own two homes, on in Ky and one in FL. I work in Ky but we both have FL licenses and considered a florida resident. I have been with him for over 20 years and married for 13 years. I am his third wife. We have a Ky prenup in place (by him) that he gave me 2.5 days before we left for the out of state wedding and I was told to either sign it or we would not be married. He then pushed me to go to his attorney and sign it while I cried through the whole thing. He is 16 years older than I and retired. My question is, if I decide to divorce in Florida instead of Ky, would they recognize our prenup? He bought the Florida house a few weeks before we married?

    1. Since you are a Florida resident, your divorce will take place in Florida. The state where your prenup was signed is probably not significant, but the timing and apparent coercion is. Talk to a Florida attorney to see what the rules are in Florida for valid prenups.

  75. my husband was in the serves for 7 years. he has passed away we were married 22 years then got divorced.
    need to know if i am intitled to any med insurance. im 63 and really need some coverage.

  76. I live in Georgia and have been in a relationhip with somebody for 16 years. We have been living together for 15 years. He has put me in his Will along with HIS kids. Even though we are not married, if he died, would I be able to collect on his Social Security?

  77. I have a question. My mom is divorcing her husband of 9 years; he is a veteran and it’s over 60 years old. They have been together for about 18 years but married for only 9. She finally realized that he only wants her there to treat her as a slave, to take care of him. He doesn’t care about her or loves her. He is racist and my mom is Hispanic and he is constantly saying racial stuff to her. They have 2 properties which are in both of their names as well as bank accounts, etc.

    He is telling her to take her name off the properties and to take her name off the bank accounts. I’m telling not to do that, to wait for the divorce to comet through. My mom is leaving to come live with me in a different state. The only thing he’s doing is giving her the title of a car that he gave to her as a gift but it’s still under his name. I told my mom get the title sign over as soon as possible, but not to do nothing else he’s telling her to do. Like I said they’ve only been married 9 years. What advise do you give me and what type of benefits is she entitle too. She is now receiving Social Security under him because she turned 62. Please advise.

    1. She should see an attorney right away who is familiar with the laws of her state and can advise her as to her rights and what she is entitled to. And she definitely shouldn’t sign anything without getting that legal advice first.

    Man and woman married for 25 years. have two children ages 23 and 17. Woman just decides she doesn’t want to be married anymore and doesn’t want any responsibility including the children and gets an apartment. She still wants her “husband” to continue paying her bills. Now after over a year of separation she still will not sign divorce papers until it states that she will receive 1/2 of his 401K until the time he retires which will not be for another 10+ years. She also wants $1,100 a month alimony. Is she eligible for alimony since she is the one who walked out and leaving a 17 year old? (This is in the state of Virginia.) Can the man seek child support since he has the responsibility of the 17 year old?

  79. I was ma married over 11 years to an active duty af man. He cheated several times, I forgave him every time because I loved him and we used children. Fast forward about 8 years 4 bases, where I did all the unpacking, finding new jobs friends ect. I found out I was sick with lupus, chronic pain, inoperable, severe depression and anxiety due to the loss of my 13 year career, and not able to use my brand new bshs. After 3 years of begin sick and encouraged to apply for disability and winning the first time, I’m then called a lazy drug addict. Regardless of him going to my appointments with me and hearing the pain Dr’s suggestions, pain pump, injections, several high dose narcotics ect. The whole time my (best) friend and next door neighbor is plotting to get with him. Anyway. He tells he it’s just a separation, I’ll get 25%of his retirement as part of the property settlement. I took nothing else. Because I didn’t want my kids to be dragged out of school and I thought I was coming back. I only asked for $200 a month for alimony, just in case. That was 2008, March. The end of July 2008,i get a served with final divorce papers. I get my boys every summer, every other Christmas and when ever else we agree upon, btw,, since I’m disabled he has to pay for all of their transportation. So guess how many extra visits I got? 0! January 2009 I got a letter in the mail notifying me of his new address 2 doors down, due to his impending marriage. I make 967 a month for disability, I have 6 kids total. 2 have a aged out, just be is always asking me for money to pay for things like braces, which are cosmetic, and he has insurance. Help paying for the older boys cars,, my youngest 2 I can’t afford insurance for. And now I’m not getting them this summer. Which I’m not at that upset about, they are 17, and 16.this will be their first “normal summer.” I just think I got screwed, royally! Am I wrong. I’m not even the beneficiary on his death benefits, his 70 mother is. Both his parents are older and not all. I should at least be secondary. I didn’t ask for much. If I had not been so naive, I would have gotten a lawyer and cleaned him out. But I thought we had a chance still. After 11.5 years you don’t just throw it away cause someone is sick. I guess the vows mean nothing today. I hope he can’t read this, we have been doing better speaking civilly lately, I just needed to vent and get some advice. Thanks.

  80. Holy cow people. I saw a documentary on the corruptness of the “family” divorce court system, which pretty much confirmed how lame the system is. Family court trumps the Supreme Court. Some corrupt court employees make horrible decisions about the children, who are the ones that suffer. I wish to God I never get to that point. I am married to my wife for 9 years. We are of the same ethnicity (not from the U.S. originally, but lived here both since around 3 years old). I am just so damn happy we both share the same views on life, love each other and financially support each other even if we were both poor. Yes, we started off poor, at sometimes lived paycheck to paycheck. I am not making 6 figures and we agreed she would stay home and raise our kids. She worked with chemicals (Chemistry Engineering major), and a lot of chemicals are known to cause cancer and birth defects… Once kids go to elementary school, she is planning on going back to work, different professional, and max out 401K and IRA. Did I say I am sooo happy we both don’t believe in divorce and crap like that? Good old fashion values Americans used to have back in the day. Anyways, I hope all is well for you all. There are money leeches everywhere, men and women. I’m glad me and my wife aren’t.

    Anyways, I started researching this issue and got to this site because I plan on continuing a part time business, and employing my (then 10 year old child – I plan ahead, ya know), and have her put $5,500K into a Roth IRA of hers and have her work until she decides not to (hopefully 16-18 years old). When she starts working as an adult after college (which my 529 plan will pay for – I ain’t no deadbeat dad), I will sure edumacate her about the financial world, unlike what happened to me. We grew up poor, living with rats and roaches. I always took AP courses in high school and managed to get 4s and 5s on the AP tests, but were too poor (and embarrassed) to join in on science fairs. But, I managed to get a 4.2+ weighted GPA in high school, so there’s no damn excuses for anyone else out there. Same with my wife. Anyways, I plan on making sure my children have a head start in life. By my calculations (I’m damn good at Excel and numbers), my children should have roughly $300K in Roth IRA balances by around 24 years old (when they actually start working again). That coupled with full 401K max outs, at 5-7% rates of return will give them about $ 3 million around age 50, $6.5 million around age 60 and over $10 million at age 67, with current IRA contribution limits etc.. IRS limits will be much higher in 20-30 years though. I was worried about them (only 1 and 4 now LOL) marrying deadbeat asshats (with the way America is heading nowadays) and started researching how to protect them. If they managed to be a success story like my wife and I, I would be the happiest parent in the world. If not, it sounds like a prenup is the only way to protect them?

    I’m guessing the prenup can stipulate that any savings in retirement accounts shall not be split up? It sounds like earnings BEFORE marriage is safe?

