The Benefits of Being Married Ten Years

ten-of-heartsQuestionMy nine-year marriage has been rocky for quite some time, and my husband and I periodically talk about divorce. A friend told me I should stick it out a while longer since there are benefits to being married ten years or longer. What are those benefits?

Answer In some states, such as California, in a marriage of ten years or longer the court retains he right to order that alimony be paid to the lesser-earning spouse for as long as she needs it, if the other spouse has the ability to pay. If you do not know the rules in your state, you could unintentionally lose your right to alimony.

For instance, you and your spouse might negotiate a fixed amount of alimony for a set period. If your settlement agreement designates that the alimony is non-modifiable, the court will not retain the right to extend alimony beyond the time specified, even if your marriage was longer than ten years.

Similarly, you and your spouse may include a mutual waiver of alimony in your divorce agreement. If you waive your right to alimony, you can’t get it back, even if your marriage lasted over ten years.

A ten-year marriage is also considered to be a long-term marriage by the Social Security Administration.

If you were married for ten years of longer, you will be eligible to collect derivative Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse’s earnings record when you reach retirement age (if you aren’t married to someone else at the time).

Those derivative benefits are equal to one-half the amount your former spouse is eligible to collect, based on his earnings over his entire career, including the year after your marriage was dissolved.

If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.

Ten years is also important if your spouse is in the military and will be eligible for retirement pay. If you were married for at least ten years while he was on active duty, you will qualify for direct enforcement, which means your portion of retirement pay will be paid directly to you by the military finance office.


  1. i retired and got married years after i retired we have been married for 11 yesrs i brought my home in 1999 she want me to pay her almony and she want the house i pay for it with my retirement what do i need to know she dosent put amy money in that account

    • Bobbi Kegal says:

      Now my situation is very different. I have been on SSD (Disability from gov’t from what I earned) due to severe arthritis, severe colitis, and severe anxiety disorder. I’m actually getting my friend to type this for me. My husband retired a few months ago with NOTHING. He pooped all his severance on pay day loans, bought things he didn’t really need and also has severe arthritis in his feet, and other problems, so it’s all legal here folks. I just want to know if I have been on Disability for about 5 years and he’s been on for 1 month pulling in 1800 per month. I only get like 800! He is weak, has severe hoarding problems, spends money he does not have and barely is making the rent. I want to divorce him, but want alimony, only enough to get a small place for myself, the rest I can handle! How do I do that? If we are BOTH on Disability, the same Gov’t one, that’s so hard to get and that we both earned from working. Any suggestions?

      • If his income is $1800 and yours is $800, then it is likely you’ll be entitled to a little support But the laws differ from state to state, so see if there is someone at the courthouse who can explain the rules to you, or research them online.


          • I live in CA and am getting a divorce after 17 years of marriage.My soon to be Ex works and is 11 years older then me. She is 70 and has always worked while married to me. Do I have to pay her alimony or spousal support. While married to her I inherited several vintage cars which were willed to me by a dear friend. Do I have to give up these cars due to a divorce?. She makes about $800 per month less then me. We have no children. Thanks for your advice. She had already taken things out of the house and seems to want everything.

          • Anything you inherit belongs to you. If you used earnings to fix them up, then they may have a community interest of what you put into them. If the difference in your incomes isn’t great, then you may not owe her support even though you earn a little more than she does.

          • Felicia Walden says:

            Hello Gintama wall,
            I’ve been googling and came across this website. Hoping you can answer for me. Ok long story short as possible. In texas, my husband had a divorce …..she held on to the 10yr mark to get spousal support. 2010 he won custody of 2 boys, she moved to Florida and is a licensed PTA and able to support self. She now owes 17000 out of spite and will find anyway to be spiteful, it’s really sad. The question is can spousal support be terminated. Surely military would continue paying the rest of her life and will she be eligible for part of his ssi now that he’s married to me. She will do whatever to try to get over or any loop holes. She even helped the older son run away at 17 to live with her so she could get credit off child support till he turned 18 and then he came back home. Now she trying to get the other son to follow suit

          • The laws of each state are different, so he should consult with an attorney to see if your husband can terminate support. Once both he and she are at least 62, she can apply for divorced spouse social security benefits, which will be reduced if she begins collecting before age 62.

          • Considering my husband cheated on me repeatedly & then called everyone, from family & friends to claim that i was crazy after i caught him, you shouldn’t believe everything your now husband is telling you. Especially if he’s military/ police/ firefighter. Yeah every appealing uniform comes with a price of infidelity attached. If his children went with their mom, it’s because kids’ moms & dads are not replaceable & in a divorve feel torn. Trashing the ex-wife without knowing the whole rruth is bad karma.

          • I’m getting a divorce after 15 years of marriage I’ve been in settlement court 3 times and he keeps telling me he keeps all his things and i keep all my things he makes twice as much as i do and he told his lawyer i didn’t contribute to the house in which he had before marriage he’s not wanting to give up nothing, now my question is am i entitled to anything although that’s all i want is what I’m entitled too I’m not trying to take anything from him, but since he is not wanting to let me have any entitled things and it’s been a year another question can i have him pay my lawyer fees since he’s the cause of a outstanding balance ALL I WANT IS WHAT I’M ENTITLED TO AND SPOUSAL SUPPORT since day one that’s all I’ve asked for

          • Ask an attorney what you are entitled to under the laws of your state and what the law provides regarding attorney fees when someone behaves the way he has. The laws of each state are different.

          • Military Wife says:

            Hi Ginita,

            I live in the state of AL and have been married for 10 years to my military spouse. He has worked for the Department of Defense close to 19 years but have not retired as of yet. He did 9 years of active duty and close to 10 years of National Guard… Am I due any benefits from his retirement? Is this considered being vested?

          • Yes, I believe you are entitled to a portion of his military benefits when he retires. Talk to an attorney familiar with military pensions.

          • We are married from 11years have individual 4 kids.I am house wife he is iwner at Paradise Construction company and he had 4 houses owners at newyork.on 1st july 2017 he stabbed me try to kill me in our case police is involved he has criminal and family court cases pending against him so now he is intrusted to give divource to me and do other marriage but i dont want to get divource i want to know my rights or if he win to gave divource what are my advantages now.from 1st july 2017 he didnot pay me a peny i borrowers from long distances relatives of my sister.

          • Talk to an attorney to find out what your rights are, and what you need to do now to protect yourself.

          • Amy Dorand says:

            Go to women’s advocate resources for victims of abuse website through Google searches. You have the right to file charges with the state attorneys in United States for your cause health and well being. Physically mentally and emotionally. I hope this helps. I understand.

          • Amy Mostiler says:

            Go to women’s advocate resources for victims of abuse website through Google searches. You have the right to file charges with the state attorneys in United States for your cause health and well being. Physically mentally and emotionally. I hope this helps. I understand.

          • I have problems with not being able to reply as I should be to give citizens replies to their questions Ginita Wall

          • You women need to get a job and stop going after a mans money, sickening.?

          • Jack if a woman has supported her husband for over 34 years. Shes entitled to what they made together. Especially if HE is the one calling for divorce. By the way we have JOBS!

          • Sandra Alabama says:

            Yes I have been marry for fourteen years when we my didn’t have nothing now he make 1400 month more than me and I always worked and don’t want pay nothing so we are. Taking it too court.

          • Lisa Sharp says:

            They have just as many women work as men You can’t speak for all Women we equal they got women Take care of a man because he dumb get hurt who think keeps working.Everyone has a story us women are trying to find out information not making stupid comments

          • Jack, I was married to a man for 10 years. I literally made his salary double with my business skills. I became very sick from a tick bite and nearly died. I now have several complications from the bite. The main one being psoriatic rhuemotoi arthritis. Jack I put my heart, love and hard work into his business. When I became ill he started to cheat on me. He came home one afternoon and told me he wanted a divorce and I no longer have a job. My life has been shattered and after all he has done to me I still love him. You see Jack we all have a different situation. Not all women just sit am on their butts and want money. I do feel as though asking for spousal support is appropriate in certain situations. Life is hard. Well are not all money hungry lazy women but I Do believe some of us are entitled to help while were get back on our feet.

          • Dear Cathy,
            I see that no one took the time to answer your questions here at Even though it’s been some time since you posted your inquiries I just had to stop and say that I find this rude and unprofessional. I’d be very interested to know the reason why your question was “overlooked.” However, from the replies I’ve read here it seems you would have been told to consult an attorney specializing in divorce. I sincerely hope you found someone or someplace able to give you the assistance/information you needed and everything has worked out well for you. I pray the streets are no longer your home. Take care and God Bless.

          • Joy Albers says:

            Very nice of you to be concerned.. And it does seem unprofessional without sounding harsh, it’s very hard to understand her situation, based on the grammar.

          • Hope all is well and she found the help just Because some does not write correctly don’t ignore or put them down what if it’s the husband fault by abuse

          • Michelle says:

            You cannot collect SSI benefits, only SSD benefits. You also must be married for 10 years, the 36 years don’t count.

          • I’m sorry hun have u found any help I’m no pro but willing to help unlike the people who run this I believe u was overlooked or ignored due to ur spelling how wrong to mistreat ld people

        • Yesenia says:

          I have been married for 9 years in Sept I will be married for 10 years but I have never changed my maiden name and my husband and I got a house a few months ago bit it’s not under my name so what can happen to me in this case.

          • You are entitled to use your maiden name, and you and he can take title in one name, or both. You have chosen to take title in his name alone. If that isn’t what you want, then you and he will need to file a deed transferring title to the two of you jointly.

      • Please help me I just wrote u a 3 page reply gone don’t know what just happened. I need ur knowledge please. May God bless you and my god can I relate to what you are going through and the pain u endure every second of ur like. Please email me so we can talk. I need to get permanent lifetime alimony. Wss told bu one lawyer I can. My current lawyer im nt sure known all laws on this. I look forward to speaking with you and helping u with anything I can. Ty reneice

      • My husband of nearly ten years, although we lived together for five years before that has become a verbally abusive terrible man hat ridicules me on all occasions, threatens me not to start with him, or “get him started”. I was in graduate school when we met but began having seizures then a life threatening back disability, although I think I would like o try a part time job as I will finish my master’s after I am rid of him, He laughs at me and says, “Have fun in the poor house”, and we have autistic twins that belong in our home with me. I want him to have al the visitation the law allows and some holidays and his input on everything but my life.
        The problem is I live In WA. state which is NOT a financially great state after divorce for a woman. By the way,, he ears over 200 K a year.
        He never wanted me to work as my salary he did not feel warranted me having too with this back and leg disability which I never applied for since he is so wealthy. Should I now.

        Please tell me what to do next. I made or will the ten year mark of marriage but not more than that. He just wants a fight and I want it to be calm for the boys and us. But this state just recognizes a “breakdown of marriage” and does not care that he verbally abuses me or never ever ever wants sex for years, nothing. I want to know what to do to get the most for as long as I can since I made our life together.

        • Your next step is to talk to an attorney who can advise you about your rights in Washington. And a therapist who can help you make the decision of whether to stay or go.

        • Go to see an attorney to find out your rights, and a therapist to help you figure out what to do.

          • Ursula l Dixon says:

            Me &my husband been married for 14 yrs he want a divorce but he got four kids own me why we was together I move I want to know I am able for alimony no separate papers at all I just left could take it plus the women emotional distress to

          • The laws of each state are different. Please consult an attorney familiar with how alimony works in your state.

          • My husband left me and we are liveinh seperate but he wont divorce me.
            I am a cancer patient on disabilty now i have been told that i am entiled to some of his pay how do i do this

          • You are not entitled to some of his pay, but you may be entitled to alimony based on his earnings. Talk to a divorce attorney about what the laws regarding alimony are in your state. If he won’t pay you voluntarily, you may need to get a support order through the courts, so you will need to file for divorce or legal separation to get legal standing in the courts.

          • Hello i was divorce in March 2009, I have discovered that my ex spouse who was in the military but has retired did not include the agreement for monetary support. I have a letter signed by him and notarized that he agreed to give me 700.00 a month for the rest of my life, the letter states even if I am remarried, my ex husband gave me 600.00 a month instead of 700 for the last 9 years but recently said he would stop giving anything as he has remarried. My ex-husband forced me to give up my entitlement to any part of his retirement, because I was wanted for a crime and he told me if I didn’t sign he would take me to the police. He did the exact same regarding the divorce, I had no money to seek any advice of an attorney. I have cancer, I do not work and I barely make it while he just purchased a new house for his new wife, he works at Kimberly Clark and gets his full retirement check with exception of the 600. he has on an allotment that goes into an account with his name on it, that he refuses to remove. If I change my bank account I have to rely on him to do it, I literally have no access to anything. I spoke to him recently and he told me he did leave it out of the divorce petition intentionally and that the notarized document that he signed 9 years ago is nothing and it’s nothing I can do??

          • I don’t know whether your notarized document is legal or not. The worst person to take legal advice from is your ex-spouse, so if possible you should consult a qualified attorney who knows the law. If he had a pension that was not included in the divorce agreement, you may be able to take legal action to open the divorce case again and have that omitted asset divided.

        • Delories Mixon says:

          All of the SS is federal dear. You have no need to worry about how much you earned or how many times your ex has been married. The key number is 10. When you have been married to one single man for at least 10 years you are entitled to 50% of his lifetime wages divided in monthly rates. If another person comes along and is married to the same person for 10 years it doesn’t affect you one way or the other.. The only thing you should concern yourself with is when you began to collect the social security income. The earliest a spouse can collect is age 62. Now if you collect at age 62 you will only collect 70% of 50% if you began at age 63 it will be 80% of 50 % If you collect at age 64 it will be 90 % of 50 % and finally if you start collecting your spouses SSI you will collect the full 50 % of your spouse/exspouse’s Social Security Income retirement check. in any state. This is a federal program. Now divorce and estate is another matter which is in the states hands…I know very little about this.

          • Those percentages are off a little, but the gist of this reply is valid.

          • Paula Morgan says:

            Please help me, I’m so upset I am out of mind with worry!!! I became disabled Dec. 2012 with stiff person syndrome, and recently told I more than likely have Rhemetory Arthritis as well! But raise our babies at home till school took them from me. Then I worked. I currently am 53 yes old. My beloved spouse of 30 yes of marriage passed 7/8/16 Our marriage was soul mates eternal love, he was receiving ssi and disability with I gather the papers and he got both because I was thorough, but ssi told me I only would get 800 to 900 in widow benefits because mine trumped his because mine was first. I feel since he was the main source of income in our married life I should get to choose between his our mine and ssi said no!!! I live in Texas and their stories constantly chance they I’ve been up there 10 times, called 16 times and I get more by than I’ve gotten in money. Can you help everything they have different story’s and get tired of feeling like they are lying to me all the time. He true was my dream come true I wonder how much more I can take sometimes my bank said my checks where no jt being deposited either, please let me know what is true. Mine I have very expensive mess. My monthly ivig is 12,000. My illness is so rare I could wake up paralyzed any day!!!

          • Paula Morgan says:

            I’m also a airforce born babu. My husband was army and a sp5 prior to leaving the military can any of this help me at all!!!

          • If he was receiving a military pension and named you as beneficiary under the SBP coverage, then you are entitled to survivor benefits.

          • You can collect reduced widow’s retirement benefits at age 60, but it sounds as though the payments you are getting under the disability program are greater than those reduced benefits.

          • Does he have to be on SSI, what if I’m on SSI? Would I be able to collect? Does age matter?

            Thanks in advance for your response.


          • I’m not sure what the question is, and I must admit I’m not an expert on Supplemental Security Income (SSI) which is paid to low-income people to supplement their income.

          • My issue is similar but different. I met my husband in 1998, in 2000 bought my own home. in 2001 he asked me to get rid of my home and move in with him. I put all my belongings in storage and me and my 3 boys moved in. I paid all bills while living with him until 2008. We separated for two years and then in 2010 he asked me to marry. We are married now and live in a home he had build out of his IRA. The day we married we moved into it. Now we are selling it to down size. When we married he knew I was on SSD and received only 800 a month. He refuses to put my name on the next house (not on this one either). He is 17 years older (70) and I am 52, and have seeked legal counsel concerning his finances as my name is not on ANYTHING, including the checking account. His health is beginning to fail and I’m at a loss of what my rights are even though we have been together since 1998 but only married since 2010. PLEASE HELP!!! The one attorney I spoke to state “your screwed”…….. I need more than that…. confused in Texas.

          • Consult with another attorney, preferably one who has a vocabulary of more than two words.

          • Connie Kraft says:

            My husband and I have been married for little over 11 years . The home we sold last year was in my name online my husband purchased a condo in his name only through the long although I had to sign approximately 20-25 pages. The loan is in his name I’m not sure if the deed is in my name or not but anyway we’re in the process of selling the condo to buy a bigger condo we can make $10,000 equity in the process of selling a condo a dispute came up and now we’re talking separation what am I allowed before as far as getting my share. Also he is retired military he will be drawing military retirement October 2017 will I be eligible to receive anything from this? Also he is drawing Social Security disability. I am not trying to hammer him and getting anything but I do not want to walk out empty-handed I sold a beautiful home that I bought prior to be married to him and sold it for him to live in another town. I am filing for divorce for alienation of affection I have a try to work my marriage out, twice on two different occasions seperating but to me prevail he’s not changed. Please help me with something. Thanks

          • You’ll need to consult with an attorney familiar with the laws of your state to find out what you are entitled to.

          • lori wilkinson says:

            Been married since Nov2003 What if any am entitle to.He got house2 yrs ago my name is on titled but he paid with his401 am I entitled to any state tx

          • lori wilkinson says:

            No children involved

          • lori wilkinson says:

            Took care of him thru cancer 2yrs now he wants out after I tried to commit suicide been thru hell and back with him he was a drunk and mentally abused me

          • You will need to talk to an attorney familiar with the laws of your state to see what you are entitled to.

          • If husband is getting remarried and we have two children together if he has anything will we be entitled to any of his ownings? We’ve been married 11 years

          • You are entitled to whatever your divorce agreement specified

          • If a greedy gal marries me, then waits the magic 10 years, she can be awarded 50% of my VA Disability Compensation which would be $1,500 a month for her, and my Social security is $954 a month so she would get another $477 a month. Total: Almost $2,000 a month for the rest of her life if she doesn’t re-marry.

            There are thousands of greedy women who have only one thing on their minds: What guy has $$$$ and how much can I get from him at the 10th year.

          • I see from your post that your point of view will keep you from every marrying again. What a shame, especially since it doesn’t appear that you have all your facts straight. But of course, your opinion is your opinion, and it is unlikely that I could respond in any way that would shift it. Nonetheless, I wish you a happy life, no matter what the future holds for you.

          • Sandy zolman says:

            i Was married to man 18 years and was nagged by this man quit work. The last ten year I was a stay at home wife. He was 10 years younger. He left after 18 years and now I qualify for nothing. Age should not matter but is does.

        • Zora-

          Sounds like a ‘breakdown of marriage” as you say is necessary for divorce. If you divorce him, you will get about 6% of his income for the children. (If you are going to be the main custodian)

          This means, that money pays for the children’s needs. Roof over their heads, childcare if needed (tho you don’t work so) food, clothes, insurance etc… He will need to pay half.

          Add up the bills– If you aren’t going to work outside the home, then the money will need to pay you as well for childcare–1/2 the cost.

          Courts aren’t going to care about what you ‘tried to do” what opportunities you gave up, that he didn’t want you to work, yada yada.

          He will be responsible to 1/2 the cost of taking care of the children. And if you are going to be the caretaker, and custodian, he will be responsible for 1/2 that cost as well.

        • Melissa says:

          You can get alimony in Washington after 10 years marriage, but not after just 9 years or even 9 years 11 months. There is a 90 day waiting period for the divorce to finalize so you can file the papers 9 years and 9 months in and still be considered married for 10 years. You may need to fight for it, but if you are not working or you make considerably less than your spouse, then after 10 years you are entitled to alimony. I was married for 10 years, 2 1/2 months. We had 3 children together. Due to his career being a traveling one and mine being the opposite, I had stopped working shortly after our marriage so that we could have children. We lived in Washington when we divorced and filed our papers at the Superior Court in our county. In the divorce, he was ordered to pay child support for each child until they are 18 years old and alimony to me for life or until I remarry. The alimony ordered was a little over 16% of his gross wage and does not vary if his income goes up or down. The child support is also based on his wage, but can be raised if his income increases. He was agreeable to all of this and only met with an attorney a couple times to make sure he was not getting screwed. If your husband is not so agreeable and hires an attorney to fight against alimony, then you will need to get a good attorney to fight for you. Good news is that if he is the sole income earner, he will have to pay his attorney fees and yours.

          • Donna flowers says:

            10 years being married to a man in the Army of his 20 years and she get remarried is she still require to receive money from him.

          • I’m not sure what your concern is. What money is she required to receive from him?

          • Veronica says:

            No Donna. If she remarried she gets nothing. If she doesn’t remarry she gets a portion of his retirement as long as they’re married 10 years and of those 10 years he served in the military. For example ,if they married when he was already in the military, let’s say at year 15 of service, and they stayed married 10 years, that only puts her as being married during 5 years of his 20 years of service. She doesn’t qualify for a portion of his retirement. It’s the 10/10/10 rule. And doesn’t qualify if she remarried.

          • Sallie McLean says:

            What if the wife had been married to the military spouse for ten years and he divorced her and remarried someone else? Then some years later she remarried, is she still entitled to a portion of his pension?

          • If you were awarded part of the pension and you filed the necessary paperwork with the military, then you will receive a portion of his pension.

          • Sharon Allison-Dunklee says:

            I believe in helping women from a long-term marriage transition, but I hear all the time that the woman wants or the attorney is trying to get the woman “what she is accustomed” to. That’s insane. Two divided by Two CANNOT EQUAL TWO. I married a man that was married 32 years. He lost two major clients 6 months previous to our marriage which totaled $18,000/month. His alimony was set at $8000/month and she keeps wanting MORE and to ADD THE YEARS ON. We went from $200,000.00/year Gross to NEGATIVE $56,000.00 trying to meet this INSANE number. Meanwhile she galavants around visiting all her children. The STRESS of it finally EVOLVED in GIVING MY HUSBAND KIDNEY DISEASE from the STRESS/HYPERTENSION.

      • Bobby Kegel: He gets much more SS Disability income because he paid in more. It’s a percentage. He either made more money, or paid in much longer.

        If you are entitled to alimony- then he would pay you $100.00 per month. Allow me to explain. His standard of living is $1,800.00. You are asking for him to pay you an amount that would be 1/2 his standard of living.

        That’s $900.00.. His ‘income” and your “income” — they look at your standard of living, and bump you up to 1/2 of his. He does not have to give you 1/2 of his WHOLE standard of living, because he earned it. If you are asking for alimony, then they will most likely see that you are entitled to be 1/2 of what he is bringing in. Then they will minus your disability.

        Disability is usually lower than retired Social security. You say he ‘retired” a month ago–but you collect disability. You can most likely get $100 per month

      • women have to much power over men. Did the spouse go to war and get shot at? no, she stayed home and watched tv and ate pizza all day. how does that justify giving her support for x number of years? the legal system in usa is totally wrong. everything is for the women, not the man, even if the women beat the man everyday before work, breaks all his stuff, shreds his military records, all because she is upset. is that fair that support should be paid to someone like that? GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND GET A JOB, STOP SKEEMING OF WAYS TO GET OVER ON A MEN. STOP BEING LAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • I agree!! and I’m a women. AMEN to that.!! I worked all my life I’m a women I’m raising my kids too. I married a drunk and he got half my divorce. I don’t respect anybody man or woman who wants a free frigging ride. It’s not right. You get off your ass and work for it too.Amen. I see it all the time.My girlfriends taking there ex husbands 401k while they could of been out there working and contribute to the 401k also. I work 40 to 50 hours and save in 401 k and raise children.i don’t get free handouts.lazy bitches. Get a job.

        • Bitter much? I am sorry that your marriage didn’t work out. Go to therapy to help you but women and men BOTH make sacrifices to be married. When that’s over, it’s time to separate and divvy up the assets fairly. If you get a lawyer, it will be fair. Stay at home wives DO work for their husbands. They are housekeepers, bookkeepers, chauffeurs, personal assistants, therapists, advisors and confidants. When the marriage breaks down, it essentially dissolves their contracts. Severance pay is usually given with the dissolving of any major contract.

          • Could of not said it any better !! A woman’s work is never done ….!! well most women anyway.! ?

          • Brenda Osorio says:

            Ok I divorce this guy I was married to him for 26years he had a house from Daddy well he never really work to much so we made a loan on the house so he put my name on the deed now it’s been 24 years later my name is still on the deed but now he wants the house bach what are my rights do I have a led to stand on do I need a lawyer

          • In many states a property that is in both names is considered to belong to both of you, though he made have a separate property claim against it. Talk to an attorney about this to find out how that works in your state.

          • Oh how I wish that was true. 30 years of marriage. Both of us have bad physical difficulties. In fact only difference he had small stroke cause he would not take his blood pressure medicine. No lingering disabilities. He did work some outside home but not last 20 years. He washes dishes and does laundry but not more. I work 50 hours a week, pay all the bills, do the shopping, do all of the heavy cleaning, make all dr. appt. , do all the driving, do all the cooking and manage all if the finances. For this I take crap everyday. So not always the one staying home doing most of the work at home.

        • No some men beat the shit out of there wives, cheat on them, and really it didn’t compare to the verbal abuse.But every time I brought up leaving cause of a the fraud he was doing he would pull a fake suicide attempt so I wouldn’t. Til the day he attacked me strangling me and slamming me against the car window with my two little girls crying daddy stop. We had cops waiting at home for him people called on the road. He went to crisis X5 Gets out his phone is going crazy he says tell this girl stop calling me. I’m sure you know how it goes. Yup seems mental hospital groups are the new pick up place wow. I told him get out!! And my life from there would never be the same . His promise for he’ll was a understatement. Six months goes we got divorced constantly rude. Then he got ssdi my girls are worth money. So now I have some new friends child services and as soon as the case closes he calls another. And if he can find a reason to call the cops there at my door. But soon 2009 my worse nightmare I find my special needs son about to sexually abuse my daughter a sight I will never get out. OMG the monster gets my kids. Well fast forward five years those three girls are abused physicrlly and mentally and he has ruined me financially and emotiohally he told everyone I gave them up for drugs and more screwed me out of 40k of our divorce but got 12k judgemynt put on me so my ssdi back pay he gets it all. And I found out I have a 33,804.88 hospital judgement on me from him picking up girls. And I sit bedriidden with multiple sclerocis. So sorry men aren’t perfect either.Either are women just don’t judge!!

        • Elia Maciel says:

          I am a woman and I’m with you, the system in USA is wrong!! Where is the freedom?

          • I was married to a military man for over 10 years and let me tell you, I followed him around to places you’d probably never imagine living at. What have I ended up with after 10 years? Nothing! I put my carrier on the hold but we placed his number one so yes this made him the sole provider but at the price of my own carrier, he cheated on me several times, wouldn’t go to counseling but always kept promising he’ll change, he’ll figure something out and I believed him because I wanted it to be so. I loved him. He lied to me and went ahead and spent large sums of money behind my back, I was the recipient of his verbal and emotional abuse. He only pushed me around a few times and punched walls but never hit me. So it never came to physical abuse but only because I repeatedly told him if he touches me with even a finger I go to his platoon sergeant or his senior. Because he knew I was serious and his carrier was number one for him that held him back from physical abuse (this is about the brightest part).
            He left me several times throughout the years than cried himself back to me promising me all the stars and the moon and yes, I believed him. I know now I shouldn’t have, but hind sight is 20-20. So yes, I do feel entitled to half his retirement fund and some! Because I am here over 40, with no carrier , $600 in the bank and an old car that keeps breaking down.
            While he’s living the life with his new girlfriend (who will get just as screwed over as I was with time- I have no doubt about it. Feel sorry for her too.) and I’m inches away from homelessness…and I assure you, I am not exaggerating and I could go on and on!

        • Shallowhoresuccubuses says:

          Yeah I have to say this article disgusts me and is wrong on so many levels. Here I am in a rocky 7 year marriage looking to see if divorce is an answer I should result to or stick thru it and work at tryING to get it better. Now I see the laws are raking the males at the ten year mark I either have a time limit to work at the marriage and if it’s still hard to judge if we are going to be happy the next ten years I shall have to now make a more quicker desicion for the happiness of my family to avoid getting a penalty on one side of the gender when both genders have same time grief and efforts invested.

        • Hi. I was divorced in 1996 after 12+ years of marriage. Based on my research I am likely eligible to receive 1/2 of his military retirement benefits and 1/2 of his Social Security benefits (Once we reach retirement age) . How do I find out if he has retired from active duty? If he joined the Reserves after serving on active duty, is the money he earned part of what I’d be entitled to? I am 54. He is 57. Thank you for any help you can provide.

        • Actually in CA whoever earns more money is the one who ends up paying alimony. Doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman

      • Susiesunshyne Y.W.Welch says:

        I live in Louisville,KY., Is there a statue of limitations, my husband and I was together for 21yrs.,but only married for 10yrs. Married in 1983, we divorced in 1994. I’ve been, disabled, due to him since then. Am I eligible for a share of his income? He still lives large.

        • If your divorce agreement provided for you to receive support, then you are eligible to receive it. If the agreement did not provide for support at that time, but said that the support issue could be reconsidered in the future, then you can request support now. If the agreement said that neither of you would ever get support from the other, then you cannot.

      • My gosh, honey, reading this sounded exactly what I would have wrote! Have you found out any facts about your wonderfully asked questions?

      • Elizabeth says:

        GET A JOB!! I know people with Cancer who work. I know people with Lupus + Macular Degeneration and Diabetes who work, have raised a family and head up a Chapter on fighting Lupus. It just seems that wives who stopped working divorce someone and then take their former husband for a ride in California. I’ve worked since I was 16. I went to College, and had work breaks, but I fund people who cane the system, and they are White U.S. Citizens, not Hispanic residents!!

        • be respectful! the woman is seriously I’ll!!! you go at her like a Sherman tank! ? Help don’t Henderson!!! how did your comment ever get loose in here?

          • that’s help don’t hender! you catch my drift! very rude to talk to an I’ll person like you did!

    • i received a social security settlement and it was deposited in me and my wifes joint checking account. she took half after we had separated but were not legally divorced. is this legal? Can she do this?

    • my dad left his assets to me. but he got remarried for 10 years. and passed away. is there a law if married for 10 years that she gets the assets.

    • linda hollingsworth says:

      my husband wants a legal separation . if I am disable can he take the house.

      • You should consult an attorney who can advise you on what your state laws allow regarding property division. If the house was acquired by both of you during the marriage, he may be able to buy you out of your share of the house, or vice versa. Otherwise, the house would be sold.

    • Hi, my mom has been married to my dad for over 45 years. Should he pass, and her name is on the house’s title, would the house go automatically to her or do we need to go through probate court? We are in Virginia.

