25 Ways to Divorce Without Going Broke

Broken HeartExcerpted from the booklet “150 Ways to Divorce Without Going Broke

Divorce is the largest single financial transaction of most people’s lives, raising important questions that demand immediate answers.

Here are some helpful tips on every aspect of divorce, including: before the divorce, gathering records, alimony, tax returns, navigating the divorce, accumulating cash, hiring an attorney, child support, property division, and life changes after divorce.

Before the Divorce

    1. Cancel all joint credit cards, including charge, department store, and gasoline card accounts. Even if a court rules that you aren’t responsible for charges made by your spouse after you separate, the credit card company can hold you responsible while you and your ex sort it out.
    2. Before you separate, use joint funds to repair your automobile and home, buy clothes for yourself and your children, and other family expenses. Begin your divorce with these expenses already paid, rather than arguing with your spouse about who should pay them later.
    3. Remember that judges usually enforce the status quo, so start the processes now that you will want to continue after your divorce. For example, go back to school, get braces for the kids, begin medical treatments, etc.
    4. Open a post office box that you can use for your mail before you separate and while you are in the process of divorce. Confidential information can be sent to you there, and it provides a stable mailing address as your life changes.

Accumulating Cash

    1. Accumulate money in an easily accessible bank account in your name. Although eventually, you will have to tell your soon-to-be ex-spouse about the funds, you will be able to use the money to get through the divorce.
    2. Apply for credit cards in your own name. These cards have multiple uses: as an easy way to access money during the divorce, to establish credit in your own name, and to use when you cancel your joint accounts.
    3. If you need quick access to cash, borrow funds from your parents, your 401(k), or a credit union. The cost of these sources of funds beats credit card interest rates by a wide margin.

Gathering Records

    1. Make a clear copy of all tax returns, loan applications, wills, trusts, financial statements, banking information, loan documents, credit card statements, deeds to real property, car registration, insurance inventories, and all insurance policies. Copy all papers having to do with money now, so you won’t have to subpoena them later.
    2. Don’t delay gathering financial information, even if you are not sure if you want to divorce. Knowledge about your finances will make you a better partner if the two of you stay together, and will help you get the best settlement possible if you don’t.
    3. Copy records that you can use to trace your separate property, such as an inheritance or a gift from your family. These assets will remain yours as long as you can document them.

Hiring an Attorney

    1. Read a book or take a class on do-it-yourself divorce even if you plan to use an attorney or mediator. Knowing how the legal process works will mean that your attorney won’t have to explain it to you—at his or her normal hourly rate.
    2. Try mediation instead of litigation. The litigation process creates an environment in which two spouses fight against each other, instead of working together to solve the problems of property division and custody arrangements. Mediation is private, less expensive, and kinder to your children than litigation.
    3. If mediation won’t work, consider arbitration. Arbitration is less expensive than court, but lets you “rent a judge”, an impartial observer who may be able to help decide any issues remaining in your settlement.

Alimony and Child Support

    1. Do not waive your right to alimony except after close consideration of all of the facts and a thorough discussion with your attorney. Once waived, the right to alimony cannot be re-acquired.
    2. Consider receiving your alimony as a lump sum payment instead of monthly checks. The default rate for monthly alimony payments is about 50%. A smaller lump sum that you actually receive is better than monthly payments that never arrive.
    3. Fighting over child support in court is generally unnecessary. Most states have legal guidelines based on income and child sharing arrangements that do not allow for negotiation or tantrums. Ask your attorney to compute support according to your local guidelines.

Property Division

    1. When deciding whether or not to keep the house, consider the cost of maintenance, repairs, homeowner’s association fees, gardeners, and other household expenses. Although you may be able to afford the mortgage, the other expenses may exceed the amount your budget.
    2. Consider the value of professional degrees and licenses. In some states, these assets are marital property, and you are entitled to a share of their value.
    3. Don’t forget often overlooked assets. Frequent flyer miles, vacation and sick pay, season tickets, club memberships, timeshares, magazine subscriptions, and prepaid insurance all are assets that have value and should be split.
    4. If you allocate part of the retirement plans to the non-employee spouse, use a QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order, pronounced “quadro”). A QDRO is a court order used to separate retirement property (except IRAs) and should be prepared by a family law attorney or a QDRO specialist.

Navigating the Divorce

  1. Find common ground and proceed from there. Even if you and your soon-to-be-ex can agree only on minor points, that’s a starting place. Document your understandings in writing, and build on your agreements, rather than focusing on disagreements.
  2. Don’t let guilt rule you. “Please release me, let me go” goes the country song, but don’t give up everything to buy your release. Your spouse will still be unhappy, and you’ll be equally unhappy when you find yourself impoverished by your foolish gesture.
  3. Don’t leave home until you have to. Once you move, you may have trouble getting your personal items, and you’ll also have difficulty gaining custody of the children you’ve left behind. And if you and your spouse both want to keep the house, the resident spouse is more likely to win.
  4. Don’t let your spouse turn off the utilities and phone. If your spouse moves out and asks the utility companies to cease billing him, they may turn out the lights. Contact the utility companies to be sure they will continue service in your name.
  5. Pay your attorney fees personally. While it is tempting to pay legal fees from your business, don’t. Most divorce costs are not tax deductible, and paying the expenses from your business may make it possible for your spouse’s attorney to join the business in the lawsuit and scrutinize its records in detail.

Excerpted from:150 Ways to Divorce Without Going Broke, by Ginita WallCPA®, CFP with Jessica Richman.

359 thoughts on “25 Ways to Divorce Without Going Broke”

  1. Hello, Im trying to divorce my husband. We have been separated for almost 21 years. We split up when i was pregnant with my son. I really can afford to pay for a divorce. I don’t think he will have a problem with getting a divorce. We have a grown son and no debt or assets together. What should I do?

    1. Contact your county clerk and ask if there is any simplified uncontested divorce that you can get, where you can fill out the paperwork on your own. They can give you the necessary papers and you can fill them out, or hire a paralegal to do it for you.

  2. Hi dear I married from 14 years I have 4 kids but my husband getting second marriage I am not agree with him so I want devoice from him I want to know what’s a difference between man give or woman give devoice and all properties are on his name and in one he put my name on half what will happen if I apply devoice?

    1. The laws of each state are different. In some states, property acquired during marriage is marital property, and in other states it matters a great deal whose name the property is in. You’ll need to find out how property is treated where you are from someone who knows the laws of your state.

  3. Im in Oklahoma, after my 2nd wife died of cancer I got remarried a year later. We have only been married for 2years and 3 months. She came into the marriage with absolutely nothing. She just got divorced from her 2nd husband. Her rent was 2 months behind and her car was being repoed. I only found out about this after we had started dating. I felt sorry for her so I paid her rent bought her a car and moved her into my apartment. Things got bad and I told her she needed to go. She had two kids as well and I have one son. After she moved out I bought a house for my son and I. She talked her way into my life again and reluctantly we got married . Its been nothing but hell. She started to verbally and mentally abuse my son to the point where he was to afraid to come out of his room while I was at work. He was 6 years old when he lost his mom to cancer. He was not allowed to speak of his mom and I was to treat her death like a divorce and not speak of her I had to hide all her pictures and belongings in the attic. She found them one day and just totally blew up. I had enough and I knew she wouldnt leave so I left and got mine and my sons personal belonging and left. She is still in my house and refuses to leave. I left in July 2020 and here it is December. She has never contributed to any bill. I bought both her sons cars and pay for there cell phones as well. She pays for nothing and since I am under a temporary injunction I cant change anything. She knows that so she is taking complete advantage of me. She spreads hate and lies all over Facebook. I have deleted my account but people let me know what she is doing. She has online businesses so she works when she feels like it. I made a offer to her to end this peacefully which consisted of me giving her the car and paying off one of her credit cards. She refused that. She has told people that she will go after my pension and 401k and demand alimony. She also wants the equity in the house that I bought before we got married along with the car that I bought. I am so scared.. I have worked hard all my life and worked for a company for over 30 years. I continue to pay for everything and financially it is ruining me. My only question is how are the courts going to view this? She is very good at lying and very deceptive. She has already accused me of being a cheater and an alcoholic which I am not either of those. This is a total nightmare for me.

    1. Okay, I get what you are dealing with. And the more mired you get into it the more dire it seems. So here’s what to do. Stop! Stop the nightmare of worrying about what might happen and get some good solid legal advice. I can’t tell you what the courts will do since I don’t know the laws of your state and I’m not an attorney, but I can tell you this — after a short marriage, it is unlikely that she will get much at all of your retirement plans or your house you had from before marriage. As for alimony, it depends on the laws of your state, but again, in a short marriage I doubt whatever is awarded would go on for long. And don’t tell me you can’t afford to consult an attorney. Just use some of the money that you would otherwise give her to try to buy peace (bribing her into going away won’t work — you feed a hungry cat, and it will just come back to your doorstep when it is hungry again.)

  4. Hello – four years ago I married an immigrant, for reasons I believed were the right reasons to get married. I’ve come to learn he only married me for a green card, which he now has. He barely ever worked and travelled back to Europe. We have been living separately for almost 20 months now. I filed for divorce in March. He hired his own attorney, refused to sign the papers and has now gone radio silent, along with his attorney. The divorce has already been quite expensive for me, while I don’t think he has spent a dime. And with his refusal to cooperate now, it appears I’ll just have to keep spending money on an attorney? Is there any other way to end a marriage again, being that he never worked, we have no children, no mortgage or cars, no marital assets. He wants alimony!! I don’t want to spend another penny on this divorce only to keep being told he isn’t responding?!?!? Would appreciate any help/advice.

    1. The laws of each state are different, and I don’t know what your legal recourse is when someone won’t respond. In some states you can ask that the court act to end the marriage even without his response. You’ll have to find out what your state allows by asking someone who knows the laws, or researching it yourself.

  5. Miakel Lagomacini

    Two quick questions that poked my curiosity upon reading your very informative website. 1) Why does the attorney &/or court ask for copies of the recent three years income tax returns? What information is gathered from these records? What are they used for?
    2) How does the court view a spouse that has a chronic & potentially disabling disease? Is the court more or less favorable to the sick spouse?
    (These questions fall under Florida law.)
    Thanks a ton for your time & energy!

    1. I’m sorry, but we are not familiar with the requirements under Florida law. In some states, you are required to exchange various documents, which may include past tax returns, but you are not required to submit them to the court. If Florida requires you to submit those documents to court, then you’ll need to inquire of them (probably through the court clerk) what they are used for.

      Each state has different rules for determining property division and support, and your state may take chronic illness into account when making decisions. It is always better to work things out through negotiation and mediation than to go through an expensive court hearing and let a judge who doesn’t even know you decide.

  6. My wife and I will have been married for 2 years at the end of August. I went on deployment and we decided to separate in July. I keep asking her for information so I can file and shes ignoring me. We live in different states. We have nothing owned together, no money, property or kids together. I want a clean split. If she doesnt provide the information, is my only option to hire someone to serve her and go to court? I’m in the military, I make money but not enough to pay for all the fees if she doesnt cooperate. What should I do?

    1. I’m guessing what you want to file is papers to begin the divorce. It is my understanding that you can do that yourself without information from her. You can have someone serve her in person, or if she agrees, have her served by mail. Check with the legal services available to you to see exactly how that would work in your state.

  7. How much money I should need to put to the common bank account from where we pay the common bills? He is an engineer with regular employee full time job. I am a contractor with short term contract jobs (1/4ths which he makes), and I am paying now almost all the bills, except my daughter school. My husband only puts $400/mo to that account I always put all my salary. I am paying the house mortgage, and all other bills. Now I am having difficulty to pay my credit card… as I am getting paid only when I work, so when my dad died, I had to go home to his funeral, I wasn’t working for a few weeks, plus I had a lots of expenses, as the airplane ticket very expensive, the common account went to negative, I had to cancel my car insurance, because I couldn’t pay in that month. Few months later the house tax came out he added that too to the common bank account, can pay in installments but even half installment plus the regular mortgage, plus all other bills it is too high for my salary, so the account went to negative again. Wasn’t left enough to pay my credit card bill, on which most of them food. Ever since I met my husband I put all my money to that common bank account, it started when I met him, I don’t had any money, so he opened that account, we paid all the bills from there. I didn’t know English well, so he paid for my language school, for around half year, and I don’t had a car so he bought me a car, then as soon as I got my work permit I started working full time, since that I put my all my money to that account, he never put all his money, just a partial, even with that he had more than I had. And whichever remained after paying all the bills, he transferred to his savings account. But ever since I met him, I did all the work in the house, cook, clean, wash, he never needed to pay a cleaning lady, or order food, or go to restaurants, or wash his clothes. Then just a few years later he wanted a baby I gave one to him. He is 10 years older than me he didn’t wanted to wait longer to have kids, I didn’t wanted yet, but I gave him, I loved him. I was young, good looking, skinny. Then after birth I put some weight on me, I wasn’t as skinny as I was before, but I was alone raising the baby, my parents live in Europe, they couldn’t come to help, and I don’t have enough money for babysitting, then later I went back work, so I never had time for myself to go to gym, or exercise, I barely had time to sleep. It was a 24 hour job, I was exhausted, I did all the baby raising, plus I started to work full time, plus doing all the houseworks.. I barely started to get my 8 hour sleep when my baby was close to a year, then he wanted another baby, but even with this one, he didn’t help a bit, our intimacy went from having few times per week to maybe once per month, he always argued with me, nothing what I did was good enough, then when I refused to have another kid, he didn’t talk with me, our marriage went bad. Now we live in the same house, now I earn a bit more, now he reduced his few thousand to $400/mo. I work as a robot, I don’t have any fun, 8 work, then kid, then house chores, nothing fun, work, sleep, work. I cry a lot, and he still complaining all the time, he never have a nice word for me. In top of that, now I am paying almost all the bills, I am living paycheck to paycheck, while he hires a financial advisor where he invest his money. Now my question, If I match his $400/mo common bank account, which result we not going to have enough money to pay the bills, I am afraid we lose the house. Or if he pays them, can he put me on the street? He always telling me that until now he paid all the bills, now it’s my time to pay, and if I don’t like it move out. Which partial is true, in the beginning I don’t had any money, even when I started working I barely got paid over minimum payment. We bought this house together, we put down 5% downpayment, which is true it was most of his savings. What should I do?