    Sorry for a long post.

    And sorry ladies, I’m taken. Guys, I don’t shoot that way, OK?

    Thank you

  81. Hi i was married 13 yrs to my army husband now retired. It was in a different state hence the reason i got screwed out of custody alimony retirement some health benefits. He has two dv assaults texas and kentucky but he got the kids. Left me evicted and homeless literally 90 dollars to get back to Washington state. I reached to the army for help and they took their time due to my ex blowing crap up their rear ends. It has been since 2014 or 2015 affter the divorce and i feel thats not ok. Is there anyone that can help me because my children are there no attention paid just ignored. He got remarried last year. I speak a lot to his wife she is somewhat partial to me. Please please no one will help me since it was out of state. I couldnt fight i never recieved any paperwork phone calls nothing.

  82. My husband is 21 years military retired…he getting military retirement and his ex is getting half of his military pay……he tells me it was suppose to stop when children all grown the youngest child is is 34 years old and his ex is still getting his half of his retirement… ..he tells me defence pay takes a long time ……how long does it take?….i would apprecate any of your advice…..we have power attorney for each other over every thing been married 13 years….Sincerely Martha

  83. I was married on 3/1995 and my divorce was finalized 5/2005. I became permanently disabled in 2010 been receiving SSD benefits since. Do I qualify for any benefits?

    1. It sounds as though you are already receiving some benefits. Once you are of retirement age you will be eligible to receive divorced spouse benefits or your own social security benefits, whichever is greater.

  84. My huband gets social security disability, he is going to prison for molesting our son, am I eligble to draw his benefits.we have Been married 12 years. PLEASE someone help me with reliable information.

  85. Quick question I would like to know if I was with this man for 18 yrs never married but we live together but we seperated ended up getting married but divorced of a 4 yr marriage am I entitled to get the one who is now deceased social security or spousal support for being with him 18yrs.

    1. If I’m reading this correctly, you were divorced and then he died. You can’t get spousal support from someone who is dead, because they no longer exist to pay you. If you were awarded support and never received it, then you may have a claim against his estate. As for social security, you were married fewer than 10 years and so you are not eligible for surviving divorced spouse benefits. There are a few states where common law marriage is recognized if you took certain steps. You can ask an attorney or research yourself whether common law marriage is recognized in your state and what you would need to do to prove it.

  86. i have been married for 23 years this november 18 2017 he has been on pain meds since 2013 he has become evil person. i could not take it anymore I file for divorce but i also signed a pre Nup before we got married in he told me we could get rid of it later on. we got married in Chicago and now we live in Florida. If will i get alimony? Please help desperate

  87. My 73-year-old mother, her age now, married after my dad died. She has only been married for 7 1/2 years… a year ago, he stayed in the home and she rented an apartment. They are still married. Once she reaches the 10 year mark does she still qualify to get benefits/ part of his IRA/any other monetary funds…from him? They are not legally separated… As in no court papers filed .

    I’m curious because she is living well below the poverty line and this husband is a “jerk “… I’m worried for her even making it without her bank balance of a meer $3,000 disappearing. ( money she received in a will from HIS mother ! ). Shows you how well liked she was…he got $2k….Anyway, she spends more than she brings in and she has no phone and no TV. There’s not much else she can get rid of ( except that crappy husband of course)…. The only reason he stays married to her is so he can get a break on his insurance ( and a few other things ) and he is a lifetime MichCon worker. ( if you don’t know what that is, it is the leading gas company in Michigan) They make great money and retirement benefits. Let alone he was into real estate. Anyway, my mother knew nothing of this when she married him… She did it for love. He treated her so badly they had to split as far as living in the same household.

    I hope I explained enough for you to answer my question. The 10 year mark is only a couple years away, and like I said there are no legal separation papers. Thank you so much for your help. I’ve tried everything else as far as help…and she is only collecting my deceased father’s death benefit.

    She is one of the sweetest most honest ladies you’ll ever meet and I need to know if there’s any financial help for her in the near future.

    Extremely concerned firstborn,

    1. If they are married for 10 years or longer, she can collect divorced spouse social security benefits if they divorce. But I’m guessing that her widow benefits from your dad’s earnings history are higher, so that isn’t any advantage. In most states, she would be entitled to that portion of his retirement that was earned during the marriage If he was already retired when they married, she may not be entitled to any pension benefits, but she should consult with her attorney to find out exactly what her state’s laws provide.

  88. I made a huge mistake. I got married a 3rd time 3 years after my second husband died. I made more money than my third husband and then got laid off. Used all my money from moving from Florida to ny state to fix his house concrete driveway ac new roof siding etc of course now my health is bad stopped taking meds and seeing doctors he does not help. He is retired getsvretirement and SS I live on my reduced SS and he calls me lazy and the C word almost everyday I stopped depression meds arthritis injections etc can’t afford it . Cashing in life insurance only getting $900.00. I am cancelling everything so I can save enough money to move cheaply to Florida. Should I start divorce proceedings before I move. I need medical ins to help me

  89. I;m in need of some advice .I married my husband that was in the army from 1979 till 1987 we brought a house which had my name and also my childrens at the time of 1988. He was very abusive where ever we were stationed but I never reported it . When we came back to the states we brought a house he became more abusive and he was using drugs which he lost his job with the city . I worked to take care of the home the best I could .until I was unable to . in 1993 he sent me to the hospital with a gash in my face which I had to have medical attention .Ater this I did call the police and they told me to leave because he would kill me. Still in love will this man after abuse cheating and drugs .I relocated to NYC . This was in 1993 .after being in NYC for a year or so I communicated with him and I thought we where at a good place . So I started visiting but after awhile I was sur he didn’t change . He became homeless in 2007 and came to NYC to stay with me but after awhile he went back to Philadelphia where he lives now. where still married and its noted in the social security office . about 3 years ago I get a letter from SSI stating that I was recieving money from the va which I had no knowlege that he was using my ss# to get extra money from the Va .So I had to put in a claim with the va .because SS was cutting me off because he was collecting for me . I was visiting him very often thinking we could give it a second try .Ive been with him to Va in Phila to doctors appt helping him around his new house . Let me make this short in 2011 he applied for 100 disable with the Va and was awarded in 2011 . I put in a claim from Nyc for a apportionment . which the Va granted me 17, thousand dollars . and I recieve 610 per month . Now hes calling me stating about divorce .because I left him 2 something years ago but we still where intimate with each other and talked all the time .The most resent was sept 2016 The back money he received he brought a house and many other things . what I didnt know was that I was added in with that back money so Im asking for another apportionment because he brought that house with some of the money that was suppose to come to me . Now he called me today stating hes filing for divorce . What are my rights will I get allmoney he lives in Phils I live in Nyc he never paid child support .And the reason why I left and came to Nyc is because he was abusive and dependent on drugs . Now hes trying to say I abant him and I shouldnt get anything Please help

  90. i will be married 20yrs this year in june, i live in md and have custody of my 17yo son for 2 yrs after my wife who lives in sc kicked him out, my son will be going in the military after he graduates and i will file for divorce from my wife, she now gets a ssi check for mental issues (but she knows how to get the to bingo hall) and i make a low 6 figures, are names are both on the home she lives in which i want to sell and give her the proceeds and my name is the only one on the home i live in, she has now been told that i can’t sell my house without signature but she doesn’t pay any mortgages or bills at all for either of the houses. My question is what are my options, i feel completely stuck as i feel she wants my dreams as well. Will i have to pay alimony or spousal support? Thanks

          1. Thank you, I am not an attorney, and when I can give useful information and advice from what I am qualified to give, I try to do so. And for specific legal issues, I simply don’t have those answers and I’m not going to pretend I do.