      • If she holds title in her name alone, then it will not be a part of his estate. If she holds title in joint tenancy with right of survivorship, it will go to her by virtue of how the title is held and shouldn’t have to pass through probate. If she holds it jointly with him in some other form, it may need to go through probate, though your state may have a simplified probate procedure for successor spouses.

    • Wow, I’m a single guy who is 51 and I somehow landed on this blog. This topic strikes a major nerve in me. First things first, is your readership made up of a bunch o illiterate individuals? Their writing is absolutely horrendous.
      Dismiss all the women asking questions about getting their fair share whom have kids with their soon to be ex spouses. That leaves the rest. Then break those down to the women trying to get to the ten year mark, what a joke. The men in these situations were the idiots for not protecting themselves with a prenup. I laugh now when people ask me if I’m ever getting married! That window closed when my mom died as I would have done it because it was one of her last wishes in life to see. Great reading for 5 minutes, or maybe not. Consider giving some of your proceeds from this site to a non=profit to teach some of these women how to write! And thanks again for reminding how vindictive women can get when love turns south, after ony 10 sorry years!!


  2. I only earn about 900.00 a month. I have Fibro. Can I get alimony 4 life and how do I do this?

    • Alimony is in accordance with the laws of your state, so consult with an attorney to find out how it works in your state and the procedure for securing it. In some jurisdictions, there is a facilitator at the courthouse who can help you with the paperwork.

    • Johnny Cage says:

      We got it you have fibro. that sucks. But instead of looking for your ex to pay you alimony for the rest of your life how about you grow up stop feeling sorry for yourself and try and find a job that pays more than 900 a month and try and take care of your own self. Stop looking for free hand outs from some poor guy that’s working hard for HIS money

      • of course this is coming from a man AKA Johnny!! Funny you would reply with your comments when you don’t even know the entire situation… You assume that her 900.00 comes from a job and you obviously know nothing about fibro… you idiot!!! You must be a resentful, scorned ex husband whose wife took him for everything. If this is the case… Good for her with your attitude!!!

        Kandy, depending on which state you live in and their laws you could possibly receive alimony for life with a disability such as yours. It’s definitely worth looking into.

        • S Anderson says:

          I agree with Mr. Cage. So she begged some doc to put her on disability, I’m guessing? Fibromyalgia is often secret code for “I hurt all over because I don’t like myself and I want attention.” Many health professionals doubt its very existence. The overwhelming incidence in females and attendant cross-comorbidities with mental illness is very curious, indeed. Nonetheless, perhaps she wouldn’t be so emboldened to whine to the thousands of Americans actually WORKING with far worse disabilities. If she can fix a meal and watch T.V. there’s probably a sedentary job she can perform and at least try to be a somewhat productive member of society. She can obviously work a computer keyboard quite well as evidenced from this thread. In case she missed the memo, lots of folks make a living working the keyboard these days. (you know, that Internet thing that Al Gore invented). But maybe I’m just a tad bit too optimistic. I can’t verify it, but I’m fairly certain even Apple founder Steve Jobs worked with terminal pancreatic cancer. I’m sure there’s something about her case or genetic makeup that’s “special,” of course.

          Instead of selling herself short, however, perhaps this individual should get the help she really needs (other than a handout from the ex) and get back into the work force, or at least some type of vocational rehab/retraining. No matter how bad this person’s situation, I will bet lots of $$$ that I can give you an example of someone who has it worse that is actually trying to be part of the SOLUTION and working. Instead of devoting so much time trying to plot the ex into financial ruin (which must take an incredible amount of negative energy), why not stop working the system so hard and, actually, well…WORK for real? By the way, not all of us are disgruntled men who got taken to the cleaners. I’m a male and took my ex to task quite well (thank you very much) because I was keen enough to pick up on her nearly perfectly executed plot ahead of time and was VERY patient with a broken family court system.

          One of my life’s goals is getting the word out to other men about these gold diggers and their strategic divorce planning almost from the moment they say “I do.” Cases like this tie up the legal system for years and are now, quite properly, an epidemic. They should make us, collectively, nauseated. I’ve talked to a lot of men about their divorces, and none of them spoke to me about plotting for financial gain during the process. For some reason, women seem to be particularly clever at this game-but the game is changing and men are learning. Ladies, please put away your aprons: it’s no longer the 1950’s. You’re equal. I know that. Thousands of successful AND disabled women also know that. Do you?

          Would love your feedback.

          P.S. I’d write more, but this disabled writer needs to go to work in the morning.

          • Brattney Spires says:

            Excellent reply. I am a MOM of 3 adult kids, whose husband died while they were teenagers. I got virtually nothing from Soc. Sec. for them, $86 a month each. No insurance, no savings or investments. Nothing. I was on my own with 3 dependents. I didn’t have time to whine or have a pity party. I went to work. I worked as a truck driver because that’s what I could get to earn what i needed to support my family. I heard many derogatory remarks from male drivers, and I heard many of them complain about their wives, or that they had to pay child support. It was hard work, and I was alone. And I missed my kids. But we kept the bills paid & food on the table. I was proud of my family. What we did, we did without a handout.

            Now I am married to a man who must pay lifetime alimony to a woman with whom he had no children. His ex had multiple affairs during their marriage, and is on disability. She had hip replacement surgery (shouldn’t that have FIXED the problem?). She lives with a boyfriend,and drives all over the country side to visit friends & family, go on excursions with her boyfriend, etc. She also spends many hours on the computer every day, so she COULD hold a job. In fact, the way she harasses my husband, we think she would make an excellent bill collector.

            Beyond all of this, she has implied that I should be helping to pay her alimony. In fact, although I don’t like it, my income is used to help pay, otherwise, she wouldn’t get it. I had nothing to do with her failed marriage. I didn’t even meet my husband until after they had divorced. So why am I liable for her alimony? Why is either of us indebted to her? This is wrong!

            She refused to even try to work while they were together. Now, she feels like it’s owed to her.I am so disgusted by all of this, I can’t see straight!

          • Tropicalparadise says:

            S Anderson
            For your information, it is not equal.
            Men still make more doing the same job as women.
            Women are expected to take care of the house plus work.
            You men are the complainers.
            No big surprise I’m not a man, pointing it out does not mean
            You are intelligent.

          • I totally agree. My boyfriend is going through a divorce and his wife had her previous employer who happens to be her doctor state she is totally disabled. She has been terminated after 19 years of employment and SSD is pending. Highly unlikely she will receive SSD because she is asble body and not totally disabled. She has exaggerated her symptoms. He now has to pay alimony until trial. She is lazy.

          • You ignoramus, arrogant, full of yourself, self made S.O.B. Do you know anything about Fibromyalgia and how it can affect one’s entire body? Widespread body pain….that means one hurts all over! One can hurt from the top of one’s head to the bottoms of one’s feet! How do I know? Because I have had it since 1994. Along with it, I also have arthritis, bursitis, costocondritis, degenerative disks from my neck, and my whole spine! I could add so many more issues of pain, but I won’t, that is a good start. My DIL told me to “get over it”, and she is a registered nurse who will go to bed with a headache! No! I have not worked since 1996. 100% disabled. That includes the “mental state”. At the time I was 50 years old, almost unheard of to get on disability. Also, it can be hereditary. I have a first Cousin who was accepted for disability a month after seeing her Dr. We are not sure how many other family members may have had fibro, they are deceased. I was far from being a lazy woman, am not lazy now, just have to pace my activities, which bothers me greatly at times, because I miss “Me”! I miss so much of my “normal” life, but have accepted a great deal because I have no choice. Read about fibro, inform yourself, and pray to God you, your child, or anyone you know is not diagnosed with this. Yes! there are worse things to have, I pray God only gives me what I can bear.

          • Susan Powell says:

            Hi Fibromite, I agree I also have fibro, ddd, djd, osteo, rheumatoid, and a pinched nerve. I had since my early twenties. I am now in my early fifties. I wish people could really experience what I have gone thru in my life. All to be so called normal. I am still pushing to survive, to happy and productive when allowed. God is good

          • Patty Longoria says:

            I have Fibrmyalgia and it really hurts when it is acting up. You spend one day with a flare up and most men will call in sick. It is usually caused by continued abuse. Hmmm, wonder who would have done that. I am stuck in an emotionally and physically divorce because I can’t go to work in my medical condition. Believe me when I can leave my husband who sounds just like you I am out. I’m out because all the crap ha has done to me killed all the love I had for him. I don’t want anything from him even though I am entitled to a lot.

          • Elizabeth Barr says:


        • Concerned Person says:

          Ms. LLruss,

          Make hay while the sun shines… right?

          Hope you have a son as a child. And hope he gets a bad wife.

          Let’s talk then.

          • Amen. I have fiber too and bursitis in both hips and a bad si joint and I work on the line in a factory every day and it’s living hell. I’m turning 50 next year. 10 more years and retire .if I can walk

      • Bridgette says:

        Your an ignorant idiot. I’d like to say that to you when you gave someone their children (their only lasting legacy), dropped out of the workforce so you could cook dinner, do laundry and take care of everyone else.
        . Women who have dropped out of the workforce, can not usually go back after 10 years and make a livable wage. Suck it up loser. You didn’t mind when she cooked, cleaned, gave you sex and put up with most likely horrible in laws. You should have stayed single, been lonely and taken care of yourself!

        • Entitlement mentality at its worst. FYI, I brought home the bacon, cooked it, did the dishes, and then the laundry, raised a child while She was off in her own internet world, spending thousands on crap… and then she met a fella. Im still paying her way 3 years later, and living in the same house. shoot me now! By the time I actually recieve a decree, I will be ruined in every way. But thats okay, because I am an evil producer of honest goods and or sevices, and was horribly responsible. Got exactly what I deserve. This country is cooked a dozen diferent ways, this is just one of them. Lets give the people who should be run out of town, more rights than the people who make the town run.

        • Yet another excellent reason to despise perpetually scheming and conniving American “women.” Keep in mind how hard women try to get custody in order to receive child support and avoid paying it. ALL females are whiny bums who believe they are automatically “entitled” to steal anything a man has worked his entire life to accumulate. I have learned that ALL females are pathological liars, therefore I do not hire attorneys, I employ “other professionals” to take care of business…

          • John Adams, I feel sorry for you. Not all women are not the same and I worked and supported our 3 children while my husband was out of work after he left the Military (honorable discharged of course). I don’t need a man to support me as I can do that for myself. Most men who are mistreated, know what kind of women they were getting involved with anyway just blindsided by her beauty/body. A lot of you get what you deserve. You can tell a gold digger, she won’t hide it. Guys should be more careful in the women they choose instead of always blaming the woman for taking everything you have, blame yourself for getting involved with such a person.


          • Seek legal help immediately to see what your options are under the laws of your state.

          • Concerned Person says:


            Do you have a son? Please try to keep him away from beauty/body. Else your opinion might change

          • Tavo the Wise says:

            Not all Women are bad people. some woman actually need the extra help. the prase above kinda comes out offensive because the wife is staying with him til its a Ten year marrige just for the sake of her getting money. some wifes need the extra dough but remember that not all woman are the same. some will just sit it out to get extra money to goof off or get back at the Ex Husband. please keep these things in mind while you comment to eachother, John. not all woman are seeking money to be “Female Dogs” some just need it to get their life back together, and as for the other people offending Johny boy um… he has probably had a bad past D: so please stop the hate and let the Legal process flow through you.

          • Mr. Adams……who believes there’s excellent reason to despise perpetually scheming and conniving “American” “women.” who work hard to get custody to receive support and avoid paying it. “ALL females” are whiny bums who believe they are automatically “entitled” to “STEAL” anything a man has worked his entire life to accumulate, you’ve “learned” ALL females are pathological liars.

            You lack many things on to many levels, that I know with excellent reason. You are not a man who likes women, clearly you have no appreciation for females in general and I highly doubt you’ve ever had or will have a successful relationship with a female or woman. When a man and woman enter into a marital relationship, to live as husband and wife under the covenant of marriage, she has every right to believe she’s automatically “entitled” and believe in the laws in place to protect her share of community interest she is legally entitled to by law, she cannot “STEAL” what is half hers by law and everything he’s worked for his entire life he offered to her and gave of himself freely and invested in his marital relationship and when a woman stands to protect her interest she expects to receive what she is legally entitled to, nothing more, nothing less and he has no ground to stand on nor does he have the right to challenge her because he’s bitter and scorned!

          • John Adams

            Your head so far up your ass you missed the fact that your mother is women! I bet your mothers proud. As a mother of 3 and a soon to be rid husband of 10 babysitting years would like to inform shit like you that behind every “hard working man” is a women that has over 20+ thankless unpaying jobs as a miracle life giving oven,diaper rash preventer,lactating cow,cleaninglady,chef,nanny,teacher,medic,safetyinstructor,laudramate,organizer,driver,banker,accountant,financial planner,life coach,decorator,party planner,therapist/physiologist,problem solver,waste disposal,grocery store attendant,play date/afterschool social superviser specialist, and a unpaid hooker! All of that while supervising an ungrateful “man” that wouldn’t be able to work that 1 pay check job if it weren’t for the scheming conning American women you never bothered to thank for allowing you to feel like the man you never grew up to be.

          • Lmao Viv. You go girl!

          • Apparently John you do not know ALL women. I have been working sunce I wss 12. I have 3 children from 1st husband eho divorced after 12 years and he brought his pregnant girlfriend to our hometown. I got divorced he paid nothing. It was not worth the fight. In fact I even paid all legal fees. Fadt forward 30 years of marriage to husband 2, I work and do everything. By standards set in this column I should be collecting disability as I have had broken back repaired 3 levels, cervical fusion and knee surgery from years after being hit by drunk driver( no insurance so no settlements). Been paying my way always. Stop drinking the koolaid there are idiots and bad partners in both genders. In fact I am also working on building business for retirement while husband sits and complains.

          • M: why wasnt your case settled by the uninsured/underinsured insurance you carry?

        • for my mom says:

          My mother is still married to this man who cheated on her they’ve been married ten +yrs now .even though she moved out this,his aunt recently passed on and left them the house .the aunt has a power of attorney ,can changes be made against withe wife’s wishes or the original will?

          • Get some legal advice on this issue. If the aunt holding the power of attorney is deceased, then she no longer has power over the asset. If it is a different aunt who holds power, then she is probably bound to a fiduciary standard to act in the best interests of the beneficiaries.

      • My dad used to say “Son, there’s not one reason to get married, you can rent all the women you want for a few dollars a day.”

        • You’re dad didn’t give you good advice.

          • John got the best advice, getting married is the worst thing a guy could do. Married guys can’t do this or that , got to be home before 10pm, they turn in robots, and the wife is in control all the time.

          • When you have met someone you love,give it time to see how you both feel in 6 months. how about your families? Do they get along,have anything in common with each other? Your interest, her interest. Some of the same,none of the same? Education. Expensive to rent your own apt. Save to buy a home. Discuss if you want children. More fights in marriage today than any other subject. I believe you can marry from 19-on and be happy if you just talk out your real feelings before that walk down the aisle.

          • Hey stupids if it weren’t for women YOU men wouldn’t exist! The So called women that damage weak boys like you were screwed over by one of your home boyz or better yet Adams dad who taught his son how he disrespected the woman that gave him Life. I survived death twice thanks to modern Meds on 2 out of my 4 deliveries to give my husband this beautiful family and like you two bozos he was too busy working to come see or even supply blood for the TWO blood transfusions that would have left our infant & toddler orphans. So the slave you masters never paid for or thanks is now charging a late fee + 100% interest !

          • Well I’m a women and I wouldn’t get married again. THERE are just as many guys out there that are looking for a mommy free ride so they can sit on there ass as there is women. I had one.and now he is living with his mother where he belongs.. after he stole from me and his son. .oh well live in learn. Marriage to me is a license to I am staying away from men .no offense. To them .alot of women are just as bad. Blood loaders. Want want want

        • Your dad was right. He did got married and made you. A pathetic example of human being. Sorry for your Mom, I can only imagine what she had to put up with.
          For people like you, your father’s advice is the best to follow. And the women who can be rented, deserve you! Perfect solution for you and them…
          You didn’t understand anything at all about what life is, your head is full of garbage.
          You make me feel sick.

      • It sounds to me as though you have a disability and should be seeking help from Social Security Disability.

      • you are so ignorant you do not have a clue how severe Fibromyalgia is. It’s darn right painful it’s diliberating. You ought to be ashame of your answer.

      • That’s a horrible to say to her. I pray you never get fibro rsd or any neurological condition that is so debilitating that you can’t even stand sit walk sleep eat. In till u walk in her shoes u should really hv a little compassion to what she and others with these conditions go through. May God bless you and keep you in good health.

      • I have fibromyalgia andI tried to work as long as I could with it I also have corporal tunnel syndrome and buldging disc in my neck which has left me with severe anxiety and depression because I no longer can perform my job and some days I cant function to get out of bed so I know how she may feel.Its not a good feeling. It has nothing to do with what she deserves with alimony pay she earned her money. If you want to say I lied to a Dr to get on SS I made more when I worked I was a better pwrson and my life sucks work was my sanity place I miss working so bad.Keep your mean opinions about fibro not being real to urself because I would love for you to trade bodies with me and take my pain for me!!!!!

        • mary adams says:

          I have kept silent while reading these comments for an hour. I hear much confusion, bitterness and opinions shared about disabilities and working for your money, verses not. My story: I worked much of my life and married 1998 second time with 2 boys and owning (paid for completely 20 years) a med size home in Calif. I worked full time, great benefits– my life until 2001 when I fell on the ice, then a few days later a car hit my car causing an accident. This would be the 6th time a car would hit mine, {2 minor, and 2 totaling my car I am 64 never had a ticket or accident in my life that I caused). I got no money for the accident because nothing could be proved. It took many doctors 7 years to find I had cracked my back L5S1 5 inches wide. Dr.’s {many} later stated they all saw this on the MRI’s but all thought it was a shadow that it couldn’t possibly be cracked, because after all I was still walking. Tons of pain, shaking, lack of sleep and yet I continued to see more Dr.’s, volunteer 3 hrs a week at a job (so when they fixed what ever was wrong I’d have something on my resume stating I tried to stay working. For a couple of years we also made good on 2 real estate investments during this time. My back injury was discovered when I threatened to jump out of a 6 floor window if my Dr. did not do back surgery instead of scheduled surgery to fixed my cracked neck. My Dr. argued I would not be able to walk if I stepped off a curb the wrong way with the neck injury. I didn’t care, I could no longer live with the pain in my back. The Dr. did the back surgery the next day and apologized to me. I learned to stand up for myself if nothing else. The next year I fractured a hip and broke my foot. I was just walking along and bam. The next year the Dr. told me every other disc was going to need surgery. Plus I now had severe carpel tunnel both wrist, fibromynalsia, and a few other things. I have been only 27% hearing since birth so when it was suggested I try to go back to work, I thought doing what? Well I did go back to work and the only offer I got I took. I last 9 months before injuring myself. I figured I’ll need to move to the city to find better work and my husband would get laid off and stay off 4 years (because He stated, “They said I am too mean to the employees!”} His anger issues spilled over into our marriage and we divorced. I sold the house the last year and we lived off what we didn’t have to pay to bills we both accrued. I moved to AZ from Texas to be close to my kids and found a job that suited my physical abilities another 5 years until I reached aged 62. The last year I cont to work full time with the other hip completely broken but not enough money for surgery thank you OBama. My now ex husband went home to Calif and back to old his job making great money with his sister and brother-in-laws million dollar construction business. I did not ask for any money or a thing from him. While divorcing we declared bankruptcy after bills of $40,000 left from construction business could no longer be paid. So here I sit collecting SSI disability, less than $1000 a month, alone, no credit and my 5lb Yorkie in my apt much of the day waiting for another year so they will give me medical to fix my hip. I think I qualify to state Fibromynalsia is very painful. So can life be. 1st change your diet, eat only healthy as they suggest, then learn to go without sleep 2 to 3 days a week, get on facebook and create a positive attitude and keep it. Only let the people in your lives who will do the same. And most of all, seek God, for with him all things are possible. #2 1-800-WaWa is the number to gripe. #3 Life is full of lessons, Don’t judge where you haven’t walked, try to the best of your ability to care for yourself as long as you can if in hardship, and make the best of all lessons as well as have compassion for those less fortunate.

      • I find your posted response offensive and clearly sexist. The guy chose to marry her, he chose to be her husband, through marriage he gave her his name and made her his wife which in turn gave her legal rights to what was his and she’s legally entitled to receive a equal share of the marital assets, “his” and “her” money became “our” money as did all property, bank accounts, retirement accounts, 401K, future pensions and social security benefits. he did this on his own account and of his own free will. Those who value the sanctity of marriage don’t go into marriage preplanning it’s demise nor predict it will end in divorce. But when the husband see’s his marriage is headed toward divorce he stops thinking like a husband and turns into the self centered man who thinks “our” money is “his” money and he’ll fight to the death over “his” money he feels “she” is no longer entitled to nor deserves and it becomes all about his thoughts, feelings, emotions, desire to get back at her and he shouldn’t have to give her any of his money or be obligated to pay for her well being and he shouldn’t have to give her anything but he has no one to blame but himself for this and she shouldn’t have to suffer or settle for anything less than what she’s legally entitled to receive and he shouldn’t expect her to nor should he be a dick about it, making it a legal battle that’s forced to play out in court because his pride prevents him to handle it like a man and not act like a little boy scorned. Stacy, You are entitled to it and even in divorce he may not like it or now agree with it but he is responsible for providing for you and your well being. And the man who vowed to be your husband, he only has himself to kick in the ass for that. And, Johnny Cage I don’t expect you’ll amount to much, you don’t appreciate women nor the commitment, divorce doesn’t give anyone the right to turn into a nasty deviant who’s out for blood and your a moron!

      • Should not jump to conclusions. We do not know if her income is from working or SSD. In many states, if the spouse who is disabled, esp 100%, permanently disabled and can never have gainful employment b/c of that, is entitled to so much more of many things. It changes the whole situation.

      • Susan Powell says:

        You have no idea about fibromyalgia. You need to educate yourself more. I have had this since in my early twenties, I am now in my early fifties and I still have it. I have worked when I can and continue to do so. I LOVE myself even when not able to care for myself. It is only GOD who has carried me thru. You need help, you have no compassion, and every woman and man is not the same. You need to forgive so that you can heal, I feel sorry for you.

      • WORD! This site is disgusting and makes women look really bad…. And not all women are this way, it’s just these women make up that one bad apple in the he barrel!

    • Hello my question is,if you reach the age of 62 that’s your wife pay you alamony.

  3. I have been divorced more than 10 years; however, his retirement was not mentioned in any way in our decree nor was a real property given to me by my parents after I was married. When the issue of real property came up 3 years after the divorce, I agreed to not “go after” his retirement if he removed his name from the family property making it 100% mine. Years went by and he did nothing. When he remarried, I told our daughters the family property now belonged to me, their father and his new wife. After they talked to him, he signed his portion over to the girls. Now the land is one half mine and each daughter has one quarter. I would like to know if I am still entitled to a portion of his retirement? I’m having a difficult time finding specifics on the www, so if anyone has had a similar experience of being divorced long term and taking a second look at their spouses retirement, please respond. According to one attorney, I’m still co-owner of those benefits.

    • I was married for 33 years to a man, who married some broad in FL, they have no kids, I had two. She is a good earner and I am for sure totally disabled. Our decree says for life, but the bum doesn’t pay me. Soon they will be married 10 years and SS told me I’d be entitled to half his SS in a few years. I am in Ohio and supposed to be paid for life. Does anyone know the laws of either state? I just need to apply for his SS, don’t I? She alone, even owns thier house, I believe and is on marriage number 4 now. I forget if I apply when he is 65 or me at 64……we are about a year apart and never talk, so he won’t tell me anything.

      • You can apply for divorced spouse benefits once you are both at least 62. If you apply before you are 66, you will receive reduced benefits. This is a federal law — the laws of your state don’t govern it.

        As for support, if he was ordered by the court to pay support, or you filed a decree in which it said he would, then you should take steps to enforce that provision of your decree.

      • Social Security is a federal institution, and it works. If you are married at least 10 years, ANYWHERE, you are entitled to one half of his benefits. Make sure you get it, from my experience, ALL men are totally incapable of living their own lives without a wife. They are generally cowards, egocentric, if not totally narcissistic, and pigs, actually. We do everything, we are stronger, we have the babies, right? Because we have strength, and that includes character. I put myself thru college, my parents were gone before I was 30, I had my 2 little boys, owned 2 homes. Any man out there who can do that on his own? No. I have been encouraged to look harder for some assistance, I need a lawyer. My husband took the money, I have M.S. totally disabled. So the one with the cash wins right? Well, that will not happen. There has got to be some help out there somewhere, so ladies, don’t give up, get on the phone and don’t stop called until you find that one person who can HELP YOU, WE DESERVE IT!

        • You go girl!

        • Hello, my name is Rhonda. My husband and I have been happily married for 16yrs. He’s a retired Air Force pilot and a Veteran. He’s 15 yrs. Older then me but in great physical health. When we met, I had my 1yr.old daughter. We married 6 months later and have been a family filled with love and devotion. He has been the only daddy my daughter’s ever known My husband also have kids from a previous marriage. They were much older and grown living in New Hampshire their whole lives. But after divorcing their mother years ago, he moved to Arkansas where we’ve lived as a family for 16yrs. I met his kids one time 8 years ago when my husband had a stroke. They came down and took him from us. And after his recovery he rushed home to us, frustrated about how his kids handled the situation taking him from us. Well, as the years went by, he had mentioned that we needed to switch my name over as his POA. His kids were listed and he didn’t want them to manipulative and leave our daughter and I in a bad way. Their his kids, I didn’t feel right taking away their authority on making the proper decisions or handling financial matters as long as they carryout his wishes and basically, do right by him. Last month, he sufferedanother stroke. While speaking to him on the phone, I noticed his speech wasn’t right. I rush home and get him to the VA Hospital where I’m listed as number 1 contact. Spouse. They kept him for observation that day. The next morning I called to speak with him and he had been moved to ICU. He took a turn for the worst. He was incoherent. Second day still no change. Third day I call to check if there were any changes and guess what? His nurse, said his kids we’re down and I have been taken off the list and couldn’t tell me anything. I was devastated and tried to stand up to them once I got to the hospital. But apparently whatever they told the staff,, not to mention they had POA still, the nurse said there was nothing she do do to help me. The forth day after picking our daughter up from school, I went outside to get her violin out of my car and it was gone. He was buying it for me on our 15th anniversary but was waiting to put it in my name once it had been payed for in case he couldn’t pay it off for whatever reason, then it wouldn’t go against my credit. So they had it relied. An hour later our phone service was canceled including his phone shut off. Finances, gone. His income from VA, and Air Force was what we lived on other then our hot dog cart we set up during summer months at festivals. Yeah, they took that to. We have a rent house also. It was in his na me, I never felt like It was necessary to add my name, he had it when we married. They boarded it up. Then took him to New Hampshire with them. I never got to say good bye and me and my daughter no longer have our lives we’ve lived for 16 yrs. Nothing. I got a part time job right away just to keep utilities on and needed items daily. No car, no phone, no money, No Husband/ Father… Do I Have any rights? If so, how can I afford an attorney? Please, can anyone help my daughter and I get our lives back threw your opinions on this situation? Desprate for advice. Thank you…

  4. Aftrr ten years of divorce my ex retired and owes me part of his retirement, he refuses to send me the paperwork. How can I get him to comply with court orders without spending more money on attorney fees?

  5. dad died 3 months ago active service landed on normandy (utah beach) , mom and dad were married for more then ten years then divorsed she remarried to someone else for 8 years then divorsed she never remarried again although she moved back in with my dad for 20 years ,is she still able to collect from the va since she was married to dad for ten years

    • As far as I know, VA benefits would only extend to widows who were married to the service member at the date of his death. It doesn’t sound as though that’s the case. Check with your VA benefit office to be sure — I know a lot about social security, but not much about VA benefits, which are different.

  6. What is the alimony rights for the state of Texas?
    I am married for 9 years. I don’t work, I am 58 years old.
    My husband changed bank accounts and moved out of the house, taking just his necessary things.
    We are putting the house on the market, also we have another home in Colorado, that he wants to keep it for him self.
    What are my rights?
    I don’t have a lawyer yet…I am very confused in what to do

    • Look it up online. I know that alimony is not necessarily a state issue it may be just an as-needed. I know for instance, that NH is an at-fault state. I can sue my husband for adultery, abuse, and extreme cruelty. My alimony will take that into account, but more likely it will awarded to me in an amount needed to pay my bill. I am disabled with MS, which my husband knew before we were married. I need alimony, and he knew the situation before. SO I wlll receive alimony certainly, and it may just be for the rest of my life, since I will never get better, only worse.

  7. S Anderson says:

    I love your site! Perfect for gold diggers who are not ambitious enough to make it on their own. Shameful and pathetic. Romney should have included these evil women in his 47% rant. Why work when you can (legally) empty someone else’s pockets for a living? Did I say shameful and pathetic?

    • Well…I am the woman in the same boat as some of these men. I work hard..have my whole life. My ex can work just chooses not to. He works under the table and is trying collect disability at the same time…The state found out about it about it and stopped paying him disability. He is now (of coarse) trying to get full disability. We are still married (I filed 2 years ago but agreed to wait to keep in on my insurance so he can receive medical care). Now I am ready to finalize the divorce and he wants alimony. He left a good paying job 2 years before we seperated…Now he plays call of duty for 14 hours a day and you know…cannot possibly get an over the table real job. I don’t want anything from him..IF by some iracle some idiot judge grants him full social security…I don’t want any part of it. We have been married for 21 years. How can I make sure I am not part of his curcus act of duping the government if/when it happens?

  8. ok I am trying to find this answer out for a friend of mine. He was struggling and losing his house. An old flame came into the picture and after her coaxing him and waving retirement benifits in front of his face he finally married her. Problems started arising immediately and now he is stuck. I am trying to find out how long they have to be married before he would be entitled to any retirement benifits of hers here in the state of Arizona. Can anyone help me with that?

    • In most states, retirement benefits earned during the marriage are marital property to be divided. But retirement benefits she earned before marriage would not be marital property, unless they have a prenuptial agreement that said otherwise.

  9. Married for ten years and about to be divorce my husband. Work for for five years because I came here from another Country. marriage not working out will I be able to get any benefit from this marriage.I’m 58 years old he is 75 years.

  10. I have been married for 10 years, my husband and I only lived together for 3 of those years. I am in the military and am tried of being alone, I want out of this without having to give someone who did not support my career half of my retirement or saving’s that I went without to save. He chose not to work and live off of his disability check from the military. I own the house he lives in, he pays for basic utilities – the ones he is using in the house. What would you advise someone like me?