    1. I don’t know the laws of your state, but I imagine you each have a duty to support each other and your children. If you can’t agree on how that will happen, you can ask a judge to make the decision for you with court orders regarding support. But to go in front of a judge, you will need to file for divorce or legal separation, and it doesn’t sound like that is something that you want to do at this point. So you and he will need to discuss it and work it out, or find a friend or counselor (perhaps at church?) to help you two come to an agreement.

  8. I have a question my nephews wife left him three months ago. When she left she came and told us all she was going to continue to pay for half the mortgage.
    But she hasn’t. My nephews health is in very bad shape and he is in the process of trying to get disability. She knew this when she left. Now he is three months behind on the mortgage. Is there any legal way we can make her pay the payments and is it considered abandonment and what legal options does he have. He lives in Virginia.

    1. In most states each spouse has the duty to support the other. If your nephew needs support, he certainly can sue for it if that’s the law in his state. As for what constitutes abandonment, it generally doesn’t matter, since very few states if any still require you to prove abandonment to get a divorce.

  9. We separated and I have lived in the housed by myself and paid the mortgage. I never asked for help and never needed it. now we are divorcing, can I ask for back mortgage, at least his half?

  10. I am thinking on divorce my wife and we are living in Texas, I think we will be agree on selling the house but not sure how to do with the debts, she is very irresponsible and I know that under her will not be paid. What about if she decided not to sell the house or not help with the payment of the debts and we do not have money to pay for attorney? That mean I will not be able to divorce or that mean I will to accept any term that she say?
    What should I do?
    Thank you…

    1. In most states, if you want to sell the house and she doesn’t have the ability to buy you out of the house (or doesn’t want the house), then it will be ordered sold, end of story. As to how the debts are treated under the laws of your state, I don’t know, you’ll need to ask someone who knows your local laws.

  11. Pingback: Divorce in Indiana – I am first time divorced – howtostopyourdivorce

  12. I am out of California and since my husband left me and our daughter’s, he has made knowing what money him and I share together very difficult. He has had all our money in an account in his name(not a joint account) for the last few years. I did have my own account and then in 2016 my account mysteriously got closed when I had some depression issues. Now, almost three and a half years later, since he left, I am now having to ask him for money by text or cell anytime our kids or myself need or want something. He has only been gone a little over a month now. He plays this game a lot with me over our money. Even our tax return he calls just his. I am very careful about how I spend our money, he is the one that spends carelessly and lies about our finances. That’s a big part of why we are not together now. He claims I’m the big bad b word wife and I’m nuts yet he has been very dishonest and hurt our family. He will give me money for food for our kids and myself yet if something comes up and I need money I don’t have that availability to our funds. Because I have been a stay at home mom for the last eight years don’t I have any pull or say in this? Unless he feels we need something he won’t let me buy it, treating me like a child when I’m 35 years old and he’s 40. He has never been a budgeter or frugal caustious spending person so it really frustrates me and he uses that as part of his power trip with me. He has transferred money back and forth from checking to savings or savings to checking and then sometimes goes into the bank to withdrawal large amounts of money in small amounts at a time with in a two-three day period. He does this a lot. Our last bank statement showed he took out $20.00 from inside the bank on a day, the next day $40.00, and the following day $60.00. This has been going on with him for the last few years where he goes into the bank and takes out money like this instead of just using the atm machine and then doesn’t explain fully what he’s doing. He is hiding something and it’s exhasting trying to get answers and very painful. All I want for my daughter’s and myself is what we are entitled to. I feel he may be cheating and once I started calling him out on things our fights became more frequent and worse over time and then he left when I wanted specifics that he couldn’t hide anymore. There was a huge fight. Since we are still married am I still entitled to the money we had in the bank together even if it’s in just his name? We’ve been together for almost seventeen years and married almost seven years. He has not always been in charge of our money together. I feel I should have never trusted my husband in this way if I didn’t trust him with other areas of our relationship and our marriage.

  13. Hi there.
    Im married almost 2 years and i want to divorce he has a felony record while we were married (domestic violence to my son not his).
    And the only thing we buy together was a car it has both names.
    What can i do to keep the car for my son for school, dr, etc….?

    Thank you.

  14. If we bought a vehicle and it’s paid off but it’s in her name will i still get money for it. She said she lost it in a bet or signed it over to her dad.

  15. My husband’s income is way higher then the values for guidelines for child support. i’ve been stay at home mom for 16 years and we’ve paid our house in full. In computing expenses to determine a child support amount we can agree on and have judge approve can i impute what the morgage would be for current home assuming typical 20percent down or sell house and buy new one myself with morgage and use that figure for expenses to factor into child support?

  16. My husband left or you can say Abandoned and it more that 13 years. may question what the easy to file a divorce or Abandoned?

  17. Omg i dont even know where to begin. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 25 years, married for 20. We have 2 beautiful children 11 and 14. There were some drug problems right around the time our second child was born, an I admit fault because I partook of the pills my husband brought home. Before my youngest was a year old however, we both decided to end that downward spiral and to my knowledge we did. A few years later I found pills in my husbands possession that he had hidden from me. That was 2010. It has been a whirlwind of lies and deceit mixed with periods of reprieve and healing, as a family and a married couple as well as individiual growth. In the last year, we claimed bankruptcy, lost our home, moved to an apartment and to the best of my knowledge started over again. Recently I discovered we are behind on rent all the while my husband has been telling me we were ahead of it. He recently bought a car because his vehicle was repossessed in October despite my warnings and concerns. Icing on the cake? We owe taxes because he has been maximizing his withholdings for the last several years although i make 1/4 of our earnings and i withhold 0. He never has any money, is always scrambling to pawn something or sell on eBay even tho there is nothing to show for his expense. He has a credit union acct that i dont have access to, but when we did have a joint bank acct before the bankruptcy ther were always unexplained cash withdrawals. I fear its still drugs or maybe gambling but i feel stuck because i cant support myself and our children.

  18. Hello,

    I want to file for a divorce after 32yrs of marriage. Husband is a constant runner to his parents when his finances aren’t going his way and leaves me with all the financial responsibility which I really can’t afford myself. This last time was the final straw he claimed he needed to go to the state where his parents live to purchase a car (which he needed) and he would return in 2 months (wanted to spend time with them). He contributed to the household bills twice since leaving. When he didn’t land a job he applied for out there he completely flipped on me and said he wasn’t coming back! He is currently driving for Uber/Lyft what are my rights financially?

  19. If I get myself a seperate bank account will my spouse find out about it? Trying to save me some cushion cause I am afraid he will try to take everything. He drained our bank account one time when he thought I was going to leave him and I don’t want to go through that again. I thought about getting a bank account in my mothers name and putting money in there just in case I were to need it after or during the divorce.

    1. If the bank statements come to the house, he might see them. But if you opted for electronic delivery that won’t be a problem. And if the account earns interest, that interest will have to be reported on your tax return.

  20. How can I find out if my husband has a 401K and assets because we are divorcing without legal representation?

    1. Ask him to get that information from the company he works for, or from a former employer if that’s where the 401(k) is. You can only do this without legal help if he is forthcoming about what he owns and owes. If he refuses, then I don’t see how you are going to settle this without an attorney — are you just going to divide what he wants to reveal and divide, and he’ll keep what he doesn’t want to reveal and divide?

  21. I just now entered the process of divorce, most if not all the bills and cards are in my name. My spouse is part of a family company, previous before marriage but not filed until after we were marriage with % ownership. Their ownership has increased 10 fold since being married. I am in CA, do I have a right when filing for divorce to any of those monies? I only want the costs of what we face on the credit card debt side to be covered. I know I will have to scan the charges to make sure they are applicable to family life needs and events but I just want reimbursement at least 1/2 of what is owned. How do I find an attorney to go about doing that?

  22. I have been in an abusive relationship for over 4 years, It’s been effecting my help, depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia. I have been in and out of work due to my health. I have not car, no job, no money and we have no kids together. I don’t want anything from him, I just want to get out of the marriage. I feel stuck because he uses the fact that I have nothing and live far from my family to his advantage to mistreat me. I don’t know what to do, I never told my family about the abuse, and they live so far away from me. He told me not to touch his money, I don’t know what to do or how to get out without money. Is there a program where woman like me can get help with divorce?. I don’t know what to do when I have a little boy to take care of, he is not my son father.

    1. Get some legal advice for what you can do. There are attorneys that give initial telephone conversations or appointments for free. Talk to one of them, and share with your family about what is happening. You have a community around you who can help.

  23. I am married before 6 year..i have baby boy 4yr old.my husband working as a scientists in pharmacy company. Now i want divorce from my husband and i want amount from him for my child growth.how can i apply for divorce ..plz help me plz

    1. You can get a packet of the needed paperwork from your county clerk at the courthouse, and fill it out, or you can access the forms online and fill them out. You can also get assistance from an attorney or a paralegal if you can’t do them yourself.

  24. Ann,
    I don’t know you nor do I intend to “bash” you.
    Have you considered your husbands love for you and his commitment to you and your family?.
    I understand that you have changed, but is that not exactly what marriage vows are for?
    “For better or worse, in good times and bad times” basically means you both role up your sleeves and try to resolve the conflicts that make you feel like quitting…. because THAT is what you are saying.
    Maybe those vows should be edited to say, ” I agree to stay married until I don’t feel like it anymore and or I get tired of trying”. That sounds like our society today! Anything is possible with God Ann.
    I pray you don’t throw it all away for a “better life” or to “start over” …doesn’t work that way.
    Lastly, do you seriously believe every marriage is getting and receiving 100% from each other ???
    That’s a story book lie… God’s promise to marriage is different, knowing we are ALL sinners.
    I pray that God has your family tightly in his hands right now !!!

  25. Not to be mean….but what exactly happens after 20 years of marriage and children that you decide to have a change of heart and desires? Another person or relationship? Doesn’t seem fair for anyone in your family of eight…and yes at the end of this destruction of your family you will both have less of everything, including your children’s understanding. Hope you choose wisely !

    1. I dont think your being mean at all. But, this is someone i have been with since i was 15 and kind of going through life changes and differences. A lot of codependency and controling through out the marriage. A life of discovery and no feelingbthe same way as i did before. Nothing to do with another relationship at all. I feel as though i have grown out of the relationship. People change, and people grow… you don’t plan for it to happen..it just did. But, i believe that if you are no longer internally happy nobody will be happy and its not fair to anyone even the person causing the issues or bringing them tonthe forefront. Yes. We will have less of everything but its not like you cant live and live a life of happiness. You only get one life. As i stated…i never thought in my wildest dreams that this would happen, but i am doing all i can to try and make it work, however at the end of the day i need to be honest and understand that i dont want to cause hurt and pain by staying where my heart doesnt want to anymore. That is simply no good to anyone involved as then your pretending and they arent getting 100%. Im not the first and certainly wont be the last to go through this…and i didnt come on here looking to be bashed… just looking for advice.

  26. Hello Gina,
    I have been married for 21 years and we have 6 children..ranging in age from 21 down to 5. I want a divorce he doesn’t. He hasn’t hurt me physically or anything..i have just had a change of heart and life desires. We started therapy but honestly injust want to be in my own. We have had a marriage of codependcy and I want to learn to live on my own. The issue is I’m self employed working from home… but he has always been in control of finances.. I really dont know how to begin because I do not have the finances available to just rent a place…but he has also said he will not leave the house. If i bring up separation he gets angry..and oyr children know too much already..what can I do?

      1. Thank you Gina for your quick reply. I am in Va. But i have to be incognito when it comes to meeting a lawyer… I worry that itbwill be impossible…as he spoke to a client of his a few months ago and that vlient happens tonbe a lawyer..he basically told my husband that we would be living in poverty because we have a mortgage, 2 children in college (which they get financial Aid) and one about to graduate high school and 2 in middle school and 1 in elementary. He has a good job..he doesnt make crazy money but decent… he also has all the health coverage through his employer. I just worry that i am stuck and i am looking for some advice that will say its going to be ok. He is working on his Doctorate and I’m beginning my Masters next month.. is there a mediater that works for helping women, i know ee couldnt afford the attorney fees. I run an in home vhild care and this is the field i have been in for 20 years..doesnt that help me some what as my income pays our mortgage..is there hope or advice you could give?