  91. Sandra Corrales-Potts

    I have been married for over 30 years. .worked in the beginning and the end. I was a stay at home mom raised 5 exceptional children. One of whom is blind and made successful. Out of the work force raising my children has cost me. What can I do and who to turn to? My spouse used to make good money and now not so much.

  92. I have a question. My husband and I live in NJ. I’m out of work due to a disability and am waiting for a determination as to permanent disability benefits. My husband has provided health insurance benefits for us (we have no kids) for the past 6 years of our almost 9 year marriage (in May). If I’m unable to go back to work and put on permanent disability, will he be responsible to pay my health insurance benefits? Thanks for any help.

    1. The laws differ from state to state, but in most states each spouse has a duty to take care of the other, so he probably cannot remove you from his insurance. But check with an attorney to find out how insurance works in marriages in your state.

  93. Forget the money. If there is violence or extreme psychological abuse in the marriage, GET OUT no matter what. No amount of money will make up for physical or emotional damage! Sticking it out for the money is not worth it. My marriage ended at 9 1/2 years, and yes I waived my rights so that my daughter could have a better child support, but that’s fine. I figured I was still young and strong and can still work…then I’m beholden to no one especially someone who couldn’t honor our marriage vows. There is such a thing as self respect after all.

    1. Any former spouse to whom he was married for 10 years or longer will received divorced spouse benefits. They are not reduced just because other divorced spouses or current spouse or he are receiving benefits on his earnings history

  94. I’m in desperate need of help! I’ve been married 18 years and I have four wonderful children unfortunately I have a very abusive husband who is tried killing me several times. One of the times he did this my daughter was able to record it so I have the proof I also have lots of pictures of bruises he has given me. I haven’t been working for the past four years and he has a pretty good job my biggest fear is him getting custody of my kids because then I would never be able to live with myself! So here are the questions I need answered do I have a chance of getting custody of the kids I am a wonderful mother who does anything for them they are my whole life without the kids i would die anyway! The second question is would I be entitled to half of his stocks and retirement when he does retire? Also he has two houses in his name along with his three siblings names would i be entitled to half of his share of them two houses? I’ve been fighting for disability for a few years now for my medical conditions and my lawyer just told me the other day that it’ll be at least two more years before I get a hearing and I’m scared to death that I won’t make it living with him another two years I just know deep down if I wait i won’t be alive for that hearing! If anyone has any suggestions or advice please let me know

    1. First of all, if he is trying to kill you, he should not be around you. You should have a restraining order to keep him away from you, and possibly away from your children as well. Secondly, of course you can get custody of your children. In most jurisdictions, the court is interested in the same thing that society is interested in, children having two loving parents, so it takes quite a lot of misbehaving for any parent to be denied custody of their child so they cannot be with that child. As for the property division, it depends on the time that you were married while that property was being acquired, and the laws of your state, so that is a perfect question to ask your lawyer.

  95. My ex husband bad I was married for 34 yrs.of those 34 yrs he was in the navy for 20 and of those 20 yrs I was married to him for 13 yrs in the navy. Now divorce I can’t get tricare because of he 20/20/20/ .mine 34/20/13. I do get main dance of 700. a month. He was suppose to assist me in getting insurance ,,he rears me a # for divorce spouse of ex military. Am I entitle to some of his retirement money. And if I am will he still have to pay me the $700. 00 maintenance ordered by the judge.thank you. In eligible what is the address to the military pay center.

    1. You are entitled to a share of his military retirement, unless that right was waived in your divorce order. It is likely that the maintenance awarded to you was based on each of you receiving your portion of the retirement pay. If it was based on him receiving his entire retirement pay, and you end up receiving a portion of it, then it is likely that your maintenance will be adjusted downward to reflect the new circumstances.

  96. I have been married for 9 years, it hasn’t been a very good marriage. I am afraid she just waiting for the 10 year mark. What should I do!

  97. Pingback: Wife On Open-ended Mortgage | Great Mortgage

    1. Hello my name is Valerie Spry. My ex husband retired from the post office November 2016. We were married for 16years and had four children. He abandoned my children and I. So we ended up getting a divorce. I wrote the post office to see if I was entired to any of his pension and the denied me. I thought do the ten year law should apply to me being we were married for married for 16 yrs. and I never married again. Am I entitled???

      1. Look at your divorce agreement to see what portion of the pension you were awarded. If the whole thing was awarded to him, then you don’t get any portion of it. If the pension didn’t come up in your divorce, talk to an attorney about whether you can now open the case again to divide an overlooked asset.

  98. I’m a federal worker with over 32 years served. I’m also in the Army National Guard with 19 years. I’ve been married to my current spouse for 7 years and I believe she is being unfaithful and also might be trying to stick this out to year 10. I’m emotionally struggling at the moment to think clearly, but I’m starting to get there. My question, is there a certain percentage she will qualify for now or does it just go up every year. I don’t want someone playing fake nice and also plotting to get to 10 with other ideas. My concern is just my TSP has grown over the past 7 years greater then hers. I’m just looking into insight at this moment if you can pleaser provide some.

  99. My husband and I we are merried for 10 years we are getting a divorce he is going for a medical discharge from the military do I still get any benefits if he gets a medical discharge ? If the medical discharge dose not go through What is the % I have a 5 years old son we are currently in Texas
    Thank you for any information

  100. I have one more question—who do you need to go to in order to request part of my ex-husband’s retirement once he retires? I was told by the S.S. office that I would need to contact his place of employment. Is that true? Thank you!!

  101. I have a question. I was married for about 21 years. I was the one who filed for the divorce and I remember the Judge telling me I was entitled to $300 a month from him. I told her “no”, that I didn’t want it. Does that have anything to do with his retirement from his job of which he plans to retire on Dec 1st of this year (2016). I got the divorce in Illinois but now live in Kentucky. Do you think I’m still entitled to part of his work retirement. He was also in the Navy for a while. I know I should just contact a divorce attorney, but thought you might be able to give me some idea as to what my chances are. I never remarried and I’m now 57 years old. He is also 57.

  102. Pingback: Wife On Open-ended Mortgage | First Home Mortgage

  103. My husband left us for work over seas. It’s been 6 years and I have bought two homes under his name. Home one was in Florida where I sealed and made about $65,000 from that deal. I moved to Texas near my family where I placed most of the equity into my new home. I had to move here because I became disabled during the marriage. I have two boys whom are with me year round. What are the guidelines for alimony for disabled spouse as well as child support for two children.

  104. My question is as follows, I married a man in 2007 he retired from the military in 2000 it has been a bad marriage, In May it will be 10 years and I entitled to any of his retirement and other military benefits?