  11. One thing many of you women never think about is, if the soldier ETS’s before 20yrs and decides to say “Screw It” and not retire, you will get nothing and it’s a way the guy can stick to you for trying to take his retirement….so be careful what you wish for or try for….because you may end up with nothing if the guy is smart and gets out before 20yrs and collects NO RETIREMENT just to spite you and for trying to divorce him and take half of what he earned. Think about it everyone.

  12. Oh, BTW to FED-UP….you can just ETS from the military and get no retirement…..that way he gets no of your military retirement because you decided to get out and not retire….YOU WIN…..then you can go get a federal job like the post office say a year or so after you leave military….you BUY BACK your military time into the federal job and then you only have to do the difference between time you were in the military to the time to retire from the post office….(Example…did 10yrs Army, got out, then transfer those years to POst Ofice, do 10yrs PO and get out with a 20yr retirement from Post Office, he can’t tough it, because you were never married to him while working with PO)

    Guys can do it to former spouses to and females can do it to their civilian husbands if in the military…..the servicemember can bet the system and not let the divorcing spouse take their years of service and they WIN…..HOOAH !!!!

  13. Bill Clinton says:

    You women are a bunch of money grubbing
    leeches. You don’t cook, or give sex during
    a marriage. You cut your hair and get fat.
    There us no benefit for a man to get married.
    30 YEARS OLD), are going to learn, and it is
    going to come BACK AND BITE YOU. In the long
    run, you will not win. Men are not lonely when
    they stay single, they have 400 friends, and a
    different girl every night of the week. What do
    they need you for?? You treat men as sperm
    doners & human wallets. The only difference
    between a wife and a prostitute, is that the wife
    lies, and tells you she loves you.

    • I am sorry that is all you have…lots of friends (with their girlfriends or wives), and different girls every night. that gets old, you know? Having that special somene who reads your looks, who finishes your sentences.. that friend and lover. A connection. With attitude like yours, no wonder there are so many people swearing off love. Too bad men like you, forget how to ROMANCE when they marry! If you treated your wife the way you have protrayed yourself here, no wonder you couldn’t tell the difference between her and a hooker! You were treating her like one! Men like you are better off single anyways. We read you guys easily, so don’t pretend you have “gotten off” easily..pardon the pun. I’m sure you spend more money with your “400” friends trying to keep the lonliness away, that you would being married to a nice woman and TREATING her GOOD! You probably spend lots of money when you take your flavor of the night out for dinner, drinks, dancing…(hourly motel room), especially to flaunt your money or pretend you are rolling in the dough…Put in as much work as you do, to fight back lonliness, as you would into a REAL relationship, the relationship is more rewarding…but seriously, people like you should remain single. And, from what I understand the gist of your poetic speech, hookers are right up your alley.

    • Tired of being NICE. says:

      BILL CLINTON. How DARE YOU JUDGE ME! OR anyone else you are CLEARLY Jaded. I have been a near PERFECT wife and if you ask him he WILL tell you it’s TRUE! I told him I would never ask for alimony UNLESS he committed Adultery. YES I did EVERYTHING, cooked cleaned did the laundry,.shopped for GROCERIES ONLY never spent money on myself I RAISED the CHILD I PAID THE BILLS I Got Us 2 houses and had a 750 credit rating HE ruined Built everything WE HAVE all he did was go to work and come home and do WHATEVER he wanted and he would of had to work whether I was around or not! You know what I got for it? Screamed at like a dog, when I tried to talk about ANY thing he didn’t want to HEAR ,. ignored, neglected, and abandoned while sick RUN out of my house 2 days after MAJOR Surgery. But he loves me and doesn’t want a divorce.RIGHT? If THAT is LOVE I want NO part OF it! BUT HE IS GETTING a Divorce and YES he WILL pay alimony and I EARNED EVERY last penny. STOP being bitter. “Judge NOT lest YE BE judged and in the same temperance in WHICH you judged so shall YE be judged” And yet I do NOT hate this man he is the father of my ONLY child and I will always love him for my child’s sake even though the child is now 28 years old. Go LOOK at yourself. A real good look you are UGLY on the INSIDE no well adjusted independent woman would WANT YOU. Not EVEN for money! I studied Psychology ALL my life was gonna be a marriage counselor (SO HE didn’t HAVE to work) BUT just because I don’t HAVE a good marriage doesn’t mean I don’t know what one is supposed to BE like! As long as you have that opinion of all women THAT is THE KIND of woman YOU are going to attract. You can write me and say WHATEVER you want because YOUR opinion means NOTHING to me. BIGGER BADDER and Far BRIGHTER have TRIED. trust me YOU are no match for me. Go see a shrink your Mother must’ve done a REAL number on you YOU are “damaged goods” You know somethin else? Almost EVERY man that has gotten to know falls in love with me eventually. I don’t KNOW why. I’m not like Beautiful but not ugly. it’s always been a mystery to me. His very own Friends came after me yet I never was unfaithful BUT HE WAS. ONCE and I forgave him. My point being I shan’t be lonely 1- I LOVE my time alone & I don’t GET lonely 2 -when I’m ready after a very long timer, when I WANT to be with someone I WILL BE with someone who WILL treat me well. ALL women are NOT the same.just like ALL men are NOT the same get smart and GROW UP!

    • Tropicalparadise says:

      Exactly men are stupid. Don’t get married.
      Just pay a prostitute. You would not have any problems.
      This is the best advice I’ve heard!

    • tru u marry for love nothing else ,u keep it real,compassion for love never lose the feeling after best of friends and let him be him women be her never change because of marriage ,it stays the same keep your personality the same ,,,,love is more than money money changes things if one won the lottery its 50/ 50 equel ness ,so never marry for money u are rich in happyness not money ,,,,diana

    • and your a PIMP

    • You are pitiful, and certainly single. So you say that every woman on the face of the earth is a money grubbing leeches. Do you have a lot of money? Do you think the next generation of men will be worse that you are……….that meaning that you and your people are raising our next generation. Imagine that, someone as sick as you are, raising our next generation………….that is very scary. I bet you are very well educated, groomed, well dressed, gainfully employed, and of course I am sure you treat everyone EQUALLY with respect. You see, there is no difference between a man or woman, they can all be just like you. If they are intelligent, they will NEVER be caught dead acting like you, and without any shadow of any doubt……….NO ONE wants to be the kind of person you are. You are useless.

    • Seriously? You are an idiot. I am a woman, I work 60 hours a week, come home cook, clean and take care my kids while my husband plays video games. You apparently married poorly and so did I. Don’t condemn and entire gender just because you have poor judgement.

  14. Bapi Hari says:

    I am married since 7 years and separated, I am I am working for a Private company, my wife is well educated (more then me) but not willing to work. She is living with her parents (are financially strong). I am planing for divorce her as she is not willing to come to me anymore.

    My question is…..if she demand for alimony, will it be supported for her? Can she demand the alimony? Is honorable Court will take judgement on favor of her?

  15. Ive been married for over ten years to my husband however we only lived together a year after we got married, i left due to his illegal drug activity. He has since retired from his company, am I due any of his benefits?

  16. I’ve been married for almost 20 years. My kids are sophomores in high school (twins) and my husband and I have decided to wait until they graduate to file for a divorce. We are friends and our divorce will be amicable. We are working on our settlement agreement and decided that he will assist me financially for a few years until I get on my feet. I have been a homemaker, stay at home mom with no skill and no training. I am in my mid 40s. I would like to go back to school. I would like to go into nursing. My question is regarding tuition. My husband said that he will help me. But should I get a student loan, make monthly payments or do both? We’re not rich, we’re not poor, we’re doing okay without having to live paycheck to paycheck. Thank you.

    • If your husband is willing to help with the tuition no matter how it is paid, then you will need to figure out which of your options will result in the lowest amount paid for your education: student loan or monthly payments. If your husband is only willing to help with monthly payments, then that may be your best option.

      • how about if i marry someone who does not make any money. can i still collect social security from my ex husband who is very wealthy?

        • If you are married, then you are eligible to collect based on your spouse’s earnings history or your own, whichever is higher. If you are single, then you are eligible to collect based on any ex-spouse’s earnings history if you and your ex were married for 10 years or longer, or your own history, whichever is higher.

          So if you remarry, you will not be eligible to collect based on your ex-spouse’s earnings history, unless that marriage ends in death or divorce.

  17. I love how women elude to the excuse that they cooked, cleaned, did the laundry gave a man sex etc. Women have this sense of entitlement and it’s really sad. How about you seek employment? Women seem to think that they are so much stronger and better equipped to handle divorce than men. That’s because you take the man to the cleaners and maintain some of the same financial benefits which you had when you were married. The man ends up with all of the bills and debt in addition to having to pay a woman out every month. Try walking away from a marriage and seeking employment. I’ll show you how much stronger I am if the six figures I pull in isn’t garnished to pay you out alimony and child support every month. I assisted my ex in raising her daughter. I put her in private schools gave her a good Christmas every year, took her to Disney world as well as various other family vacations and I never complained. Do you think her biological father was taken to court and asked to pay a cent of child support? Nope! This man managed to escape the hard shaft of the family court judge for 18 years. I on the other hand was screwed royally. The judge followed my legal separation to the letter. If ever I wanted to be amicable, my ex would insist we follow the guidelines of the court. I view her as a money sucking leech who is no better than a person who collects unemployment for 99 weeks and refuses to find a job because the unemployment would stop or the welfare recipient who refuses to get out and be productive because the money they receives will amend the welfare check and section 8 housing. As a married man when I was laid off of my job, I found another job. In fact I found two jobs and worked 7 days a week in addition going back to college full time to finish up my degree. Why can’t she do the same? Let me guess, she is a woman scorned right?

    • Reading the words from most of these men is very discouraging. My husband and I have been married for nearly nine years now and really, we had no right getting married in the first place. He was emotionally and physically abusive while we were engaged and a couple years into the marriage until I told him I WILL NOT condone his behavior any longer. He hasn’t been physically abusive for several years, realizing that I had NOT threatened him, I was stating fact. However, he is still verbally and emotionally abusive and VERY controlling. When I read what Bill, Anderson, Russ, John Adams, and BG are saying, is now these men are generalizing us..due to their own personal experiences. I KNOW we all tend to do that, for I at times, feel as tho EVERY man out there is abusive or controlling in some way, shape or form, and reading their “testimonies” only confirms what I fear. Why haven’t I divorced him yet? I have thought about it, believe me. However, I know him and I understand what makes him tick. I need to be prepared to be alone for the rest of my life, because I have no desire to become attached to men like the ones responding so cruelly to this site. I don’t want my 5 year old daughter to become attached to yet another bitter, woman hating man. She would be better off being raised by me alone than have more negativity in her life.
      I used to run the household bills and do grocery shopping, but no more. HE opened up his own account and I am not on it. I don’t have ANY money, yet when I have had job interviews, he blows stuff out of proportion. He is incredibly jealous of any male attention directed my way, and the few times I had a job lined up, he informed me that he knew I would leave him, find someone better, that treats me better, etc. Another job offer I was excited about and told him, and the first words out of his mouth were” well you gonna give me some of that money?” He doesn’t want me to work, he doesn’t want me to be independant. He wants me to ask him for any penny I may want or need so he can decide whether or not to give it. I never have enough fuel to leave my house very often, he makes sure of that. Hence, I have been selling things on ebay for a few years now- in the beginning I transfered some of the funds to the joint account to assist with bills. Now, since we no longer have a joint account, I have the money for ME! Also, I have been recently working at my 92 year old grandmother’s house and that gives me extra money for fuel so I can visit my family 30 min away, or be at a family members b-day celebration. You understand how awful I feel? I am predominately Italian, and it is first nature to take care of family. I HATE needing money to take care of my grandmother. It KILLS me, because I want to do that for free, because I love her…it is demoralizing. However, he doesn’t know I am being paid for my multiple trips to her house. I KNOW he would want that money too. Basically, he wants me to stay home to tend our daughter, pets, housework…not to mention outdoor chores…(we own 10 acres). He has mentioned many times, how I need to be avialable to him at all times. ie, if he wants to talk, I need to be there. He is upset, when I’m doing chores when he wants to chat. So, because he works graveyard, I get little more than 6 hours of sleep every night, to be available to him.
      I weed eat, mow lawns, fix/repair fencing, fix household appliances etc. Now he has everything he has wanted…a slave that takes out trash (not only from the house, but dumps it into the trailer for trash hauls), tends to house and child, oh yes, also, to help save money during the winter, I chop wood and run the chainsaw during the summer to ready firewood for winter. MEN- this is NOT a marriage!! In the nine years we have nearly been married, he has worked AT MOST 5 of them, some of which collecting unemplyoment while working a cash only job.He borrows money from his mother, (never intending to pay back), does his best to recieve free meals, and relies on MY family to clothe our daughter-jammies, shoes, etc some new, most hand-me-downs from my sister. Yet, when I approach him to buy some movie passes to my sister and her husband as a thanks for all they have given us, he says we don’t have the money. Now that he has taken over ALL monies, bills are not getting paid (unless they come directly out of acct), but HEY, he’s happy because NOW he has money to buy toys for HIM!
      So, yes, I am sorry, but I am checking out this site to explore my options. I am tired of being dragged thru the mud, of being the scapegoat, of the controlling and emotional abuse I deal with. I am tired of feeling empty and lonely. I am tired of feeling nauseated whenever I am heading home, knowing he’s there, I am tired of feeling sick to my stomach, knowing he will be home any minute…wondering when I will be told how I’ve screwed up. So, HELL yes, I am looking to see how I can better my daughter’s future thru this marriage. This is a man, who DOESN’T want to work, and YES I am going to make sure he has to in order to finish what he started. I have been loyal and a great mother and wife, and I am biding my time. I am looking things over. Trust me, I wtached my parents marriage thru its demise, and it was a tough thing to deal with. I didn’t want to get married after that. But, I did, I said I do, and now I realize I should have said, I don’t. This is a man who says he loves me, yet bought expensive toys and cars instead of letting me go to the dentist or Doctor. He bought expensive toys when I found out I was pregnant and said we didn’t have the money to see an OBGYN (my mom paid for it.) I needed MAJOR dental work done about a year and a half ago (I was having migraines), my mom and step dad paid that too, and not once has my husband thought to pay them back. A few years ago, I had gall bladder surgery and was nervous bout being put under…my mom and step dad were the last people I saw when the meds took over and the first people I saw upon waking. Nope, not my hubby. When I put my beloved dog down, I gave him 5 days to dig a hole….I was out there before vet arrived trying to do it myself. Instead, my husband’s brother came out and dug it for me…He buys car parts for cars not working, motorcycle parts for bikes he doesn’t drive, meanwhile we run out of toilet paper or food in the house. Sewage issues he could have dealt with on his 3 days off he gets every week, instead he heads to work, informing me its MY problem….a person without ANY money. His brother, again, rescued me and my daughter..otherwise, off to my moms house. Running out of propane because he doesn’t pay bills and buys himself toys or expensive energy drinks for $3 each. DAMN straight I am going to try to get what I can, after all, it sounds like he has already left…altho, I worry. The rule of thumb is upon divorce, the spouse with less is only to recieve to continue with what she is used to….so I will be left with unpaid bills, no food, lots of hard work, and no toilet paper.

      • Tired of being NICE. says:

        Find EVERY reciept you can make copies keep and HIDE originals. BORROW them from friends if you have to, make it “Look like you lived like a Queen Vacations and all! I got a husband SOMETHIN like that. Didn’t start out that way.I am NOT afraid of him, but I came OUT of an abusive childhood On TOP I know the ropes. Good luck oh and NOT to be Bitchy. Take responsibility NOW so you don’t end up with someone like this AGAIN. You KNEW he was abusive BEFORE you married him…BUT YOU STILL married him! WHY? figure THAT out or be doomed to repeat it!! Mine acted like Prince Charming til the knot was tied. Good luck


      • I just can’t understand: HOW on the Earth did you married him if you knew he was abusive ? That was not smart, not smart at all…

        To me, marriage is FOR LIFE with the man who loves and respects me and I do the same. I am 55, with 3 children , all married, but divorce NEVER CROSSED MY MIND , or to dishonor my husband.
        To build a solid marriage one needs to open eyes BEFORE marriage, and to take that commitment seriously.
        All this chicken- fight does not honor anybody. Not the abusive man, nor the victimized woman..
        I am wondering how this society got so low? No values, men are not men anymore, women are not women anymore, parents are not parents anymore. ( of course, all my respect for those who are! , but I am talking about how this society is loosing its values. 35-40 years ago, having sex with a person other then your spouse was against law, when the law changed to ” consenting adults “, saying that they can’t be ” bedroom police” was opened a can of worms… the results are : living together without being married( NO commitment!) , children out of wedlock, short term marriages…and junk men and women.
        There still is time to wake up America! Wake up before a total disaster!

    • Unfortunately, no two women are alike, BG. Your long long rant assumes “we women” what the heck is going on in your brain to write something like that????

  18. I am 70 years plus, married 10 years, prenup sighed prior to marriage, house in his name and now up for sale, never wanted me work, has provided for me ..what if anything am I entitled to>\?
    Married in British Columbia

    • It sounds as though you are in Canada, so you and he may not have built a Social Security record, but you may have a Canadian equivalent. Your prenup, if valid, will be a roadmap as to what you are entitled to. Talk to an attorney in your community to discuss the prenup terms and validity.

  19. I’ve been married 10 years and we are talking about ending it, I want to be fair to both of us. I brought money into the relationship and worked the first year. I was diagnosed with a genetic disease that’s pretty much incapacitated me and have disability benefits. My husband was close to retirement when we married and has been retired the last 7 years. The house was his though we did refinance in both of our names and is worth a lot more than we owe. He has a good pension, collects S.S. and has a large annuity account. I guess I’m asking what I’m entitled to after ten years, I’ve been a good person all my life and I don’t want to ruin my record. Thanks for any help you may offer.

  20. I have the opposite question; if the leaving spouse waits until ten years of marriage in California, and then starts a divorce, is there any way to make that a disadvantage? That is, can the surprised spouse use the leaving spouse’s premediation against them? Thanks!

  21. Also, can you clarify what you mean by “If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.”? How does future earnings potential play in to a divorce? Thank you.

  22. Confused says:

    My husband and I will be married 11 years this year and have 2 children together. While we have tried to work things out, our marriage has been going downhill for some time, now. He has been active duty Army for 14 years and I just started working the the Department of VA 5 months ago. I need a quick synopsis of what my rights are as a military spouse/dependent and mother. He recently told me that he is still young and good looking and if he and I aren’t on the same page, we need to end our marriage. Mind you, his worst fear used to be our family being torn apart by divorce.

  23. I consider, what is it ? a false way.

  24. Leslie says:

    Wow, there are a lot of angry men here. Angry because they fell for the woman than screwed them…Its equal in all walks of life rather it be men doing the screwing or women. So get over yourselves, because women like me with a disability, a child to raise, a good job that DOESN”T need a man will never take a look at jerks with a sorry outlook on woman such as yourself.

    Sure, find yourself a new woman every night for just a couple of dollars because that is all you will ever be able to have….if they are even women.

    • Leslie, I agree with you, good point. Men.. be smarter in who choose for a wife and it may not happen to you.

  25. Tina Jones says:

    I started collecting my spouse’s reduced derivative SS benefits at the age of 62, and Medicare A under my spouse’s SS number at the age of 65. Shall I lose both if we divorce before 10 years of marriage expire?


  26. Michelle says:

    I have a question for anyone.I divorced and left my husband was married 21 years.I only asked what I was entitled to by law. I will be getting his pension etc. I am just confused about when I will actually be able to collect it. He is retiring next year he is much older than me I am 48. If anyone can help with that info I appreciate it. His company is doing the QDRO on it to set up the funds seperatly for me.

    • You can begin getting pension benefits under at QDRO at the earliest age at which your former spouse can retire. You can decide when to start, but once he does retire, you must begin getting benefits.

  27. terrisa says:

    my husband and i are living in Arkansas and have not yet been married for 9 years. over a year ago we separated due to issues between us in our marriage. he had an affair while we were split up and we eventually have gotten back together but the same issues arise from the last separation plus he keeps in contact with this woman he had an affair with. i work but not enough to maintain a stable place, however, friends have allowed me to rent their home when i decided to leave. we have talked about divorce and i feel like i would be happier with out this mess he helped create for this last year. he has a job as an RN and i just clean houses for a living. i have no idea if I’m entitled to alimony. no property except what is inside our home and he has a new car compared to a car i barely keep running. i do plan on leaving and will make it with help of a few friends and family.

    should we have a period of separation before i file? should i ask for his car in the divorce settlement? and am i entitled for spousal support before and after this divorce?

    any help is appreciated.

  28. Hawkins says:

    This is horrible! My heart is broken & turned upside down by a person who became just like the rest of the younger generations. Instead of fixing things, they just throw it away. I don’t want my divorce even though I have been cheated on & treated cruel with mainly emotional & mental abuse. My health started to deteriate over time. I recognized my condition would only get worse so I got some assistance to put me through school so I could work a job with my condition. I did not want my spouse to end up having to take care of me completely when my condition got worse. Granted I can’t work as many hours at my job I’ve had over 5 yrs because the programs requirement to help me w/school is to go 12 credit hours or more. Because of my health getting worse I can’t do things like I used to, so my spouse wishes to divorce me because of my health. My whole world was turned upside down when I was cheated on after 10 yrs. I thought I could trust the person I was with. I love my life, home, & friends. Now it has to change because someone else decides they are going through a mid life crisis & doesn’t want to stay through sickness & health? Hmmmm not right & not fair at all. I don’t want my lifestyle to change because someone else is selfish. So yes alimony you bet. I’m not scornful & I certainly don’t want to cause anguish. Not when you truly love someone, you can’t just turn it off like a light switch. Why would you want the person you love hurt? I’m more angry at the fact that someone wants to throw away years of something we built to just throw it all away like it was nothing. So if you want the divorce, I will be compensated for the time & work I put into the relationship, because I’m willing to make it work so I’m not wasting 13 yrs of my life. Women & men alike haves paid alimony & it stands to reason, yes not everyone of them should have, but before passing judgement on someone & why they wish to collect it, I don’t feel any opinion negative or positive. Passing Judgement on someone is wrong.

  29. Hi,
    I am 42 years old Floridian man with 13 years of total marriage with only first two years golden time. Rest of time deteriorated with time due to several issues.
    After two years of my golden married life problem started but mainly inter fearing with my in-laws. Apart from this, few major incidences are…

    1. she diagnosed as bipolar after six years of marriage. However, she was first diagnosed when she was teen. Back then, she took some medicines for few years and then discontinued due to the normal behavior. I was kept in dark until her second episode after my six years of marriage. I treated her and doctors advised that she has to take medicines life long. she is taking medicines regularly and she is almost back to normal life. She is being prescribed antidepressants and also for mania both at a time. Due to the medicines, she lessened her emotions and no matter how I tensed/upset/sad/ due to the domestic fight/work tension etc, she will never come to me to say few good words. it is like, I don’t care what you feel.

    After second maniac episode, she had another two mania episodes (total four including teen episode) and my life is really turned traumatic. In second episode, she told hospital staff that I will kill my kids and then “Child Protection” came into picture. However, later on they (CP) realized that there is no truth behind the hospital staff’s statement. She is loving mother of our two kids but less concerns about kids food and education. We have no commons in any way. We are totally mismatch couple.

    I know she is in touch with another guy who used to be our neighbor but she kept him very low profile to me but I was completely aware of this person. She has given him some of our house hold items to him sometimes. She exchanges mails and posts messages on facebook. She also calls him but I dont know how this relationships is??

    One day, i thought I should break silence and I told about this guy. She disagreed and said I don’t know this person. I also mentioned about the exchange of things, emails, talks, messages but she firmly denied. When I shown proof, she reluctantly agreed. She also not in favor of sex with me. Most times she says I don’t have mood. Aren’t these sign of cheating??

    I am tired of fighting with her and I want to end my marriage.She is asking me alimony. I am barely meeting my end needs and I don’t have good bank balance. Neither have money to pay for attorney. I wonder if anybody can help me any other options I may have!! If she is asking alimony and child custody , it will be a tragic life which I can not imagine!!

    Thank you very much in advance.

    NB:I know this website is for wives but there are also good women out there.

    Please help…

    • It sounds as tho you have been incredibly patient with her throughout your marriage. I applaud you for what I can only guess you have endured.
      General rule of thumb indicates that she indeed, may be cheating, especially when she finally acknowledged the fact that she knew said man. However, I have know a few bi-polar women and women with other chemical inbalances and at times, either the medication or lack there-of can also inhibit sex drive. People with chemical imbalances suffer mood swings as well as lack of drive-period. So can depression.
      In my current situation, I also have NO sex drive. Just not interested. I have done it anyways, for hubby, but it rips me up inside. I get no enjoyment out of it at all, so I’d rather not “dot it”. I am not cheating on him, but he believes I am. Which in turn, when I am accused of it, and he won’t believe me, it only turns me off to sex even more. It is NOT punishment. I am NOT intentionally withholding to punish, I am simply not interested. The last time I conceded for him, I cried nealry the entire time, and he didn’t even notice. If there is punishment in my situation, I bear it.
      Just be patient with her and try to seek counsel. Perhaps with a mediator or professional help, you two may be able to rectify your marriage. There are plenty of low cost or even free thru churches and like organizations…check into them. If you do decide to seek counseling, don’t go into it that it’s going to fix your marriage-concentrate on healing or fixing yourself first. After all, if you do end up parting ways in the future, you will have learned about yourself and perhaps may find a “new” you. It will help you to regain confidence again, because in rough marriages, we all lose confidence. If you two are able to work and save your marriage, it will also make you stronger and help you see things before they escalate. The counseling will help you recognize certain things and how to handle them or avoid them altogether to protect you from falling into that “old familar rut” again.

      I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing.

  30. James Jones says:

    I just read some of the comments, and its sad how many women really think they are entitled to the money they get, the whole “I had children, cooked, cleaned and had sex” bull crap thats why many women are just weak and pathetic liars. First off its not 1920 and all that cooking and cleaning talk please, you women after 10 years you use sex as a weapon, oh cry me a river just because your too lazy to go to a gym drop some pounds don’t get all upset when your husband is checking out that young hot body or better yet a woman your same age who takes care of herself.

    I just hate the fact that I have deployed back and forth to some un-thinkable places and because this lazy turd hung around long enough now she thinks she is owed my hard earned retirement, oh btw when you pull this tramps out of a trailer park or the hood get them off Section 8 housing and welfare they seem to forget the hard times when they see E7 or higher pay.

    i don’t hate all women trust me there are a lot of good ones out there too bad in todays society women are brainwashed to be gold diggers just watch those real housewives shows digging in a mans pocket just because they spread their legs a few times like most military wives spread their legs now they got you trapped.

    • Mr. Jones, you are a bitter, bitter man. Not all of us looking and replying to this site have used the ” cooking cleaning, etc”. Sometimes, we are in a plce where we find ourselves in a loveless marriage and more of a controlling or abusive one. In fact, there is an underlying tone I hear from your message that sounds similar to my husband. HUGE turn-off. Your crass comments are unnecessary and cruel. Many women are probably not telling their life story online. So, you cynical men get to pick and choose the parts you want to hash out. You believe the women are being brainwashed to be gold-diggers…men are gold diggers too. Men and women BOTH can be controlling and abusive. As far as weight issues and letting oneself go?? Well, I have seen some over weight BEAUTIFUL women, and most overweight, married women, still wear makeup, and do their hair, brush their teeth and use deoderant. However, men that let themselves go???they go ALL THE WAY! Men after 40 or so, develop this “odor”. It means you MUST shower! Don’t just spray foo-foo, CLEAN! Many men are content to wash their hair with regular body soap, leaving it looking oily or dirty. They stop shaving, their teeth look yucky, they wear old ragged clothes (that weren’t bought that way). So, look at other women if you must, these HOT women that “take care of themselves”, some of those are probably the gold diggers you were talking about….but just note this: women look too….and you may not measure as high as YOU think you do….

    • Tired of being NICE. says:

      I agree with lonely but let me go a step FURTHER I AM one of those GOOD women and YOU are slime, when “they spread their legs” as you so elegantly put it NO ONE forces YOU to oblige! And here’s a thought… what happens when women are too busy taking CARE OF EVERYONE else? They CAN’T always take care of themselves and rather than be selfish & vain they CHOOSE to take care of husband house, children which is 24/7 forever. How superficial You are.

      • You are so right. People now tell me that my exs all say that i was the best and that they wished they had treated me better. You should see the pitiful women they chose after i left.

        As they say you do not miss your well until the water is gone and PAY BACK IS A Mo Fo!!!

    • Yo some of u r really trippin. We all have been used abused and hurt. I got thru it by prayer,blessings and determination. WOMEN AND MEN if you are not being treated rihht then just end it. Life is too short to be mistreated. After an abusive and controlling relationship by an ex husband an ex bf, i finally left both of them. I am doing much better and i even make more $$$ than both the ex asshole and his ugly wife. Now he is sick and she is just biding her time. YES! PAYBACK IS A MO FO!! LOL!!!

    • ridiculous says:

      My husband joined the army and is in bct right now and when searching for an answer to a question i had, this thread came up. Now keep in mind, i have absolutely no desire to divorce my husband whom i love to the stars and back, i was just curious because i read the synopsis under the link and it made me think “wtf?”. I am not going to finish reading this because of the sexist and out right ridiculous comments made by men. No, i’m not reading this to “groom” myself for a future divorce. I plan on my marriage being forever or i wouldn’t have said “i do”. I was reading out of sheer curiousity and boredom during a slow time at work. Now i have been with my husband for 6 years, since i was 18, and we have been married for 5 this year. He is 7 years older than me and never planned on marrying or having kids until he met me and we have a beautiful 4 year old son. I supported my family for 3 years on my own while he stayed home with our son because he was having trouble with jobs. I am currently working two jobs and have been since before my hubby left. I will also continue to work both of my jobs the entire time my hubby is gone until it is time to leave for his duty station, wherever that may be. So for these men to get on their high horses and say these horrible things and generalize women is pompous, demeaning, and disgusting. Men are real quick to say that raising children, cooking, and cleaning is not a job but you are dead wrong. It is a job. It is a chore. It is a duty. However you want to categorize it, it is something. Not nothing. Just because a woman does not get paid for doing these things doesn’t diminish the value of it nor the time she put into it. These same men look at these things as “wifely duties”. Well then what are the husband’s “duties”? To take care of their wives. Do you think she should do all of these things for you for free because she loves you? Why? What are you giving her in return? She’s not your mother, she doesn’t have to do any of this for you. There’s give and take in a good relationship, not just take. If you can’t get past your own selfishness to see that, it’s not the problem of women. That falls sqarely on your shoulders.