  27. Hi, I have am in a unique situation and looking for input. I live in Minnesota.
    My wife of 19 yrs has decided she no longer wants marriage and has been staying at her sister’s for 2 months. We have two great teenage boys, a house with a mortgage, and four vehicles.
    I have always paid mortgage, auto insurance, health insurance for 16yrs, homeowners insurance, credit cards, utilities, auto repair/maintenance, new roof on house, and groceries. My wife worked full time evenings during our children’s first 12 yrs and is now full time days. She pays our cell phone bill and our health insurance for the last 3yrs through her work…that’s the only responsibility financially she has. I make about twice as much as my wife…60k me and 30k her. I feel I have been a good provider and have spent this last year trying to change her decision, yet she will not try to save our marriage even after counseling. She’s a GREAT mom and a GREAT wife until this last year.
    My questions are:
    1. She plans on moving all her stuff out of the house soon, yet indicates she is in no hurry to file, so is that abandonment? I’m being left with all responsibility of raising, feeding, taking care of house, a graduation, all bills and mortgage.
    2. If she leaves is she required to pay any bills/groceries/portion of mortgage, etc… ???
    3. If she files for Divorce, does she get to keep vehicles that are in my name or can I say no?
    4. If we still live in house, can she try and force us out of house or make me buy her out of house because both names are on mortgage?
    5. I have IRA’s in my name and she has her own IRA in her name. Do those remain with each of us as individuals during a divorce?
    6. We have always had separate checking accounts…is she entitled to my account funds?
    7. I have a savings account with 30K while she has one that is 8K…is she entitled to my savings?
    I truly hate this division that she chooses to create. Please comment on these questions and offer me some insight… I love my wife but at times become worried about how me and my kids can move forward with no wife/mother in our lives. Please advise and thank you for listening.

    1. 1. Call it anything you wish — it likely has no legal impact what you term it.
      2. Ask your attorney to tell you what is required of her under the law.
      3. Ask your attorney how this works in your state.
      4. See answer to #3.
      5. Ditto.
      6. Ditto
      7/ Dotto

        1. Oh, you don’t want to take legal advice from someone on a website who isn’t an attorney and knows nothing about the laws of your state, do you? Giving you actual advice would be irresponsible on my part, since I’d just be making legal stuff up.

    2. I now see why you replied to my post! I dont know your full situation..but your wife leaving..does that mean she isn’t going to he a mother anymore to your children? I ask because for my situation… i dont plan on neglecting my duties as a mother… we can co-parent. Maybe your wife is hurting to from the hurt she is causing..trust me its not an easy decision and i am sure she contemplated this for a little while..(just my thoughts here). Its not so easy for her I’m sure. But, would you rather have her stay because it makes life easier on the family and wont cause you any pain. I bet something just went off inside her and she felt this was best for her…but it doesnt mean you both cant settle things amicably..all though thats not what you want. You may find that she is better aftwr you part and you cannhave a friendship and continue beingbgreat parents to your sons.

      O know this is easier said than done… i believe my husband feels the same… he is a great provider. A great father, and a great husband… but its very unfair tomhim for me to stay when he isnt gettimg all of me. Does that make sense?

  28. Hi ive been with my husband for 6 years married for five. I had an affair for once a month ago which he found out about. He now wants me out of the house, took back the car he bought for me, that i use for work and is claiming all assets. Ive no stable job, no degree and he makes significantly more than I do. Does he have a right to kick me out, regardless of the infedility?

  29. My question to you is if my husband closed our joint bank account only to reopen one under his name alone while I was not working… Is this considered financial abuse. We have 2 small children and 1 is autistic. I am trying to file for divorce but have no access to the funds. I have now begun to work part time but I would like to know what is in my power and what is not. Anything can help… Thanks.

  30. hi, i have been married for 3 years. and my husband cheating on me decided he couldnt live with me so he moved out. i am a student and he makes over 100,000. its just been 2 weeks and he changed the password on the the att (for our phone family plan) and today he cancelled the cable when i tried to turn it back on he did it again and i dont know what he will do next. can i go to the police or force him to stop doing it?? i never asked him to move out but his friends advising him so i dont know may do??since he has a set of the house keys and im in college all day i dont know what else could happen please advice.

    1. I don’t think that the police will concern themselves with whether you can watch cable TV or not. Talk to an attorney to see what your rights are in your state, and give you information so you can decide what steps you want to take now.

  31. I live in VA and I have a friend who is about 6 months into her divorce and has established her own place of residence and has since been staying at her spouses home to “make it easier for the children” I’ve heard that overnight visits will basically reset the clock back to zero like they just seperated and its day 1 all over again, is there any truth in that as far as you know?

  32. I divorced in GA. I currently owe my lawyer $11000 (about $7K) belong to my ex per my court order. He refuses to pay, my lawyer filed a order of coptempt for fees, child support amongst other things he need to give me. Now my lawyer is asking for a full payment of partial of what I owe or she will withdraw from my case while we still have an Order of Contempt. What can I do? I also havent received child support, I am bareley making enough to cover expenses…

  33. Hello, I reside in Maryland & my husband of 10 years decides he will like to leave. He gives no reason! I’m retired & hes well off, he told me he will stick around for a couple of months So I can get a job. He plans to just leave me with no money & I keep the house. He Dont want to go to court. Can anyone give me any advise on what I should do..should I go file for a divorce first or just let him leave then do it.

  34. My wife is moving out of the house to an apartment and taking our 10 year old child. Besides paying “child support” during the seperation, am I responsible for paying for anything else if she moves out?

  35. I am trying to leave and divorce my husband ofc 22 years. He is ten years my senior and I haven’t worked in 8 years. He refuses to help me financially, right now I am staying at a friend’s. He is retired from the school dept. We have 2 great kids grown and out of the house. Please what are my options

  36. Ok I’m married to a lady from Azerbaijan and have been for around two and a half years. During the time I’ve been with her I still haven’t got her paperwork finished for many reasons but I’ll get to that in a bit. Also during the time I’ve been married to her we’ve been separated off and on about half of the time. I’ve gone back to find her because I worry about her and love her. I have enough character witnesses to prove it. So recently she has asked me to contact the lady I was filing her paperwork with and asked for an uncontested divorce. Well my wife has been talking to another lawyer and he’s convinced your to move out of our apartment and go stay in a women’s shelter for battered women. Unfortunately at the time I didn’t have a lot of money to get her paperwork finished but I told her I would soon and we’d fix her legal status. Well during the four weeks she’s been gone she hasn’t returned my calls or text until the other day. She is claiming I hostage her and was using her as a sex slave. We haven’t had sex in over a month or so. Prior to her leaving we talked about bringing her father her and to help him out. I have made plans to go see him to bring him here. Well we’ve been separated now for a month and I just found out that my wife has just moved into the same house as her attorney. He has been taking her out to eat and shopping. Mind you since she’s been gone I’ve been putting money in her account. There are other people who live in the house he’s renting but he just got a divorce not too long ago. My wife is 33 and he’s 56. Any way I haven’t hired an attorney yet but my attorney buddy works in the same office and was talking about me paying her money each month for a year and be done with it. I don’t feel I owe her anything. I believe this marriage has been a sham and she was just using me to get a green card. I’m trying to save money and not waste it on a divorce lawyer. I don’t know if I should contact immigration too. The thing is I loved her but she’s putting me through. If she’s true about saying I hostage her and used her as a sex slave how is that going to affect me or my record? Also isn’t it unethical for a lawyer to have a client to live with them and to be taking them out to eat and shopping? Mind you she may have been spending the money I put in her account. Please advise. And please keep all the stupid comments to yourself. I need help.

  37. I live in Md my husband help his girl friend buy cars.Help get a house.But he has not help to get me any thing.He has a car he will remember everybody appointment but mine.He cause me too miss a appointment too see if i had cancer he said he forgot but he was somewhere with his brother.We have never did anything for the day we got married.He cost me too lost two jobs.Now my love is turning to hate.I just get a small amount of money.I have a lot of health problem.Being around him makes me sicker.i want to get away from him but i don’t have the money He is bringing more harm to me.He was told second hand smoke is bad for me but keep doing it around me.I don’t know what too do.i have nowhere to go.I just want too get away from him’I can not afford a lawyer

  38. You are so wonderful at responding. I appreciated your advice here. I have been married for 14 years (although we have been separated for the last 6 months). My husband is a bully and honestly I just want to be free from him. We have four kids and 6 years ago when he first got really emotionally abusive with me I separated my finances from his to protect myself and aside from health insurance I have paid all my own personal bills (living expenses) so separating and establishing my own household wasn’t too much of a stretch for me financially as I was already living that way with him. Now though after an affair and another intense abusive period I am ready to divorce him so the kids can’t witness such trauma again. He says we have no assets (his parents own the property we lived on and though both our names are on the deed we each only have a quarter share). I love his parents. They are good people. I am considering taking my name off the one and only asset I have (a quarter share is worth $100,000. so they won’t be forced to sell in exchange for my husband taking on all the marital debt (since it is all his own doing anyway) even though it is only in the range of about $20,000. In cases where there is abuse and bullying—do you think it might be better to just walk away with nothing and start over (I am not quite 33, in excellent health and every hope to start over) to keep a decent relationship with the man I have to co-parent with for the next 16 years?

    I am in graduate school and know I will be able to provide for my kids as well or better than he has once I finish. I also work now but he thinks I should be forced by law to get a ‘real job’ because the fitness studio I own and run only makes about $25,000 a year (which I feel like is good since I only work 15 hours a week so I can be a stay-at-home mom with my little ones most the time. I only have a couple more years before I can put the youngest in preschool so I don’t have to work evenings anymore, but until then I don’t see how I can earn what I earn and not have to put the little ones in daycare all day.

    I hope he will have the decency to pay some child support (right now he is paying $400 a month) to help me as I finish my degree but he thinks since we will share the custody 50/50 that he shouldn’t pay me anything since he I am capable of earning more than I am right now. Is this right? And if you were me in this situation does the loss of the quarter share asset seem stupid in exchange for a peaceful release from this man?

    1. In many states, the court can impute income to a non-earning or under-earning spouse, based on all the facts and circumstances. I don’t know what would happen in your case. Please consult with an attorney familiar with the laws of your state to find out.

  39. I need to know what if any rights I have regarding my home. I have been married for 5 years and my husband has been cheating on numerous occasions and online dating and hook up sites. His mother lent us a portion of the money to buy the house and we have to pay her back monthly. I have worked full time and contributed 50% and more to the house and her payments. Unfortunately before she would lend the money she made me sign a notarized letter saying if we divorced I had to relinquish all rights to the house. I signed it as she would never have lent us the money otherwise. This was because wife #2 (I am #3) has his last house and his mother did not want that to happen again. My problem is that for 4 years I have contributed working fulltime and earning more than my husband (on social security and disabled vet pay). I realize signing the letter is a problem but my name along with my husbands is on the deeds. I feel it is not fair that I end up with nothing and he is the one who has been cheating the whole time and ends up with the house. Do I have any rights what so ever ?.

  40. My son and his wife have been married five years. They have two children, 3 and 17 months. They have a home and both have good jobs. She wants to separate. BUT I don’t think she realizes that she’ll have to actually get the kids up and out the door before work when she’s on her own. She is thinking, okay we separate and I can go out with other guys. Which is fine and good. My son would like for them to do this amicably if possible, but doesn’t see how she will take care of the kids when she has them? Don’t get me wrong, she’s treated him bad for the entire marriage, so he’s sad, but ready to move on. He would love to just SEPARATE, but they have these babies that he doesn’t want destroyed by this. She could move to her Mom’s but she’s not thinking like that. I don’t know what the hell she is thinking. She was without a job for a few months, so they wiped out his savings, while she job looked and the kids went to daycare. Any ideas?

  41. If i get my 20 years marriage annulled from my retired spouse, will he get half of my personal savings? He is irresponsible with money so i decided to open an account for myself to save for my kids education

  42. OK new question… A friend of mine has been separated nearly 5 yrs from her husband who was the primary source of income in the marriage. He makes a six digit income and doesn’t want the divorce and denies all settlements and she has stopped fighting due to lack of funds and fear of losing her house. From what she told me he just throws money and gets it postponed time and time again how can she get this divorce and prevent him from draining her dry in the process?

    1. She should talk to her attorney to find out how the costs of divorce are shared in her state. In many states, if one party is being obstreperous and refusing to settle, the greater share of the costs can be assessed against him.

  43. I became permanently disabled a year ago. My husband doesn’t want to deal with my illness. He has turned into an alcoholic and now is verbally abusive. My husband has over a million dollars in stocks, bonds and IRA. He hides them by putting his sister and mothers name on them. Would i be entitled to some of this? Right now we are still living under same roof because I cant afford to move as my income is extremely small and i have 2 kids from a previous marriage. The house is in his brothers names and his so I will be the one that has to move. What are some average rights?