  105. I was married 11 yrs then divorced we both have remarried. my last employer wants to buy out my retirement early. is my ex entitled to any of this money its been 22 yrs since we were married

  106. “If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.” What kind of advice is this? This basically is saying, “Hey, I know you are unhappy and want to leave this person – but suck it up and don’t tell them yet so you can take even more of their stuff when you do leave them. But, if you do slip up and tell them, go ahead and leave and start your own life but don’t finalize the separation until ten years so you can still get more of their stuff when you finally decide to finish the divorce proceedings.” That is horribly unethical and immoral advice. Talk about money grubbing people.

    1. If you were married for 10 years or longer, you are eligible for divorced spouse benefits. Those benefits do not reduce what the other spouse receives in benefits, so nothing is being taken away from the earning spouse.

  107. Married for over 25 years and have not signed the final papers yet. I wanted to ask you if you know about the 401(k)s have when he signed it over to me if I pay the taxes or if he pays the taxes? I do have an Attorney, Know they have over charged me! Also, I was a stay at home and paid for my own Att. We both are from Colo. & never contested anything, Now, he is trying to kick me out of the Family home where I stayed home to raise our Son, until I became very Ill.I I knew he was hiding money, Asked my Lawyer to look into it. Now, I found it downstairs in my own house! ? Thanks

  108. I want to get a divorce from my wife. My question is, she got money for an accident she had in a store. Being married with her over 18 years would i be elegible to get half of that money?

  109. I have a question. I’m currently on Workmans comp and relieving benefits. I am waiting a settlement for medical assisted payments and want a devorce from my wife. I was wondering if she is entiteld to my yearly payments because o will need them to pay for my medical treatment. I realize she will probably get some of my initial settlement because that is for lose of wages but not sure if she can have some of my money needed for medical treatment. If anyone could help I would appreciate it?

  110. I reside in Texas and have been married 10.5 years; I have been separated for two of those years. We are divorcing due to his infidelity (that still continues) with a former friend of mine. My spouse was a police officer when we married and retired about two years ago with a police pension of 30 years. He is currently employed full time. He does not feel I am entitled to any of his pension and he is trying to bully me into not asking for his pension which by the way he was at his highest earning potential during his long career as an officer. I should mention he already has to provide a part of his pension to his first wife.

    Is there a possibility that I may not be entitled to some of his pension because he already provides for a first wife?

    1. It is doubtful that his first Wife got any portion of a pension that he had not earned yet at the tine they divorced. The pension earned during your marriage is likely to be community property subject to division, but check with an attorney knowledgeable in the laws of your state to be sure.

  111. I am a new wife. My husband was separated from his previous wife after the 8th year, but divorce was not final until maybe alittle before or after the 10th year. They had no kids and now i’ve been married to him going on 5 years. What would she be entitled to if he was to pass away, God forbid, and i am stuck with the bills, and his child(ren)?

    1. You and your husband need to sit down together and figure out what you and the children would have to live on if something happened to him. Life insurance may be important. What she gets depends on what she was awarded in the divorce.

  112. I was married to a service member for 10 years and I was originally getting alimony and child support. Then we got a divorce after that he stayed in for the remainder of his 20 years of service and just recently retired. All this was all going on my ex-husband was taking me back to court constantly and now that he retired the judge decided to stop my alimony lower my child support because he is claiming his pay went down. As a former spouse who was married to a service member for 10 years what can I do and what am I entitled to when it comes to his retirement.

    1. If you were awarded a portion of his military retirement in the divorce, and if you haven’t yet done so, you should initiate the paperwork required by the military system (similar to a QDRO) so that your interest in the plan is protected and will be paid to you upon his retirement.


    1. If your ex-spouse contributed to social security for at least 10 years, then he was entitled to social security benefits. So as his surviving divorced spouse you are entitled to benefits under his record if they do not exceed the benefits you are eligible for under your record. You cannot receive benefits until you are at least 60. Those benefits are by operation of federal law, so they are not governed by any provision in your divorce agreement, which is a state document. As for the other property division, you can consult with an attorney about whether anything can be done at this point, but I’m guessing that too much time has passed, unless there was an asset that was not revealed during the divorce that needs to be divided now.

  114. I am a 57 year old woman on SSDI and get 1002.00 a month after medicare is taken out . My husband and I have been marrid for 13 yrs.He is 57. He now wants a divorce. We own a home that we are still paying on but have some equity in. Maybe 20,000.Monthlly payments are 702.00 and my car payment is 225.00. That eats up my check with no room for ANYTHING else. He is offering me a settlement of the house and 20,000. He has a good job and makes 45,000 a year. He also has 51,000 in his 401K Which he had been paying into for 6 yrs before we married. We have taken several loans out against it and paid it back with community funds when I was working. He also has stock which I found out he just sold for 4,000. We live in Idaho which is a Community Property state. we really dont want to hire an attorney but we may have to. I dont want to screw him over so to speak but I dont want to end up living in my car . Is this a fair offer or could I also get Spousal Support? He has cheated on me several times and is verbaly abusive as well. I just want it to be a fair settlement with out eating up all the money in attorney fees. Help. Im running out of time here.

  115. Hi my name is Amanda I have a question I got married in March of 2004 and have been separated from my spouse since 2004 and we have been separated every since so I think it’s like almost twelve years and we both live in two different states and he will not help me with the divorce and we have one child together and the only way to get it is if I completely walk away from my child permanently and I refuse to do that. His grandparents has guardian ship over him. Please help don’t know what to do…

      1. Hi ma’am I live in California and been married 13 years . I’m filling for divorce due to my wife cheating on me mutiple times . I’m military disabled due to combat injuries. I have a Purple Heart . She has a good job at the VA. I don’t work but get money from the VA and SSI . She makes more money then me dose she have to pay me money ? Also we have a 10 year old daughter together do I have a chance to get custody of her . I have always heard men never get custody of children. Thank you for your time .Dave

  116. I was wondering if anybody might be willing to email me to give me some advice about a legal separation and now a divorce. We have been legally seperated for about 5 yrs because I needed my health insurance but now he has a girlfriend and wants to get the divorce and pay me less alimony. He is retired. He gets a retirement from the state of California and also gets a retirement from the military. Getting the divorce I understand. It will suck to lose my medical because I have medical issues but I do understand if he wants it. I get half of his state retirement. I didn’t ask anything about his military retirement because I was able to survive on what I receive for that. Now he wants to pay me less so I kinda need some advice about if I can get any portion of the military retirement if he takes away some of what I’m getting from the state retirement. Please email if you can offer any advice. Thanks!!!

  117. I was married to a man for 6 years and he recently divorced me 6 mo ago, 6 years he had a job of 25 years, 2 years into the marriage, he suffers a heart atttack , becomes dissabled, receives his pension, and permanent dissabilty, i have worked for 20 years also but now layed off can i recieve any of his pension,from his union, 6 yrs only married! I havent tried , im about too!

  118. Ive been married to my husband 11 years. He is a former marine. He served 27 years in the marine corp. He retired in 2002 at 100% he receives a little over 3k retirement and a little over 3k pension. He is 13 yrs older than me. We have no children together. We filed for a legal separation last year so he can by the house hes currently still living in. Im thinking about filing for divorce, if i do what am i entitled to and for how long.