  31. Mary G. says:

    hello I have been married for ten and a half years to my husband who is in the Army and he has been in the Army for 14 years. we have been separated the last 2 years. he met another woman while he was on a job for the Army and was having an affair with her now he lives with her. I moved back home to where I am from and he lives in Georgia I live in North Carolina. we are wanting to get our divorce done just have not had the money. I spoke with an attorney yesterday who told me that in order to get 1/4 of his retirement benefits I will need to date my separation after our 10 year anniversary which was in December 2012. then I would be eligible to file my divorce after December 2013. now I’ve been reading up on military websites saying that if you were married to a soldier for 10 years you are eligible for DFAS to directly pay you your portion of the retirement benefits. In no way does it say that you need to be living together (not separated) for 10 years to even be eligible for a portion of the retirement. I’m confused is this lawyer correct?

    • Military retirements are generally divided by the time rule, which is a ratio of the service credits earned during marriage to the total service credits earned. As you say, there’s a 10-year requirement to get direct pay from DFAS, but I have never heard of a 10-year rule for computing the spouse’s share of the benefits. And in general, the 10 years is from the date of marriage to the date the divorce is final, and the date of filing has nothing to do with it. I suggest you consult an attorney who knows about military benefits, or perhaps there is a resource available through the Army.

  32. Mary G. says:

    FYI we also have two little girls

  33. I been married to my soon to be ex of 17 years. He was 12 years older than me we adopted 4 children and 3 is still under age. He abandoned us and has not called children sent gift or money. Howe er they get sad notmuch and I work. Because I been married for 17 years what am I entitled to right now. I did not take him for anything. But down the line if money come in affect by him am I able to re dive it. Even if I remarry.

    • You should talk to an attorney about your children’s right to support from their father, as well as what else you are entitled to. The laws of each state are different, and we cannot give legal advice at

  34. Okay, I am asking this question for my boyfriends mom,she came into this country on visa but ended up getting married to a U.S citizen, since I’ve been with my boyfriend we’ve had a child and have been living togethor at his parents house which it is his step-father and mothers house and I’ve seen a lot with his parents. I want to help her so help me out do it please. They have two kids and have been togethor 20 years he has never let her work she is contstantly cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids (on a limited amount of money he gives her) and he leaves every other week because he trucks. He makes a lot of money but barely gives her and the kids anything only for bills and food, he has everything in his name two bank accounrs she is not allowed to have acess to and he has cheated before but now he did something worse he kissed his 14 year old daughter friend which is 14 and got her number off the moms phone and has been texting her secretly they haven’t pressed charges but that is his daughters best friend now my boyfriends mother won’t leave him still she is too scared and thinks she needs him but he did something so wrong. What can she do ? Will she no longer be a u s citizen if they divorce?

    • If she is a citizen that won’t be taken away just because she divorces.

    • belinda says:

      Someone needs to tell the 14 y/o girls’ parents what is going on here ASAP!!! If you can somehow “snap-shot” some of the texts either from his phone, or hers, do that first so there will be evidence. If I were the girl’s parents, I would press charges, but they probably have no idea this is going on.
      All of the $$ and property your boyfriend’s parents have is considered marital property by the legal system, and even if it is in his name only, at least half, (and maybe more, if the court sees fit), will be awarded to her. This is an abusive relationship, and she needs to see an attorney and GET OUT. Please give her lots of encouragement and support, because people who have been abused for a long time, begin to believe it’s their fault and/or they deserve being treated this way.
      There is a lot of information online about the laws concerning divorce, and it is different for every state, but at the very least, she should not fear being rid of this jerk, as there’s a better life for her and her kids. They are growing to see this as normal, or expected behavior, and it is so disrespectful on every level. She is living as a slave. Please follow through and tell her not to fear him, but to do all she can to show her children that she will not stand for this treatment, so they will learn self-respect. It might be a hard fight, but it will be worth it.
      Many attorneys will give a free consultation for someone who is seeking help, but doesn’t know where to start. Help her find one and get the ball rolling. Good luck and God bless you for caring.

  35. formyuncle says:

    Ok so as you can tell by the name this is about my uncle.. My uncle and his wife have been married for almost 13 years, he recently left her now she is threatening him with 3000.00 a month alimony if he divorces her. But she didn’t do her wifely duties he came home the house was always disgusting there was never any food and she wouldn’t have sex with him…she wouldn’t take care of the children both of which aren’t even his… All she cared about was facebook and messing up other peoples relationship…anyway can she really do that? I mean seriously? He is a resident of the country but he is from Mexico. We are in Georgia. I feel really bad for my uncle and he really needs help. This woman has lost her damn mind,. She has even thought about getting someone to follow him around to make sure he doesn’t cheat. I mean can’t blame him if he does because he is married to her.

    • The laws of each state are different, so to find out under what circumstances alimony is awarded in Georgia, you’ll need to consult with a Georgia attorney.

      Here’s what I found at this website:
      Before awarding alimony, a court must find that one spouse has financial need and that the other has the ability to pay. Georgia courts will also consider whether one spouse’s behavior led to the breakdown of the marriage; a spouse who otherwise might have received alimony but committed adultery or abandoned the other spouse may be barred from receiving payments. Some of the factors impacting need and ability to pay include:
      •each spouse’s earning capacity, separate estate, financial resources, and debts
      •each spouse’s contributions to the marriage, including homemaking, child care, education, and career building for the other spouse
      •the marital standard of living
      •each spouse’s age, and physical and emotional condition
      •any time necessary for either spouse to obtain education and training for appropriate employment, and
      •the length of the marriage.

      There is no formula for calculating alimony in Georgia; different factors may have more or less weight depending on the overall circumstances of a case. A judge has great discretion in deciding what amount to award, or whether to award any amount at all.

  36. my husband filed few weeks before 10 years. do i have a chance to get life time alimony since i wont be able to keep the standards of living. thanks

  37. ThatGuyInCali says:

    Hello. My wife and I have decided to divorce after 11 years of marriage. We separated, i.e. I moved out 4 months prior to reaching our 10 year anniversary and we were contemplating working things out. We never, after that point, maintained the same residency ever again and a year and a half later, a few days after our 11 year anniversary we have decided on divorce. The separation was not “legal” or “documented” so do the California state laws stipulate that the “10 year rule” still apply in our case because technically we are married past that point or is there any special legal consideration or precident that has been set because we did in fact separate prior to our 10 year anniversary?

    • In California, support rules differ if you were married more or less than 10 years. That 10 years is from the date of marriage to the date of separation. If you were in marriage counseling, working on the marriage, or reconciled after you separated, then the date that you separated initially may not be the date of separation. Discuss this matter with your attorney, weighing all the facts and circumstances of your particular situation. If you and your spouse don’t agree on the date of separation and that date is significant, then you can have a mini-trial to determine the date.

  38. kat scholz says:

    ENOUGH! My husband’s ex- after getting 30 years of military retirement- now gets his entire social security benefit. I was married to him for almost 30 years and took care of him while he died. I get $50 a month from his social security and she gets almost $1700. She got the house even tho the court ordered her to sell it. And she lied about her age when they got married because she was under age! And prostitution is illegal?! No wonder SS is going under. God- 10 years of marriage and you can get someone’s SS (and retirement) for all the years they worked. Where is the outrage?

  39. I have been married for 13 years, separated for 3 1/2 years. Am I entitled to my husband’s pension and Social Security, if i abandoned my marriage because of irreconcilable differences?

  40. Christina Littlejohn says:

    If September is my tenth year of bein married will i be qualify to get the alimony that i deserved, cause I have been homeless for the last ten yrs on and off. Please someone help me on this

  41. Melissa Melissa says:

    I have been married almost 12 years we have 3 kids together I have 6 total I have always been a stay home mother my soon to be ex husband works out of the country and only come home 2 times a year , he is a very angry abusive man much like his father was he’s verbally abusive towards his children and mine and physically and mentally abusive towards me every time I mention divorce he threatens to cut off all money for the household and threatens to quit his job so he won’t have to pay alimony , I’m so miserable I have to money for a lawyer I feel so stuck and so unhappy I also fear that my children will have to visit this angry man when they are terrified of him not sure what to do or how to get started I can’t even call lawyers because he monitors my cell phone calls, any advice

    • I realize this is a year after the fact & I hope you got yourself & your kids out of there especially, if he only comes home 2x a year. I know what being in a controlling & abusive relationships like & you’d be surprised just how strong you are, when you have no choice but to be strong. May God Bless.

  42. hello. I am 56 and my husband is 46 we have been married for 14 years I have been disabled for the last 7, years and yes I can type , in my bed and can barely keep my little apartment clean since I moved out in Feb 2013. (This will be the 7th time I moved out) Prior to my illness I worked fulltime and maintained our home and our 5 dogs 2 of which I was not consulted on when he brought them home but I love animals and acquieced ( only myself to blame in the long run) I came into the marriage with $30,000 in ROTH IRA’s I encouraged him to do the same we crept up to $74,0000 in 2007 he is self -employed and works extremely hard and I never want to take him to the cleaners. We have had many problems over the years, we tried everything, he did anger management classes for 6 weeks , it.didn’t help, I went to private therapy for over a year, both of us went to a Retrovie Marriage Encounter weekend, he brought his pot, and alcohol to the weekend, we were told to abstain for a week prior to the weekend so as to be as clean and sober as possible, I don’t partake because of my plethora of meds, We paid $700.00 for that weekend which we couldn’t afford but it was important for us to give our marriage 1 last chance . It was great for 2 months and then back to the same old stuff, I believe he is a pathological liar as he lies and has been caught to numerous times to count over 14 years, but that is just my opinion not a professional one. I don’t want to muddy his name here that is not my purpose in writing, I only ask in the event of divorce that je pay our mutual cell phone bill and car insurance bill a total of $25O.00 a month and maybe $300.00 cash a month he makes $4,000- $5,000 a month I make $1,066 a month, Since I left our 4 bedroom home he has rented out he has rented out the other 3 bedrooms to friends all of whom are addicted to prescription painkillers oxy’s and whatnot and sell their meds to pay their rent. All of these people frequently visited our house unannounced to smoke pot with my husband who was frequently the source. All of this I never complained about I actually liked these guys even tho I wasn’t to keen on these guys just coming over whenever. My main question is this , my husband has told me since I left the house and got an apartment with my daughter so I would have help with the rent and we are barely making it, that if we got divorced I would have to pay HIM alimony since I moved out , could this be true ? we live in Florida

    • sorry for the typos above I didn’t proofread it. thanks for any help

      • martha lell says:

        I have worked to pay all household bills even with extreme back pain. Had 5 back surgeries in 2010. I have subsequently found out I was injured during surgery and now have disabling adhesive arachnoiditis which causes intractable pain along with myriad of symptoms. I assume you sir. Believe I should be out in the streets with no alimony etc even though my husband earned 5 Times the money I did and never shared a dime with me or covered any household expense s when I had my 5 surgeries. In fact he was my emergency contact and. Couldn’t be reached during one some surgery so they had to close me up and redo surgery next day. To which he disappeated drunk that weekend. He now tHinks if If I get settlement for disabling Injuries should be half his and he shouldn’t pay alimony although my abilityto work is dec lining by the week. I think there is a special place god puts people who act like this and despise women so much.

    • Constance says:

      @Cova I was divorced in Florida. If he is the higher earner, and you have been married more than ten years, two things will happen. You are entitled to spousal support, NOT him. This is because he has the higher income of the two of you.

      Second, he may very well get a tongue lashing from the judge about his addicted friends. Hopefully this will not be brought up in court, as it may lead to criminal charges being brought up. All of that is VERY illegal in Florida.It all depends on how he decides to handle the situation…

      Good luck

  43. It makes me sick!!!!! Quit trying to make slaves of men and get out and get a job!!! Many men like me are TRAPPED in a god awful marriage because of the stay at home BUM and how the courts will make slaves of us to the lazy ass. IT IS ALL SO WRONG!!!!

  44. You know I am tired of everything. Every man I have been with has been with has been abusive and it has been my fault. I was married to a a man who before I got married who was sweet,romantic, etc. During my marriage he worked two days a week even if it was 40 hours and I worked 40 plus a part-time plus cooked, cleaned, and he made more than me. He got mad at me when I found christ and then started to be better. After I stopped to save my marriage cause I was boring and went back to my old self he cheated on me withguy and then with a couple and brought the girl to my house after he got her pregnant when we were trying to have kids. She aborted it. I asked to go to consuleing he refused. I left. I needed space he within three months started dating my best friend of 20 years cousin and brought her to court in a mini skirt classy. I even after all he did and bringing her to court never even got a lawyer and in the divorce asked for my old name back and he asked to have me pay 2000 to a mutual bill though he made three times the amount I did and I took the whole bill and said sign the divorce papers he hurt me again. It was my fault for marrying him knowing I had doubts. I still have no hard feelings. Half the problem is yours for choiseing them, etc. I had the judge questioning me and the guys there saying they wish their ex’s were like me. I have worked for 14 years sometimes 2 jobs most times. I had a daughter who’s father left and I was working part-time told them I’d leave if I didn’t get full-time and I never had masshealth, wic, or welfare, or section 8 and going to school part-time. I didn’t even make 13 and paid daycare 700 a month to work with no help other than work for a place to live being a nanny and working full-time to support my kid alone as dad wasn’t in the pic

  45. I’ve been married 30 years, our marriage broke down about eight years ago due to his drinking and his having three DUI’s. We have continued to live together in separate bedrooms and have two young adult children in college. He has been a decent provider, we have had separate accounts for some time now with each of us paying bills but he contributes to more with having the larger income. I’m finding it harder to live like this, it’s lonely and I want tomove on with life and get a divorce. I’m 56 and he is 54, he retired a year ago with full benefits and collects a full pension. He also works on the side for cash which I could not prove without putting a lot of extra money into attorney fees which I do not have. I have to work six more years before I can retire and collect my pension which I’m fine with. We live in Michigan and it’s my understanding that pensions are joint property and I have no concern with that but due to the fact that I have to work six more years would I have to pay him part of my annual earnings/weekly pay check to recieve the portion I would receive of his pension? I feel it’s fair that he gets part of my pension also but he’s healty, still young enough and brings in good side money so if he were to be awarded part of my weekly pay it would be very lopsided. Does anyone know how this would play out? I truly can’t afford to have him investigated, I’ve waited for my children to grow up to give them stability of having a family home and what they need and now I’m unsure if I will ever be able to move on. I’m looking for some good sound information and appreciate your advice. Thank you.

  46. I for sure would not marry again, unless the woman made the same amount of money or more then myself.

  47. wow sounds like a bunch of goldigging wenches to me. All women want is money and alimony. Just because you are married to someone does not mean you deserve his money. Women are almost playing the victim role; there are a lot of abusive women out there. Instead of taking other people’s money stand up for yourself and make something of yourself instead of spending tens of thousands of dollars in court fees trying to get it from him. Otherwise women in general will always be playing the golddigging card.

    • Heartbroken says:

      You are a creep…. asking for help to have a place to live isn’t being a gold digger. He has a place and is comfortable… he walked out I didn’t and now I’m left to clean up his mess! While he courts another woman who he has been seeing for awhile. He’s a deadbeat! Why should his family of 27 yrs suffers because he is a COWARD and DEADBEAT! Yet he calls me a crazy, dumb bitch because I am asking for help to get a place to live and assistance to finish my education, while working. He’s the one that didnt pay the mortgage and kept it from me. He’s the one that drew out $7000 dollars from his retirement and left me with the tax bill to pay and im a gold digger because I want him to kept his debt obligations and not stick them with me. How dare you!

  48. Heartbroken says:

    I am a 54 yr old woman who has been married for 27 years. My husband sent me a text message 2 days ago telling me he was filing for divorce. 7 months ago he experienced the loss of a parent and left to assist the remaining parent. Im not trying to be a bitch, but i certainly don’t want to lose what little he is leaving me. I have always worked and most of the time earned more money than him. We filed bankruptcy over 4yrs ago…. those payments came out of my income… over $300 a month. I work an average of 20 – 30 hrs a week but I am only guaranteed 20 hrs. I have been at my job for 22 yrs, so changing jobs is not the best option. I am trying to pursue a college degree so I can get a job with more stable hours. Almost 3 yrs ago my husband lost his job and for 66 weeks he drew unemployeement, sat on his but did nothing but clip the rose bush and drink heavily, become abusive and borrow money from his parents to pay what bills I couldn’t. I worked and went to school full time, maintained a 3.57 GPA. Our mortgage has not been paid for nearly a year, my son and his family have lived with us for 6 yrs, my daughter lives here, and he wants to kick us to the curb and leave us with nothing, so he can be happy in his new life. He has a job working 40 hrs a week, and a house to live in clear and free, and a car clear and free. He has all the luxuries that we will have to give up and I wont even be able to find a place. He is leaving me no place to live, 2 cars that are in serious need of major repairs, household appliances that are broken down or very old and need replacing and contents of the house of broken stuff…. he took anything of value when he left. For all of the marriage he drank….had little ambission

  49. Heartbroken says:

    All i want is some help finding a place and getting on my feet and to allow me to finish my degree… and he isn’t willing to to put it in writing. He says I should take his word for it. He tells me if I don’t sign the divorce papers I will get nothing, he doesn’t want the kids to know and he said if I tell anyone he will stop paying the bills he pays. He says I wont win, and that we have nothing. He is power of attorney for his parents estate and will inherit everything they have. I don’t want those things I only want the help to live as comfortable as he is living. I don’t know what to do… I’m devasted! He told the attorney that I was in agreement and that we talked about it. We never once discussed divorce or anything to that effect. He was drinking at least a six pack a day if not more. I assume his girlfriend is pressuring him to get the divorce. He told me that I wasn’t his family and that he wasn’t doing this to the kids. I have contacted legal assistance but don’t know my options yet. I don’t think its fair of him to expect me to live with less than he has so he can remarry and give his new family a better life than we deserve. He left on the guise of taking care of his parent but he doesn’t do that at all. On his days off he spends it with his new girlfriend away from his sick parent is left alone. I travelled up there every 2 weeks until the car became unsafe to drive long distances. So you can imagine my shock when I got the text. Oh did I mention that he left me a house that is falling apart, to the point the city has come after me for code violations… I don’t have the money to fix it… so I will be fined and put in jail when it doesn’t get done. I’ve asked him for help but he hasn’t sent me any money … only the promise of it. My utilities are due and it exceeds what I get paid. But yet he just bought my daughter a brand new pair of converse and had a new ac unit installed where he lives. The home AC and Heat unit in the house we live in doesn’t work and hasn’t since he left… we use window air and space heater, which is jacking up the utilities cost. I forgot to mention he also drew out his 401 k and left me with the tax liability it. If I discharge the bankruptcy I will gain that money but will lose the car. His comment is then get another job. He couldn’t get one in 2 yrs why would he think I could find one that will work with my current work schedule. I guess he thinks I should work 2 jobs, so he can Welch on his half of the debts … 75% of which he initiated and used. Before this, all I wanted was help… now I think I want whatever I can get and for as long as I can get it. He contributed to the fall of this marriage and blames me…. all I ever did was work towards a better future for both of us. I gave 100% and he never gave more than 50% ever.

  50. I honestly have no idea why any woman would want to marry a man. Men are overwhelmingly simply over-grown children. The vast majority of men are self-involved and focus primarily on sex. With few exceptions, men can’t even balance a checkbook. And, most don’t earn enough money to support their families. They have little to no ambition, not to mention pride, to attempt to acquire a job that pays over $10/hr.

    I own my own business and I make sure all bills are paid and my children are provided for, in every way. I have heard men complain about their exes and about having to pay child support. These men are all basically barflies. They will spent their whole paycheck at the bars drinking and spending money on women who only talk to them for the free alcohol these men buy them. Yet, they bitch about child support! I guess the potential of having sex with another barfly out-weighs the need for a child to feel an inkling of support from ‘dad.’

    Get over yourselves!! If the first woman couldn’t tolerate you, I’ll guarantee the next won’t!! Not for very long, anyway!

  51. Can anyone help me my ex husband Is retiring from the Army wen divorced in 2008 I waved all entitlements not clearly under standing what I signed the divorce was in Kentucky I live in Illinois can I get a Real lawyer to help me get what I am untitled to. He retires in November !! Please some one Help

  52. There’s a lot of bitterness around this subject and understandably so. I think the courts should be fair about it. If a woman gave up her career to take care her husband and children, then yes she’s entitled to alimony. But, if the kids are grown up, that doesn’t mean the woman should just get a free ride while the man has to shoulder the burdens of working. The woman should get a job or go to college. The man should pay what’s fair to support the woman in college, or to supplement woman’s income. How is it fair and just if the man works while the woman gets a permanent vacation?

    In cases where there were no children, then perhaps some alimony for a time period should be paid, but certainly not as much as if the woman gave up her career for the sake of the family. Alimony should not be a ticket to a free ride and it should not enable the ex-wife to be sinfully lazy and irresponsible for her own welfare!

    Who am I? I am a woman who got NO alimony award, and even though I was supposed to get child support, I only got about $3000 total from my deadbeat ex-husband. (The children were 5 & 7 when we divorced). So, I get why some women deserve alimony, but not a FREE ride. Where’s the justice in that!?


    • You’ll need to discuss this with your attorney. There is no way of us knowing what a judge in your community would do, but unless there are extraordinary circumstances involved, such as debilities, I wouldn’t imagine you would get support for much longer than half the marriage, even if it were a few months longer that you had been married.

  54. I am a housewife of 10 years. I have an asperger son. I am also goung through chemo and radiation for stage 3 ampullary cancer. I also had unrelated kidney cancer 16 months ago. My husband decided to tell me yesterday that he is leavung me and divorcing me. If I live more than 5 years Ibwill be lucky as my xancer is very aggressive. I will need alimoney. Have not worked in 20 years and am 46 years old. I believe he owes me alimony. I will get all I can.

    • I am reading ,so many bad history …i am sorry ,you going to get all u can get ,i would like to talk with some make some friends ,i am in the same boat

  55. Oh yeah. I forgot. His whole reasoning for leaving me is so that he xan get a motorcycle and all the thing he can not afford while supporting a family.

  56. Constance says:

    I am posting here because I have slightly more than a complex issue. I married my now ex-husband while he was serving in the reserves. Four years later, he went active duty in 1999. He had 12 years active duty time in when we divorced in 2011. He also had some 11 years six months reserve time in prior to going active duty.

    In 2004, when he was active duty, I was diagnosed with late stage cancer, and I went through grueling chemotherapy treatments for nine months, followed by a massive amount of radiation. I went into remission. I now suffer from complications from having received certain chemotherapy drugs that damaged my nerves and my heart.

    Fourteen years into the marriage, and after my cancer diagnosis, I found out that my military husband who was then traveling all over the world in regards to his military service had been cheating on me for years. Explains why he lost interest in me. I asked for the divorce, but when I spoke to an attorney, he suggested that we formally do a legal separation, and stick it out for a few years, “Staying married on paper”, as then I would be a 20/20/20 military wife… with twenty years of active duty service which he would then have, twenty years married, all twenty years overlapping. That it was crucial because of the state of my health, and because I would need his medical coverage.

    He then (almost immediately after the legal separation was completed) moved his girlfriend to where he was stationed, and began using his BAH to keep her in an apartment near the base. He stopped paying the mortgage on the house, had the utilities turned off ( we had a high school aged child at home) and began making my life miserable. Although I was in no way fit to do so, I went to work, and tried to make my way wanting nothing from him. He filed for formal divorce some six months later. The divorce itself took almost two years. It was very spiteful on his end. He used to bring his girlfriend to mediation sessions, to court procedures and hearings,etc.

    He was active duty when we divorced in September 2011. We had been married nearly 17 years. The judge awarded me spousal support that was to be paid until I die, he dies or I remarry, as he ( the judge) felt that since I was in the condition that I was in I would need the financial assistance to exist . I was ordered to move out of our marital home, and my ex husband short sold it rather than agreeing to remortgage it at current market rate to me, because he didn’t want me to have it. He never paid me a dime in spousal support that was ordered. The judge would not garnish alimony, as by the time the divorce was finalized, our youngest was 18, and no child support was ordered. I brought him to court in 2012, in August, and he told the judge that he was unemployed, left the military and had no income.

    I find out this is a LIE. The department of defense said he did in fact separate from the military, but not until the 26th of September 2012. He had remarried almost immediately after the divorce. He now lives in Hawaii. I am trying to pursue him for the support because I can no longer work. I was let go form my last job because I could not perform the duties expected of me. My neurological problem interferes too much. I am in the process of my Social Security Disability claim.

    Now I don’t know if this plays into anything in this scenario or not, but when I Googled his address in Hawaii… he lives on a military base. I do not know if he re-enlisted in the military once he got out in 2012, or if he now works on the base as a civilian contractor. Neither of us live in the State where we filed for divorce. I am having to use public resources, and am getting food stamps and other public assistance. Something that I would not have to do if I received my spousal support. How do I go about finding out where he works, and pursuing the arrears ( now tens of thousands of dollars) ? I have tried to talk to DFAS, but they said since I am no longer his spouse, they are not allowed to give me that information. Any advice would be greatly appreciated on how to pursue this issue.

  57. I married, divorced married divorce the same man 3 times. This went on for 27 years. Am I entitled to his Social Security Benefits?

  58. I have been married for 17 years, 15 I have been a Homemaker/Caregiver. I have 3 children and my spouse had an injury while he was in the Military. 2 yrs. After our marriage he started the 1st of 18 surgeries on his knee due to the injury. He is now a 90% disabled vet and works Fed Gov. I have no access to finances, and want out. Any I able to receive any of the retirement from Fed gov. He has over 15 years off. Or the VA disability. I have been the one taking care of him and our children?

    • You probably don’t have a property right in the VA benefit since is is paid for disability, but you certainly have a property right in the federal retirement earned while you were married. And of course you are entitled to child support and possibly alimony as well. Consult with an attorney in your area to see what the law is and how you can proceed to get what is due you.

  59. I worked 14 yrs at a business my wife inherited now we are separating am I entitled to anything in calif I was also ceo of the corp now she is selling it

    • If you and she received reasonable salaries for your efforts, then you may not be entitled to anything. If the business grew over the years she owned it because of the efforts you and she put in, then maybe you are entitled to something. It’s definitely a complicated issue in case law, and you’ll want to consult with a competent attorney regarding this issue.

  60. There is no benefit to being married 2 , 10 or 25 years, all its done for me is make me hate all men.
    I’ve been married 46 years and I was married in the afternoon and by the evening I was as good as single again. And the only person I can blame is myself.
    It took him about 10 minutes to have sex with me and that was our first and last time. He left me at our wedding night hotel and went home, told me he had to be at work by 11pm. Since that time he’s lived alone in our basement alone and hasn’ t said more than two words to me per year, (HI and GOODBY) .
    Now I thought I could fix everything and needless to say I ruined my life trying.
    I’m in my mid 60’s and to be honest I just don’t care. I said I should have moved on but I didn’t and I’ve regreted every day, year, minute of my life.

  61. My husband and I have been married almost 28 years, but now he wants a divorce. I’m disabled with Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease and severe depression. He has over the course of a few years an alcoholic, we used to go out and do things together then he got weird and refused and if I went I was labeled a *slut*. I’m an outgoing person considering what disease I have. Anyway he also said I cheated which I didn’t I was talking to a male friend at his house about depression since my spouse doesn’t understand it, isn’t cheating involve sex? we talked a lot but there was no physical contact.

    My Q is am I entitled to alimony and do I have to sell the house, I love the house but he has always hated it actually his motto is and I quote * If it doesn’t concern me I don’t care *

    Please give me any helpful advice that you can, I’ll be so grateful, I’m scared and I don’t know what to do or where to turn.

  62. I have been separated from my husband for 10 years. I walked out because of abuse and was in a battered woman’s program until I got into an apartment. We are both on SSDI. He retired many years ago at the same time he became disabled with MS. At this time we lost our health insurance ( we have 4 children). I went back to school and worked as a mental health counselor so I could provide myself and children with health and dental ins. My husband was able to keep his insurance from his, I am on SSDI for a primary immune disorder, the children are grown and on there own…I have never pursued a divorce. However, recently when I asked him to give me some money to visit my elderly mother, his answer was if you give me sex you can have the money… This infuriated me.. I am wondering if I should look into a divorce.

    • You could pursue a divorce, of course, but perhaps what you should address is the underlying issues of control and money, so perhaps meeting with a mediator to help you work out a more equitable financial situation that doesn’t require you asking him for money would be in order. If you later decide to divorce, you’ll already have your financial plan in place.

  63. The worst person to take legal advice is your ex-husband. Talk to an attorney to see if any of that is true — it doesn’t sound right to me.

  64. Haven't I fulfilled my Obligation? says:

    I was in a marriage for 20 yrs and miserable from the first year forward.We BOTH worked from the beginning. I left 4 times and each time only returned because I had a son (who is in his 30’s today) We separated 13 yrs ago pending a divorce. Court ordered… temp maintenance, sell house and divide up possessions then come back with divorce agreement. We sold house, Gave her everything we owned. I took on all of the credit card debt and pay her maintenance. I also have to pay for her health ins until we divorce and keep her as beneficiary on my life insurance. We came to an agreement and the night before wife was to sign divorce papers she had a stroke. Her attorney told her not to divorce. Let me support her for the rest of her life. She has refused divorce. and will not agree to a LEGAL separation either. She collects maintenance of $200/ week, collects half of my SS, I still provide Health insurance, she receives disability AND has had numerous jobs she’s been “let go” from. While collecting SS and Disability she was working as a home health aid under the table for an elderly woman (who’s son is a local judge) that since passed and may be doing the same now. I think she also volunteers at the local hospice. She owns her own home, car etc. I would like to retire but she has to sign off on that and won’t. If I try to get a divorce she will ask for half of my retirement which I was not entitled to until 3 yrs ago and half of my annuity which was worth less than half of what it is today when we separated. Haven’t I fulfilled my obligation? Who makes the laws in this state.

    • The laws of each state are different, and are made by the state legislature of the state. You will need to contact an attorney to see what your rights and obligations are under the law of your state. In most states, if one of you wants a divorce or legal separation, it will happen. It doesn’t take agreement of both parties.

  65. Michelle says:

    Hi hope you can help with this question. My husband and I have been married 32 years, in Calif, he left a 11 months ago after he was caught cheating, at that time we were married 31 years. It was a shock to say the least. We have no children. I have worked as an nurse, RN, and he works construction. We both brought home about the same income every year give or take a few k. He wants a simple agreeable divorce. I am still very lost, hurt, and angry and find it difficult to think about. He has agreed to give me the house which I owe 19000.00 on and is worth about 250000. This is out of his guilt. He will keep his 401k which is about 60000, and all the “toys” trailer, Harley, quads, ect…I have payed all the household bills and mortgage since he left 10 months ago. He left in June 2013 and in August 2013 I fell and broke my hip, in hospital a week surgery to repair. I broke the same hip and femur two more times by November 2013. I was on Disabilty which has run out now and do not gave any source of income. Still in a wheelchair 50% of the time. My doctors say I need to apply for permanent Disabilty, however I really want to be able to return to work but can’t in my condition. I am NOT taking advantage of any system as I have worked all my life since I was fifteen years old. So after all that, my question is can I get alimony? My husband is now living pay check to paycheck. His rent is as much as my mortgage. He makes about 60k a year and WAS putting 15% in 401k, don’t know if he is now. How could you get blood from a rock if he is barely supporting himself? Sure I want him to feel some pain because of how badly he hurt me. I am now 52 and never thought I would be in this position, I am lost and depressed. I have no more saving so I can’t afford an attorney. Thank you very much hope to read an answer from you soon.