  44. if my spouse already mentioned were divorced,and the house is only under my name, and i change it to my sons name will it look bad on me when we start the divorce? like if im trying to hide its really mine or will it not affect me at all, and wont even be mentioned in the divorce?

    1. In a divorce you will deal with all the property owned by either of you, no matter how it is titled. If it is in joint names, you cannot change it to your son’s name. You probably don’t want to put it into your son’s name unless there is some severe legal consequence to keeping it in your name.

  45. Hi. I’m in a very high conflict divorce with an agreement made almost a year ago. The problem is this. My ex is and has been interfering in my life and has covertly caused a lot of mayhem to the degree that he is also using our grown kids as pawns, from what I can tell, to keep me from acquiring half of money we built together, even though we reached a settlement through our attorneys. I am dealing with a psychopath and the emotional toll he is putting on me is to keep me from the money we had agreed on. Additionally, these tactics he used came before our agreement forcing me to settle under duress which gave him my fathers estate money. I’m on my second attorney being unfairly misrepresented again in much the same way my first attorney had done. My ex had also used me as a scapegoat in a very serious matter which potentially will ruin my career or livlihood. I have been to the authorities on various matters, however, whoever my ex has involved on a large scale, I’m unable to get legal assistance to put a stop to this smear campaign. The exploitation, extortion and defamation and slander has not only damaged my life, but also my relationship with my kids. What my kids don’t know is what I had known for years that he had a mistress during the course of our marriage which was one of the reasons why I finally left. I had not known I was involved with a psychopath until the ink dried on the divorce papers, which even though I had filed, he was awarded the divorce. I hadn’t seen he was awarded this divorce immediately nor had my first attorney given me any indication. (One of the many reasons I fired him). The tactics he’s covertly used have been nithing short of evil with the intent to cause harm.

  46. Hi~ I have been married eight years. My husband has been with his company thirty years, I twenty twenty three years. I make double my husbands salary. He is controlling on how I spend it, but his money is none of my business. He pays the health ins, utilities, toiletries, and when we eat out.

    Almost four years ago his truck was totaled. He drives my second car because he doesn’t want a car payment. He has three vehicles two drivable, one a collector. All three vehicles are not taken care of. He drives my second vehicle and does not take care or appreciate it. He received a large employment bonus and stated he paid off his credit cards and is keeping the rest in the bank. Does this send a red flag or am I being restless?

  47. Hi, my dad fight with my mom everyday for money and she is 64 year old. My mom want keep her house but my want sell it. My dad doesn’t care about her and bring other family member to force her to pay for house or get money from SS. My mom is old can not care for her self. What can I do to help her?

  48. My sister is filing for divorce and says she was advised to give a lump sum payment (alimony?) to he soon-to-be ex-husband (who makes quite a bit less than her at a bank). However, she wants to borrow $50,000 from our 92-year-old mother to pay him off. I want my sister to be happy, of course, but I don’t think paying him off is the best thing to do. What if he tries to come back and get more? What if he she loses her job or he prematurely dies? It’ll be money wasted; not to mention that my brother and I will get less when our mom dies.

    1. Your sister should get it written into her divorce agreement that the lump sum settles all rights he has to alimony, and he can never come back for more. The “what ifs” you state are valid concerns, and in the end it is your sister’s choice as to what she thinks is the best thing to do.

  49. Disabled and getting a divorce after almost 27years. They are going to give me permanent alimony but have my mortgage included with what is going to be the alimony. (it’s not final) won’t that hurt me on my taxes because it’s considered as income. Is there a particular wording when the mortgage is included so that I am not taxed

    1. To have his payment of the mortgage not taxed to you as taxable alimony, it would have to be called non-taxable/non-deductible alimony, and he won’t get a deduction for it and you won’t pay tax on it. If his payment of the mortgage creates alimony income for you, then the mortgage payment is treated as though you made it, and you can deduct the interest.

  50. I know there are nightmare divorces out there and mine is a whooper. I was married to a man of 30 years, and literally had to sneak out the back door to get away. His “property” defied him and now he is doing everything in his power to destroy me. Even if it means that the children get hurt and suffer in the process. I left him two years ago and he has dwindle our ATM business from $10,000 a month to around $5,000. I just received a letter from his attorney stating that he is going to disolve the business, and it will be done before court in July. Tomorrow I will try to stop this process since I am sure that he has given up our locations to his family and then going to “draw a salary”. My friend says that I will most likely not get any alimony due to the business “going under” I really don’t see how he can get away with this, but I just have to accept the fact that he will. My lawyer will give me good advice, but he doesn’t have all the answers. If there are any similar experinces or ideas that might help me, I would love to hear them. Wish me luck!

  51. Rene armstrong

    I got married in 2000 its only lasted 2 years and we split up so I’ve bin separted for 12 years and i have our children will it be easy too get divorced since we bin separated so long ??

    1. If you and he agree on the terms of the divorce, it would be easy to divorce no matter how long you were married or separated. But if you and he disagree, then it will be more difficult to come to terms. If you don’t agree, then you’ll need to talk to an attorney familiar with the laws in your state about what you need to do.

  52. I was with my husband for 5months then he moved put and we separated, but we are still married and have been for 3 years. We are now going through the divorce and I was wondering if I can make him pay me money I spent on him. For instance, I payed a therapy session for.him which was 1,000. And also I payed 4,000 to a lawyer and still owe 2,000 on my behalf but the case is for both of us. Or rent from the month he left. Is there a way I can make him pay me back that money I spent?

  53. My ex wife walk out after 25 years for another man left to pay mortgage and all the bills she would not contribute any funds. She filed for divorce and let it go to inactive status after four of waiting to finish this I filed against her she then got a bull dog woman lawyer that proceeded to go after my throat they wanted 70/30 split of everything after multiple tries to settle with her we filed for a master it now seven years into this divorce I had to sell the family home which the profit I had put in a escrow account at my lawyers office until a final settle was reached they continue to fight back we go to the master which they postponed 5 times in the hearing my lawyer just sat there and did nothing I was ready for 50/50 simply because we were married for 25 years again my ex had a job and a pension was a only child parents in their 70s father owns two homes which she will inherit so after my non assertive lawyer just sat there the master decided on 60/40 in her favor and 60 percent of the coverture factor of my pension I got none of her pension and nothing for the house payments for her half of the house my head was spinning we are both at 60 years old and make about the same money my retirement looks bleak to say the least feel railroaded in central Pa..She can’t get ant pension till I retire so I guess I will never retire

  54. just found out my husband bought a car for our adult daughter that doesn’t live with us. If divorcing does this car need to be split?

  55. Margaret Repasz

    I was a homemaker for the 20 years I was married. Be forewarned, when receiving alimony you need to declare it as income on tax day. I literally survive off of alominy, paying a house payment buying groceries, paying bills, including also having a partime job. In the end every year at tax time I have to declare my alimony and end up owing about 1900 to federal and state. Not sure it’s worth it knowing my ex gets a break and I go in debt. I’d rather be poor and live in public housing at this point. The tax is one thing we aren’t told about at mediation. Is there anyway other than taxing myself dry at my partime job to stop this yearly debacle?

    1. Alimony is taxable to you unless it is designated as non-taxable in your agreement, which is rare. Since there is no withholding taken out of alimony, you can either have additional money taken out of your paycheck to cover the taxes, or you can make quarterly estimated tax payments. If you do neither, then you will owe a penalty for failure to pay estimated taxes when you file your tax return each year.

  56. I wanted to add, that he told me he wanted a divorce knowing I was leaving again because he didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. His words “I don’t want to have all this tension in the house” Can he spell COWARD?

  57. My husband and I have been together for 18 years, have been married for 13. In 2010 I became disabled and have been getting a lousy 800.00 month SSDI. He stopped being “intimate” with me back in 2005. (He is textbook passive aggressive) In my folly, I stayed because i thought love was enough. Anyway, I spoke to him many MANY times over the years about “fixing” our relationship, ti which he ALWAYS replied, that I was being paranoid, that he loves me and we are fine.
    Over the last couple of years, I have been making trips out of state (We live in Oklahoma) to help care for my elderly parents. Nothing physically taxing, but driving them to appointments, keeping track of medications and assisting with post surgical care. Anything I can do with my limited physical conditions. I was with my parents for a few weeks, came home for 3 days to take care of business I had to take care of in person, and was slated to go back to parents 3 days later.
    He dropped this divorce business on me during the 3 days I was home. Telling me he had been unhappy for years. Even though I CAME to him time after time after time. Anyway, now he wants to keep the house and just have me gone. He thinks the house has no equity and that I should just take my stuff and go to parents house. I think I am entitled to half the house, half his retirement and a long period of alimony. Possibly even lifetime as I am disabled. As a disabled woman who has relied on his income for so long, what do you think my chances of alimony are?? Keep in mind, he has been emotionally abusive and grossly negligent of his marital duties for at least 10 years.

  58. My common law husband and i purchased a house and i moved in -2005 – he then moved in 3 months later into the house with only his clothes everything in the house is mine from my apartment – my name is not on the house however he bought the house for us to live in – my divorce from my x only came through in 2007 – my husband now filed for divorce as i have caught him cheating on me and have all the evidence – am i entitled to half the house even though we were only considered married after my divorce came through we in Texas – is Texas not 50/50 state

  59. Greetings,

    My wife and I have been married for 16 years in Missouri. Most of that time I have been the main source of income. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with a Lung Disease and had to leave a 20 year career and go on disability. In the 2 years I have not worked , My wife has stepped up and took a good job and became the main income maker of our home. Her income now pays most of the bills. Because I have good credit, all the bills and our home are in my name. Now she wants a divorce and is leaving me and the bills. No kids are involved. Not sure what to do. Is bankruptcy my only option? I can’t pay the bills with my income on disability. Even if we get an order by court and she pays half I still can’t pay the other half. Any helpfull suggestions would be appreciated.

  60. If a timeshare was not in the divorce & cannot locate the ex husband to get his name off what do I do? It will be paid off in one payment & I want to make sure its totally mine!

    1. In most states you can reopen the divorce for the purpose of dealing with an overlooked asset. Consult with an attorney to find out the procedure in your state, and how to notify your husband if he can’t e located (probably by advertisement in the paper).

  61. I want to get a divorce, but can’t afford it we have been separated for 6years and neither one of us are contesting it what can I do?

  62. I been separated for a year and a half now…I have 2 kids and one is about to graduated. I lives in Alabama and I know I can get Child Support until they turns 19. He has a really good job…and I’m an aide at the school. he’s income is up there. He continues to tell me he is coming home but I know that’s a lie. I believe he is holding on to something..because he don’t want to give me half of his 401k, etc. I lives in the house with the kids and i know he will have to buy out of the house. Please tell me if I needs to file for this divorce before my son gets out of high school. Thanks

  63. I work a job that does not pay well, I r ely primarily on my husband’s income, and we have a house (with both of our names on the mortgage). I am in nursing school with a year and a half left. I have 5 kids, 2 of which with my current husband. He says he wants a divorce. Does this mean I have to drop out of school? How can I afford to take care of my children?

  64. In his divorce, my brother was supposed to put the motor home loan in his name. He never has. Now his current wife has convinced him to bankrupt against the loan. His ex-wife is still the primary. She says she is going to go after him. All his money is in his IRA. Can the court make him take the money from his IRA and pay the loan off? I know bankruptcy can’t touch the IRA but would his divorce degree allow that judge to?

  65. Became a nanny in 1986 married him in 1991 farm and rancher he had money and I signed prenup. His money was his but we accumulated property after that with it. Now 24 years later I said he can have everything I would like some property and a chunk of land we bought again with his money. I have 4 kids with him what are my rights. I don’t want to be mean

  66. I had to walk away from home in Arizona in 2008. Home was is my name only. Credit got ruined at this time. Husband of 7 years was able to obtain home in his name. In order to do this, I had to sell jewelry and land so that he could obtain house.

    After 3 years of living here, I asked him to sign a “Right of Survivorship” document. He did this but not happy about it. I inherited money and put into current home. Put $40,000 into home and have most of receipts. I now want out of marriage but do not want him to get house.

    I will inherit more money this month ($100,000) but he might inherit $250,000 next month from sister who died.

    Should I wait to file for divorce.??? Does it make a difference as to when I file for divorce?

  67. So many questions. I am a 54 year old woman who has been married to the same man for 26 years. He drinks and gets very angry. I have had enough. I have two children who no longer live with us. I have not had a job for at least the last 8 months. I have suffered a stroke in 2009, then i could not keep a job for any length of time. My husband threatens me he will take the car and take all the money and run. I do not have anyone to help me in this matter, he is constantly yelling at me to get a job or move out. What should I do to protect myself. Please help me.