    1. Support and property division laws vary from state to state, so talk to someone familiar with the laws of your state to find out what you are entitled to. Much of that should have been hashed out in your legal separation.

  119. I married my husband when he was 74 and I was 52. He already was receiving a check from the veteran’s administration, retirement from job he worked, social security, and military retirement. This sum totals about 10,000 a month. We have been married for 10 years. If I divorce, am I entitled to any part of these monthly checks? We married and live in California.

    1. It sounds as though all the funds from which he is being paid were earned and in place before he married you, so none of it would be community property to be divided. If his income substantially exceeds yours, you may be entitled to spousal support based on your relative incomes.

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  121. Her name is Shirley Jean curving I think she should be entitled to half of this was earned why they were married maybe you can let her know she won’t talk to me and I know she could uses she’s just scrape by maybe you can let her know that he got this 47,000 401(k) that he didn’t know about I think she should take him back to court

  122. I have a friend that was married for over 10 years to my new boyfriend I’ve been with him for 15 years he found out he had he had a 401(k) worth $47,000 is his ex-wife entitled to this it was earned why they were married or am I entitled to any of it please give me an answer I want to help her out she deserves it can you give me an answer to this so I can let her know

  123. I’ve been with a guy or 15 years wasn’t married he end up getting a 401(k) when you turn 62 am I entitled to hit or what his ex-wife be entitled to half of it because she was married to him when he earn It

  124. My ex and i divorced after 6 years of marriage, at 62 I started to collect SS to help financially get me through the month, I work a part time job and have some health issues, I get very small amount a month from SS. My ex came back into my life after not seeing him for 8 years. We have been dating now for two years and are doing really good. We are talking about getting remarried. How will this affect my SS. If after 10 years would I qualify to draw on his if I’m already getting mine does the prior 6 years count towards the 10? His would be a higher amount. Also, If we are remarried and I become a widow, would I get any benefits? I ask because he had 2 strokes when were separated, he is lucky to be alive.

    1. If your spousal benefit from your new husband are greater than the benefits you are getting now, and he is at least 62, then you would switch from your own benefits to spousal benefits. If you and he divorced again after 10 years or more, those spousal benefits would switch to divorced spouse benefits of the same amount. If your marriage lasted for less than 10 years, you would revert to your own benefits. The prior six years won’t count since you didn’t remarry the same or next calendar year after your divorce. If he dies during your marriage, you will be a widow entitled to 100% of his benefits, if those exceed your own.

  125. Can my father get my mothers retirement in divorce? She was financially abused and he stole upwards of 77,000 + Adultery. Also forged her name, took her taxes and lied on them, and stole her inheritance. Also stole rent money 6,000 dollars. She was forced to freeze her credit cards. It would be one sick world if he could get her money in the end after doing all this.

    1. If you are able to designate a beneficiary and you designated her, then she will get whatever that benefit is that you are able to designate. If there are other benefits that would go to a wife, then she won’t get those since she is your girlfriend and not your wife.

  126. Hi!

    I missed the 10-year rule; I think he knew as he is the one who filed for divorce. Next: My former husband was always employed by private industry (chair groceries) throughout his career, and earned a pretty decent salary as meatcutter, meatcutter manager and store manager. He retired a few years ago and relocated to FL. Am I entitled to any part of his pension?

    I was disabled in 2004; retired 2011, with a very small SS retirement and an annuity from the last company where I was employed. I am anxious to learn this… there was domestic abuse, and I find myself in the company of my former spouse and his wife at family events… I do it for the children, It dawned on me earlier that I might be eligible for part of his pension.

    Thanks, much!!

    1. It sounds as though you are already divorced, so you’ll need to consult your divorce agreement to see what it provides regarding his pension. If his pension isn’t mentioned, check with an attorney to see if your case can be reopened for the purpose of dividing the pension.

  127. I have a question I live in California and I’ve been married for 14 years going 15 have 3 kids in common im on ssi disability she just got her lvn license and makes money she left me couse she said she don’t need me nomore now that she makes money what do u think will I qualify for alimony from her

  128. Kimberly bowman

    I’m 55 years old and I’ve been receiving 825.00 per month since 2002. I’ve been married over ten years and we have a home with my name on the house but not on the payments.we have been here eleven years in pa.he is extreamly I’ll and as of two years ago received disability as well.he spent his 401 k so that’s gone he gets 1900.00 ssdi and 1300 a month for long term disability for three more years then will get his retirement.he is verbally abusive every day.his 34 year old son and two kids live here too.his son will lie for his,I’ve been ask to get out of our home.i have only 825.00 a month.i can’t live anywhere on that!i wanted to stay in my room I have my own room,but he doesn’t want me here.i do all the cleaning cooking driving ect.what would I receive if we diverse?

  129. Cathy Roberts

    My exhusband and I were married 13 years..He was in the army and then the post office where ge retired. My question is: Am I entilted to any pension for being a military wife. Thanks Cathy

    1. Probably. You’ll need to talk to an attorney to review exactly what your situation was (service credits earned during marriage compared to total service credits) so you will know what portion you’ll get and how to get it. You are likely also entitled to part of his post office pension.

  130. I had worked for 23 years before being injured. Having a shoulder surgery two spinal surgeries and my spine collapsing my husband incouraged me to seek disability and leave my job discontinue school he would take care of me forever. I have had knee surgeries a severe fall and all but five disc are damaged in my spine and was approved for disability by no means soon nough to save our home or enough money for me to survive on but my night and shining armor I’d been with for Eleven years married Nine and a half would take care of me til the morning I’m getting up early and got his phone while he was in the shower and I was dressing and he had a text from a women who was tired of sexting with him and sleeping her nights alone I went into surgery at 6 o’clock saying I hope I day and you have to live with this I’m very sick I have injection 3/4 times a year so many medications I wouldn’t bore you with the list oh land beside the other five or more things wrong with me I was appalled when they said I also had fibromyalgia bit if you try to hug mre I cry sometimes so it’s not a fake guys I will never be better and can never be better I will only gett worseand I got a copy of our phone bill for five years and contacted multiple women and the saddest part was most agreed had told them never speak to him again and I was disconnecting his phone but the one who was a mistress for the entire ten years we had been living together not just since I’d been sick and then that was the theme he stayed single our whole relationship see now if he’d told me that I might have been somewhere else doing other things and never Ben hurt and never gotten so sick and now not only did he destroy my marriage and any faith I could ever have in a spouse or security but my chance at normalcy and to support myself because I had more injection today so I can actually just sit on my tail bone I know you can all joke and be cruel but sometimes my heartache insulates my brain from physical pain and sometimes visa verse but I had a wonderful happy fulfilling existence and I am typical wondering why I wasn’t enough for him and how he could have needed so many affairs and never been able to continue to deceive me so I don’t know if our divorce will come through but I’m working with an attorney he’s agreed to lifetime alimony and life insurance and my house which was a gift from my family when I got hurt and to give me back the money I invested in the home we bought when I sold mine and my sons hom to buy a place with him because he had none even though we shorts old the house he can earn for years to come I have no earning ability and I am eligible to a portion of his social I’m just unclear how my disability filing will affect that future filing. I can’t trust him and I will be devastated for my life here on earth the only good thing is he found God and I pray for him that he will live in his heart no matter the outcome of our marriage. I wish you all the best whatever side your on and he provides for all your needs.. I pray he can heal my heart someday the barrier it causes between me and my lord is my greatest sadness now.