  66. Michelle says:

    There is a big difference now, from 50 k to 0 for me and his has not changed still at least 50k thanks again

  67. kim, ssa employee, retired army, mother, wife says:

    I was taught along time ago, don’t wait for a night in shining armor to take you away on his white horse, you be the night and pick who you want. “For Richer or Poorer” With that being said, I get it when a women feels she let her self worth be dictated by her families needs. Now, its time to get up, get healthy and get strong.

    Follow this recipe and believe me it works:

    1. Surround yourself with positive people
    2. Get your body right by exercise and healthy food choices
    3 Get out of your funk, that man didn’t choose you with funk
    4 Look at your marriage, if you have more bad times then good times get some professional help , council, couples you know who have been married for years, a pastor and maybe even an attorney
    5. Learn something new
    6. Get some new friends and new clothes (even if the marriage is over why look like it hurts)
    7 Reinvent yourself, if you can’t do the job you use to, do one that you can. Example: Nurse, if you can’t work on a hospital floor, teach, supervise health care from you home. Woman with little to know formal education manage something., blog for a check you wrote on this site.

    In short you came here alone, your leaving here alone, but while your here do you!

  68. Im married for12 years now and im planning to divorce my husband .. Im not working since we got married…hes the one working i elligible to get alimony or any benefits.. We have 1 kid shes 12 yrs old does my kid gonna be with me any child support?

  69. My mom is divorced from my father she was married to him more than ten yrs while they were married he was in the vietam war ,she has since re married but her spouse has since past away over four yrs ago. My father now wants to remarry my mom and wants her to get his benfits. My question is does she have to remarry him to be intiled to his Va benfits.

  70. I divorced my husband of 20 years.
    I remarried a man who was divorced after 20+ years.
    His wife has not remarried. (yet)
    If she remains unmarried, what benefits does she qualify for as far as SS benefits and does that affect us? What if my husband passes away – does she get to claim rights to a portion of his benefits?

    • If your husband dies, you get widow benefits equal to the amount he would have gotten under his earnings history if he had lived.
      His former spouse would get surviving divorced spouse benefits, also equal to the amount he would have gotten if he had lived.
      The fact that she is getting those benefits doesn’t affect you.

  71. My Dad is 92 as of 5/3/2014, his wife is 85 as of 4/2014. Currently he is in a rehab unit in a long term care facility. As of 6/11 he has to leave due to Medicare plus he hates the place and so do we. They have a senior apartment and they do not have the care my dad needs so their lease is up the end of June. She told us to find a place where dad go. So we are looking for something. We checked with our local VA but you need to be 70% service connected, he is only 35% Plus she wants a place where she can go with him. She said yesterday if that happens she will divorce him and ask for $100,000. She said she gave all her money away. My dad is so dependent on her because he thinks she is such a wonderful person but we all know different. She will already get his survivor benefits. She lived alone and was able to afford her senior apartment $1600+ other expenses before our dad moved into the building. Please comment ASAP Thanks

  72. dakota smith says:

    I am divorced after a 15 yr marriage. I was remarried after that and became totally permanently disabled and this new husband passed away. I was granted full disability with getting my check and his check because I was 50 at the time of disability and becoming a widow all in the same year so my check both of them together is $1477 a month. Now what I want to know is this, the prior husband of 15 yrs also remarried and still is (17 yrs now) but he is only 55 yrs old and still works making around $4000 a month. Why am I not able to collect money now off of his monthly income? Why do I have to wait until he retires at 65? I need the money now. Also he is a citizen but is thinking of leaving the country for good. What will happen to me getting his check amount if he leaves the country. Thanks

    • When he reaches retirement age and you are also retirement age, you will be eligible for retirement benefits based on his earnings record, if you are not remarried at the time. But it is doubtful those benefits will exceed your widow’s benefits, so you will get widow’s benefits rather that collecting based on your divorced first spouse. Benefits are based on the law, not on your needs.

  73. I have been on SSD for eight years and turned 50 recently – I am divorced – but was married for ten years – will my benefit rate change now that i am 50? – my benefit is based on my work record now – but i read somewhere I should be able to have payment based on his work record. Is that right?

    • Your SSD will continue until both you and he are of retirement age. At that point it will change to a retirement benefit based on your earnings record or a divorced spouse retirement benefit based on his earnings record, and you’ll get whichever benefit is higher.

  74. This will sound stupid, but here goes: I was married to my first husband over 10 years. He is now deceased and I want to draw off his Soc. Sec. benefits. However, I cannot recall the name of the city we got married in!! And you have to know that to file for SS benefits as survivor. But it was almost 50 years ago, so that is my only excuse. I know it was in North Carolina, but cannot recall the city! How can I find out?

    • Did Social Security Administration personnel tell you that you need to know what city you were married in? If so, tell them that you don’t remember, and see if there is something else you can do.

      • Ann nonymous says:

        You can obtain a copy of the marriage license if you can remember the county. Otherwise, do a public records check online.

  75. In response to the question about the new wife being upset because her spouse has to pay alimony to her, all I have to say is that she was with him first. You knew this when you married him, so deal with it lady. I am disabled and my x has been ordered to pay me maintenance and I haven’t seen a dime from him. The state of Washington is so behind they don’t even require these low life bums to give them their new addresses for contact and the judges there will return guns to guys in domestic violence cases that say they are going to blow their wives’ brains out. They order you to sign quit claim deeds on your homes and when the bums don’t make the house payments, it affects your credit when you had nothing to do with it going into foreclosure. When they sell community property ;when they have been court ordered not to, the judges don’t even slap their hands. If you have a judgment on a home that you have been court ordered to sign a quit claim on, and it finally sells, guess what, the judgment doesn’t mean crap. Everything in this state is backward. The only people that benefit in this state if a person has to hire an attorneys to protect themselves is the legal system itself and all involved but the people paying the attorneys.

  76. WA law sucks. They won’t even enforce their own laws. I say lock the bums up and let them rot. Talk about irresponsibility. This goes for the judges and the bums that we marry.

  77. just some guy says:

    Women seem entitled to a man’s wallet and earnings both during marriage and after.

    I have an idea about partnership and equality, try thinking about your situation with the gender roles reversed.

    Deadbeat non-working husband, in the form a of a woman this is called a “housewife”.

    Abusive male behavior, in the form of a woman, this is called shrewish bitch with-holder of sex.

    I dropped a “housewife” of almost 20 years and I have never been happier after removing this parasite from my life. The wife never had a job, we didn’t have kids, she didn’t cook and cleaned just enough to not be embarrassed. The sex was better than nothing, but usually reserved for a few times a month. Not that being romantic wasn’t initiated more frequently by myself, but it was always too, tired, cold, hot, busy, head hurts, cramps, etc.

    She tried to bring up the idea of alimony forever and I said, go ahead and try, this is Texas. You just need to prove that you are incapable of earning your own way!

    I used one of women’s two powers against her. Women have the power of sex and the power of shame. I shamed her into dropping the threat of alimony because she was a dependent child for our entire marriage not a fully functioning adult and partner!

    I’m now a Man Going Their Own Way MGTOW. I’m that 47 year old guy with the paid off sports car, nice motorcycle, a house, a great job, great friends, fun hobbies, disposable income, retirement accounts, no debt and I can choose the women I interact with and most are disgustingly materialistic and looking for a white knight to save them from their piles of consumer debt.

    When I find a woman that doesn’t look at my paycheck as her prerogative, I think I might have found Mrs. Right, but until then they will just be Mrs. Right Now! Funny how being tall, not in bad shape and with more than the average amount of money makes the panties drop.

    Take notes here kids, the 18yo male geeks turn into successful men 20 years later, while the 18yo prom queens squeeze out a few pups and start to show their mileage 20 years later!

  78. Reverse mortgage equity low,will need additional 1200.00 monthly to maintain my home. Married 30 yrs. to serviceman. Can I obtain financial aid from government?

  79. There is no benefit to be married 10, 25 or 45 years all my years have been the same. Married 56 years and since day one my husband has no interest in me at all. We did have sex once he told me it was disgusting to the point of puking, no excitement, to much effort for so little, no real meaning. And he didn’t understand what people saw in such a messy, smelly act. No THANKS!!! So hes lived in our basement since day one and worked the mid night shift all holidays. weekends and has never been home for a special occasion. Welcome to my world! In our mid 60’s now and really don’t care about me or him. Sad but true!!!!!!

  80. What about a structured settlement, if we have been married 10 years and he just sold part of it am I entitled to any of it? This man has stolen so much money from me and been using meth off and on our whole marriage and all of a sudden is leaving me to get help instead of fixing our marriage. He’s pushing me away and giving me no options but to move on by myself. Neither of us have filed yet but it’s gonna happen, can you give me any advice?? I’m still in love with him and he’s abandoning me.

    • You’ll need to consult an attorney in your area about the laws that govern structured settlements and funds received during marriage. To prevent him squandering the rest of it, you may have to file for divorce so you can get the court’s protection.

  81. Why Ginita Wall, CPA CFP Exemplifies the Need for Family Law Reform says:

    Thank you Ms. Wall for confirming why Family Law Reform is critical. Ladies and Gentlemen, Ginita’s advice is not only discriminatory but an example of severe gender bias. Her background in itself will confirm her personal and complex behavior issues with this issue. I’ll be including her information in an upcoming column to bring forth awareness as to why her logic and advice is skewed and nothing more than destructive for the higher earning spouse, gender neutral. Lastly, I’m sure some of the Military men and women who fought in the war for our benefit would not appreciate her rather scathing remarks on Military garnishments. Again, thank you Ms. Wall, your destructive advice as a CPA destroying men, women, children, extended family members and society will be publicized. Please seek professional assistance.

    • In most states spouses have a mutual duty to support each other — this is by operation of law, and not a matter of personal opinion or gender bias. The rules about military pay are set by the government, and anyone in the military or married to someone in the military needs to know what they are. The laws apply to both sexes, are set by law, and are not a matter of personal opinion or gender bias.

      Of course you are entitled to your opinion — we all are. If you believe that the laws of the states and federal government are destroying individuals, families and society as a whole, then it is your civic duty to work to do something about it. Ranting about your dissatisfaction here accomplishes nothing.

  82. Hello,
    First of all, this is for Wonen only article?
    I am having a divorce and she put it on a paper that we lived for 9years and 5months. She took all the money from joint account and even she wants a 100% custody of my child.
    I have not seen her for a month and her mother and she is brainwahing here that I am a bad bad person.
    Let me tell you someting here. All the ladies out there if you loved your husband so much than you would not care of how much I am getting after or before 10 years. Divorice is not win win game, man and woman both are loosing. I have no right to say this since I am having a divorce but we had a pretty happy family until she was in depression. Nothing worked and her emotion changes consitantly but I was always with her. Please If you thinking about divorce and thinking about what can we get after or before 10 years and TITLE is kind of funny saying “what is the benefit” come on Men are not a bank!!
    Divorce is a last thing and it is not a good one since both parties loosing not winning!

  83. connie d. says:

    I was married to my husband of 17 yrs and 10 months in Calif. I file for divorce on June 6-14 before he moved to Mont on June 13-14. He is in the National Guard for 18 1/2 yrs I didn’t work because I took care of my disable daughter. I was hurt on the job 1997 and had three surgeries. I have Cancer but it’s asleep r/now and other medical problems. He will not tell me where he works but I know where he lives. I will be asking for retirement pay. can I get spouse support, if so, can it go with me if I move out of Calif, to another state? How long will can I get it or ask for it, if I am in another state. I did get a job but will not be the amount that my husband makes. I am on GR but I will be loosing that when I state because I will make more then they allow but not enough to get a place of my own. Thanks

    • Yes, you are probably eligible for spousal support, since he makes more that you do and you do not earn enough to cover your needs and were in a long term marriage. Once support has been ordered, he must pay it to you no matter where you move to. Ask your attorney, but you will likely get support for as long as you need it and he has the ability to pay. At the point that you can earn enough to cover your needs, support would probably not continue.

  84. My now husband and I lived together for 8 years and them he got hurt on water and collected settlement money from jones act. Now we are married What do I get

    • When he dies you’ll get the portion of his estate that he leaves to you or that the law entitles you to. If you divorce, you’ll get whatever your state law provides, which may be support based on the income from the property if you need support. If you stay married, then you and he likely have a mutual obligation to support each other under state law, so that’s what you get.

  85. Ava Llee Marie says:

    My husband and lived together for 10 years before we were married. I moved into a house he was building and we lived there for 5 years. I had two both boys from a previous marriage and we had a daughter together during the 10 years we lived together. We moved into a new house, he put the house in his name only , we were married when our daughter was 7 yrs old, our kids were our wedding party. My husband has always been extremely controlling but thought marriage may change that until he presented me with a pre-nup 3-4 days before our wedding (this is after 10 years together and having a daughter who is now 7). I was shocked, if I didn’t sign it he said wedding was off. I should not signed but found myself crying in an attorneys office days before our wedding with friends and family that I planned myself. Yes I signed under duress and it put a damper on everything after. I understand the prenup was not signed in the time frame to be valid but I think they changed the date to reflect a valid time frame. I thought marriage would change things but actually made it worse.
    We have been married now for over 12 years so 22 years total living together. He has never had a joint account with me, he controls everything, including the gas for our cars and the food we buy
    . I have worked as a realtor, event planner and in marketing. I am on a commission based job right now but have taken care of the house, have paid for all the shutters, most furniture, custom paint etc. Over the past few years i have been very unhappy but have held off divorce because of our daughter, she’s now in college but commuting from home. I cannot take his demanding, unfair and controlling ways anymore ( I could write a shocking book on but thats another story.) I have no money, he destroyed my credit over the years by taking control of my credit cards and then not paying them, he dribbles out money only as needed for very basic things. I had enough and to court to file papers but have no money of my own, because when I did have money I took care of my bills, food etc to avoid the demeaning task of having to ask him. I want a divorce, but we live in California, the house is in his name only, I have no money, bad credit. Do I have any right at all to this house? I am filing papers and using a fee waiver because personally I have nothing, will my daughter and I have to move out of the house? I know he will become even more vengeful and impossible to live with once he is served but I have no where to go, I have already waited too long and am suffering emotionally which has caused me some physical problems as well. I’m in my mid 50’s now and not getting any younger…Please advise.

    • Talk to an attorney about your rights in the house. You may need to go to court to get orders giving you the right to continue to live there with your daughter, and you definitely have a financial interest in the house. Don’t let your husband tell you what are and are not your rights. Find out the law. There are also a number of books out there that you can read, such as “How to Do Your Own Divorce in California” and other books about California law. Bone up — this is your life we’re talking about, so you need to take control, no matter what.

  86. Ava Llee Marie says:

    PS WE have spoke of divorce in the past, yet he threatens that no court or attorney is going to tell him what to do or how much money to give me. He will beat the system, he will file bankruptcy or do what it takes even if that means beating up the attorney in the parking lot and going to jail. I know for fact that he as gifted money to a friend and maybe his brother to hold as well as opened a joint account with his mother. He constantly tells me he’s borrowing money to pay bills,from where??? he makes over $200k a year has a company paid BMW 750 . I have driven a Honda now for 7 years and not complaining. But from what he has put me and the children though over the years and dealing with his temper scares me of what he might do??.

  87. hi well let me seeiv been married for 40 years and my husband is cheating on me and has for many years we are both retired and he has two retiremints and ssi I make about 1500 he gets 3000 a month we own a home but owe 2 3rds what its worth I live in California am I entitaled to an support if I devorce

    • If the retirement and pension was earned during marriage then you are probably entitled to half of them as part of the property settlement. Once you have divided the retirement is divided, your income will likely be pretty similar, so neither of you would owe support to the other.

  88. How can I find out if I am entitled to part of my ex-husband’s pension from the Teamsters? We were married 32 years and have been divorced for 13 years. I am remarried now. We both live in Colorado. I am unsure of what information you need.

    • Your husband’s pension should have been dealt with in your divorce decree, so look at that document to see what it says. Whatever you agreed on is what is determinative. If it wasn’t dealt with in your divorce, then it is an after-discovered asset, and you’ll need to take legal steps to open up your divorce to deal with this asset.

  89. My friend is battling for breast cancer for 5 years now
    and the cancer is no cures..she was married for her husbabd
    for nearly 10 years..suddenly there married is gonna end
    because he found a new woman who he got his personal
    needs as a the moment they are in a situations
    of processing the property settlements. He offering
    her $25,000 as he said thats the amount that she is eligible
    because of her condition that she is not gonna live for
    My question are the law different on because of her condition? Or she should be treated same as the other weman who get the rights
    of a normal wife gets for divorse..she did not work
    since the got married as he wished not to..they had
    one child. She is stating in WA Australia.

    • I doubt the laws are different because of her condition. She should talk to an attorney instead of taking legal advice from her soon-to-be husband.

    • Similar story with my neighbor. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and her husband decided he wasn’t going to stay in the marriage some 10 years ago.

      She told me this gave her a reason to fight to not give him the satisfaction. She is now cancer and a-hole free!

      It can be tough, especially in the 5th year. My mom was taken by ovarian in 2010 after a 6 year battle. My prayers are with you and your friend.

      I’m looking at a divorce myself. Turns out my wife has Covert NPD, aka closet narcissist. I was an abused 6’4 275lb man and didn’t even realize it… Really. A lot of the discussions I’ve read are male vs female, but the sad reality is it is the selfishness in all of us that drives the behavior…

  90. I need help,married 27 years,I’m on disability for 16 years and have been dependent on my husband. I moved out in March due to repeated verbal, mental,and physical abuse.. I’m bipolar and on meds. My ss disability check is 1022.00 ..He’s income is 87,000.00 year. Please tell me if I can get alimony..He says he will file bankruptcy and let the house go into foreclosure if I try to get alimony….Help please advise me…I’m very afraid of what he will do

  91. Calpernia says:

    I have been married for 11 years to someone who was unfaithful and I left after our second year of marriage. During which time we dated other people and I had a child with someone else. We are both from California but married in Hawaii. He served four years in the military during our marriage and is now a cop in California. Am I still entitled to receive benefits?

  92. Calpernia says:

    And if I am what are they?

  93. Hello
    Nice article. Question. Our relative, she was married say 18 years, her husband leaves her and divorce final 7/24 however his mom died 6/21. Turns out now he will get like 15k from the sale of the house. Will she get anything from it since the death was prior and they were married so long?

  94. I was married for 15 years. We agreed to spousal support for half the duration of the marriage, which coinsidentaly terminated when my youngest turned 18. It has been 14 years since our divorce. All obligations were fullfilled. Met a wonderful man. Considering marriage,…but hesitate because in his decree….spousal support ( which is currently -0-). is under the juridiction of the court until remarriage of his ex or death of both parties. Divorced for 6 years…He was only married 9 years and his son is now 18. Is there any way to get this open ended SS modification terminated. I don’t want to be in a marriage where I worry about suddenly having to pay spousal support just because his ex suddenly becomes unable to work, or we come into some money.

  95. I guess I’m one of “those” women that need alimony. My husband up and left a year and a half ago for another woman, married 22 years. My house burned down last summer, insurance paid for rent but that ran out. I have no car, only an 8th grade education. I was working as a waitress/bartender when we met and theearly years iof our marriage, then we had kids, he wanted me to stay home with the kids, I did, took care of them and him, I was very good at being a wife and mother. Shortly after our last left for college, he left me for a woman in his carpool. I’m 50, no job skills, no education, I have no money, I can’t even get a lawyer to even try to get a divorce and alimony and he won’t file for divorce because he doesn’t want to give me anything. Not all women are horrible gold diggers, I thought we’d be together till death, now I’m stuck with no way to get him to help me.

  96. I am married not a legal separated to a Canadian in Canada. I am back living in the states. I am an American citizen. I can’t afford all these doctor bills and hospital bills. I am try to pay them off. We own a oil business in Canada and I am not getting any money. I am half owner. It would cost me $8000.00 just to hire a lawyer. I don’t have that kind of money. Can he legally pay for my doctor bills or at least part of them. He sitting pretty with all the monies. Making easy 300-400 thousand year, I am working two jobs at 14 an hour. I am still not making it and living in a 5th wheel. I left because, he beat the hell out of me and stalked me. It is all reported to and photos were taken. What are my rights?

  97. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We are currently in bankruptcy due to his inability to keep a job. I’ve worked for the last 9 years in a government job. He recently stopped helping me pay any of the bills. It hard because right now I’m on disability OWCP because I was injured on the job. I trying to get a divorce, but I’m currently paying EVERYONE accept half the mortgage. I need help! How can I file for divorce and pay for an attorney with little to no money. I’ve talked to my bankruptcy and suggest that I stay, until completed. But he’s become violent to my daughter his stepdaughter who is 19 going to college. What can I do?

  98. I have been married 11 years. I have been googling this question and can’t seem to find an answer. Husband has self directed IRA. He had around 300k when we married and it has since gone up 200k plus. If we divorce am I entitled to the gains since first married. ( This is not a 401k) This would equal about 100, half of the gains. Am I correct in assuming this? I have not contributed to this account and could not because it had to remain in his name only. Does a self directed IRA need a QDRO? I live in California a community property state. Thank you!

    • If no funds have been contributed to the account since you married, then the account is entirely his separate property and you do not have any interest.

      An IRA does not require a QDRO.

      • I just want to be clear about this. No contributions have been made, but it has grown over 11 years by 200k or more. I am not entitled to half of gains? yikes! I am on it as beneficiary for all of it. But would only have asked for half of the gains. He can just take me off as beneficiary any time he wants, as well? Because it is entirely his according to law? Oh this is not good. So even in a community state, gains are not divided in a self directed IRA ( thank you so much for taking the time to answer) I just want to make absolutely sure, as a lot is at stake. I think I am toast!


  99. I have been married for 30 years around 5 years ago we both made mistakes. we sleep in separate rooms we almost live like roommates. Although I would never let anyone else talk to me the way he does I am not stupid I see my marriage is over he won’t file , he says he will never give me half (that’s the law in FL) so he has all our money he says he earns it it is his. I am an Insulin Dependent diabetic with I had when we got married. I am bi – polar and I have a spinal disease. Yes my perscriptions alone cost about 12,000.00 a year that does not include doctor visits. I am 54 now my disease’ are affecting me more he is always yelling at me witch causes so much stress my emotions are a wreak,. w.ich makes me physically ill. I have no access to money I have to ask him for everything. He can not get out of the past he makes good money but says he can’t live off of half so shut up or i’ll kick u out (he has done this before) the lease is in his name, so the cops make me leave,.he’ll cus me out then 3 hours later act like nothing happened.I am searching for an attorney that won’t make me pay upfront NO luck yet.He has also said he will do anything so I don’t get half his money. I feel stuck With all my medical no one will hire me. He has gotten violent before he knows I am afraid of him so he feeds off that

  100. Is the 10 year period from when the marriage started to when it was finalized? Or is the 10 year period from when the marriage started and when the divorce papers were served ?

  101. Hi,
    Guys I feel shocked and sad because my husband of 13 years came home one day and asks me to sign divorce papers.i felt like I was put in a oven. All I could do is cry my eyes out. Of course as usual he never comes and comfort me. But anyways. He brought from my country when I was younger and put me in a small city. He kept telling me that we will move to Florida when I retire. That was the only hope keeping me going. Now after 13 years of marriage he is asking me to pick myself and go back to my country. Like a package he ordered and doesn’t want anymore. He knows I have nobody here. I have no money nothing. I have begged him to wait but he’s treating like a dog. I wanna know if I have any rights to benefits after he divorces me because he seems to have no problems if I live on the street. And when I tell him ‘where am I gonna go? He says go back to your country. So I’ll tell my family I am back because my husband after 13 years doesn’t want me anymore. Am I entitled to any benefits that could protect me from him? Please I am so desperate. Thank you so much.

    • You need to talk to an attorney pronto to find out your rights under your state’s laws.

    • I am so sorry for what you are going thru. I wish there was somewhere we could go to get help with abusive husbands. I need to get help also . I don’t know you but I hope that you can find resolve with your situation!
      Someone who cares????

    • I’m so very sorry to hear this, I think it happens often in the military because many marry foreign girls as they deploy a lot or fill other duty stations abroad. I saw this post is older and I hope you were able to find help since then. If not, it is essential that you see a lawyer, if you can’t afford one ask for pro bono attorney in your area, it sounds like you might be eligible for it.
      I just want to say that I am also from a foreign country and married a military man who now is abandoning me. I feel for you, but we’ll just have to make it though and hopefully we’ll all have a better life after this. Wish you all the best!

  102. I was married 13 years to an Air Force man. He did 16 yrs. in the Air Force and then finished out his 20 yrs. as a civilian with the DOD. I contacted the Office of Personnel Management to get my 25% of his retirement as laid out in the divorce decree. They are giving me a hard time because they are saying because the divorce decree says “military retirement,” then I am not entitled to his retirement because it was not all served in the military.

    According to “The Code of Federal Regulations of the USA,” Page 630 – III “Calculating Time,” Paragraph B, I am entitled to that money.

    Where do I find a lawyer familiar with representing a former spouse, like myself? The lawyers in my area haven’t got a clue.

    Any suggestions…..Anyone????

  103. I would like some input on my situation. I have been married for almost 10 years now my husband has been in and out of jail most of that time we have 4 children that I support a loan on Social Security disability I wanted to know if it was better for me to wait till after the 10 years which would be in January coming uphe verbally abused me mentally abused me any kind of abuse you can think of I went through it he was on drugs he got convicted of a felony which he drug me into which also gave me a felony and I didn’t even do anything I lost our house or car everything meanwhile still on disability and trying to survive off of $800 a month to take care of our for children he will not be out of jail for another 4 years but I’m still being verbally abused through the phone told that I’m going to be killed when he is released um I want to get a divorce because I can’t handle it anymore and I want to know if I would be able to collect any type of alimony from him I want to go after child support but can’t do so until he is released from jailand even at that time I don’t know what I would be able to get since I don’t know what type of work is going to do or if you give it to work at all on the books or is he in a try to just work without like under the table without anybody knowing I’m in a bad situation I do receive Social Security like I said and I’m afraid that he’s going to try to collect from me is there a law that protects me from him touching my social security because I can barely afford to survive now I had a broken neck a broken back I had surgery on my neck and my back and I’m fully disabled this is very hard for me even though I love him so much is just I can’t deal with the abuse anymore and I want it over and done with so are there any suggestions of how I should go about this do I need to wait even though I know I know he doesn’t have any income right now or should I have it put in the divorce that once he’s released he needs to start supporting me and the kids what are your suggestions I live in the state of North Carolina anyone please I’m crying out for help!

    • You certainly have a lot to be concerned about, but him collecting on your Social Security record is one you can scratch off your list. Whatever he receives does not reduce what you receive, so you don’t need to worry about what he can or cannot do for Social Security

  104. Depends. A lot of people are known gold diggers. Chasing after the dude with lots of cash, nice house, and expensive car. You see them with celebrities and athletes all of the time. He or she might not be a gold digger, but the antennaes are up. But if they married young, and the dude had like no car, no job, no house, nothing. Its really hard to say that the woman was a gold digger since when they first married, he could basically provide nothing to very little. It wasnt until much later down the line during the course of the marriage, did financial success creep in.

    And maybe the dude felt he was too good for his wife now that he was successful. Had an upper class job, upper class friends, and wanted to upgrade his wife as well. I dont really think the wife is a gold digger in this case. Just another example of a man wanting a wife 2.0

    Im a guy, and I know this very well. But my situation is in reverse. We married when we were poor, living in the slums. But my wife became successful and started getting 6 figures. Then she felt uncomfortable introducing me to her new friends. She finally filed for divorce. Its pretty much bull

  105. My ex husband and I were married 12 years and have 4 minor children. He was ordered to pay $1290/mo in child support. Two years ago he started dating a woman who despised me from day 1. I’m not confrontational and she is very aggressive. Since he’s met her, my child support has become more and more difficult to get. My life consists of calling texting crying and begging him to pay me what he was ordered to pay in the divorce but the girlfriend has taken over completely and tells me he’s “disabled” and apparently has applied for disability and therefore can’t afford to pay his support any longer. I don’t work and I rely on that to live. The house we owned during our marriage (a $500,000 home) is solely in my name as is the deed but they live there while we live in public housing. They throw me $300 or $400 per month (to cover my rent) and the rest of the time they bully me saying he can’t afford to pay me, tell me to get a job and stop sucking the life out of a disabled man (I don’t know the status of his disability claim) and the stress is overwhelming. He is always late paying the mortgage and that goes on my credit report since none of the house is in his name. In the divorce we decided he would remortgage within a year of the divorce but he never has stating he’d never qualify and so I dont know what to do about that either. His mortgage is $2400/month and he repreatedly tells me any money he makes should (and does) go towards that first and no judge in the world would tell him to lose his house in order to pay his child support because I “refuse to work”. He’s got me so confused I don’t know what to do. Obviously I don’t want him to lose his house because my kids grew up there and visit him often as we live a mile away, but I also don’t think its right because he’s taking care of himself and his mean girlfriend while his kids are living in public housing and now won’t even pay his child support stating he’s 100% disabled. I could go through the child support enforcement division but he works in construction and gets paid mostly in cash and I have no way to attach his check or anything. Plus nothing is in his name not even his house. It’s in my name. They bully me and promise money that never comes and the stress is about to kill me. What can I do? How can I find out if he’s getting SSDI and what do you suggest I do about the house that’s solely in my name that he’s always just about to lose (he pays WHATS due when they start foreclosure proceedings so I’m sure that’s destroying my credit)? I can’t afford a lawyer and the free ones tell me they only help low income women file for divorces). Thank you so much I’m so glad I found this site!!

  106. Sandra jone says:

    I been marry for 27 year and now he want to leave and we still marry now we are separation right now for 3 year now but we still marry that a long time to be with some one beefing in my life ever since I were 17 year old that is a long time can I get some help out here today

  107. Just Curious says:

    I am a 65 year old total disabled woman. My husband and I separated some time ago, but still talk from time to time. It was a very abusive (mentally and physically) when it got to the point that I could just take no more, when I came to my senses that either leave or die from the abuse. I left even though he took my keys to keep me from leaving. I did not file for a divorce first of all I could not afford it, secondly I never plan to marry again. I told him many times if he wants a divorce all he has to do is file and I will sign, but he doesn’t do it. I just wanted out. My husband is retired with an excellent pension of $4,000 a month and a excellent medical plan which I need for my health issues. Right now I live off of my deceased husband of 30 years less than $14,000 a year pension with no medical from my decease husband. The bum I am married to today no wants to drop me from his medical. We have been married for 12 years. Can he legally drop me? We were married in California and both still reside in California but different cities. We have no children and no property together.