  68. Been married for 2 years, for 6 months now my husband has not been intimate with me he says hes health causes him to not be intimate, however its gone down hill, we doesnt wear his band, i love u is gone out the door and he barely comes to bed. help start his company which is doing very very well in 2013 far as administrative paperwork, contracts, licences etc…other than that i take care of home, dog and all other things he ask , on a week basis im in the notary 10 times a week handling business matters for his company (unpaid)…just being a good wife..which is a lot, now he makes threats that he will leave me and my 14 yr old daughter with nothing, im scared…he covers all the financial responsibility.
    …can he do that?
    seperating after 2 years

    1. You may be entitled to some alimony, at least for a period of time, and if you and he have acquired assets during the marriage you may be entitled to part of those. But we aren’t attorneys, so you’ll need to check with an attorney who knows the laws of your state.

  69. Brokenheartedhubby

    First off thanks for your time Ginita.

    My wife is going to file for divorce after 9 years married. She’s been given 5% of a growing business in the form of a loan/dept for taking a significant pay cut about 7 years into the marriage. The % loan dept is to be paid from future profits once profitable. (Maybe2-5 years away). The agreement says her portion is transferable. My question is am I able to get half of her % even though it’s not yet been paid for. Side note. She has mentioned us making our own side agreement for payouts from her future payout statements to avoid working it with the company.

    1. We are not attorneys and are not familiar with the laws of your state, so we cannot advise you regarding what you are entitled to under the laws of your state. Please consult wiht your attorney to see what you are entitled to.

  70. Me n my wife been married 10 yrs and now get a devoice I don’t have a job but she do we don’t have nothing but she trying to get alliony. Is that possible??

  71. I should have also said that I am diabetic and have server nerve damage and have had 2 strokes already I have back problems and real bad arthritis. I have problems walking very far and all as well. so is going to be hard for me to even get a job since I not worked in all these years before we got married I had my own place and house full of furniture. since then we have gotten rid of all I had and replaced over the years with new furnishings. He says everything we have is his and im not entitled to anything when he divorces me for her he is going to move her in and me out but I have nowhere to go when he does that. I have stayed home and raised our 4 children who are all adults now youngest is 19. when u read all I have written I want u to know in my first marriage I had 2 children with him and I took nothing from him when we divorced I went got me a job and took care of the two children without help from him. Then when I met my new husband he had me quit work and he took care of those 2 like they were his own and asked nothing from first husband to help raise them. we had 2 children together also. I don’t want u to think im trying to take what is not mine. I just want to know after all these years and 2 marriages am I left with nothing?

  72. if my 23 year old marriage is coming to an end because my husband is messing around and wants to be with his new found girlfriend and he bought a home 3 months ago that we live in he can throw me out right and just move her in? I have not worked out side the home since we got married he has always brought in the money working. Since I never worked outside of home being just a homemaker I am not entitled to anything am I as far as the home is concerned? Im not sure how the laws are here in Maryland.

  73. My question is if I was married for 10 years and we got a divorce his lawyer sent me papers I had and Notarized marked off what was not right like the military retirement I was entitled to. well I just took out those papers and I see he has in there im not entitled to it is what they put in the divorce even though the papers I signed I crossed out that part thinking I would be entitled to some of the retirement. . there is nothing I can do now since this divorce took place in 1990 is there.
    second thing is I since remarried and have been married 23 years to someone else. worse thing to is that I just read online that family cannot notarize things for you and a family member did.so now it looks like im married to two people according to what I read online and I can be in trouble for that even though I did not know is that true?

    1. You are asking for specific legal advice which we cannot provide. But if your divorce papers were accepted by the court and your marriage license was submitted after the cermony, then it sounds as though you were divorced from your ex and are married to your current spouse, no matter whether there were some papers along with way that were notarized incorrecty.

  74. My question is I have been married for 23 years to my husband .I was working when we met and he had me quit my job once we got married. I have not worked since. So he has been the bread winner for the past 21 years he is messing around with another woman. he just purchased us a home like 2 months ago and he had only his name put on the home. Since he did not put my name on the home if we divorce am I entitled to the home to or no?

  75. Still makes no sense why men and women are pitted against each other in these issues. As if all men act a certain way and fall into certain categories and all women are the same. Going through this process now its like certain roles are facilitated by everyone involved. In reality this entire process should be viewed androgynously as it really shouldn’t matter what sex you are. However, it seems like every man I talk to tells me the man always gets “screwed.” And women seem to default to the idea of being victimized… Both ideas seem ridiculous yet everyone perpetuates them. What’s up with this?

      1. I disagree. I think this is an industry. And there is only one word: Greed. The other word of the day I would prescribe to anyone and everyone involved in these things: Equanimity. Your mind is at stake here more than anything else. You control your happiness. There is only one fuzzy end of a lollipop. Sometimes the other end is simply the healthier way to go. Sugar is bad anyway. Have a good time sucking ;).

  76. I have been married for about 1 1/2 years and we bought a house last september. I can afford the house on my on but would i have to buy my spouse out? I cannot afford to do so and if we sold the house we would both owe several thousands of dollars in debt. Is it plausible for me to keep the house? we dont plan on getting lawyers involved even though she commited adultry. She also is getting most everything in the house and an 800 dollar check.

  77. Dwight Winstead

    I just want to say this…what about just doing the right thing !!! Times were you fell in love,got married,had children,wife stayed home,she was a house wife,worked like a dog taking take of children,the cooking and cleaning,canning and putting up food in the summer months,grocery shopping,paying bills,ect…usually planning gatherings,school functions,working in her flower garden,shopping for clothing for family,and on and on…….The Husband would work a job,mow the yard,work around the house,plant the garden,help gather the food to can,help with the kids,fix the cars….ect….and on and on……They Love each other…..God forbid if something happens and one of them decides they no longer want to be married…..why could they not just sit down and do the right thing….talk it out,and choose to divide the things that both worked for and I don’t mean just $$$ I mean years of working at home or at work for $$$. They both know what the other has put in ,and no matter how they feel about the other,just do the right thing for each other,no matter if it’s a first,second,third, marriage,it was a marriage between the two people,it’s the people who were married responsibility to fix what’s wrong or divorce with truth and respect for their marriage….That is a make believe statement,because of greed,selfesh,blame,self centered,but I think it should be done this way,and lawyers would not beat each other down,and then they walk away with a big paycheck at our expense.

    1. I rather like this. unbiased, fair, and equal. I am fairly against getting lawyers involved. They tend to make things messy especially living in a mom state. Granted I do not have kids (and am thankful) but regardless of decisions that were made on her part or mine it is best for 2 people to work together. both come out the other side alot ore well-off. Lawyers most of the time just want to take as much as they can from the other person. Unless someone is trying to screw you over and the matter cannot be talked out then yes Lawyer up but if anything get a mediator. Be respectful of the other person no matter what, and give that person what they diserve. As you stated, both parties have put in work.

  78. Hey, quick question:
    I got married recently and I decided to withdraw money from my 401K to buy an apartment. Was wondering if the marriage will not go well, will my wife have any rights for that apartment?

  79. I’ve been married for 33 years. Have three children; one is a minor (14), one a high school senior (18) and one independent. Quit my job to take care of my youngest who had serious medical problems as an infant but has since recovered. Husband has always been manipulative and emotionally abusive, but has really gone around the bend in the past few years. Was about to file for divorce, when he got laid off. We are now living off his severance and he has shut down all our joint accounts and is depositing his checks in his own account to which I have no access. Am having a hard time finding a job. Should I file for divorce now or wait till one of us has employment? Situation in household is awful, with kids being severely emotionally affected.

    1. Jee….. Seems like if there is money to think about, then the divorce is possible, eventually. Those of us who are financially unable to divorce, and thus protect the kids from abuse, are in a different “world”. It’s the position of needing the divorce, without any means of accomplishing such. No lawyer can help with that. It’s pointless to contact one. State “help” agencies are unfunded. All one can do, is keep a record, written and electronically recorded if possible, of various events. Don’t respond to the abusive spouse. Just talk to the kids about what “healthy” people do, and keep writing and recording. Somewhere down the line, the evidence may be useful. If not, you’ve still done all you can to protect yourself and kids.

  80. Husband and I are deaf, GRE up in school together. Married for 7 and half years, no kids, he never support me, I am on ssdi and PT job, Dr said I need to retire due to health but husband said no. He is with family business with 48, 000. I felt bad. I live in his house but it’s his parents house since he owed them money. He have arguments he always threatened “d” words. Always said its my house that I don’t have a house. Verbal abuse, he yells at me. U wanted marriage counseling. He don’t. He wants me to suffer. I can’t afford apartment, too much! I cried, does not care. He has pride having home and money. He his his assets at work. No ACCTS. U have no access to mail. It has locks, he picked it up and go work and bring my nails home, questioning who is it from. I don’t know how much money he have for eight years. Before moving to his home he stayed with me after living with a couple that was on drugs for 12 years. I pulled him out. Then move to his house all of sudden he made me pay my own. Can I get spousal support? I am still at his house, nowhere to go until court date on May 13. I am scared living alone, on 12 meds, also panic about it. Help!

  81. I am 66 and in a wheelchair from having polio years ago. I have been in an abuse relationship for 33 years. i am the bread winning and now am fed up. The last time he hit me, i called 911 and pressed charges. He was arrested and a TRO was placed on him to May 20,2015. He is now out. Can I place a statement in the papers, stating that I am not responsisble for any charges he incurred because we are separtrated and we are in a community state.

  82. I have been battling cancer for the last several months. My husband was in jail for the last 2 1/2 years. I live in NC. We have loved together since 1997. He bought a house in 1998n and we both moved in at the same time. He did not want me to pay any bills. He promised he’d put my name on the house and we signed two deeds at closings. However he threaten to have the attorney disbarred if she filed the deed with my name on it. I found out several years later. He is bi-polar mentally, and emotionally abusive. He has a business that while he was away he signed power of attorney to his son to handle all of his affairs (not our child). Prior to going to jail he filed a fraudulent separation agreement that was not signed by me nor was I aware that it existed until he went to jail and I was checking on property taxes. His son paid the mortgage on the house while he was incarcerated. I have limited resources from retirement and SS disability. He had 4 vehicles and my one is broke and he will not let me use either one. I spent extra resources I had visiting him 1 to 2 times a week in VA. As a result one problem sent me over the edge. I am now filing bankruptcy to hold on to investment property and medical bills.

    We were unable to get married in NC because I was in law enforcement. He would have lost his business. I was hurt on the job and could not go back to law enforcement. So we go married in 2005. He did not file the papers so we married again in 2006 by the same pastor.

    Do I have a right to request that he gives me money? I want a divorce but I can’t afford to pay my own way. Am I entitled to any proceeds from his business?

  83. Janet McCalister

    A dear friend of mine lives in the state of Texas. She has been married to her husband for 24 years. He never wanted her to work. They each have a daughter and after both were out of the home my friend really wanted to work and did so for five years. The store she managed closed down and she was laid off. Her husband has been with the same company for 28 years and they have almost 500k in their 401k plus he has retirement benefits. They always had a joint checking and savings account but after she was laid off from work he took her off of every bank account he has. He gives her $50 when she says she wants to go shopping or to lunch with friends. Her family lives in another state and he meets her to fill her car with gas and gives her $100. cash to spend 4 to 5 days there. She is miserable and wants to leave him but has no access to “their” monies. How can she demand he give her money? are their attorneys that will let her pay based on knowing and seeing that she will have half of the 401k monies to pay them with once the divorce is done… she is really at a loss as to what to do and has nobody to ask for the $7,000. she has been quoted needed to hire an attorney. It is so extremely humiliating, cruel and embarrassing for her…… Please let me know what I can tell her to help!!!

    1. She should consult with an attorney for an hour or two to find out what her best options are, and how she can gain access to funds. She will probably need to file for divorce and then get a judge to order him to pay a retainer fee to an attorney and give her support.

  84. I am a kid and want my parents to get divorced. My Mom, brother, and I all love each other very much, and my dad is awful to live with. We are worried about money and if we will be able to afford living alone, but we all think that it is for the best. The only way my parents can get divorced is if they sell stocks. My dad is refusing to sell stocks. What can we do and how can we get away from him?

      1. Thank you. I have talked with my mom many times about this, but there is really nothing my mom can to when my dad is being belligerent and when he is in denial. I have a question. I am thirteen. Am I old enough to choose full custody with my mom if they do get divorced?

      2. Thank you so much! I have tried all that I can. My mom keeps putting telling my dad off because I think she is afraid of what he will do.

  85. Rockand Hardplace

    Ms Wall,
    I have been married for just under 10 years. 2 years into our marriage I was granted full custody of my biological daughter (different mother). Is this considered divorce with minor child? Also, I have a chronic issue where I have a surgically implanted device in my back. For 8 years I have received monthly injections and dr visits. On January 1, she cancelled the insurance for my child and I. After being the breadwinner the first 8 years of marriage I lost my job and have been staying home because my chronic healthcare was cancelled and unable to pay to receive the treatment needed. I had to detox from 8 yrs of opiate injections from broken back. Am i entitled to receive any compensation for cancelling health insurance? No separation agreement is in place. We also own a home that my daughter and i live in since unable to work. Will i be forced to move in divorce?