  131. I filed for divorce 11/2014. I went to every court date except the last one in 8/2016 we will be married 9 years. I make about 20k more than he does. Everything is in my name cars, home etc. is there a benefit to me waiting for the 10 year mark? I do want him to keep his cars but by them being in my name will I be finically responsible? One last thing he has a law suit I believe it’s for pain and suffering would I be entitled to any of that?

  132. I have been married now for 13 yrs. I live in CA. I am on permanent disability from working. I have been receiving aid for 10-11 yrs. We talked at length before I even applied. I just been told by my soon to be ex that because I make no money he wants a woman with money. He has also, informed that I will not be receiving any alimony, benefits, retirement….NOTHING!!!!, from him, even though he makes 3 times in a month than I do or have for years?????
    Is this true or does the state of CA have a cap end for a ten + year marriage ??? We have a house and he also doesn’t want to put any money or elbow grease into it. It needs some work to get any/or much back. With my disiblity it makes it difficult to do 1/2 the up-clean to sell, but was told not his problem and to bad any recourse???? Any help or suggestions would be helpful. Thanks

      1. I want to thank you for taking the time to read my question(s). I will try to get into seeing a lawyer. I have a question in getting an attorney….does family law the same as a divorce lawyer???? Very green to this process and as most I didn’t think I’d need to be asking these questions. Again thanks for your prompt response. If I find anything out from a lawyer, can I pass it on to you and the readers as a long as its relate to divorce. Esp. Since I am on Medical Disiblity-Permanently through the state of CA. I live in the Bay Area and may help some??????
        Signed Grateful for finding this site and commend it for helping “Women”. It helped a bad day feel a little better one. Keep up the good work and will let any woman know and/or meet that may need your site.

  133. I been in therror milliary for 5 years. Once i was honorable discharge I met someone and we been married 8 and separated 2 years. Now I’m getting a divorce. If I ever recieve va benefits, could she recieve any of my benefits.

  134. Diana McConnell

    I have a question to ask, I was married to a military man in the Navy from 6/10/79 til 3/93 with two children, I only received 35 % of his pension. He married the woman he cheated on me with; and to this day their still married. We did go to an attorney he filed in NY: and I in SC. I was told only 35%; a friend who is also an ex wife tells me I should of gotten half of his retirement. is this correct, and would I get his, ssi if he should pass even though he still married to wife no two .

    1. You are entitled to half of his net benefit based on service credits during the marriage compared to total service credits earned. Your friend has no idea what that is, and you should not take legal advice from her. Whatever portion of his retirement that you got was what you got. His marital status will not affect your right to claim social security benefits. When you are both of retirement age, you can collect divorced spouse benefits if they exceed your own benefits.

  135. Hello,

    I’m 35 and been married for 17 year. I love in california. We have 3 kids a 15yr old, a 7yr old and a 5yr old. I been a stay home mom for 12yrs. This yr I got myself a part time job. Now that my youngest is in full term school. My marriage been rocking for quite some time done thing we shouldn’t have done. We have nothing in come in anymore. We’ve talked about divorce and he threaten to take the kids full custody. He work full time making like $30 an hour plus over time. I make $10 an hr and I don’t even make my full 25 hrs a week. They give me no more than 10 to 20 hrs a week. I’m trying to figure how I can make it with out him and have a roof over my head and my kids..I would like to know how divorce works and benefits me and my kids.. Please help!. I have to make a decision.


  136. have been with my husband 35 years married 25 his job is about to move to Mexico and we are in divorce proceedings am I entitled to any part of the severance pay and his 401k

  137. I file divorce papers at 17 yrs 11months marriage but we are close to 20 yrs now. The judge order my husband to put me back on the Military Life Insurance but he didn’t. Something have to do with the Soldiers & Sailors Act? Is that true? He is going on 21 years in the National Guard. What am I entitled to have almost 20 years of marriage. I live in one state and he lives in another state with his girlfriend. Which adultery is against the law there. Can I get any part of his retirement from the military? I do not plan on getting married again, so can I get anything from him far as Social Security or can I go off of my late husband’s death benefits? I do have a job but I cut back on my hours so I can get the alimony. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

  138. Hey guess what? This article is 100% and nothing more than Advice to a WOMAN on how to screw your husband if not happy.
    And for those other women commenting that Indeed this IS horrible 2 thumbs up!! This is merely a: Not only divorcing the husband but a step by step guide on ‘How to Ring Him Out to Dry’ as well!
    And yeah yeah yeah we hear all the rant come backs… “Well some husbands beat their wives and so on….. NewsFlash””….
    We are NOT referencing them morons and those sad cases.. A duh?!? No, we’re talking about A regular ‘Joe’ with a wife bitter-set and Lazy!
    So for all you wanting a good ‘drama’….
    My boyfriend and I are on the run in a different country, we have 2 young children and he ‘got laid off’ from a $250,000 job… And “moved” larger retirement All in order to “save himself” from a divorce in which he got totally railroaded! He was married nearly 30 years to an angry woman who stated after there 2 kids were born II don’t like sex nor do I like you touching me and yeah don’t kiss Me either “Your a bad kisser “….. I bet a lot of you women readers think that’s alright….. it’s NOT! At least it is not ok to treat a man that way and STAY and use him! She said she’d go back to work when the 2 kids began school (21 years later) she ‘by having No more viable excuses’ stated I’m only going to get a part time job at a retail store and no more than 10 minutes from the home’. And she reminded him that asking her to work was “rotten and pathetic” Yes people these ARE verbatim (her actual words!) Said so in “divorce deposition”….
    Her reasoning…. “I shouldn’t have to work You (husband) make enough.
    Her days were craft shopping and afternoon soap operas. Anyway he wanted the divorce… they spoke he offered her a well crafted plan ( the family home -Paid off) and 60% of a huge 1 mil. + retirement oh yeah and 80k for the two years following divorce. WELL….. she lawyered up and this l awyered wouldn’t even ‘try’ to reach a settlement – court hearing ONLY…. so 4 years later here we are… she got home $260,000,4300.00 a month alimony for 10 years, and 759,000 retirement….oh yeah and 140,000 during divorce proceedings. Do the math!
    In our state 1 judge decided it All.. he appealed… “it” the amounts were “in the range” although admittedly on the “high end”. We have two children, he is in contempt in our country, everyday is strain worry and fear but he had had enough. She was mentally abusive *determined” by court psyc. And did not work for 26 years of a 27 year marriage. Sure he expected to pay something and split 50/50 all but come on being bled dry for a spouse you couldn’t get to work. She got a cash windfall for it! And so we are….. here in a foreign land… as hard as it is and this whole process has been… Worth It….

  139. My ex husband was paying medical for our two boys and was released from his work with severance for 15 months. The employer covered the medical for a few months but now has stopped. My Ex received a sizable severance and now is looking to me to pay half for medical coverage. Our agreement doesn’t stipulate any conditions for this situation. I feel he was already paying into the medical during his employment and even after termination, his severance is like his pay check and should still be responsible for this expense. I make considerably less and he’s always looking for ways to pay me less. What is your opinion on this matter?