  108. I was divorced over 20 yrs ago…during the marriage I was physically & mentally abused by my X. I divorced him from legal aid help. I never got alimony any form of payment from the house …not a dime. However I did get child support which was taken from his retirement. I need to add in here I suffer from mental illness bipolar disorder. So, finally after 2o yrs I had gotten a hold of a attorney and take this case back to court. I was denied in circuit court by the judge and she ordered me to pay 10% of his lawyer fees lol I am on SSI, so my lawyer appealed this case to the court of appeals. I have been waiting now almost 3 yrs. plus the 20 years. After, I have been studying on the computer it states that in Michigan it is mandatory by law that I should have received 1/2 of everything. We where married 14 yrs. Oh big joke my X is upset that I have taken him to court!!! As, I have studied from the computer if the court does not rule on my behalf then I can turn around and sue the state for a violation of my civil rights. Normals get benefits right from the divorce…People with mental health issues suffer all the time. I hope by me writing this it can help someone and I pray to God that the judges will consider my suffering and I win the case. Best wishes to all. Cheryl

    • I need to say that everything in my divorce said to be further adjudified. ( brought back into court ) It did not state a date.

      • here’s a good one that x of mine said at 1 time let me claim the kids on my taxes and Ill give you 600$$$ I was like NO… you never take them why should I let you claim them. At that time I was working at a school and as a waitress. I did my taxes for the last 3 yrs of my working and I got back almost 5 g and that’s how I got to leave the boyfriend that I lived with for almost 5 yrs. They are all a waste of time.!

  109. What if your husband was married for 15 years before he re-married. The first wife has since remarried.

    • His former wife may have rights to collect social security benefits on your husband’s social security record. You don’t need to concern yourself with that, since it has no effect on you or him.

      • That’s right. Women need to check the social security web site as it will give you all the information on social security benefits.

  110. Constance says:

    I started collecting social security when I was 64 years of age. I was married for about sixteen years in MD. I started collecting only $30 extra a month from my husbands social security or a dollar a day. I was shocked but I didn’t say anything. I do remember the last time I was in the social security office and asking them if I could collect more social security. They said I was collecting as much as I could although I didn’t mention the meager amount I received from my husband’s social security. He also put a lot of money into a pension fund where whatever you put in is matched and he put in the highest amount allowed. When we got married back in 1985 he had accumulated $80,000 dollars in that account. I was talking to some ladies where I worked who had taken a course on social security and I told them my situation. They couldn’t believe this is all I was receiving but I put it on the back burner until now. I try to work at least two jobs and I also do limited errands but I just lost one of my jobs and I don’t have any family. I’m getting more into debt and I don’t know which way to turn. He has a good paying job with a good pension he has built up over the years. I don’t know if I am entitled to anything from his pension. I stand to lose everything including my trailer and car. I’m really scared and need help ASAP. I don’t know if I have enough money to even consult a lawyer.

    • You have social security earnings that are nearly as high as what you are entitled to receive from your husband’s earnings record. That’s why it only took $30 of earnings from his record to increase your benefits to the total amount you are entitled to based on his earnings. As for his pension, you likely are entitled to something there. If you are divorced, and the pension wasn’t dealt with in your divorce, talk to an attorney about opening up the case again to deal with that asset. If you are a widow, talk to the employee benefits department of the company where the pension was accumulated. If you are still married, talk to your husband.

  111. I have a question, if you have a lot of supporting paperwork indicating your husband received a large inheritance, and moreover knew that he would before we were married, but I can’t locate where the money is, what will that look like to a judge? For instance, I have copies of all of the parent’s CD”s, the inheritance tax statement, and document that states the total of the estate, and of course my husband said, yes, he inherited the money……..but that is all he says, then what would the judge consider in a case like that?

  112. Angel Beauty says:

    If i waived my right to my ex spouses military retirement in our divorce do I still get some of his SSI if we were married over 10yrs?

  113. Need Info says:

    I signed for my spouse to get money from his 403k for financial hardship earlier in our marriage and now we are divorcing. We’ve been married 16 yrs but lived together for 2, am I entitle to half? Reside in Tx.

  114. kathy moss says:

    I was. Seperated from my husband afyer 9and half yrs we were not divorced till after the 10yrs mark. I am still entitled to his benefits when he retires. Our divorce paper show we were legally seperated before the 10 yr date. But the divorce was not final til after the 10 yrs

  115. I think you just answered my question but not sure. I was married in 1971, then got legally separated in 1979 but did not divorce till 1985. Am I still eligilbe to collect on my ex’s ss? I am 63 and he is 65. Will the fact that I have been living with another man for over 30 years make anu difference?
    Thank you in advance for your help as I have recently survived a stroke and the man I am living with I think is about to leave me and I live in a state that does not recognize common law.


  116. My husband and I have been married 54 years, are 77 years old. We still have a $2000 a month payment on our house which is going up in April (we have been on an adjusted loan for 10 years!) We just lost half of our IRA dividends because the stocks did something called a reverse split, so before we were receiving about $2000 a month and now will be receiving just half that. Naturally we cannot afford the house now. That is one big problem but at least we can move out by selling or foreclosure. However, daughter and her son have lived with us for all of his 20 years (he is now a college student) but neither of them make enough money for rent somewhere else even though she is working two jobs. Her low income allows him free grants for college. On top of all this, for some reason, Medicare or my prescription supplement insurance has changed its payments for my many prescriptions and I am already in the donut hole and it’s only February. I usually don’t get in the donut hole until July or August.
    Since I am diabetic, I take two insulins, which now will cost $293 for one of them and $226 for the other every 90 days. Between the lower income, the higher mortgage payments and insulin costs, we will be totally broke. No money for food. It’s like they say, the Government wants the old people to die! My question is that I could qualify for several assistance programs for my prescriptions if I were single. Wouldn’t it be worthwhile to get a divorce even if it was only on paper just to receive help?

    • That’s a complicated question that you might want to discuss with an attorney.

      • Hi! my ex and i got married in 1996 . the marriage lasted for almost 11 years. the uncontested divorce finalist in 2007 without asking him for anything. i just signed the divorce papers and walked away. at the time i didn’t know anything about what is my legal rights since i came from an asian country. in 2009 he passed away. it happened that i am the only ex-wife that he ever had. I never remarry and still using his last name up to now. My question is…….. do i still have the rights to claim for his sss??your response appreciated..

  117. Hi,

    I,m living in California. My husband had an accident nine years ago, and his brain injured (HE GOT TBA). I took care of him for nine years, I was getting money from government . Now , I put my husband in a nursing home after nine years, and the government cut my salary. They told me when you don’t take care of your husband , you will never have benefits anymore. I would know what I do for this nine years? And how can I get benefit?

  118. Hi,

    I’m living in California. My husband had an accident nine years ago, and his brain injured (HE GOT TBA). I took care of him for nine years, I was getting money from government . Now , I put my husband in a nursing home after nine years, and the government cut my salary. They told me when you don’t take care of your husband , you will never have benefits anymore. I would know what I do for this nine years? And how can I get benefit ?

  119. I was married to a federal postal employee for 27 1/2 years. My attorney at the time of the divorce talked about QDRO but I didn’t fully understand one part. If I remarry before the age 54 will I still be eligible for 1/2 of his retirement when he retires? For some reason the age 55 is ringing a bell also.

  120. Hi I was wondering if I got separated in 2009 and getting a divorce now 2015 would I be entitled to alimony? He’s self employed and I was reading the divorce papers he said he was an owner for 25 years which is not true he purchased a small business a couple of years after we got married only the things inside of the
    business he rents the location will I be able to get any thing?

  121. charneise says:

    I live in the state of Alabama. I’ve been married 9 years 4 months we have one child. What am I entitled to?

  122. I am an ex-wife of a military solider. My question is, can I received any benefits from his military retirement pension? We were married for nine years and nine months. We have been divorce for quite sometime. If so, what steps do I need to take to pursue this matter.

    • The military retirement is divided in accordance with the terms of your divorce agreement. If the military retirement was not mentioned, then you may need to open the case up again to divide it. Contact an attorney for more information on how to do this.

  123. Alicia Barrett says:

    My xhusband and I were married 16 years with four children. ..I was with him his entire military career. He divorced me in 2007 and remarried 4 days later to a female soldier….in the divorce decree he was ordered to pay 40% retirement which I have not seen…..he was not ordered to pay alimony due to his child support payment lol. Judge saide he couldn’t afford it even tho I was a stay home mom the entire marriage….please help me….my children and I are reallu struggling!!!!

    • Contact an attorney right away — he is in contempt of the orders and owes you back pay plus interest. You also need to take steps to get the payment coming to you from the source, not from him.

  124. Janice Bourgeois says:

    I am the wife of a retired veteran, who has been cheated on for years. I have been verbally abuse as well. I am my husband’s second wife. His first wife received half of his retirement. I am working, but I still will need help to make ends meet. I have been seriously thinking about divorcing my husband. My questions is, what type of support I’m I entitled to?

  125. Janice Bourgeois says:

    My husband and I have been marriage ten years. I am so unhappy.

  126. I Married for 9 months we have a child 4 years hold.we are divorce now .can I get 1/2 is pensions

  127. Hi~~~I was married for 48 years & divorced. He died ~~am I entitled to anything he owned at the time of his death? Property, bank accounts, etc ??
    Thanks JeanS

  128. sivching says:

    My boyfriend and I been living together for 18yrs and having 3 children. We have set up a Trust for the family. Now that we got separated and want the trust to stay the same. My question to you is that can the future spouse and children touch the trust? Can the future spouse sue the trust for alimony?


    • I don’t think there’s any way that a trust would be liable for alimony, but Talk to an attorney about this. If your trust is revocable, or either of you can act alone as trustees, then he could always terminate the trust or take the money out. So you’ll need to find out what you need to do to protect the funds.

  129. Danielle says:

    my parents were married 11 years and my dad was pretty well off. His retirement account was very large. my parents decided to do mediation for their divorce. My mom agree to take very little in exchange for half of my dad’s retirement account be paid to my sister and I WHEN he retired. He continued to work and grow his retirement account for an additional 17 years after my parents divorce. My dad just retired last year and my mom passed away last year. My sister and I have not heard from my dad in years. Can we enforce the order since that is what they agreed to in the mediation. My mom lived years on almost nothing just so my sister and I could get half the account after all that compounding interest but we haven’t seen or heard anything about it since then.

  130. I am 62 years old. Recently got Spine injury-7 disc husband has mental disability retirement 2300$. We live together 9 years. Could I get some benefits from him, even minimal, or get minimum retirement. As CNA doctors don’t give permission to work. Mrs. Ginita Wall give me advise (I am US citizen) how to survive that be able to get health insurance-what I lost where get injury Hampton Oaks asistent living home with Alzhaimer patients. With respect Grazina Brown Thank You

  131. Jalal Dadras says:

    if a women divorce her husband of 17 years and remarried, and the husband also remarried and soon after husband died, the first wife divorces he second husband. Is she able to get the pension of the first husband?

    • If the divorce decree said that she was to get part of the pension, then she would. If it provided that she wouldn’t get any portion, then she won’t. If it didn’t mention the pension, she needs to contact an attorney to see if she can go after a portion of the pension as an overlooked asset.

      If you are asking about social security, she can collect surviving divorced spouse benefits on the first husband as long as she is of retirement age and not married.

  132. Adrianne W says:

    Just divorced a month ago, been married 13 yrs. Found out (after the divorce) he was approved disability through social security including back pay a week before the divorce was finalized. (he’s been trying for years). We are both under 50. Would my daughter & I be entitled to any of it or should we just chalk off our losses? Thank you

    • The one week of pay before the divorce is finalized might be marital property in your state, but it would not be cost-effective to try to get it divided at this point. The disability income is income avaialble for support and should be considered in the calculations if you are entitled to child or spousal support.

  133. I have been married since 1976 we separated in 2006 I am not remarried but have been diagnosed with Burgers disease and on ssd I have no health ins until sept of this year because you have to be disabile for 2 years prior to receiving medicare that covers non of my scripts so I after 12 years asked that my still husband help me with my meds but of course there was a fight so I took him to spousal support court and as soon as I did he filled for divorce which I have been asking for for years the judge still granted me support but only for 1 year cause he stated that I would have my divorse by then well its been a year in marc it is now august and still no divorce and support is done should I take him back cause now he just keep delaying the divorce asking that he be put on my ins (which I have none ) then asking for this and then that delay delay delay can I bring him back since he is being diffacult and has stated right from day one he doesn’t want a divorce BUT yet is engaged to his 3 cousin

    • I’m sorry that we can’t give you legal advice. We are not attorneys and have no knowledge of what the laws are or how the courts work in your state. But if you need support and he is not paying, then it sounds as though you do need to take legal action to get support.

  134. @ Karen, idk about your state (my understanding is they’re all similar). As long as your married you don’t have to put your name on any mortgage, but your name must be on the deed to the home. Whatever you buy or build during your marriage is half yours. Unless you signed a prenup stating otherwise.

  135. I married almost 5 years,but my husband want to leave me. I dont work. Im 49 years he is 37 years .he is very aggresive witn me and always said bad words to me . I have a girl of 17 years she is not his daugther. I want to know what are my rights if he leave me. Im just resident,he is citizen.

  136. I have to disagree the only thing we have is money in the bank to live on and a house. Married 47 years and we only lived together. Nothing has happened since day one he has lived in the basement and I upstairs. We don’t hate each other, we just don’t have any interest in each other. I do my own thing he does his. Its a strange way to live but thats how he wants it. We never talk or even go near each other.

  137. I have been married for 30 years, and my husband had a stroke in April 2015. He was a sweetheart at the hospital and rehab and I would not leave his site. Now he is threating me with divorce. He is using most of the savings that were put away for emergency or home repair since he cancelled or Home owners ins. He put all those savings into an account under his name only. Always telling me he can budget the finance better then me. Sure I only make 24k a year he makes 56k. I pay for all the groceries and my expenses (my car, car insurance,my phone) along with my middle sons car insurance since he is still at the University as a student. He has always had us savings bond as well as investments in stock. He is now on loa at work, but the dr already asked him to go back to work. He is just prolonging the issue. He wants a divorce but he says not now. Please advice.

  138. I am being divorced by my husband of 15 years…the way it goes is we was married and at the 11 year mark divorced for two days. Now after being married 4 more years he is divorcing me. I am permently disable d and have been now for half our marriage, but from the beginning I worked making more money than him. I am asking him to settle with a very reasonable settlement, considering he makes over 200k a year. I am asking for alimony the rest of my or until remarry, which comes first. I’m asking and he refuses to pay for life…is there anything on record or by certain terms I would be able to collect as it is said, if it’s a ten year marriage. I’m not trying to get a lot just what is right to me…I have two daughters 18 and 20 pretty fresh out of high school one with a newborn baby, no jobs not that they have not tried,,.that depends on me. He knows we never really broke up when we divorced the first time, which explains why we remarried two days after the divorce, so in all it been 15 years married and 17 altogether. I was there with him in the beginning when he was making minimum wage and my unemployment, job, child support brought in much more money than he did, but I never considered this being a problem(1/2 of our years married my income was greater). Now that I’ve helped him up the ladder and he is making 200+k a year he doesn’t want to pay me for life or until I remarry? Knowing I am now on permanent disability for life and have been for 81/2 years What can I do about this? Is there any known similar cases from past history that had a positive ending, that I could use in my case?

    • I’m sorry, but you don’t want to ask me for legal advice, since I’m not an attorney and I don’t know the laws of your state. You need to consult with an attorney who can advise you about what your state provides.

  139. I have been married for 8 years. January 4th I had planned on filing for a “legal separation” we will be married for 9 years in march of 2016.
    I believe we could have a very amicable breakup.
    In lieu of him moving out we have even discussed him having an apartment in the basement so that he can see our daughter daily.
    Would a “legal separation” be possible and last for a year and 3 months so that I can benefit from the 10 year marriage rule?
    Will I hurt myself by filling for a legal separation so soon?
    He is a fantastic father but just a very poor husband… in light of everything he was and is a very dear friend.. I hope it stays that way but he has also mentioned he doesn’t care about money that he will give me whatever needed to survive…. what advice do you suggest? I really do not want to consult an attorney since i do want this to stay as painless as possible… I feel as though if I mention attorney he will feel threatened.

    • Legal separation is the same as a divorce, you just aren’t free to remarry, and it requires very similar paperwork. From what I read, the Social Security Administration considers you to be still married if you are legally separated. If you don’t use an attorney, you’ll have to work together to file all the paperwork yourselves for the legal separation.

  140. Sherry andino says:

    Quick question. I live in the state of Texas and I was married for 25 years with 3 kids. In 2010 I git a divorce and around several months after my ex spouse became disabled. During our marriage he purchased disability insurance through his employer which would provide him 80% of his pay for life if he became disabled. Am I entitled to half of the proceeds and payments since this was paid with funds acquired during our marriage. He no longer pays child support because he claims he can no longer work as an engineer. However, I recently learned that he has been involved in AC business allegedly helping and volunteering his time. Please advise if I should pursue legal action to claim a portion of his disability insurance. I am trying to support 3 children on my own and have 1 heading to college in 6 months and another in 18 months. Thank you.

  141. I’ve been married for 17 years, and both my husband and I are retired. He is 75 and I am 65. He has several million dollars; I have $150,000 of my own plus half the house. His funds are invested in stocks with his children listed as his beneficiaries, however he is able to generate about $120,000 a year of income from his investments. We live in California. I am interested in divorce (he is abusive), and I’m wondering what I might expect in terms of spousal support. Thank you.

  142. IDevorced my ex husband after 23 years of marige for cheating on me, I met a good man and have been married for 25 years, I am now of retirement age and my new husband is only 57, can I draw off my ex husband who is now dead?

  143. I am married to same man for 19 years we have been living in separate homes for 19 years I have reared our son alone for 18 going on 19 years, he has supported us with money only after he bitches about every penny and reminds me how broke we are. he is an alcoholic he has lied he was on life support and only reason he is here today is because of me the hell I have gone through has only been because we have a child together which is graduating this year this man has put me through hell and back. now comes the time I want out my son is done with school going to college and I want a divorce.. with that being said he has always paid the mortgage and bills yes he lied made my life hell but he paid the bills what rights if any do I have?

  144. My ex husband was paying medical for our two boys and was released from his work with severance for 15 months. The employer covered the medical for a few months but now has stopped. My Ex received a sizable severance and now is looking to me to pay half for medical coverage. Our agreement doesn’t stipulate any conditions for this situation. I feel he was already paying into the medical during his employment and even after termination, his severance is like his pay check and should still be responsible for this expense. I make considerably less and he’s always looking for ways to pay me less. What is your opinion on this matter?

  145. Hey guess what? This article is 100% and nothing more than Advice to a WOMAN on how to screw your husband if not happy.
    And for those other women commenting that Indeed this IS horrible 2 thumbs up!! This is merely a: Not only divorcing the husband but a step by step guide on ‘How to Ring Him Out to Dry’ as well!
    And yeah yeah yeah we hear all the rant come backs… “Well some husbands beat their wives and so on….. NewsFlash””….
    We are NOT referencing them morons and those sad cases.. A duh?!? No, we’re talking about A regular ‘Joe’ with a wife bitter-set and Lazy!
    So for all you wanting a good ‘drama’….
    My boyfriend and I are on the run in a different country, we have 2 young children and he ‘got laid off’ from a $250,000 job… And “moved” larger retirement All in order to “save himself” from a divorce in which he got totally railroaded! He was married nearly 30 years to an angry woman who stated after there 2 kids were born II don’t like sex nor do I like you touching me and yeah don’t kiss Me either “Your a bad kisser “….. I bet a lot of you women readers think that’s alright….. it’s NOT! At least it is not ok to treat a man that way and STAY and use him! She said she’d go back to work when the 2 kids began school (21 years later) she ‘by having No more viable excuses’ stated I’m only going to get a part time job at a retail store and no more than 10 minutes from the home’. And she reminded him that asking her to work was “rotten and pathetic” Yes people these ARE verbatim (her actual words!) Said so in “divorce deposition”….
    Her reasoning…. “I shouldn’t have to work You (husband) make enough.
    Her days were craft shopping and afternoon soap operas. Anyway he wanted the divorce… they spoke he offered her a well crafted plan ( the family home -Paid off) and 60% of a huge 1 mil. + retirement oh yeah and 80k for the two years following divorce. WELL….. she lawyered up and this l awyered wouldn’t even ‘try’ to reach a settlement – court hearing ONLY…. so 4 years later here we are… she got home $260,000,4300.00 a month alimony for 10 years, and 759,000 retirement….oh yeah and 140,000 during divorce proceedings. Do the math!
    In our state 1 judge decided it All.. he appealed… “it” the amounts were “in the range” although admittedly on the “high end”. We have two children, he is in contempt in our country, everyday is strain worry and fear but he had had enough. She was mentally abusive *determined” by court psyc. And did not work for 26 years of a 27 year marriage. Sure he expected to pay something and split 50/50 all but come on being bled dry for a spouse you couldn’t get to work. She got a cash windfall for it! And so we are….. here in a foreign land… as hard as it is and this whole process has been… Worth It….

  146. I file divorce papers at 17 yrs 11months marriage but we are close to 20 yrs now. The judge order my husband to put me back on the Military Life Insurance but he didn’t. Something have to do with the Soldiers & Sailors Act? Is that true? He is going on 21 years in the National Guard. What am I entitled to have almost 20 years of marriage. I live in one state and he lives in another state with his girlfriend. Which adultery is against the law there. Can I get any part of his retirement from the military? I do not plan on getting married again, so can I get anything from him far as Social Security or can I go off of my late husband’s death benefits? I do have a job but I cut back on my hours so I can get the alimony. Any help will be greatly appreciated.

    • You should be able to get a portion of his military retirement in the divorce. You’ll need to seek legal advice as to whether you can seek to enforce the judge’s orders regarding the life insurance.

  147. Armenta Davis says:

    have been with my husband 35 years married 25 his job is about to move to Mexico and we are in divorce proceedings am I entitled to any part of the severance pay and his 401k

  148. Hello,

    I’m 35 and been married for 17 year. I love in california. We have 3 kids a 15yr old, a 7yr old and a 5yr old. I been a stay home mom for 12yrs. This yr I got myself a part time job. Now that my youngest is in full term school. My marriage been rocking for quite some time done thing we shouldn’t have done. We have nothing in come in anymore. We’ve talked about divorce and he threaten to take the kids full custody. He work full time making like $30 an hour plus over time. I make $10 an hr and I don’t even make my full 25 hrs a week. They give me no more than 10 to 20 hrs a week. I’m trying to figure how I can make it with out him and have a roof over my head and my kids..I would like to know how divorce works and benefits me and my kids.. Please help!. I have to make a decision.


  149. Diana McConnell says:

    I have a question to ask, I was married to a military man in the Navy from 6/10/79 til 3/93 with two children, I only received 35 % of his pension. He married the woman he cheated on me with; and to this day their still married. We did go to an attorney he filed in NY: and I in SC. I was told only 35%; a friend who is also an ex wife tells me I should of gotten half of his retirement. is this correct, and would I get his, ssi if he should pass even though he still married to wife no two .

    • You are entitled to half of his net benefit based on service credits during the marriage compared to total service credits earned. Your friend has no idea what that is, and you should not take legal advice from her. Whatever portion of his retirement that you got was what you got. His marital status will not affect your right to claim social security benefits. When you are both of retirement age, you can collect divorced spouse benefits if they exceed your own benefits.

  150. I been in therror milliary for 5 years. Once i was honorable discharge I met someone and we been married 8 and separated 2 years. Now I’m getting a divorce. If I ever recieve va benefits, could she recieve any of my benefits.

  151. I have been married now for 13 yrs. I live in CA. I am on permanent disability from working. I have been receiving aid for 10-11 yrs. We talked at length before I even applied. I just been told by my soon to be ex that because I make no money he wants a woman with money. He has also, informed that I will not be receiving any alimony, benefits, retirement….NOTHING!!!!, from him, even though he makes 3 times in a month than I do or have for years?????
    Is this true or does the state of CA have a cap end for a ten + year marriage ??? We have a house and he also doesn’t want to put any money or elbow grease into it. It needs some work to get any/or much back. With my disiblity it makes it difficult to do 1/2 the up-clean to sell, but was told not his problem and to bad any recourse???? Any help or suggestions would be helpful. Thanks

    • The worst person to take legal advice from is your soon-to-be ex, as you so beautifully illustrate in your post. Talk to an attorney about what you are entitled to under state law.

      • I want to thank you for taking the time to read my question(s). I will try to get into seeing a lawyer. I have a question in getting an attorney….does family law the same as a divorce lawyer???? Very green to this process and as most I didn’t think I’d need to be asking these questions. Again thanks for your prompt response. If I find anything out from a lawyer, can I pass it on to you and the readers as a long as its relate to divorce. Esp. Since I am on Medical Disiblity-Permanently through the state of CA. I live in the Bay Area and may help some??????
        Signed Grateful for finding this site and commend it for helping “Women”. It helped a bad day feel a little better one. Keep up the good work and will let any woman know and/or meet that may need your site.

  152. I filed for divorce 11/2014. I went to every court date except the last one in 8/2016 we will be married 9 years. I make about 20k more than he does. Everything is in my name cars, home etc. is there a benefit to me waiting for the 10 year mark? I do want him to keep his cars but by them being in my name will I be finically responsible? One last thing he has a law suit I believe it’s for pain and suffering would I be entitled to any of that?

  153. I had worked for 23 years before being injured. Having a shoulder surgery two spinal surgeries and my spine collapsing my husband incouraged me to seek disability and leave my job discontinue school he would take care of me forever. I have had knee surgeries a severe fall and all but five disc are damaged in my spine and was approved for disability by no means soon nough to save our home or enough money for me to survive on but my night and shining armor I’d been with for Eleven years married Nine and a half would take care of me til the morning I’m getting up early and got his phone while he was in the shower and I was dressing and he had a text from a women who was tired of sexting with him and sleeping her nights alone I went into surgery at 6 o’clock saying I hope I day and you have to live with this I’m very sick I have injection 3/4 times a year so many medications I wouldn’t bore you with the list oh land beside the other five or more things wrong with me I was appalled when they said I also had fibromyalgia bit if you try to hug mre I cry sometimes so it’s not a fake guys I will never be better and can never be better I will only gett worseand I got a copy of our phone bill for five years and contacted multiple women and the saddest part was most agreed had told them never speak to him again and I was disconnecting his phone but the one who was a mistress for the entire ten years we had been living together not just since I’d been sick and then that was the theme he stayed single our whole relationship see now if he’d told me that I might have been somewhere else doing other things and never Ben hurt and never gotten so sick and now not only did he destroy my marriage and any faith I could ever have in a spouse or security but my chance at normalcy and to support myself because I had more injection today so I can actually just sit on my tail bone I know you can all joke and be cruel but sometimes my heartache insulates my brain from physical pain and sometimes visa verse but I had a wonderful happy fulfilling existence and I am typical wondering why I wasn’t enough for him and how he could have needed so many affairs and never been able to continue to deceive me so I don’t know if our divorce will come through but I’m working with an attorney he’s agreed to lifetime alimony and life insurance and my house which was a gift from my family when I got hurt and to give me back the money I invested in the home we bought when I sold mine and my sons hom to buy a place with him because he had none even though we shorts old the house he can earn for years to come I have no earning ability and I am eligible to a portion of his social I’m just unclear how my disability filing will affect that future filing. I can’t trust him and I will be devastated for my life here on earth the only good thing is he found God and I pray for him that he will live in his heart no matter the outcome of our marriage. I wish you all the best whatever side your on and he provides for all your needs.. I pray he can heal my heart someday the barrier it causes between me and my lord is my greatest sadness now.

  154. Cathy Roberts says:

    My exhusband and I were married 13 years..He was in the army and then the post office where ge retired. My question is: Am I entilted to any pension for being a military wife. Thanks Cathy

    • Probably. You’ll need to talk to an attorney to review exactly what your situation was (service credits earned during marriage compared to total service credits) so you will know what portion you’ll get and how to get it. You are likely also entitled to part of his post office pension.

  155. Kimberly bowman says:

    I’m 55 years old and I’ve been receiving 825.00 per month since 2002. I’ve been married over ten years and we have a home with my name on the house but not on the payments.we have been here eleven years in pa.he is extreamly I’ll and as of two years ago received disability as well.he spent his 401 k so that’s gone he gets 1900.00 ssdi and 1300 a month for long term disability for three more years then will get his retirement.he is verbally abusive every day.his 34 year old son and two kids live here too.his son will lie for his,I’ve been ask to get out of our home.i have only 825.00 a month.i can’t live anywhere on that!i wanted to stay in my room I have my own room,but he doesn’t want me here.i do all the cleaning cooking driving ect.what would I receive if we diverse?

  156. Gabriel says:

    I have a question I live in California and I’ve been married for 14 years going 15 have 3 kids in common im on ssi disability she just got her lvn license and makes money she left me couse she said she don’t need me nomore now that she makes money what do u think will I qualify for alimony from her

  157. Hi!

    I missed the 10-year rule; I think he knew as he is the one who filed for divorce. Next: My former husband was always employed by private industry (chair groceries) throughout his career, and earned a pretty decent salary as meatcutter, meatcutter manager and store manager. He retired a few years ago and relocated to FL. Am I entitled to any part of his pension?

    I was disabled in 2004; retired 2011, with a very small SS retirement and an annuity from the last company where I was employed. I am anxious to learn this… there was domestic abuse, and I find myself in the company of my former spouse and his wife at family events… I do it for the children, It dawned on me earlier that I might be eligible for part of his pension.

    Thanks, much!!

    • It sounds as though you are already divorced, so you’ll need to consult your divorce agreement to see what it provides regarding his pension. If his pension isn’t mentioned, check with an attorney to see if your case can be reopened for the purpose of dividing the pension.


    • If you are able to designate a beneficiary and you designated her, then she will get whatever that benefit is that you are able to designate. If there are other benefits that would go to a wife, then she won’t get those since she is your girlfriend and not your wife.

  159. Can my father get my mothers retirement in divorce? She was financially abused and he stole upwards of 77,000 + Adultery. Also forged her name, took her taxes and lied on them, and stole her inheritance. Also stole rent money 6,000 dollars. She was forced to freeze her credit cards. It would be one sick world if he could get her money in the end after doing all this.