  86. My husband and I finally got married after 2 years of being engaged. We put it off for many reasons. He talked me into quitting my job and going back to school which he supported me fully. I took out loans in my name for the classes. Afterwards we found a house and of course it’s in his name only as I don’t have a penny to my name. Shortly after I got pregnant which was planned and then 6 weeks after that baby I got pregnant again. I stopped my classes 2 months before I had my first son to be a SAHM. Finally we decided to get married in Dec. 2014 . Here we are in March I’ve got an 8 month old baby and I’m due with my daughter end of May. This week I found out he has been having an affair for a year which he has admitted to. I love him to death and wish we could make it work but he’s a very selfish person and most likely we will end up in divorce even though he would like to go to consoling and work on things. I’ve got many questions and unsure what move to make. He refuses to leave the house and wants me to go because I mentioned divorce. My name is not on anything he has not even bank accounts. I feel so trapped. He makes really good money $120,000++ the last 4 years. The only thing I have is my car that is paid for I came into the relationship with. Do I have rights to anything? Is he required to give me money to live on? Do I have to leave my home if he wants me to? We are in Texas. I can’t believe after everything I’ve sacrificed so much to have kids and do what he wanted and end up penniless on the streets with 2 babies

  87. My husband and I are separated. He met a deputy sheriff from Lowellville, Ohio in LinkedIn.com. He showed me her picture 6 years ago. I live in NJ. He left to go to work on February 8 and never came back. All his credit card charges are from Ohio. I filed for divorce but he is unwilling to give address to be served. Today he came to NJ and took all the license plates from all vehicles at our home. The cops did nothing cause he is also in law enforcement. My lawyer had the district attorney call the cops to stop removing property but it was already too late.

  88. Me and my husband has been separated but not legally for 8 years. We haven’t seen each other but twice in those 8 years and that’s when both of our daughters got married. We still have a house in our name but not living in it. His sister is living in the house now and making the payments. I want to get a divorce and have my name removed off the house and get my maiden name back . I can’t afford to spend a lot of money for a lawyer. How can I go about this problem? It’s time for me to get on with my life and get my credit straight.

    1. You can get the papers from the courthouse and try to do the divorce yourself, if the two of you agree on the terms. But I recommend you get professional help to be sure that you fill out the papers right, and to help you resolve any issues you don’t agree on. A mediator would probably be your least expensive option.

  89. My wife of 9 years who is 48 is an attorney, never worked, and never had a penny.
    I worked as a Software Engineer for 23 years until 2 years ago when I was laid off at 54 and supported ALL of our expenses in the past 9 years.
    3 years ago we started taking care of her mom who got sick, then died and left her $2.7 Million in cash a year ago.
    I am considering a divorce in order to be free from a long-time abusive and hostile wife and have no interest (and obviously no right) to her money.
    Will the courts in California consider the fact she has 6 times the funds I do and allow me to pay less than 50% of what I have?.
    I am not employed at this time and we have no kids.
    Thank you.

  90. I took all monies out of saving and checking account 2 wks before my husband of 3 years ask me for divorce, will I have to give him halve of the monies I took

  91. I left my husband after 12 years of physical and verbal abuse. Controlling and manipulation. I do not have any hardcore proof. We have a lot of debt. We live in Virginia. He demands I pay half of everything. Ican’t afford a lawyer. What are my options?

    1. I would strongly suggest you seek the advice of your local domestic abuse organization. The can help you seek a protective order if necessary and advise you of your rights and the laws in your state. You may also be eligible for assistance through a pro bono law organization. Search for legal aid organizations in your area. Good luck.

  92. My marriage is pretty much over and I’ve tried to talk to my spouse about a peaceful spilt but she just isn’t receptive to anything other then me getting what she feels I deserve, truth is the marriage isn’t very healthy for any of us because we can’t seem to get along, we started talking about child support which I really don’t have an issue with because I want my son to have the best but she’s asking alot more then I think is fair for me to have to go out and start over. She wants 250 a week and I don’t even make 40k a year, so
    So I guess I’m wondering is that something a judge would say is an amount I’d have to pay weekly?

      1. Sorry I meant to clarify, I meant the amount based on what I make. Because I went on the child support site and did the rough calculator to see what was reasonable and it said 389 a month based on our pay and the fact that I have my son covered under my insurance. I thought 250 a week which was 1200 a month was very steap.

        1. Your wife does not get to determine the amount of child support she receives, only a judge can do that. Typically it is calculated via state promulgated guidelines which take into account income, medical insurance costs paid by the noncustodial parent, additional children to whom support is owed, and any special circumstances, such as a child’s disability. The child support calculator you found is probably more accurate, so long as it is state-specific.

  93. After 8 years we decide to divorce. He wants me to move out of that house because I can’t afforded to live here. Im ok with that. But the point is. Because that house marketing its bad that house do not worth it what we paid for. I have 3 kids, 1 its his and the other 2 from my first marriage. Should i get out without nothing ? And pay my own rent and don’t have him helping me with anything as his plan? I do work and make a reasonable money. But he makes much more then me. And also my son have a sickle cell disease. Do i have any rights maybe for alimony? Thank you

  94. I have been divorce from my husband for 15 yrs. He past away one year ago. I have lived in North Carolina for the 15 yrs. When going though a divorce I sign off on the house and he continue to live in it. He stays in Ohio. After 15yr a court person rings my door bell and hands me a summons the bank that holds the deed to the house that he died in, says they want their money. The bank says that my name was never taken off the deed. I found out that he has refinance the house several time. How can that be. I legally signed off on the house how can it be that the bank knows nothing of it.

    1. Perhaps the deed was never recorded (the paper you signed), so the bank knows nothing about it because it was never made legal. But regardless of whose name the house is in, the bank is entitled to be paid, so the house must be sold and the bank paid, or you must catch up the payments, or the bank may foreclose.

  95. I need help…
    my husband and I had been married since Nov. 2014, like 3 months, and he left me 4 weeks ago. I came to the United states with a tourist visa and we were already going with a lawyer to fix my status in this country. Can I sue him for marital abandon? He is treating me telling me that he went to the police and reported me. What are my options in this country? Also if I leave this country are they gonna cancel my visa? By the way the night he left, he just left a note saying sorry and that he wasn’t ready for that commitment, the relationship we had was good we had our ups and downs like everybody but he just left without an explanation. what can I do?

  96. Hi,
    My husband and I are divorcing and it is on very good terms. I was a stay at home mother for 22 years and have no working world skills. He was able to pursue a well paying career . during the marriage I used my inheritance from my mother which was 85k to pay for things the family needed with the understanding that should we divorce that he would repay that loan to me. I do have that in writing. Because I need money to re educate myself and live on while in school I want to use the monthly loan payment from him to do that. Would that income be considered alimony or taxable? Before we decide on alimony we wanted to give me a chance to see what I could earn after finishing school. He is more than willing to make the payments and vouch for the loan.
    Also, he is willing to give me the balance of our 401k which is 29k and we need a QRDO for that but I cannot afford an attorney . Can we put together our own settlement agreement and do the QDRO ourselves with what the 401k company sent us as a template?

    1. A payment is not alimony if it is characterized as anything else. So if your divorce papers characterize it as repayment of a loan, it won’t be alimony. And though it would be preferable to get professional help to draft documents to be sure they are done correctly, you can of course draft them yourselves.

  97. I feel like my husband holds all the cards. We have equally sacrificed but my sacrifice was my career to rear and educate the children. He sacrificed other things in order to move up in the world; sacrificed us and our relationships to him. He did provide for the kids financially, but he also created a lot of the extreme bills we are under the weight of. I am tired, I just survived a rare stage four cancer, and I’m fearful that with all the moving around (every three years on average), I will never know what it is to be debt free or at peace. My husband is a nice guy, but we can’t see eye to eye on anything. I want to just stop everything and pay the bills down and off, in order to be able to put into a retirement plan more aggressively. He doesn’t worry about any of it, thinking his 120k per year job will take care of anything. But it doesn’t, because I am juggling bills every month. It’s simply a case of too much going out, not enough coming in. I don’t want to give any more of my health to this. If we get divorced, will I lose all the insurance he carries on me? Will it be a death sentence?

  98. Hi I have question. My soon to be husband lived together 15 years, He paid every bill pretty much. I works part time just food , clothes etc. We have 2 children, plus I am not resident yet. I am permanent resident. does he have more chance getting everything? what are best options?

  99. I’m a soldier and have been married to a cheating civialian for 11 months. My spouse and I have no kids together and never lived together. The only thing we have together is a checking acount that ONLY I deposited money on, and he only withdrew money from, so I stopped the deposits. I have never receive any finacial support from him. If anything, I’m the one paying for his healthcare. Since we don’t have anything together, can he go after my savings or anything else he might think he might be entitle to?

    I just want out of this marriage and far away from this user as I can.

  100. My wife worked it so both cars are in her name. The bran new car she has is from a trade in we did with a car my aunt gave us. Both names on title. We traded it in but I wasnf Put on loan cause I wasn’t employed at the time. The other car is a jeep we got after I got in a accident that wasn’t my fault. Is older and has 97
    K. Miles on it. If she leaves and sells the car we own spends all the money. I’m told a Florida court would make her pay me half. What will happen when she refuses to pay me half?

  101. Hi,

    If equalization settlement will be paid on the day of the signing of the decree, is it approproriate to have the payment on the trust fund of the lawyer’s firm?

  102. Have a PA temp. Support order. Weekly payments deducted from his check through domestic relations include spousal portion and child support. Third page of the order splits the amount allocated for me and each child separately. Is the spousal monthly amount (×12 months) ,which would be granting him full credit deserved or not, the taxable amount for the feds? Is it taxable for me and deductible for him? The entire yearly amount is just so idea by 52 weeks and then the payments come each week in the same check…obviously when he doesn’t meet his obligations I put all the money to the kids. The system as is doesn’t give me a way to account for arrears if it is indeed taxable for me. Is it?

    1. If he doesn’t make full payments, the amount he does pay is considered to go toward satisfying his child support obligation (not taxable to you). Once that child support obligation is satisfied, the rest of the payments he makes go toward spousal support (alimony that is taxable to you). So if he is to pay you $1,000 a month which is $600 child support and $400 spousal support, and he only pays you $800 that month, his payment is considered to be $600 child support and $200 spousal support.

  103. I am a woman married to a woman. My wife and I are trying separate and she won’t cooperate. We had a daughter since we have been married. We have been together for the past 3 years and married the last two. I bought a house and truck and her name isn’t on it. We live in Virginia and I’m not familiar with the laws her. I want her out of my home and don’t know how to do it!!

  104. Hi Ginita Wall,
    I was married to someone who refused to have sex with me. We never had sex based on her refusal. I later had the marriage annulled in the state of Texas. I want her to give me back the money I loaned to her during the course of the marriage that was annulled. She now claims that the money was for spousal support. But the marriage was annulled. I plan to sue her to court to force her to repay the loan> do I have a chance of getting the money back? Thank you.
    Best regards,
    John David.

  105. After 12 years of marriage, its coming to an end. We own a home together, my name on mortgage loan only, her name is on deed. The house is in need of repair to sell for full asking price. Any advice on what to do with mortgage or repairs? Short sale, refinance? Neither of us can stay in house separately with their own financial situation.

  106. Hi, I left my Wife of 23 years because I have been unhappy for many years for many reason. We have 2 children together. She has called my work, my friends and my counselor to try and have me committed or put in jail because she thinks I am to crazy to leave her, so I must be mentally ill. She has been harassing me so i had to block her, I am afraid to even go to the house to see my kids because she has threatens to put me in jail by calling the police and saying I physically hurt her. I am trying to find an attorney, And I don’t want my name on all the bills because I am afraid she may try to ruin my credit and not pay the bills and make me look like the bad guy, as she has already attempted to make me look many times. I she has taken every dime i have over the last month but I want to prove I have been paying her to pay the bills and take care off the kids! can i please get some advise on what I can and cannot do in the state of Wisconsin?

  107. What do you do when your ex-husband will not pay his share of the mortgage? The house is in MD and so is he-so should I get a lawyer in MD or TX where I now live?

  108. I have been contemplating on divorcing my husband for sooooooo many years…my feeling comes and go but after so many years i saw myself extremely unhappy. I can not live with an ass that is so cheap and selfish. I only work one day a week and school fulltime and yet I paid 90% of rent and most of the time I buy food and mandatory does all of the cooking. He has a full time job and making way more and still complaining that he is paying too much. hmmm, let me see how much he pay for all of the bill: phone bill, car lease, $150 monthly rent, his child support, help his mom buy grocery once a week…well, that is basic it! Please tell me if anyone can live with someone with this kind of mentality (cheap & dirty). Oh, I forgot to include dirty and disgusting who doesn’t care about hygiene.

  109. My wife left me in purpose ,because of cheating on me,she work at golden coral on monkey y unction in Wilmington NC she wash brain of my son in last two months with some present and promising of buying new car ,and my son left house with her.she claim face rapport against me ,but was denied.my daughter have recording conversation where she talk and promise kill me and my daughter ,she talk to my daughter scary story and make terrible terror on her for years,my daughter claim rapport against step mother and police was arrest her on the job and she was in hospital by some Dr, and she was free of everything.?? My daughter from scary was 100% blind and paralyze. ,and was in hospital but she deed not tel this time to Dr,what going on in the house. Now we are separated but I can Se any more my son, and she teach hem how to talk against me and his sister>She doing everything in purpose some revenge to me>?? ,and she is danger 100% for my son, he do not understood this.