  140. I am married to same man for 19 years we have been living in separate homes for 19 years I have reared our son alone for 18 going on 19 years, he has supported us with money only after he bitches about every penny and reminds me how broke we are. he is an alcoholic he has lied he was on life support and only reason he is here today is because of me the hell I have gone through has only been because we have a child together which is graduating this year this man has put me through hell and back. now comes the time I want out my son is done with school going to college and I want a divorce.. with that being said he has always paid the mortgage and bills yes he lied made my life hell but he paid the bills what rights if any do I have?

  141. IDevorced my ex husband after 23 years of marige for cheating on me, I met a good man and have been married for 25 years, I am now of retirement age and my new husband is only 57, can I draw off my ex husband who is now dead?

  142. I’ve been married for 17 years, and both my husband and I are retired. He is 75 and I am 65. He has several million dollars; I have $150,000 of my own plus half the house. His funds are invested in stocks with his children listed as his beneficiaries, however he is able to generate about $120,000 a year of income from his investments. We live in California. I am interested in divorce (he is abusive), and I’m wondering what I might expect in terms of spousal support. Thank you.

  143. Quick question. I live in the state of Texas and I was married for 25 years with 3 kids. In 2010 I git a divorce and around several months after my ex spouse became disabled. During our marriage he purchased disability insurance through his employer which would provide him 80% of his pay for life if he became disabled. Am I entitled to half of the proceeds and payments since this was paid with funds acquired during our marriage. He no longer pays child support because he claims he can no longer work as an engineer. However, I recently learned that he has been involved in AC business allegedly helping and volunteering his time. Please advise if I should pursue legal action to claim a portion of his disability insurance. I am trying to support 3 children on my own and have 1 heading to college in 6 months and another in 18 months. Thank you.

  144. I have been married for 8 years. January 4th I had planned on filing for a “legal separation” we will be married for 9 years in march of 2016.
    I believe we could have a very amicable breakup.
    In lieu of him moving out we have even discussed him having an apartment in the basement so that he can see our daughter daily.
    Would a “legal separation” be possible and last for a year and 3 months so that I can benefit from the 10 year marriage rule?
    Will I hurt myself by filling for a legal separation so soon?
    He is a fantastic father but just a very poor husband… in light of everything he was and is a very dear friend.. I hope it stays that way but he has also mentioned he doesn’t care about money that he will give me whatever needed to survive…. what advice do you suggest? I really do not want to consult an attorney since i do want this to stay as painless as possible… I feel as though if I mention attorney he will feel threatened.

    1. Legal separation is the same as a divorce, you just aren’t free to remarry, and it requires very similar paperwork. From what I read, the Social Security Administration considers you to be still married if you are legally separated. If you don’t use an attorney, you’ll have to work together to file all the paperwork yourselves for the legal separation.

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  146. I am being divorced by my husband of 15 years…the way it goes is we was married and at the 11 year mark divorced for two days. Now after being married 4 more years he is divorcing me. I am permently disable d and have been now for half our marriage, but from the beginning I worked making more money than him. I am asking him to settle with a very reasonable settlement, considering he makes over 200k a year. I am asking for alimony the rest of my or until remarry, which comes first. I’m asking and he refuses to pay for life…is there anything on record or by certain terms I would be able to collect as it is said, if it’s a ten year marriage. I’m not trying to get a lot just what is right to me…I have two daughters 18 and 20 pretty fresh out of high school one with a newborn baby, no jobs not that they have not tried,,.that depends on me. He knows we never really broke up when we divorced the first time, which explains why we remarried two days after the divorce, so in all it been 15 years married and 17 altogether. I was there with him in the beginning when he was making minimum wage and my unemployment, job, child support brought in much more money than he did, but I never considered this being a problem(1/2 of our years married my income was greater). Now that I’ve helped him up the ladder and he is making 200+k a year he doesn’t want to pay me for life or until I remarry? Knowing I am now on permanent disability for life and have been for 81/2 years What can I do about this? Is there any known similar cases from past history that had a positive ending, that I could use in my case?

    1. I’m sorry, but you don’t want to ask me for legal advice, since I’m not an attorney and I don’t know the laws of your state. You need to consult with an attorney who can advise you about what your state provides.

  147. I have been married for 30 years, and my husband had a stroke in April 2015. He was a sweetheart at the hospital and rehab and I would not leave his site. Now he is threating me with divorce. He is using most of the savings that were put away for emergency or home repair since he cancelled or Home owners ins. He put all those savings into an account under his name only. Always telling me he can budget the finance better then me. Sure I only make 24k a year he makes 56k. I pay for all the groceries and my expenses (my car, car insurance,my phone) along with my middle sons car insurance since he is still at the University as a student. He has always had us savings bond as well as investments in stock. He is now on loa at work, but the dr already asked him to go back to work. He is just prolonging the issue. He wants a divorce but he says not now. Please advice.

  148. I have to disagree the only thing we have is money in the bank to live on and a house. Married 47 years and we only lived together. Nothing has happened since day one he has lived in the basement and I upstairs. We don’t hate each other, we just don’t have any interest in each other. I do my own thing he does his. Its a strange way to live but thats how he wants it. We never talk or even go near each other.

  149. I married almost 5 years,but my husband want to leave me. I dont work. Im 49 years he is 37 years .he is very aggresive witn me and always said bad words to me . I have a girl of 17 years she is not his daugther. I want to know what are my rights if he leave me. Im just resident,he is citizen.

  150. @ Karen, idk about your state (my understanding is they’re all similar). As long as your married you don’t have to put your name on any mortgage, but your name must be on the deed to the home. Whatever you buy or build during your marriage is half yours. Unless you signed a prenup stating otherwise.

  151. I have been married since 1976 we separated in 2006 I am not remarried but have been diagnosed with Burgers disease and on ssd I have no health ins until sept of this year because you have to be disabile for 2 years prior to receiving medicare that covers non of my scripts so I after 12 years asked that my still husband help me with my meds but of course there was a fight so I took him to spousal support court and as soon as I did he filled for divorce which I have been asking for for years the judge still granted me support but only for 1 year cause he stated that I would have my divorse by then well its been a year in marc it is now august and still no divorce and support is done should I take him back cause now he just keep delaying the divorce asking that he be put on my ins (which I have none ) then asking for this and then that delay delay delay can I bring him back since he is being diffacult and has stated right from day one he doesn’t want a divorce BUT yet is engaged to his 3 cousin

    1. I’m sorry that we can’t give you legal advice. We are not attorneys and have no knowledge of what the laws are or how the courts work in your state. But if you need support and he is not paying, then it sounds as though you do need to take legal action to get support.

  152. Just divorced a month ago, been married 13 yrs. Found out (after the divorce) he was approved disability through social security including back pay a week before the divorce was finalized. (he’s been trying for years). We are both under 50. Would my daughter & I be entitled to any of it or should we just chalk off our losses? Thank you

    1. The one week of pay before the divorce is finalized might be marital property in your state, but it would not be cost-effective to try to get it divided at this point. The disability income is income avaialble for support and should be considered in the calculations if you are entitled to child or spousal support.

  153. if a women divorce her husband of 17 years and remarried, and the husband also remarried and soon after husband died, the first wife divorces he second husband. Is she able to get the pension of the first husband?