  160. My ex and i divorced after 6 years of marriage, at 62 I started to collect SS to help financially get me through the month, I work a part time job and have some health issues, I get very small amount a month from SS. My ex came back into my life after not seeing him for 8 years. We have been dating now for two years and are doing really good. We are talking about getting remarried. How will this affect my SS. If after 10 years would I qualify to draw on his if I’m already getting mine does the prior 6 years count towards the 10? His would be a higher amount. Also, If we are remarried and I become a widow, would I get any benefits? I ask because he had 2 strokes when were separated, he is lucky to be alive.

    • If your spousal benefit from your new husband are greater than the benefits you are getting now, and he is at least 62, then you would switch from your own benefits to spousal benefits. If you and he divorced again after 10 years or more, those spousal benefits would switch to divorced spouse benefits of the same amount. If your marriage lasted for less than 10 years, you would revert to your own benefits. The prior six years won’t count since you didn’t remarry the same or next calendar year after your divorce. If he dies during your marriage, you will be a widow entitled to 100% of his benefits, if those exceed your own.

  161. I’ve been with a guy or 15 years wasn’t married he end up getting a 401(k) when you turn 62 am I entitled to hit or what his ex-wife be entitled to half of it because she was married to him when he earn It

  162. I have a friend that was married for over 10 years to my new boyfriend I’ve been with him for 15 years he found out he had he had a 401(k) worth $47,000 is his ex-wife entitled to this it was earned why they were married or am I entitled to any of it please give me an answer I want to help her out she deserves it can you give me an answer to this so I can let her know

  163. Her name is Shirley Jean curving I think she should be entitled to half of this was earned why they were married maybe you can let her know she won’t talk to me and I know she could uses she’s just scrape by maybe you can let her know that he got this 47,000 401(k) that he didn’t know about I think she should take him back to court

  164. Gloria Rohm says:

    I married my husband when he was 74 and I was 52. He already was receiving a check from the veteran’s administration, retirement from job he worked, social security, and military retirement. This sum totals about 10,000 a month. We have been married for 10 years. If I divorce, am I entitled to any part of these monthly checks? We married and live in California.

    • It sounds as though all the funds from which he is being paid were earned and in place before he married you, so none of it would be community property to be divided. If his income substantially exceeds yours, you may be entitled to spousal support based on your relative incomes.

  165. Tee Tee says:

    Ive been married to my husband 11 years. He is a former marine. He served 27 years in the marine corp. He retired in 2002 at 100% he receives a little over 3k retirement and a little over 3k pension. He is 13 yrs older than me. We have no children together. We filed for a legal separation last year so he can by the house hes currently still living in. Im thinking about filing for divorce, if i do what am i entitled to and for how long.

    • Support and property division laws vary from state to state, so talk to someone familiar with the laws of your state to find out what you are entitled to. Much of that should have been hashed out in your legal separation.

  166. I was married to a man for 6 years and he recently divorced me 6 mo ago, 6 years he had a job of 25 years, 2 years into the marriage, he suffers a heart atttack , becomes dissabled, receives his pension, and permanent dissabilty, i have worked for 20 years also but now layed off can i recieve any of his pension,from his union, 6 yrs only married! I havent tried , im about too!

  167. Tammy Jimenez says:

    I was wondering if anybody might be willing to email me to give me some advice about a legal separation and now a divorce. We have been legally seperated for about 5 yrs because I needed my health insurance but now he has a girlfriend and wants to get the divorce and pay me less alimony. He is retired. He gets a retirement from the state of California and also gets a retirement from the military. Getting the divorce I understand. It will suck to lose my medical because I have medical issues but I do understand if he wants it. I get half of his state retirement. I didn’t ask anything about his military retirement because I was able to survive on what I receive for that. Now he wants to pay me less so I kinda need some advice about if I can get any portion of the military retirement if he takes away some of what I’m getting from the state retirement. Please email if you can offer any advice. Thanks!!!

  168. Hi my name is Amanda I have a question I got married in March of 2004 and have been separated from my spouse since 2004 and we have been separated every since so I think it’s like almost twelve years and we both live in two different states and he will not help me with the divorce and we have one child together and the only way to get it is if I completely walk away from my child permanently and I refuse to do that. His grandparents has guardian ship over him. Please help don’t know what to do…

    • Talk to an attorney about what you can do in your state. There is no state that would require you to cut off ties with your child — all states have laws to encourage both parties to parent their children.

      • Hi ma’am I live in California and been married 13 years . I’m filling for divorce due to my wife cheating on me mutiple times . I’m military disabled due to combat injuries. I have a Purple Heart . She has a good job at the VA. I don’t work but get money from the VA and SSI . She makes more money then me dose she have to pay me money ? Also we have a 10 year old daughter together do I have a chance to get custody of her . I have always heard men never get custody of children. Thank you for your time .Dave

  169. I am a 57 year old woman on SSDI and get 1002.00 a month after medicare is taken out . My husband and I have been marrid for 13 yrs.He is 57. He now wants a divorce. We own a home that we are still paying on but have some equity in. Maybe 20,000.Monthlly payments are 702.00 and my car payment is 225.00. That eats up my check with no room for ANYTHING else. He is offering me a settlement of the house and 20,000. He has a good job and makes 45,000 a year. He also has 51,000 in his 401K Which he had been paying into for 6 yrs before we married. We have taken several loans out against it and paid it back with community funds when I was working. He also has stock which I found out he just sold for 4,000. We live in Idaho which is a Community Property state. we really dont want to hire an attorney but we may have to. I dont want to screw him over so to speak but I dont want to end up living in my car . Is this a fair offer or could I also get Spousal Support? He has cheated on me several times and is verbaly abusive as well. I just want it to be a fair settlement with out eating up all the money in attorney fees. Help. Im running out of time here.

  170. CARMEN J WALKER says:


    • If your ex-spouse contributed to social security for at least 10 years, then he was entitled to social security benefits. So as his surviving divorced spouse you are entitled to benefits under his record if they do not exceed the benefits you are eligible for under your record. You cannot receive benefits until you are at least 60. Those benefits are by operation of federal law, so they are not governed by any provision in your divorce agreement, which is a state document. As for the other property division, you can consult with an attorney about whether anything can be done at this point, but I’m guessing that too much time has passed, unless there was an asset that was not revealed during the divorce that needs to be divided now.

  171. I was married to a service member for 10 years and I was originally getting alimony and child support. Then we got a divorce after that he stayed in for the remainder of his 20 years of service and just recently retired. All this was all going on my ex-husband was taking me back to court constantly and now that he retired the judge decided to stop my alimony lower my child support because he is claiming his pay went down. As a former spouse who was married to a service member for 10 years what can I do and what am I entitled to when it comes to his retirement.

    • If you were awarded a portion of his military retirement in the divorce, and if you haven’t yet done so, you should initiate the paperwork required by the military system (similar to a QDRO) so that your interest in the plan is protected and will be paid to you upon his retirement.

  172. Teresa Blank says:

    I am a new wife. My husband was separated from his previous wife after the 8th year, but divorce was not final until maybe alittle before or after the 10th year. They had no kids and now i’ve been married to him going on 5 years. What would she be entitled to if he was to pass away, God forbid, and i am stuck with the bills, and his child(ren)?

    • You and your husband need to sit down together and figure out what you and the children would have to live on if something happened to him. Life insurance may be important. What she gets depends on what she was awarded in the divorce.

  173. Teresa Blank says:

    Oh yeah, and he gave the military 15 years of his life before an honorable discharge.

  174. Zulma Natividad says:

    I reside in Texas and have been married 10.5 years; I have been separated for two of those years. We are divorcing due to his infidelity (that still continues) with a former friend of mine. My spouse was a police officer when we married and retired about two years ago with a police pension of 30 years. He is currently employed full time. He does not feel I am entitled to any of his pension and he is trying to bully me into not asking for his pension which by the way he was at his highest earning potential during his long career as an officer. I should mention he already has to provide a part of his pension to his first wife.

    Is there a possibility that I may not be entitled to some of his pension because he already provides for a first wife?

    • It is doubtful that his first Wife got any portion of a pension that he had not earned yet at the tine they divorced. The pension earned during your marriage is likely to be community property subject to division, but check with an attorney knowledgeable in the laws of your state to be sure.

  175. I have a question. I’m currently on Workmans comp and relieving benefits. I am waiting a settlement for medical assisted payments and want a devorce from my wife. I was wondering if she is entiteld to my yearly payments because o will need them to pay for my medical treatment. I realize she will probably get some of my initial settlement because that is for lose of wages but not sure if she can have some of my money needed for medical treatment. If anyone could help I would appreciate it?

  176. Ignacio Quiones says:

    I want to get a divorce from my wife. My question is, she got money for an accident she had in a store. Being married with her over 18 years would i be elegible to get half of that money?

  177. Married for over 25 years and have not signed the final papers yet. I wanted to ask you if you know about the 401(k)s have when he signed it over to me if I pay the taxes or if he pays the taxes? I do have an Attorney, Know they have over charged me! Also, I was a stay at home and paid for my own Att. We both are from Colo. & never contested anything, Now, he is trying to kick me out of the Family home where I stayed home to raise our Son, until I became very Ill.I I knew he was hiding money, Asked my Lawyer to look into it. Now, I found it downstairs in my own house! ? Thanks

  178. “If you are divorcing a person with great future earnings potential, consider sticking it out a little longer or delay finalizing the divorce until after the ten-year mark.” What kind of advice is this? This basically is saying, “Hey, I know you are unhappy and want to leave this person – but suck it up and don’t tell them yet so you can take even more of their stuff when you do leave them. But, if you do slip up and tell them, go ahead and leave and start your own life but don’t finalize the separation until ten years so you can still get more of their stuff when you finally decide to finish the divorce proceedings.” That is horribly unethical and immoral advice. Talk about money grubbing people.

    • If you were married for 10 years or longer, you are eligible for divorced spouse benefits. Those benefits do not reduce what the other spouse receives in benefits, so nothing is being taken away from the earning spouse.

  179. Been married for 9 years I was wondering what kind of money I can receive I live in California

  180. Been married been married for 9 years I was wondering how much alimony I get

  181. I was married 11 yrs then divorced we both have remarried. my last employer wants to buy out my retirement early. is my ex entitled to any of this money its been 22 yrs since we were married

  182. My question is as follows, I married a man in 2007 he retired from the military in 2000 it has been a bad marriage, In May it will be 10 years and I entitled to any of his retirement and other military benefits?

  183. My husband left us for work over seas. It’s been 6 years and I have bought two homes under his name. Home one was in Florida where I sealed and made about $65,000 from that deal. I moved to Texas near my family where I placed most of the equity into my new home. I had to move here because I became disabled during the marriage. I have two boys whom are with me year round. What are the guidelines for alimony for disabled spouse as well as child support for two children.

  184. Kathryn Woodby says:

    I have a question. I was married for about 21 years. I was the one who filed for the divorce and I remember the Judge telling me I was entitled to $300 a month from him. I told her “no”, that I didn’t want it. Does that have anything to do with his retirement from his job of which he plans to retire on Dec 1st of this year (2016). I got the divorce in Illinois but now live in Kentucky. Do you think I’m still entitled to part of his work retirement. He was also in the Navy for a while. I know I should just contact a divorce attorney, but thought you might be able to give me some idea as to what my chances are. I never remarried and I’m now 57 years old. He is also 57.

  185. Kathryn Woodby says:

    I have one more question—who do you need to go to in order to request part of my ex-husband’s retirement once he retires? I was told by the S.S. office that I would need to contact his place of employment. Is that true? Thank you!!

  186. Nilufer Robles says:

    My husband and I we are merried for 10 years we are getting a divorce he is going for a medical discharge from the military do I still get any benefits if he gets a medical discharge ? If the medical discharge dose not go through What is the % I have a 5 years old son we are currently in Texas
    Thank you for any information

  187. I’m a federal worker with over 32 years served. I’m also in the Army National Guard with 19 years. I’ve been married to my current spouse for 7 years and I believe she is being unfaithful and also might be trying to stick this out to year 10. I’m emotionally struggling at the moment to think clearly, but I’m starting to get there. My question, is there a certain percentage she will qualify for now or does it just go up every year. I don’t want someone playing fake nice and also plotting to get to 10 with other ideas. My concern is just my TSP has grown over the past 7 years greater then hers. I’m just looking into insight at this moment if you can pleaser provide some.

  188. I have been married for 9 years, it hasn’t been a very good marriage. I am afraid she just waiting for the 10 year mark. What should I do!

  189. Sandra Ramey says:

    My ex husband bad I was married for 34 yrs.of those 34 yrs he was in the navy for 20 and of those 20 yrs I was married to him for 13 yrs in the navy. Now divorce I can’t get tricare because of he 20/20/20/ .mine 34/20/13. I do get main dance of 700. a month. He was suppose to assist me in getting insurance ,,he rears me a # for divorce spouse of ex military. Am I entitle to some of his retirement money. And if I am will he still have to pay me the $700. 00 maintenance ordered by the judge.thank you. In eligible what is the address to the military pay center.

    • You are entitled to a share of his military retirement, unless that right was waived in your divorce order. It is likely that the maintenance awarded to you was based on each of you receiving your portion of the retirement pay. If it was based on him receiving his entire retirement pay, and you end up receiving a portion of it, then it is likely that your maintenance will be adjusted downward to reflect the new circumstances.

  190. I’m in desperate need of help! I’ve been married 18 years and I have four wonderful children unfortunately I have a very abusive husband who is tried killing me several times. One of the times he did this my daughter was able to record it so I have the proof I also have lots of pictures of bruises he has given me. I haven’t been working for the past four years and he has a pretty good job my biggest fear is him getting custody of my kids because then I would never be able to live with myself! So here are the questions I need answered do I have a chance of getting custody of the kids I am a wonderful mother who does anything for them they are my whole life without the kids i would die anyway! The second question is would I be entitled to half of his stocks and retirement when he does retire? Also he has two houses in his name along with his three siblings names would i be entitled to half of his share of them two houses? I’ve been fighting for disability for a few years now for my medical conditions and my lawyer just told me the other day that it’ll be at least two more years before I get a hearing and I’m scared to death that I won’t make it living with him another two years I just know deep down if I wait i won’t be alive for that hearing! If anyone has any suggestions or advice please let me know

    • First of all, if he is trying to kill you, he should not be around you. You should have a restraining order to keep him away from you, and possibly away from your children as well. Secondly, of course you can get custody of your children. In most jurisdictions, the court is interested in the same thing that society is interested in, children having two loving parents, so it takes quite a lot of misbehaving for any parent to be denied custody of their child so they cannot be with that child. As for the property division, it depends on the time that you were married while that property was being acquired, and the laws of your state, so that is a perfect question to ask your lawyer.

  191. What if your husband was married to two women for ten years. Do they split the social security benefits…

    • Any former spouse to whom he was married for 10 years or longer will received divorced spouse benefits. They are not reduced just because other divorced spouses or current spouse or he are receiving benefits on his earnings history

  192. Forget the money. If there is violence or extreme psychological abuse in the marriage, GET OUT no matter what. No amount of money will make up for physical or emotional damage! Sticking it out for the money is not worth it. My marriage ended at 9 1/2 years, and yes I waived my rights so that my daughter could have a better child support, but that’s fine. I figured I was still young and strong and can still work…then I’m beholden to no one especially someone who couldn’t honor our marriage vows. There is such a thing as self respect after all.

  193. Shoregirl8091 says:

    I have a question. My husband and I live in NJ. I’m out of work due to a disability and am waiting for a determination as to permanent disability benefits. My husband has provided health insurance benefits for us (we have no kids) for the past 6 years of our almost 9 year marriage (in May). If I’m unable to go back to work and put on permanent disability, will he be responsible to pay my health insurance benefits? Thanks for any help.

    • The laws differ from state to state, but in most states each spouse has a duty to take care of the other, so he probably cannot remove you from his insurance. But check with an attorney to find out how insurance works in marriages in your state.

  194. Sandra Corrales-Potts says:

    I have been married for over 30 years. .worked in the beginning and the end. I was a stay at home mom raised 5 exceptional children. One of whom is blind and made successful. Out of the work force raising my children has cost me. What can I do and who to turn to? My spouse used to make good money and now not so much.

  195. Owen Dobbs says:

    i will be married 20yrs this year in june, i live in md and have custody of my 17yo son for 2 yrs after my wife who lives in sc kicked him out, my son will be going in the military after he graduates and i will file for divorce from my wife, she now gets a ssi check for mental issues (but she knows how to get the to bingo hall) and i make a low 6 figures, are names are both on the home she lives in which i want to sell and give her the proceeds and my name is the only one on the home i live in, she has now been told that i can’t sell my house without signature but she doesn’t pay any mortgages or bills at all for either of the houses. My question is what are my options, i feel completely stuck as i feel she wants my dreams as well. Will i have to pay alimony or spousal support? Thanks

  196. I;m in need of some advice .I married my husband that was in the army from 1979 till 1987 we brought a house which had my name and also my childrens at the time of 1988. He was very abusive where ever we were stationed but I never reported it . When we came back to the states we brought a house he became more abusive and he was using drugs which he lost his job with the city . I worked to take care of the home the best I could .until I was unable to . in 1993 he sent me to the hospital with a gash in my face which I had to have medical attention .Ater this I did call the police and they told me to leave because he would kill me. Still in love will this man after abuse cheating and drugs .I relocated to NYC . This was in 1993 .after being in NYC for a year or so I communicated with him and I thought we where at a good place . So I started visiting but after awhile I was sur he didn’t change . He became homeless in 2007 and came to NYC to stay with me but after awhile he went back to Philadelphia where he lives now. where still married and its noted in the social security office . about 3 years ago I get a letter from SSI stating that I was recieving money from the va which I had no knowlege that he was using my ss# to get extra money from the Va .So I had to put in a claim with the va .because SS was cutting me off because he was collecting for me . I was visiting him very often thinking we could give it a second try .Ive been with him to Va in Phila to doctors appt helping him around his new house . Let me make this short in 2011 he applied for 100 disable with the Va and was awarded in 2011 . I put in a claim from Nyc for a apportionment . which the Va granted me 17, thousand dollars . and I recieve 610 per month . Now hes calling me stating about divorce .because I left him 2 something years ago but we still where intimate with each other and talked all the time .The most resent was sept 2016 The back money he received he brought a house and many other things . what I didnt know was that I was added in with that back money so Im asking for another apportionment because he brought that house with some of the money that was suppose to come to me . Now he called me today stating hes filing for divorce . What are my rights will I get allmoney he lives in Phils I live in Nyc he never paid child support .And the reason why I left and came to Nyc is because he was abusive and dependent on drugs . Now hes trying to say I abant him and I shouldnt get anything Please help

  197. Darlene Hines says:

    I made a huge mistake. I got married a 3rd time 3 years after my second husband died. I made more money than my third husband and then got laid off. Used all my money from moving from Florida to ny state to fix his house concrete driveway ac new roof siding etc of course now my health is bad stopped taking meds and seeing doctors he does not help. He is retired getsvretirement and SS I live on my reduced SS and he calls me lazy and the C word almost everyday I stopped depression meds arthritis injections etc can’t afford it . Cashing in life insurance only getting $900.00. I am cancelling everything so I can save enough money to move cheaply to Florida. Should I start divorce proceedings before I move. I need medical ins to help me

  198. My 73-year-old mother, her age now, married after my dad died. She has only been married for 7 1/2 years… a year ago, he stayed in the home and she rented an apartment. They are still married. Once she reaches the 10 year mark does she still qualify to get benefits/ part of his IRA/any other monetary funds…from him? They are not legally separated… As in no court papers filed .

    I’m curious because she is living well below the poverty line and this husband is a “jerk “… I’m worried for her even making it without her bank balance of a meer $3,000 disappearing. ( money she received in a will from HIS mother ! ). Shows you how well liked she was…he got $2k….Anyway, she spends more than she brings in and she has no phone and no TV. There’s not much else she can get rid of ( except that crappy husband of course)…. The only reason he stays married to her is so he can get a break on his insurance ( and a few other things ) and he is a lifetime MichCon worker. ( if you don’t know what that is, it is the leading gas company in Michigan) They make great money and retirement benefits. Let alone he was into real estate. Anyway, my mother knew nothing of this when she married him… She did it for love. He treated her so badly they had to split as far as living in the same household.

    I hope I explained enough for you to answer my question. The 10 year mark is only a couple years away, and like I said there are no legal separation papers. Thank you so much for your help. I’ve tried everything else as far as help…and she is only collecting my deceased father’s death benefit.

    She is one of the sweetest most honest ladies you’ll ever meet and I need to know if there’s any financial help for her in the near future.

    Extremely concerned firstborn,

    • If they are married for 10 years or longer, she can collect divorced spouse social security benefits if they divorce. But I’m guessing that her widow benefits from your dad’s earnings history are higher, so that isn’t any advantage. In most states, she would be entitled to that portion of his retirement that was earned during the marriage If he was already retired when they married, she may not be entitled to any pension benefits, but she should consult with her attorney to find out exactly what her state’s laws provide.

  199. i have been married for 23 years this november 18 2017 he has been on pain meds since 2013 he has become evil person. i could not take it anymore I file for divorce but i also signed a pre Nup before we got married in he told me we could get rid of it later on. we got married in Chicago and now we live in Florida. If will i get alimony? Please help desperate

  200. Quick question I would like to know if I was with this man for 18 yrs never married but we live together but we seperated ended up getting married but divorced of a 4 yr marriage am I entitled to get the one who is now deceased social security or spousal support for being with him 18yrs.

    • If I’m reading this correctly, you were divorced and then he died. You can’t get spousal support from someone who is dead, because they no longer exist to pay you. If you were awarded support and never received it, then you may have a claim against his estate. As for social security, you were married fewer than 10 years and so you are not eligible for surviving divorced spouse benefits. There are a few states where common law marriage is recognized if you took certain steps. You can ask an attorney or research yourself whether common law marriage is recognized in your state and what you would need to do to prove it.

  201. Bryan Adams says:

    My huband gets social security disability, he is going to prison for molesting our son, am I eligble to draw his benefits.we have Been married 12 years. PLEASE someone help me with reliable information.

  202. I was married on 3/1995 and my divorce was finalized 5/2005. I became permanently disabled in 2010 been receiving SSD benefits since. Do I qualify for any benefits?

    • It sounds as though you are already receiving some benefits. Once you are of retirement age you will be eligible to receive divorced spouse benefits or your own social security benefits, whichever is greater.

  203. Martha Whidbee says:

    My husband is 21 years military retired…he getting military retirement and his ex is getting half of his military pay……he tells me it was suppose to stop when children all grown the youngest child is is 34 years old and his ex is still getting his half of his retirement… ..he tells me defence pay takes a long time ……how long does it take?….i would apprecate any of your advice…..we have power attorney for each other over every thing been married 13 years….Sincerely Martha

  204. Adrienne says:

    Hi i was married 13 yrs to my army husband now retired. It was in a different state hence the reason i got screwed out of custody alimony retirement some health benefits. He has two dv assaults texas and kentucky but he got the kids. Left me evicted and homeless literally 90 dollars to get back to Washington state. I reached to the army for help and they took their time due to my ex blowing crap up their rear ends. It has been since 2014 or 2015 affter the divorce and i feel thats not ok. Is there anyone that can help me because my children are there no attention paid just ignored. He got remarried last year. I speak a lot to his wife she is somewhat partial to me. Please please no one will help me since it was out of state. I couldnt fight i never recieved any paperwork phone calls nothing.

  205. Johnny B Good says:

    Holy cow people. I saw a documentary on the corruptness of the “family” divorce court system, which pretty much confirmed how lame the system is. Family court trumps the Supreme Court. Some corrupt court employees make horrible decisions about the children, who are the ones that suffer. I wish to God I never get to that point. I am married to my wife for 9 years. We are of the same ethnicity (not from the U.S. originally, but lived here both since around 3 years old). I am just so damn happy we both share the same views on life, love each other and financially support each other even if we were both poor. Yes, we started off poor, at sometimes lived paycheck to paycheck. I am not making 6 figures and we agreed she would stay home and raise our kids. She worked with chemicals (Chemistry Engineering major), and a lot of chemicals are known to cause cancer and birth defects… Once kids go to elementary school, she is planning on going back to work, different professional, and max out 401K and IRA. Did I say I am sooo happy we both don’t believe in divorce and crap like that? Good old fashion values Americans used to have back in the day. Anyways, I hope all is well for you all. There are money leeches everywhere, men and women. I’m glad me and my wife aren’t.

    Anyways, I started researching this issue and got to this site because I plan on continuing a part time business, and employing my (then 10 year old child – I plan ahead, ya know), and have her put $5,500K into a Roth IRA of hers and have her work until she decides not to (hopefully 16-18 years old). When she starts working as an adult after college (which my 529 plan will pay for – I ain’t no deadbeat dad), I will sure edumacate her about the financial world, unlike what happened to me. We grew up poor, living with rats and roaches. I always took AP courses in high school and managed to get 4s and 5s on the AP tests, but were too poor (and embarrassed) to join in on science fairs. But, I managed to get a 4.2+ weighted GPA in high school, so there’s no damn excuses for anyone else out there. Same with my wife. Anyways, I plan on making sure my children have a head start in life. By my calculations (I’m damn good at Excel and numbers), my children should have roughly $300K in Roth IRA balances by around 24 years old (when they actually start working again). That coupled with full 401K max outs, at 5-7% rates of return will give them about $ 3 million around age 50, $6.5 million around age 60 and over $10 million at age 67, with current IRA contribution limits etc.. IRS limits will be much higher in 20-30 years though. I was worried about them (only 1 and 4 now LOL) marrying deadbeat asshats (with the way America is heading nowadays) and started researching how to protect them. If they managed to be a success story like my wife and I, I would be the happiest parent in the world. If not, it sounds like a prenup is the only way to protect them?

    I’m guessing the prenup can stipulate that any savings in retirement accounts shall not be split up? It sounds like earnings BEFORE marriage is safe?

    Sorry for a long post.

    And sorry ladies, I’m taken. Guys, I don’t shoot that way, OK?

    Thank you

  206. Cabloom20 says:

    I was ma married over 11 years to an active duty af man. He cheated several times, I forgave him every time because I loved him and we used children. Fast forward about 8 years 4 bases, where I did all the unpacking, finding new jobs friends ect. I found out I was sick with lupus, chronic pain, inoperable, severe depression and anxiety due to the loss of my 13 year career, and not able to use my brand new bshs. After 3 years of begin sick and encouraged to apply for disability and winning the first time, I’m then called a lazy drug addict. Regardless of him going to my appointments with me and hearing the pain Dr’s suggestions, pain pump, injections, several high dose narcotics ect. The whole time my (best) friend and next door neighbor is plotting to get with him. Anyway. He tells he it’s just a separation, I’ll get 25%of his retirement as part of the property settlement. I took nothing else. Because I didn’t want my kids to be dragged out of school and I thought I was coming back. I only asked for $200 a month for alimony, just in case. That was 2008, March. The end of July 2008,i get a served with final divorce papers. I get my boys every summer, every other Christmas and when ever else we agree upon, btw,, since I’m disabled he has to pay for all of their transportation. So guess how many extra visits I got? 0! January 2009 I got a letter in the mail notifying me of his new address 2 doors down, due to his impending marriage. I make 967 a month for disability, I have 6 kids total. 2 have a aged out, just be is always asking me for money to pay for things like braces, which are cosmetic, and he has insurance. Help paying for the older boys cars,, my youngest 2 I can’t afford insurance for. And now I’m not getting them this summer. Which I’m not at that upset about, they are 17, and 16.this will be their first “normal summer.” I just think I got screwed, royally! Am I wrong. I’m not even the beneficiary on his death benefits, his 70 mother is. Both his parents are older and not all. I should at least be secondary. I didn’t ask for much. If I had not been so naive, I would have gotten a lawyer and cleaned him out. But I thought we had a chance still. After 11.5 years you don’t just throw it away cause someone is sick. I guess the vows mean nothing today. I hope he can’t read this, we have been doing better speaking civilly lately, I just needed to vent and get some advice. Thanks.

  207. Lexi White says:

    Man and woman married for 25 years. have two children ages 23 and 17. Woman just decides she doesn’t want to be married anymore and doesn’t want any responsibility including the children and gets an apartment. She still wants her “husband” to continue paying her bills. Now after over a year of separation she still will not sign divorce papers until it states that she will receive 1/2 of his 401K until the time he retires which will not be for another 10+ years. She also wants $1,100 a month alimony. Is she eligible for alimony since she is the one who walked out and leaving a 17 year old? (This is in the state of Virginia.) Can the man seek child support since he has the responsibility of the 17 year old?

  208. I have a question. My mom is divorcing her husband of 9 years; he is a veteran and it’s over 60 years old. They have been together for about 18 years but married for only 9. She finally realized that he only wants her there to treat her as a slave, to take care of him. He doesn’t care about her or loves her. He is racist and my mom is Hispanic and he is constantly saying racial stuff to her. They have 2 properties which are in both of their names as well as bank accounts, etc.

    He is telling her to take her name off the properties and to take her name off the bank accounts. I’m telling not to do that, to wait for the divorce to comet through. My mom is leaving to come live with me in a different state. The only thing he’s doing is giving her the title of a car that he gave to her as a gift but it’s still under his name. I told my mom get the title sign over as soon as possible, but not to do nothing else he’s telling her to do. Like I said they’ve only been married 9 years. What advise do you give me and what type of benefits is she entitle too. She is now receiving Social Security under him because she turned 62. Please advise.

    • She should see an attorney right away who is familiar with the laws of her state and can advise her as to her rights and what she is entitled to. And she definitely shouldn’t sign anything without getting that legal advice first.

  209. I live in Georgia and have been in a relationhip with somebody for 16 years. We have been living together for 15 years. He has put me in his Will along with HIS kids. Even though we are not married, if he died, would I be able to collect on his Social Security?

  210. lillye rineer says:

    my husband was in the serves for 7 years. he has passed away we were married 22 years then got divorced.
    need to know if i am intitled to any med insurance. im 63 and really need some coverage.

  211. I have a question. I am considering a divorce from my husband. We own two homes, on in Ky and one in FL. I work in Ky but we both have FL licenses and considered a florida resident. I have been with him for over 20 years and married for 13 years. I am his third wife. We have a Ky prenup in place (by him) that he gave me 2.5 days before we left for the out of state wedding and I was told to either sign it or we would not be married. He then pushed me to go to his attorney and sign it while I cried through the whole thing. He is 16 years older than I and retired. My question is, if I decide to divorce in Florida instead of Ky, would they recognize our prenup? He bought the Florida house a few weeks before we married?

    • Since you are a Florida resident, your divorce will take place in Florida. The state where your prenup was signed is probably not significant, but the timing and apparent coercion is. Talk to a Florida attorney to see what the rules are in Florida for valid prenups.