  110. I want a divorce, but I don’t want anything from him I just want to get out. I work but I don’t make enough to support me and my son, I can’t afford a lawyer let alone the deposits on my own place. Am I as trapped as I feel?

  111. Married since94. I have worked hard and continuously since 99 without any break to provide for the family. My husband has worked on and off but several years without job. Have not supported the family except created debts which i tried to help him pay his debt even with tax returns we filed together.I never received any tax return money from him. I had no plans to put money into retirement but he talked me into it and now I have a retirement plan. I understand the reason he talked me into it is because if I ever have a divorce he could get half of it since I had mentioned to him numerous times about divorce thinking he would change. I have been paying all the bills mortgages and have tried to help him find a job, gone for counseling but nothing has helped. I gave him plenty of time to see if he could help himself and the family but instead i see him continue to create debt. All the money that I tried working hard into paying the mortgage etc will it all be divided, I have only had stress in my life with him.I am afraid of working hard and being in debt what can I do to avoid any debt and proceed with the divorce. Does the law not look at the stress you endured to help the family be together,pay his debt and also assist a person to improve and find a job?

  112. Four months after my husband and I got married, he was served the finalized divorce papers from his first marriage. Does this void my marriage to him? We also have two children together. I am also the only spouse employed, as he receives VA comp and SS for service connected disability (non taxable). Please advise, as I feel this is not a valid union, and would like to move on from this emotionally, and verbally abusive marriage

  113. My husband lives in Florida and I live in Georgia know cuz I just found out he has been sleeping with a twenty something yr old homeless drug addict and he is 64 yrs old. Can he file for divorce without me knowing it since we are in different states?

  114. / married 14 years. Husband divorcing me. Two kids 8 & 13. Stay at home mom. No degree or voc tech, looking at minimum wage if get job in future and will have to go back to some kind of training if possible. No car. 47 years old. Mortgage in both names. Mom may move in or talked about getting 3 bedroom apartment together with up kids. Husband works 4/5 pm till 2/3 am and talking about his mistress/future wife staying at home with the kids while he’s at work if he gets custody. Shes on social security. Can he do that? The house is a wreck, fixer upper, if I leave home will he be more likely to get kids if he has home and kids have to change schools if with me or they don’t want to leave house? If house in bad shape will that be advantage for me ? I dont really want the house. Right now the mortgage is in default, he hasnt paid in four months. Dont know if he did this on purpose since i plan on dragging divorce out for two years here in PA for financial reasons or i told him I wont leave house. Our home has gone through foreclosure process two or three times first seven years of last eight years living here that’s why I dont’ know if its on purpose or financial mismanagement on his part. He’s also told me if he wants to be spiteful he could shut utilities off in home and take kids and disappear. Do sah moms have any chance of getting kids? When PA talks about having financial plan in court, do I need to have job then if mom moves in with us and gives me money to help with bills and i tell judge i plan to get job in future or go back for training? My husband makes about $2200 mo gross in paycheck but he also gets about $1700-2200 extra in cash bonuses, he doesnt know his “paperless” bank account has been sending statements I keep and it not only shows his direct deposit paychecks but also him depositing his cash bonuses in atm beginni g of every month. Can i use this in court to prove he makes about double his income for child support? PA online support calculator estimates his support at around 1100 a month with no childcare costs, no healthcare costs and me having no job right now. Kids get medical assistance and I watch kids, mom would watch if i got job later, kids in school full time also. If I got even couple hundred a month from minimum wage job, would that lower his child support payments even though its not a lot of money? Is it better to wait till after custody battle to get job or before? If we go 50/50 custody instead of joint or sole will he still have to pay support or as much, I really need this financial support? I think my husband is trying to squeeze me out so he and mistress/future wife can have kids and be one big happy family like the Brady Bunch. He told me he pushed or rushed the woman on the kids instead of giving kids time alone even though we’re still married and living together so when he went to work he could leave kids with her and she wouldnt be a stranger to them. No thought to their emotional well being. Been less than year since he told daughter divorcing and already with her. Can this be used against him? Will judge make one of us leave home? If he gets custody and home, since home in bad shape could I call cys to come and check out home and try and get custody that way or would that backfire and be too nasty? Want kids, ive been one with kids day in and out even when he’s off work, he went to bar first 6 years of marriage and last 8 years he goes to AA meetings and with women/ friends on day off, takes kids out once in blue moon except last 3/4 months he’s been taking them lots of places with ow. Can I petition court also for half of joint tax return to help with expenses? Who claims kids on future returns? Can I use his past pornography usage against him in court, this was about 4 years ago, I still have bank statements or will that make me look vindictive? Dont want him or mistress raising kids? If i get custody can I have him pick kids up after church Sundays at 1:30 instead of morning, he wants to be spiteful. Divorce is ugly, are judges fair??? Whats difference between not going judge route or does couple have to?

  115. Hello there, I need help. I have been married for 8 years, I love him so much.. I have been suffering a lot now the fact that my husband has been neglecting me, he loves to watch porn and satisfy him self, guess what I don’t get any thing and been angry for 7 years… The first year everything was good.. I said at least let me have a child since I love him even though I was mad that there was no making love… Now unable to have a baby and I want out of the marriage. My point is now, he has a house that he had before marriage … I don’t need anything from him not even a Pennie, I have an account in my name that has money.. Does he have to get some? He knows that I have money … We don’t have a joint account, no kids and we live in MD.. Please I need help before I am out of the house, becouse I am miserable right now.

    1. I suggest that you talk to an attorney about your rights (and his rights) in your state. And talk to your spouse about getting some counseling for the two of you and individually — it may be too late, but it is worth a try.

      1. Thank you for responding that quick, I mentioned about seeing a counselor,but my husband is not interested.. I tried to walk away many times, but now this is the last time… Do you have any additional advice?

  116. Have had Lyme disease since 2002. Not diagnosed until 2003. By that time I was considered chronic. Went thru long term IV antibiotic treatments but they only send it into remission for awhile. In 2006 ex walked out & I went through a divorce in Virginia. My husband had moved a woman he met through his job from California to Virginia. Divorce finalized in 2009 & courts granted me physical custody of the 2 children. I was allowed me to move to South Carolina to be closer to my long time Lyme specialist. Ex was making $ 85,000 per yr & the stress of everything had caused me to have a relapse. When I got to South Carolina, I had to have a pic line inserted to go through several months of IV therapy. He was not ordered to cover any insurance or medical for me. He would have to pay $2500 per month that would include child support for 2 children and alimony. He also was ordered to pay $14,000 in lawyer & court fees to me. My lawyer told me she would take the last 2 court dates out of that so she made an arrangement with him behind my back for monthly payments of $ 50 per month. Her cut $ 7500. Two years later my oldest turned 18. I was too broke to afford an attorney so a family member (lawyer) volunteered. Many wasted trips to Virginia as ex would not disclose his earnings. Finally on trip 7 found out he was making $ 200,000 per year & he immediately files for custody of my son after he claims to have been fired. At this point judge suspends my child support. My free lawyer had gone after my ex lawyer after I advised her not to. Ex lawyer was a part-time judge for that city and whatever happened my free attorney quits me in tears. She told me she thought someone was getting paid. I applied for child support in South Carolina but the paperwork was so daunting. I sent it back & they send me another phone book size envelope to fill out. I did not follow thru in the hope that ex would not pursue custody. He emails me a bunch of forms to fill out basically relieving him of any and all financial responsibility in exchange for my son. I don’t sign. In 2 years I again made several trips to Virginia. Each time court was rescheduled per exes attorney or Guardian ad litem. My car breaks down 4 days before court in 9 /2014 and court refused to reschedule. They gave him sole custody. He picked my son up at the beginning of this month. I cannot explain the depth of hurt and anger I have. They did not send me a copy of the judges decision….I had to call the court and they had forgotten to update my new address. The GAL who NEVER struck me as a neutral party emailed me to tell me that my ex was given full custody. “Guess the court got tired of you not showing up.” Now ex wants alimony to end. He has already had it reduced from $1700 down to $1200. Still cannot afford an attorney but make too much ($ 23,000 alimony/pt job) for assistance. Lyme disease is a political disease & the medical community is divided on it. It all boils down to the fact that insurance companies do not want to treat the magnitude of people that have this disease with long-term treatments. I pay out of pocket for everything. Last judge I had would not look at anything…..doctor’s letters, brain scans, disability letter, etc. Cannot afford DR. to testify. Please help me.

  117. Have been married 22 years and was a stay at home for 19 of it while working part-time. Filed for separation 3 years ago in TN but during mediation husband would have no part of that so I changed it to absolute divorce. He wanted to pay $300 a month in alimony 3 years so I wouldn’t agree. I made about 700. A month that year, moved in with mom until she died. I filed an order of reconciliation and did a year of professional marriage counseling but husband would not take the marriage psychologist’s suggestions. Moved daughter and me out. Have been waiting a year for him to agree to pay $400 alimony for 4 years. I wanted to avoid a trial. I have grossed 800 a month for the last 2 years as a teacher assistant with him paying 700 in child support. After being out of the teaching profession it has been hard to break back in. Last week I have finally gotten a teaching job but haven’t gotten paid yet. Should I tell my lawyer I got a job? I have spent $6000 on all these proceedings and still have no divorce! My lawyer says the only way to get anywhere is to spend 15,000 to take him to court .
    I scrimped and scraped and did without while he has lived in luxuriously, compared to my daughter and me. Now that I have a professional job, will this mean he now won’t have to pay alimony?

    1. Of course you should tell your attorney. It is likely that in your state you are required to disclose all information as you go through divorce and answer all questions truthfullly. Your income is very relevant to the support issue, and if you have enough income to support yourself, he probably won’t have to pay alimony. But believe me, it is my safer and satisfying to rely on your own earning power rather than chasing him for alimony. Give up any notion of punishing him by getting him to pay you alimony – that isn’t what it is for. Take the money you would have spent on legal fees trying to get alimony and spend it on getting therapy for yourself, individually and especially in a group, so that you can learn how to just let it be. Even if you got alimony, it wouldn’t change what he did or didn’t do. Put the past in the past and find a way to move on with your life.

  118. My wife of 10 years left me about a month ago and is seeking divorce. We are both mentally ill and at this second I am unable to hire a lawyer. In our entire marriage most of our living came from either me making money on the internet, the help of others, or a rare job one of us could manage. For the last 2 years we have basically been living 80% off my non-biological parents. She is now asking that I pay for basically all of her bills plus some money to live on. Now, I have been doing this since I have had the money and i dont want to see anyone just hurt, however shes living with her own biological father, and it was her choice to leave. My parents no longer want to support her for obvious reasons. In a few days we are sitting down to write up the Decree. Ive let her have everything she wanted but my TV,Computer,Video game system, truck. What are the odds that with me having no income at all, and likely no ability to get income that she will be able to get a judge to force Alimony of some kind on me? Also i got her to take her name off my truck finally, if she takes it at this point is it theft?

  119. This is most definitely not good information if you live in a community property state. It also seems like it’s bias toward women.

  120. I’m divorcing my wife, or annulling our marriage if possible. I understand the laws pertaining to misrepresentation and certain things not being disclosed until after the wedding, so that should qualify me for annulment. Either way, I have two questions: I bought a new car for her 4 months ago and it’s in my name entirely. Both of our cars are only in my name. She quit her job and cheated on me, so I’m leaving her for the infidelity even though I’ve stuck by as long as I can…there’s just no honesty coming forward and I’m past my breaking point. Can I sell the car she drives before the divorce/annulment without her knowing? She has no income and won’t be able to get approved to be put on the lean, so I assume it’s mine and I can do as I please to protect myself in advance of filing for divorce.

    1. If you’ve filed for divorce then there might be restraining orders that prohibit you from selling assets. Other than that, I don’t know, since I am not an attorney familiar with the laws of your state.

    2. Look up “willful dissemination of assets” in regard to divorce. What you want to do will come back and bite you. You can sell the car and replace it with one of lower value and that might not cause you too much grief, but is it worth it?

  121. Paula rodriguez

    Hi, I have been married for 10 years and I started the process of divorce. We have 2 kids. He comes inside the house without letting me know and he even goes to my room without knocking the door. Is he right to do that? I live in Connecticut

    1. You may need to go to court to get a ruling on who has use of the property. If he fails to respect that, you may have to get restraining orders against him, so he has to stay a certain distance away from your house.

  122. I have been married for 12 years, but unhappy for several years. My husband is one of those men who work alot and have given his friends advice how to win in divorce. We have a home in both of our names and two small children. One is autistic. He had me sign a prenuptial before we got married stating what we put into our home we obtain in the marriage, we get back. He pays the mortgage and utilities and I pay everything else (health insurance, medical bills, clothes, groceries, education, etc. )
    I work part time so I can be here for our children. I am very unhappy and I am thinking about leaving my husband. I am always walking on eggshells every day. What I was wondering is, I would like to keep the house I am sure he is going to want to split it. Will the courts make me split the house? My autistic son will be very uncomfortable if we move. I am also worried whether I can afford it because I work part time and make half of what he does. That is my only worry. I know I can take care of the kids, because I am always alone and do it by myself anyways.