    1. If the divorce decree said that she was to get part of the pension, then she would. If it provided that she wouldn’t get any portion, then she won’t. If it didn’t mention the pension, she needs to contact an attorney to see if she can go after a portion of the pension as an overlooked asset.

      If you are asking about social security, she can collect surviving divorced spouse benefits on the first husband as long as she is of retirement age and not married.

  154. I am 62 years old. Recently got Spine injury-7 disc husband has mental disability retirement 2300$. We live together 9 years. Could I get some benefits from him, even minimal, or get minimum retirement. As CNA doctors don’t give permission to work. Mrs. Ginita Wall give me advise (I am US citizen) how to survive that be able to get health insurance-what I lost where get injury Hampton Oaks asistent living home with Alzhaimer patients. With respect Grazina Brown Thank You

  155. Pingback: Wall Street National | Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck call it quits after 10 years — and why that’s significant - Wall Street National

  156. my parents were married 11 years and my dad was pretty well off. His retirement account was very large. my parents decided to do mediation for their divorce. My mom agree to take very little in exchange for half of my dad’s retirement account be paid to my sister and I WHEN he retired. He continued to work and grow his retirement account for an additional 17 years after my parents divorce. My dad just retired last year and my mom passed away last year. My sister and I have not heard from my dad in years. Can we enforce the order since that is what they agreed to in the mediation. My mom lived years on almost nothing just so my sister and I could get half the account after all that compounding interest but we haven’t seen or heard anything about it since then.

  157. My boyfriend and I been living together for 18yrs and having 3 children. We have set up a Trust for the family. Now that we got separated and want the trust to stay the same. My question to you is that can the future spouse and children touch the trust? Can the future spouse sue the trust for alimony?


    1. I don’t think there’s any way that a trust would be liable for alimony, but Talk to an attorney about this. If your trust is revocable, or either of you can act alone as trustees, then he could always terminate the trust or take the money out. So you’ll need to find out what you need to do to protect the funds.

  158. Hi~~~I was married for 48 years & divorced. He died ~~am I entitled to anything he owned at the time of his death? Property, bank accounts, etc ??
    Thanks JeanS

  159. Janice Bourgeois

    I am the wife of a retired veteran, who has been cheated on for years. I have been verbally abuse as well. I am my husband’s second wife. His first wife received half of his retirement. I am working, but I still will need help to make ends meet. I have been seriously thinking about divorcing my husband. My questions is, what type of support I’m I entitled to?

  160. Alicia Barrett

    My xhusband and I were married 16 years with four children. ..I was with him his entire military career. He divorced me in 2007 and remarried 4 days later to a female soldier….in the divorce decree he was ordered to pay 40% retirement which I have not seen…..he was not ordered to pay alimony due to his child support payment lol. Judge saide he couldn’t afford it even tho I was a stay home mom the entire marriage….please help me….my children and I are reallu struggling!!!!

  161. I am an ex-wife of a military solider. My question is, can I received any benefits from his military retirement pension? We were married for nine years and nine months. We have been divorce for quite sometime. If so, what steps do I need to take to pursue this matter.

    1. The military retirement is divided in accordance with the terms of your divorce agreement. If the military retirement was not mentioned, then you may need to open the case up again to divide it. Contact an attorney for more information on how to do this.

  162. I live in the state of Alabama. I’ve been married 9 years 4 months we have one child. What am I entitled to?

  163. Hi I was wondering if I got separated in 2009 and getting a divorce now 2015 would I be entitled to alimony? He’s self employed and I was reading the divorce papers he said he was an owner for 25 years which is not true he purchased a small business a couple of years after we got married only the things inside of the
    business he rents the location will I be able to get any thing?

  164. I was married to a federal postal employee for 27 1/2 years. My attorney at the time of the divorce talked about QDRO but I didn’t fully understand one part. If I remarry before the age 54 will I still be eligible for 1/2 of his retirement when he retires? For some reason the age 55 is ringing a bell also.

  165. Hi,

    I’m living in California. My husband had an accident nine years ago, and his brain injured (HE GOT TBA). I took care of him for nine years, I was getting money from government . Now , I put my husband in a nursing home after nine years, and the government cut my salary. They told me when you don’t take care of your husband , you will never have benefits anymore. I would know what I do for this nine years? And how can I get benefit ?

  166. Hi,

    I,m living in California. My husband had an accident nine years ago, and his brain injured (HE GOT TBA). I took care of him for nine years, I was getting money from government . Now , I put my husband in a nursing home after nine years, and the government cut my salary. They told me when you don’t take care of your husband , you will never have benefits anymore. I would know what I do for this nine years? And how can I get benefit?

  167. My husband and I have been married 54 years, are 77 years old. We still have a $2000 a month payment on our house which is going up in April (we have been on an adjusted loan for 10 years!) We just lost half of our IRA dividends because the stocks did something called a reverse split, so before we were receiving about $2000 a month and now will be receiving just half that. Naturally we cannot afford the house now. That is one big problem but at least we can move out by selling or foreclosure. However, daughter and her son have lived with us for all of his 20 years (he is now a college student) but neither of them make enough money for rent somewhere else even though she is working two jobs. Her low income allows him free grants for college. On top of all this, for some reason, Medicare or my prescription supplement insurance has changed its payments for my many prescriptions and I am already in the donut hole and it’s only February. I usually don’t get in the donut hole until July or August.
    Since I am diabetic, I take two insulins, which now will cost $293 for one of them and $226 for the other every 90 days. Between the lower income, the higher mortgage payments and insulin costs, we will be totally broke. No money for food. It’s like they say, the Government wants the old people to die! My question is that I could qualify for several assistance programs for my prescriptions if I were single. Wouldn’t it be worthwhile to get a divorce even if it was only on paper just to receive help?

      1. Hi! my ex and i got married in 1996 . the marriage lasted for almost 11 years. the uncontested divorce finalist in 2007 without asking him for anything. i just signed the divorce papers and walked away. at the time i didn’t know anything about what is my legal rights since i came from an asian country. in 2009 he passed away. it happened that i am the only ex-wife that he ever had. I never remarry and still using his last name up to now. My question is…….. do i still have the rights to claim for his sss??your response appreciated..

      2. Ive been a homemaker for 9 years. I take care of our children and house as we cant afford a daycare. We have filed jointly on our taxes every year, and eveytime he puts it all in an account that I cannot touch. Is this legal that he wont let me use any of the tax money because he says “he worked for it”? I’m confused because ive looked this up and cannot find an answer. I’m in Texas

        1. I don’t know what is legal in Texas, since I’m not a Texas attorney. I’m guessing it is legal, unless you file a suit against him to collect your portion of the refund from him, if that’s even possible. You can check with an attorney to find out for sure. And in most states, he has a legal obligation to support his family, so you may have grounds for that suit.

  168. I think you just answered my question but not sure. I was married in 1971, then got legally separated in 1979 but did not divorce till 1985. Am I still eligilbe to collect on my ex’s ss? I am 63 and he is 65. Will the fact that I have been living with another man for over 30 years make anu difference?
    Thank you in advance for your help as I have recently survived a stroke and the man I am living with I think is about to leave me and I live in a state that does not recognize common law.