  212. sandra Price says:

    I need help I am from Mexico and married and american man legaly in florida in 1979 and had two children the divorced ended in1999 am i entitle to collect benefits from him from his retirement benefits he makes good money and i am cero i left the country back to mexico and my family takes care of me i am disable and nt collecting any benefits i also worked while married to him and help with the house hold expenses i dont have his social security number but i know where he works what can i do, i am still divorced and never remarried

    • If you were awarded part of his retirement in the divorce, you need to file a Qualified Domestic Relations Order to secure your portion of the retirement, so it will be paid to you and not to him. If he was awarded the retirement in the divorce, then you are not entitled to any of it. If your divorce agreement did not address the retirement, then you could consult with an attorney to see about reopening your divorce to divide an overlooked asset.

  213. sharika says:

    please advise
    my husband and I have been divorced for the past 15 years. this was not a personal issue but rather a business arrangement. we still lived together since then till april this year due to arguments over the kids who are now adults and over family.
    the house that we lived in is on his name. all the years I lived there I contributed my part as a wife. now he is letting the house out on rent for a much higher rental than the monthly bond. do I have any rights to this as I an now living with my daughter and can barely make ends mead…

    • If you were awarded part of the house in the divorce and you are not getting your share of the rents, you definitely should assert your rights as part owner. If he was awarded the house in the divorce, then what he does with it is not your concern. If you are entitled to receive support in the divorce, his income from rents would be considered in determining how much his income is and how much support he could afford to pay.

  214. Stephanie says:

    I’m more then a bit lost, my husband and I have been married for 15 years. I have been a stay at home wife and mother of 3 children for the duration of our marriage. My husband held a civilian career throughout our marriage and was in the National Gaurd for the last 4, retiring with in the last month. One of our children has a severe learning disability and my husband and I decided that me being a full time homemaker and mom was necessary for our family from the very start of our marriage. He has asked for a divorce. We have no assets together, our home (which is paid off but worth less then 20k) is solely in his name, both vehicles are in his name (still making payments). We are a pay check to pay check family as it is. I’ve mastered extreme budgeting skills to keep us afloat with what he makes. He works an average of 70 hours a week, which was another driving force in keeping me at home (doctors appointments, extra curricular activities for the kids, regular need for a parent to come to the school because of my son’s severe learning and behavior issues). To say I have nothing of my own is an understatement. I’m positive he will need the children to remain with me, his job would never allow him to leave for the needs of the children. I am having difficulties finding employment that will allow me flexibility to see to the needs of the children. I truly don’t know where to start and more then a little afraid. I don’t have extended family to help me with child care. I’m looking for a direction, a starting point, as I’m truly at a loss of how to proceed.

    • Start by talking to an attorney about what you are entitled to under the laws of your state. In most states, you are entitled to a portion of whatever was accumulated during marriage (home, vehicles, retirement, etc.) From there, perhaps mediation would be the least expensive option.

  215. Questions says:

    Hi, I’m getting a divorce after 10 years. My husband works under the table but is working. What do I need to tell the court, I do not want to have to pay him alimony. He does make less than I do

    • It sounds as though this has been going on during the marriage. If he’s getting paid in cash, you’ll need to show that expenses aren’t being paid from his bank account, and so he must have cash that he’s using.

  216. I’ve been married for12 years and my husband has at least 10-20 jobs in a years time, just to keep me from having Insurance. So I’ve been fighting for Disability for 5 years they granted it to mean June30,2017. He promised to pay rent& electric bill till end of September, but now he’s backed out on paying them , he’s been gone off and on for 6 years now. There trying to kick me out my trailer for rent & they don’t want to wait till I get my money. Can I get spousal support from him in the state of Tennessee.

  217. Hi. I live in Colorado which is a marital property state. I’ve been married for 14 yrs. I haven’t worked for 10 of those yrs. (due to chronic pain and mental illnesses). I take care of our household as I’m able to do so. My husband works. Our first home was bought (outright, no mortgage) with money, given to my husband (from a family member of his). He put his name on the title only. Intentionally keeping my name off. That home has since been sold. Our current home was bought (outright, no mortgage), from the sale of the previous home. Again, my husband intentionally put only his name on the title. He did it so he could stake claim to it, and throw it back up in my face, that his name is the only one on the title. That’s his words completely. He said them to me yesterday, during an argument. He is threatening divorce and says that our current home was bought by him (even though he put no money into buying it). He’s saying because of the monetary “gift” he got to buy the first home, our current home is a “gift” as well (even though it was bought from the sale of the previous home). He’s been saying that if the house is sold, he gets all of the money. If the house isn’t sold he has the legal right to give it to whom ever he wants (not me), and I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been reading about the marital property law here in Colo. But I’m still confused as to how a home would be dealt with durning a divorce. We have no children together. My children are grown and don’t live at home. His son is 15 and doesn’t live in the house either. The mother of his son (which he didn’t know he had, until the boy was 7) keeps him away from my husband, due to my husband’s extreme temper and abuse (mental, emotional, and some physical), she dealt with during their relationship (they were never married). He hasn’t seen his son since he was 8. He barely even had/has a relationship with his son, since he only got to visit with him for 3 1/2 months. One and a half of those months, he had to do supervised visits. Anyway, we have no children living in our home. So what happens with the current house, in a divorce? Even though he has his name on the title only. Is it still considered a “gift” given to him, because of the monetary “gift” he received to buy the first house? As I said, it was (and the previous home) bought during our marriage. Thanks so much for your help.

  218. I was awarded 50% of my ex husband retirement he went n claimed all to ga disability now I get nothing how can I get my share of awarded retirement now that he has traded it my share as well as his for VA BENEFITS

    • You should have filed a Qualified Domestic Relations Order to claim your portion of his retirement account so that they wouldn’t pay it all out to him. If you did not and he has now drained the account, you have a claim against him. Talk to your attorney about this. I don’t know anything about VA benefits and what it takes to qualify for those.

  219. Hi,

    I’ve been married for 9 years and we have two children between us, and 2 children she born before our relationship. She has never filed for child support for the 2 older children. She stopped working 7 years ago to stay home with our 7.5 year old who has special needs. I have paid her ex’s portion of support for the 2 older children (13 years worth), but especially during the time she stayed home, I was happily paying her and her ex’s portion of support for the 2 older children. Our 7.5 year old has been in school full time for 2 years now and my wife is educated and able to go back to work, but is choosing not to in order to receive child and spousal support from me. I’ve negotiated 50% split time for our children. Although principally I have a problem with paying her child support for taking care of our children part time, I understand the reasons behind that.

    My question is, am I legally required to pay child support for the 2 older children if she hasn’t filed on the natural father? Also, I’m signing a quit deed, giving up 11 years worth of equity, to leave the house to her so that she doesn’t have to refinance for a significantly larger mortgage payment. I’ve also agreed to keep her and the 2 older children on my insurance for a year post divorce. As well as half of my 401k for the amount of time that we’ve been married. At 9 years in, am I legally required to split 401k with her? And if so, do I have a legal stake in her quarterly trust fund? Lastly, with all of the assets (11 years equity in the home, not requiring her to refinance, paying for an additional year of health insurance, and giving half of my 401k) do I have enough to argue that that IS spousal support? Sorry for the long post and thank you for your time.

    • In most states, you are required to support your natural and adopted children, but not children who do not fall into those categories. The portion of your retirement that was earned during your marriage may be marital property to be divided, depending on the laws of your state. As for her quarterly trust fund, I don’t know what that is, so ask an attorney about that specific asset. I don’t know how spousal support works in your state, so I am not able to answer your questions about that.

  220. My wife and I got married late. I was 50 and she was 45. No children together. We get along great and love each other. However we have been married for 9.5 years and I am concerned about my exposure given I just retired and am on a fixed income. In interest of my finances I feel that I should proactively get divorced. You never know ,,,she might be just trying to make the magic 10 year mark. Your advice?


    • OK, let me get this straight — you have been married for over 9 years and you get along great and love each other. And you are thinking of divorce because it might end? Most people reading this would be thrilled to be in such a marriage.

    • Bolt Fred!! You;ll wish you had when you’re living on half…..Read the statistics…..

  221. Lavern LeShoure says:

    Hello here’s my question i was married for 35 years and got a divorce. I would have loved to try to stay in my marriage but my ex was cheating. Not just because of that I was very sick and I had heart failure during the marriage had to have a trach in my throat and had two children to raise also had to sleep on oxygen that marriage cause a lot of pain and almost cost me my life. All I wanted at that time was out he was not there for me or anything. But at the time I divorced him i was so sick I could not think of anything but out no help no one to guide me and let me know that I could have gotten support because he had a job. Now i’m just wondering if I can get anything he’s on social security now he will be 62 in November help I need suggestions.

  222. I was married to a service connected army man. We were married for 10 years. We divorced in 2004. Since than he has remarried. Now, he is also collecting his Social Security check. Am I entitled to any of His benefits?. The reason being, is now I’m on social security disability and I’m only 55. So therefore , I’m not old enough to collect on mind. Just for my information. Thanks
    Humbly submitted.
    Angela G.

  223. For those of you bashing men, remember everyone has a story and here is mine that has me in an uproar. First and foremost, I completely agree that a stay at home mom is a full time job! My parents were married for 53 years until my mom passed a little over a year ago. They had us 3 kids together of which I’m the oldest. After my moms passing , my life fell apart because I handled it poorly. My dad on the other hand didn’t have a problem dealing with it and moving forward. He started going to grief therapy and and met a lady whom he married less than 9 months after my moms passing. Now here’s what has me bent. I’ve never been married so at 51, and in today’s age of “internet” dating, I background check everyone I go on a date with. This has proved to be valuable multiple times over. So when my dad dropped this bombshell on us kids that he had just gotten married, I laughed and hung up the phone. Next came a “discussion” of the will. He was elated to tell us about his new wife had used her knowledge and attorney, to combine their assets. I immediately went to the internet to look her up since she had already been married 3 times and he said some things that made zero sense with regards to her finances. Come to find out that just a month or two before she started dating my dad, she lost her final appeal to her previous husbands life insurance. I read the court documents front to back and the associated rulings along the way. In a nutshell, she met husband number 3 and married him within months. He was postal worker and his life insurance was $72,000. She requested that he up this by $200,000 so in the event something happened to hm, she could pay her house off. It got messy because in the process of updating his new beneficiary on the additional 200K to the policy, it never formally made it through the appropriate signature process. In the end, she spent a fortune trying to collect on these benefits and lost, and was required to pay the defending parties attorneys fee’s and expenses. My dad just sold his home which was almost paid off, and he’s paying off half of her mortgage. We have no visibility into the newly written will but should very soon. In a nutshell, he took all the money he was worth along with his assets and combined them with some women he hardly knows. My problem with this is, my mom helped him acquire his wealth and now her half has been combined with some money hungry butch. I personally don’t care about his money, however I do care about it going to my nieces and nephew. Fortunately, my dad and I haven’t seen eye to eye, and haven’t since I was able to think for myself, so I’ll be having this conversation with him in the very near future. I don’t expect it to go well nor end well, and we’ll most likely never speak again when this is over, which is fine by me. It will keep the heat of my brother and sister and allow them to move forward with discussions surrounding this topic. This entire process has validated my thoughts about my dad…… He’s not what he portrayed himself to be all these years. The laws that are so favorable to women in this country need to change, it’s no wonder our divorce rate is quite the joke.

  224. I have been in relationship for 17yrs (2 children). After 12 yrs we separated but had community property so I filed a dissolve of a “Meritricious Relationship” in WA state and received 72% of his deferred comp but wasn’t entitled to LEOFF pension. We later reunited and got legally married (4yrs now) and I wish to dissolve the marriage. Would I be entitled to Any portion of LEOFF pension, House (title in his name) or any alimony (stay at Home Mom since marriage)? Or how long in WA state must I married to receive at least half of LEOFF pension?

  225. My mother in law was married to her ex for 9 years and 7 months…..can she claim his SS benefits? Does it HAVE to be exactly 10 years?

  226. If we both have high paying salaries is it still potentially beneficial to wait the 10 years before divorce? Or does it not even matter if you both are likely at the salary for max social security benefits? We are both still only 39 years old. If i qualify for max benefit on my own what more do I gain by also using my soon to be ex’s benefit?

    • If you were married for 10 years or longer you can take the greater of your own benefit or divorced spouse benefit upon retirement. That likely will not be of benefit to you unless you became disabled or unemployed for a substantial period of time and didn’t work. Upon his death you would become a surviving divorced spouse and get the equivalent of what he would have received, which might be of benefit if his benefits were greater than yours because you were out of the workforce for some period of time —

  227. Hello! I’ve only been married to my husband for 9 years when he retired from military service of 21 years. I ‘m really thinking of filing for a divorce. My question is whether I will be entitled to a portion of his retirement here in California? I was prior military also and served for 11 years and reached the rank where I can retire had I stayed in for 9 more years. I ended up getting out of the service because we had a toddler and a baby at the time and since the detailer wanted to send me to sea duty instead of him, my husband said that he wouldn’t be able to handle the kids on his own if I get deployed (his own words). I guess my sacrifices didn’t mean anything to him because he ended up cheating on me anyways and I wasn’t able to finish my school because we kept moving. I feel like I should get a part of his retirement for all the sacrifices I made for him. Also, would it matter if our kids were born first before we actually got married? we’ve been together for 12 years but only been married for 9 years while he was enlisted

    • The period during which you lived together won’t affect how much retirement you get. Contact an attorney knowledgeable about military retirement to find out how the rules apply in your particular case — if there is someone on base that you can talk to, that would be ideal.

  228. Judith Schoner says:

    Alimony got denied by his lawyer as well as by the VA, I get only SS, and this is not holding up on a monthly base.
    What can I do?

  229. Rotonya Smith says:

    I have been marred since 1994 .It was told to me that my husband had divorce me. But come to find out he hadn’t. And I’m getting disability. We have been legally married over 20 yrs since I’m diable can I apply for his disability for spouse since we are still legally married

  230. James mccreery says:

    I’m married for 11 yrs and my wife is on ssi so if I get divorced can I get ssi since she had the only income for 4 years

  231. I have a question regarding the 10 year married mark. What if you filed for divorce before the 10 year mark? Like if you filed and paperwork had started being processed months before the 10 year mark and you had already been separated months before filing? Can an ex try to get benefits years later? And if they signed of saying they don’t want anythings, can they go back on that document?

    • Ask an attorney familiar with the laws of your state how this will work for you. Each state is different. Once you have a final agreement, unless it is challenged fairly soon thereafter, you will have the agreement about how things will go.

  232. Bosibori Onyancha says:

    I was divorced in 2008, I have four kids now with my boyfriend, he wants to leave. I live in mn. Please help

  233. Michelle says:

    I’ve been with my husband ever since 1999, He now wants to move from GA to TX. I do not want to move.
    So he says he’s retiring at the end of this month and going to put our home up for sale and move without me to TX. He says, that he doesn’t want attorneys involved. That we can do this that he knows how to file himself. That they have these divorce, and adoption packets at Home Depot. My concern is I’ve been married way over 10 years and I qualify for something I know, some kind of help. Do I go to the Social Security office and give his Social to receive some type of support? We do not have any children together, I lost the one at age 40 I’m now 54. please help.

    • First of all, talk to an attorney to get advice. You may be better off filing for divorce in GA under GA laws rather that waiting until he establishes residency and files under TX laws. As for social security, once you are both of retirement age (62 or older) you can apply for social security benefits. When you apply, that’s the time to give them his social security number, so they can pay you the highest benefit to which you are entitled.

  234. Abigale says:

    Hello Miss Ginita – my question may be odd…

    I divorced after almost 20yrs of marriage. I am now 53 and remarried. He did not remarry, and he passed away unexpectedly recently – after we have been divorced this last 4yrs now.

    Am I entitled to collect any social security in Alabama? We were married in Tennessee… and is there anything I should do to followup? See a lawyer, etc? I guess I may not be entitled since I remarried?

    Thank you Miss Ginita. I appreciate any insight you may have on this.
    -Abigale in Alabama

    • Social security is a federal program and it doesn’t matter where you live or what state you were married in. Once you are of retirement age, you can collect reduced social security payments based on your own earnings history, or an amount equal to 50% of your husband’s benefits if he is retired and collecting benefits, whichever is higher. You may want to wait until full retirement age of 66+ so your benefits are not reduced for early commencement. Since you are currently married, you cannot collect benefits based on your former spouses’s earnings history. If your current marriage ends, then you will be eligible to collect reduced surviving divorced spouse benefits based on your first husband as early as age 60, or full benefits at age 66+, if those benefits exceed your own.

  235. I need advice, have been marry for 15 years but my marriage is just going because of my kids.
    My husband doesn’t want to do anything with me and always alone. We dont go out as family he just go out with kids and he just want to spend time with kids and treat me like I am no buddy. My in laws got property for us and I have been paying all the bills and house taxes. My husband doesn’t help me with any bills.
    He just pay for his stuff and stay for free since his parents got this property. So question is that how is divorce will work? I have two kids and my daughter doesn’t want to be with me and my son has autism. I am so lost dont know how the process work? Please guide me I am in California

  236. The Truth says:

    So far the record still holds for the couple that just started on their 82nd year together and still going strong. 1936 is when they did get married, and here we are 2018 today since many marriages did last very long in those early days but not as long as theirs. God really wanted them to be together since it was really meant to be for them.

  237. Hello I hope you can help me I was married to my first husband for 12 years we had 2 kids together he
    retired from the Navy I think I am entitled to 50 per cent of hi retirement but he wont give me his social security and I don’t know how to get around this I cant find any paper work with his social security number on it do you have any suggestions what I can do to get my part of his retirement.

    • I can’t tell for sure, but it sounds as though you are divorced. If you were awarded a portion of his Navy retirement in the divorce, or if it was not addressed, contact the military and see how you go about getting it. If they insist on his social security number and he won’t provide it, you may need to go to court to have the judge compel him to produce it so you can get your legal due.

  238. i have married for nine years but now i want i divorce because am unhappy want to know about procedure help me please

  239. Wondering about SS benefits.

    I was legally married for just over 10 years from 1974-1984, but we separated and began the divorce papers at 9 1/2 years. We are both now in our early 60’s. He is retired. Am I entitled to receive a portion of SS benefits from his earnings?


  240. Traceyconbri says:

    I was married 14 years and together 17. My ex lived in attic dads at 22. He moved in with me. I worked 3 Jobs went to school. At the store he worked st as sticker a woman approached him to rep a one of product lines of willing to move to Minnesota. We were in Ohio. He asked if I would we should do it. Engaged at time. I said If that’s what you want to do I support it. I left my jobs school friends family and moved with him. Drove all around 4 states with him. I had 80,000 in bank when he met me. Ended up using tomoay for our wedding and his car and down payments homes condos. We moved to 8 places over course together. I found jobs wherever we were but never e fed up getting degree and were mainly bar tending or sales. Ended up having two children he ended up climbing ladder. One son challenging mild asbergers. One travel sports. Between the insane travel schedule and my other sons needs plus I volunteered school on board where we lived and headed up many of the teams fundraisers. I was far far far from lazy. Great fed both year each as he insisted. Was hard. He travelled 3-4 days week I was doing it all alone often. Eventually he got to be such a hot shot in his eyes that he ended up with ten years younger coworker. Left me during time I actually was sick for year lost 30 lbs rashes and chronic pain. (Went away and never figured out for sure cause). He moved out of state to her hometown. I have been raising boys since 3rd,5th grade alone. I am a busy ass mom and do work ..but because was 40 when left and still had to parent alone..not very marketable without degree. I have jobs making 10-15 hour. My ex made 1000 a day. Too percent of country. I resent anyone saying woman lazy and free loaders!!! All have stories. Being just a single parent is hard hard work if doing it right! I’m screwed while he has career and married a girl he worked with making a lot. I work but will be hard to keep head above water making what I make caring teens and now I’m
    47. My state alimony is only 1 for 3. Plus he hid money. He bought a million dollar home. Two 100,000 vehicles. Travels all over and no responsibility here. Ignored agreement. If sees kids it’s random at his leisure! Please tell me how this is entitled or unfair for a woman to get her fair share??????

  241. My question is I have been married a little over 7 years I own my own house had it before I married my husband and my house is in a trust. He sold his house he burn through most of his money he did fix my kitchen with the sale of his house, then he boughta house in April 2017 outside of California. He has been living off of me since we got married I’ve sold 3 cars refinanced my house to keep us going I felt he was selfish to buy the house when he really didn’t need a mortgage My question is would I have to pay him alimony or split my house with him I don’t wanna lose my house which goes to my son and my son and I are 50/50. The husband didn’t seem to care of that I sold other 3 cars to keep us going he doesn’t seem to care about anything I think he slightly narcissistic and it’s always my fault and I’m at the point that’s fine but I don’t wanna have to owe him any money because I feel like I’ve paid enough and I keep losing with him the other hard part is why haven’t filed sooner is because hes terminally ill but at this point with a verbal abuse and just mental abuse over all I think it’s time to say bye again I just don’t wanna have to owe him anything I don’t wanna lose my house over this man he did buy a house out of California and it has cost him some money some repairs his investment ideas are not good sorry to say but because he has a house without my name on it and I don’t want nothing to do with his house what I still have the support him

    • If you divorce, you can agree on whatever property division you wish. If you don’t agree, then in California you each would be entitled to 50% of all community property value. You could agree that he will take the house that he bought and you will take the house that you live in as an offset to that value. If you earn substantially more than he can earn, then you may need to pay him alimony if he requests it.

  242. Dorothy Wynne says:

    What form do you fill out to apply for Benefits of being married for more 10 years.

  243. good morning, I have been married for 30 years with two grown children. My spouse and I both currently work for the federal government and we both make 6 figures. My question(s) are 1) if we divorce am I entitled to a portion of his pension, even if remarries; 2) Am I entitled to a portion of is SS even if he remarries; 3) Am I entitiled to a portion of his TSP (Thrift Savings Plan) equivalent to a 401K if he remarries? lastly, we live in the state of DE. and I don’t care if he is titled to mine.

    • When you divorce, the division of property such as retirement plans will be in accordance with state law, unless you agree otherwise. In most states, retirement earned during the marriage is considered to be marital property that belongs to both of you. Social security is in accordance with federal law. You will be entitled to social security benefits based on his earnings record (divorced spouse benefits are the equivalent of 50% of what he’s entitled to) or your own benefits, whichever is higher. There will be a government pension offset, however, that may wipe those benefits out.

  244. F.R. Taylor says:


    In reading your responses to these ladies, I’ve noticed that you’ve given some very basic, sterile and somewhat useless ‘advice’. As each person here is in desperate need of assistance and/or guidance, I would hope that in the future you could give a better response other that telling them to ‘speak to an attorney/find out what the laws are in your state’ (research and TELL them/something).
    Why don’t you put EFFORT into your responses by maybe soliciting some more information from them (their state for example) so ‘you’ could give a more helpful answer them and provide hope for them when they are truly in need of it instead of just doing the minimum.
    Without using her name, there was one poor soul who was homeless and your answer said several things to me: 1.) You have absolutely zero understanding what it means to be homeless (she’s UNABLE to just log on like you to cruise the internet. 2.) That may have been the last opportunity for her to use the internet for a very long time. 3.) Her needs (basic survival) are unlike your own and yet, SHE found the time to come to you, why couldn’t YOU find the time to do your very best to offer her outreach/solutions in a timely and helpful manner?
    There is not one person on here (from their own words/explanations) that is able to afford the ‘luxury’ of an attorney to get answers to their individual needs/questions; after all, look at the platform they are using, YOURS! One would think that you would at very least, TRY to provide a service that would make a positive/effective difference for them and justify the urgency in their own words by doing more than entering generic, useless and rather ridiculous responses to those that truly are in NEED of help.
    Answering to many (a lot of) queries is nowhere near the same as helping just one or two EFFECTIVELY and allowing others to use that same approach/answer for their own situations; which if you actually took the time to analyze your own site, would see that is exactly what would happen due to the end-state similarities in so many of them. Stop using speed and expediency to replace accuracy and effectiveness. Doubt me? Okay. Answer this one… ‘Why isn’t there one single human being that has replied to your site with the RESULTS of what you shared with them and how it helped them correct the problem(s) they originally had when they first reached out to you’? Not a single person has… Now THAT should be a giant RED FLAG of just how effective your ‘advice’ is…it’s useless to many! Don’t you think they deserve better than what you’ve offered them? Or, maybe this platform is satisfying YOUR individual needs more than theirs…which to ‘me’ certainly seems to be the case ( I could be wrong/if I am, I ‘sincerely’ apologize!
    The issues presented here by these ladies are REAL. They are not to be taken lightly and deserve better than what you’ve given them. I feel heartfelt sorrow for each one who was told to ‘speak with an attorney’ and then cut loose to figure it out on their own. They each deserve an ‘educated and informed’ answer rather than what you’ve provided. I don’t have your ‘specific’ credentials, however, I can definitely assure you that MY area of expertise is in a field that requires (at minimum) cognitive thinking, initiative, reasoning, persistence, attention to detail, integrity, psychology, time management, persuasion, social perceptiveness and judgment…to name just a few. In honesty, I was able to accomplish writing (30 minute investment) this to you while waiting for a friend and sitting ‘alone’ in a room full of people. How did I find this site? Simple. I merely LISTENED to how a lady was frustrated with her own situation and was looking for help; I googled (wanting to help her) and found this site and started reading FOR RESULTS before I offered it as a viable suggestion. I read through it first (thankfully) and realized that I would’ve only compounded her frustration more by telling her to try you out for help…
    If you are proud of your credentials, take them seriously and actually care about others, try to show it (by example) by using your supposed ‘skills’ to help these ladies out when they do place their trust in you. Further, this site could actually do more damage to their lives by the Men that are hurting them when they (abusers) see just how useless your answers are/can be (emboldening abusers/men) and how hopeless their victims actually are by having to resor to ‘your’ type of help.
    Try harder is all I’m saying. Work harder, go further for them by (for example) ASKING QUESTIONS of them. Take ownership of their issues and get them results that will encourage them to refer others to you for future help. I have faith in you, I truly do Ms. Ginita. If I didn’t. I wouldn’t have spent the last half-hour ‘caring’ in my own way and putting some ‘skin in the game’ (unlike Jack did) if you will. It’s comforting to know there are people like you out there TRYING to do the right thing for those that need it, our moms and wives. Please don’t be discouraged by my words and PLEASE don’t take offense. Instead, re-evaluate your course/tack and consider my constructive approach to offer criticism in trying to merely help you to help others. These are real people counting on you and my words and intent are equally real in that I was raised by a ‘lady’ that didnt have the luxury of a website to seek help for her and her boy (me). I had to watch her struggle and suffer…it was horrible and still hurts me as I write this. Please try to ‘be there’ for each and every one that reaches out for you; you can’t save/help them all but if just ONE can be helped by you, your mission can be considered a resounding success. I wish you the best and am encouraging you to simply ‘do more’ with your gift of compassion, your concern for others and your education level. Godspeed Ms. Ginita, and thank you for giving these precious people hope.

    Most respectfully,


    • I appreciate your thoughtful response. Thank you for taking the time to write it — you’ve given me some things to think about. Now, if you don’t mind, let me give you something to ponder. Let’s say someone said “I have a spot on my arm, and lately it has gotten hot and red. What is it and what is the best way to treat it.” Now, given that I am not a doctor, do you think that I should nose around on the internet and come up with a treatment plan? I’m guessing that you’d agree that my advice to see a doctor right away would be the most responsible thing to do. So why is someone asking me for legal advice any different? I am not a trained attorney, and I am not qualified to give legal advice to them about their specific situation under the laws of their state. Sure, I could nose around the internet and make a stab at it, but that’s not the responsible thing to do. When the request is for general information I am able to answer their question. But when someone requests specific legal advice, I have no choice but to advise them to seek counsel from an attorney familiar with the laws of their state.

  245. Elle Breirreb says:

    I think that someone sticking with the marriage until that 10 year mark to divorce someone is a pretty low person. If the marriage is bad, then get out. Get a job, have them pay child support until you are good enough to be without it. People are so greedy these days and out to get each other. No wonder why these marriages dont last.
    I dont want to get married to the person im with because they are greedy. They admittedly have used every person they’ve been in a relationship with, and they want me to buy them a car, and pay all the bills, and help them out with their debt when i have my own. they’re lazy, and dont want to work enough to pay for their own things. I’m not getting married to someone who is spiteful, will marry me just because I’m going to making a lot of money. they need to do something with their own life. I don’t want kids, but she does. she’s only going to be able to have a kid if she goes out and sleeps with someone or goes to the sperm bank. And if she’s with me and gets pregnant, that means she cheated. She can’t get pregnant with me because I am a female too. So the only thing she can do is make me marry her and be entitled to all that I have built myself, while she doesn’t do anything to make money of her own.
    People these days just want a handout and to not have to work. I bust my butt working, but she hasn’t done anything to get a job the past 10 years. These people who can’t go out and work Have options to work online from home. You just have to search for it. I came up with my own business too, found all my clients myself, created a business page for FB and IG, and she is trying to weasel her way to get money out of me without lifting a finger. She wants to be my scheduler and get 50% of my earnings. But I’m doing all the hard work, getting meetings set up. and she want’s 50% of everything when what she would do is just literally 1 hour of working. thats not comparable to what I do One bit.
    Her instincts are only solely on survival. That’s what she has known. But you can’t just go fucking people over. Don’t rely on other people, and have your own.
    no one just leaves a marriage out of the blue unless theyre unhappy, and you should be able to tell with the distance, arguing, or lack of talking and interacting. Why stay unhappy longer for the benefits and just get out and move on!

  246. Ugggg, why should any spouse have to pay alimony? My wife has never worked a day in her life. I do all the cooking, cleaning, taking care of pets, drive her everywhere since she doesn’t have a license, give her my entire paycheck to go shopping, etc… Why should I have to pay her a dime after we divorce just because she is too lazy to do anything to support us?

    • I understand what you are saying. If you really want to know why your state decided to have alimony, you’ll need to research the legislative history to see what the lawmakers said who proposed the law that awards alimony.

  247. I have been married 19 yrs and I just moved out from our house as it was getting to be to much we have 5 kids one is 19,17,16,13 and 8. all but the 19yr old live with me as he lives with family on his own. he did not want to leave and tells me the house is his as it is only in his name. I have been out with my kids for a month now and had to rent a house for us. does this mean because I left with my kids the house is his?

  248. Valerie Spry says:

    Hello my name is Valerie Spry. My ex husband retired from the post office November 2016. We were married for 16years and had four children. He abandoned my children and I. So we ended up getting a divorce. I wrote the post office to see if I was entired to any of his pension and the denied me. I thought do the ten year law should apply to me being we were married for married for 16 yrs. and I never married again. Am I entitled???

  249. Look at your divorce agreement to see what portion of the pension you were awarded. If the whole thing was awarded to him, then you don’t get any portion of it. If the pension didn’t come up in your divorce, talk to an attorney about whether you can now open the case again to divide an overlooked asset.


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