    1. The laws of each state are different, so check with an attorney to find out your rights. In many states, if there are young children or children with disabilities, the caregiving spouse would be allowed to remain in the house for several years to make the divorce an easier transition for the children.

  123. We have 59.000 in our home equity. House is almost paid for. It’s worth about 120.000. I have 13,00.00 of debt in my name. Credit in my name. My name is on the deed to the house. If I walk away from the house, can I remove the equity.

  124. Melanie Flores, Louisiana

    I need money for my divorce and I want to use my 401k. My husband says watch out but I don’t know why. Can I take a withdrawal to pay for my divorce? We have been separted for a month now.

    1. If you are still an employee at the company where your 401(k) is, then you probably can’t take a withdrawal. You might be able to borrow against it, so talk to the plan custodian or human resources to find out. If the 401(k) is at a former employer, you can withdraw the money, but you’ll owe income taxes and possibly penalties for doing so, so be prepared for a big tax bill at year end.

    2. Be careful is right. In divorce, that is called “willful dissemination of assets”. Any purposeful spending of monies or draining of shared assets is considered intentional and what ever assets you consume your husband could claim 50% of in the divorce negotiations.

  125. I filed a petition for divorce on January 21, 2014. I moved out of my home with my 3 kids on March 31, 2014. I was wondering if it is possible to start getting child support. I know the petition asked for temporary support, but I have not heard anything from my attorney in weeks. I know we have a progress check in court next month, will they work out temporary stuff then?

    1. If your attorney petitioned the court to get support, generally the support will be retroactive to the date of the petition. Your attorney would be the one who could tell you the date set for that support hearing.

  126. I married my high school sweetheart. We have been married for three years. He hasn’t worked in over two years. I have been supporting him while he has taken one class at a time. He is about to get his second degree, a bachelors in business administration (his first was an associates). I am taking six classes and working full time. I got him a job which he quit and started just driving around when he was supposed to be working. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been telling him that he needs to start helping, I need a break but nothing has gotten through his head. I moved into the second bedroom. Nothing changed. He won’t even do a load of laundry or take out the trash unless I beg. I love him but I don’t think that this is fair to me. He keeps buying things with my money and hiding them or lying about it when I catch him. I am not his mother, I am supposed to be his wife. We rent a house from his parents and our one, crappy, car is in his name. I don’t know how to get out of this with my dignity. I don’t want to start over, I just want his head to come out of the sand. I have already started drawing up property agreements because he say, “you can have whatever you want I don’t care.” I know that when/if I file for divorce, this will change. I am trying to get everything ironed out but it is hard. I don’t have time between work and school to have any semblance of a life. I am tired of supporting him and all of his hobbies. The only reason I have today off is because I had to attend a funeral. We want the same things but he lies. He lies and he knows I know he is lying. He doesn’t try to make any changes, he is just sailing along while I provide. I want the man I married back but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen. Any advice would be appreciated.

    1. You know the old saying, “You can’t change someone else, you can only change yourself.” So you need to look within yourself, decide what is really important to you and what you can let go or live with, and then communicate clearly to your husband how your situation makes you feel and what you want to change in the future. It will then be up to him to decide if he is willing to work on making those changes. Even if he is willing to make changes, they won’t happen overnight and there will be starts and stumbles. I think it is time for the two of you to get the help of a good couples counselor to help you through this, no matter where it is going.

  127. Dear Ginita:

    1st let me say it is really amazing that for a full year on this site you have responded to each question/comment from folks who are really worried and looking for some kind advice. Bravo.

    Ok so here is the jist in my situation.

    My wife of 25 years wants out.

    0-18 years — She did a really great job of raising our four kids (stay at home mom) while we bought the auto repair business i was working at from my old partner/boss.

    19-21 years — We sparated and I supported two households while the business was being beat up in the resession. She moved out and found work and after a year was fired. she fell behind on her bills and begged me to come back. I was in love with her and wanted to save the marriage and had her and the kids move back into our home. What I did not know is while we were separated and dating each other (yes i dated my wife- it was really fun) she was also dating someone else and that continued when she moved back.

    22-23 years — She filed for divoce 6 months after moving back in and it was a crazy. I have never moved out of our home. She and her boyfriend played every weekend taking our kids on vacations with him, staying at his home a few towns away while still living at our home. The lawyer fees almost bankrupted us. We were days away from a trial and since we were trying to purchase the property our business sits on we reconciled to please the underwriters.

    24-25 years — Well our credit sucks and we could not get the loan. I may have to close the business we built over the last 38 years. We have four kids 24-22-20 & 16 One away at school, two at home in Jr college and the youngest in High School.

    I could write a book with the events, family craziness that has gone on but here is my question.

    I am paying all the families bills, college tuitions, and I also give her 300 a week down from 500 Jan 1st cause we are going broke. The 300 is for food and supplies for the house & personal expenses. She does do a fine job of shopping and feeding the family. Any money she earns outside of home she keeps and I have no idea about it.

    This year she has traveled to Florida each month for a week, she has parents down there however she wants to move to an area where her boyfriend has family. She wants to start her life in a new direction in a new place. She is has been traveling there and looking for work in this area.

    She wants to take our youngest son, he will be a Junior Next year.

    He wants to stay at home with his friends and family to finish school. He loves his mom and wishes her well but he feels that taking him to a new state far away from the rest of his family, his friends and the school he has only two years left to finish would be too disruptive at this point in his life.

    So My offer to her was
    Sell our vacation Property and split the proceeds. 50/50

    She takes the family Truck, its old but mint as I am an auto technician.

    She takes anything she wants from the house since all is replaceable.

    Our family business is struggling and i may have to close and get a job working for someone so I am leaving that one alone.

    The family house was in foreclosure and I managed pulled it out with a loan modification and have been doing OK for the last 15 months. I want to stay in the house until my son graduates High School and at that time we can sell and split the proceeds or i can buy her out.

    I offered to pay her $250.00 a week or 20% of my net Income which ever is highter (my income is so volital) for 3 years to help her.

    She keeps her credit card bills and I keep mine and mine are much more due to running the house, kids, college fees and business expences.

    We have not filed for divorce (2nd time) yet. My lawyer had died one year into my case and since I could not afford to pay for two lawyers I went prosi and did ok.

    The lawyer she works with is a pretty straight shooter and he can see we both have worked together for the good of the family but I am fully aware its her lawyer.

    Is my offer out of line? She thinks so, she has not said what she wants, only that it is way more.

    If my son stays with me at our current home I still need to have something to live on. Paying her more would not allow us to remain in our home as we have been his whole life.

    If my offer is resonable should i stay firm in my offer knowing that what is the difference if I cave in and pay more or have a judge rule the same thing. If we can not agree am I better off taking my chance and proving my case in court?

    She wants to move asap and get this done, me Im in no rush.

    Thanks for taking time to read my mini-story. I look forward to your advice.


    1. You’ll need to run your offer by an attorney in your state to see whether it is supported by the law. Though I don’t know the laws of every state, I can tell you this, court is expensive in every state. So going to court should be a last resort.

  128. Sorry, Not only that I been going though mental break down. I am on his medical benefits and dental benefits. My benefits don’t cover much. But them together I am ok, I also have a health problem, can he be made to keep me on there?

  129. Also we have 5 cars he bought during the marriage and a motorcycle. What will happen to them? Will I get some of the cars?

  130. I been married for almost 13 years. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. I just reasonly found out that he has been cheating with this girl for 8 years. And I found out she had a baby. I also found out that he is seeing two other girls. I have a house that I bought before we got married. He is moving out. Can I lose my house? And I have been go though a mental break down where I am getting put off my job by my doctor. I need questions answered can I get allimony? And can I get half of his pension ?

    1. The laws of each state are different. You are likely entitled to alimony, and your share of the pension earned during marriage. If you can’t make the mortgage payments, you will lose your house for sure, so see an attorney as soon as you can to apply for support.

  131. My husband and I are separated after being married for 20 years. He received two DUI’s in April 2013, lost his license and was sent away for months of company mandated therapy. He obtained an attorney who has been able to keep him from spending the 5 days jail time that was sentenced him by the court. He purchased a car for me in 2012 with only his name on the title and the insurance company has sent me a notice indicating that since he hasn’t had a license in almost a year, they are cancelling our insurance. He won’t have his license because he is afraid to do the punishment for the laws broken and the attorney just keeps getting new court dates. How can I keep my insurance? I called the finance company to see what I could do and they said I would have to apply to be put on the loan and that takes 3-4 weeks and I would have to pay $595 for this.

    Thank you in advance for any advice you can provide.

    1. Talk to the finance company to see if they can waive the fee because of hardship — if they won’t do that, you could shop around for alternate financing. Otherwise you could just leave the loan in his name, and find out from the insurance company if there’s any way that would work.

  132. My spouse decided to have an affair. After confronting her, she says she is just not happy and wants to leave. With 3 children and her working night shift, we have decided that the children would stay with me for the most part. ( I work day shift and make a good salary ). I am offering her some of our furniture, I offered to continue paying for both cars and insurance, and medical insurance.. I have also offered to give her a few hundred dollars per month to help her live. I will be staying in our apartment with the children and paying all of the bills, except for her new bills..housing, utilites, gas and groceries. I do have about 200k in a 401k. Does this sound like a case for mediation?

  133. Erica Vanderwalker

    Got married in January 2014 want to get divorced now. only 3 months later is divorce still as costly and harder to do…

    1. In California, you can apply for a Summary Dissolution which is a very simple process. I don’t know if a simplified process exists in your state for short term marriage with no kids and little property, but you can call the county clerk’s office to see.

  134. I am considering selling my stock to pay for attorney fees. It is better to sell the stock or transfer to a friend who will pay me cash for the value of stock minus tax? Stock value ~ 21K. Both my friend and I have a tax bracket of ~ 28%

    1. I’m not sure what you are trying to accomplish. If you sell the stock on the open market, you’ll have to pay tax on the gain, but you’ll get the up-to-the-date sales price, which fluctuates many times each minute throughout the trading day. If you give it to your friend, you’ll not get the most current price, which will disadvantage either you or your friend. And you will subtract the future tax from the proceeds, so you won’t have any more money than you had before.

      The answer is, sell it on the open market to be sure that you get what you should.

  135. I am currently separated and located in NC which required you to be separated for a year before filing for a divorce. I left our home with our children (that is in both of our names). I could not afford the mortgage and he tried to kick me out so many times, I just got tired of it and left and left everything there except the kids stuff. He fought me for the house and for me to move out and now that I have done that, he says he doesn’t want the house and we have put it up for sale. The house is in both of our names although he has always paid the mortgage. We also have 2 cars that are in both of our names. One is my oldest daughters and one is mine. He has refused to give me any money and refused to pay my car payment but still pays my daughters. He has always paid the payments. I am currently renting and cannot afford to pay anything outside my living expenses. He makes 5 times as much as I do and we cannot file for divorce until August. He is currently on leave from his job and receiving Workmans’ comp for a self inflicted injury because he thought he would have to give me less money if he was receiving that. He also has indicated that he will quit is 6 figure job just to stop from giving me any money. Will the judge hold me accountable for paying the mortgage and car payments even though I have never had to pay them and my debt is more than my income? He says I abandoned him and left him which is technically true but only after I discovered he has been having not one, but several affairs over the course of our marriage (10 yrs) and is still involved in one extramarital affair.

    1. Most states are no-fault states, so if you live in one of those states it won’t matter about his affairs, etc. If he has an ability to earn, the judge may assess support based on those earnings in some states. You’ll need to get legal advice to find out if the court would order him to pay the mortgage payment.

  136. Hi, I’m married 30 yrs. Disabled for the last 13 yrs truly unable to work. Had been doped up until the last 3 yrs when I started noticing missing money. My spouse was “laid off” 3yrs ago but was disabled due to diabetes. I get 3700.00/mth. He used to get 2000.00/mth but said SS stopped his money but he still has his medical benefits. He states sometimes that we don’t have money for food? I don’t understand. I’ve just laid back and taken his BS for all these yrs. I’ve seen texts from other women. He leaves and doesn’t tell me where he goes. He buys things: expensive rod and reels, boat supplies, etc. but if I want some thing a set of gardening gloves he raises Cain! He took his entire retirement out at the age of 48 and supposedly paid everything off without discussing it with me. Now after paying the IRS approx. $150,000, he says WE still owe another $48000.00. I don’t know what to do. I know he’s stashing money somewhere, but I don’t even know how much his retirement he received or where he put it. His 22′ Ranger boat which is supposed to have my name on, doesn’t. I found that out when I opened the tag renewal notice. He hit the roof when I went and got the mail. He’s getting worse and worse. He didn’t used to be this jumpy! I want to find out if he has any accounts anywhere. I don’t care about other women unless he’s spending my money on them. Whew! No food. No money! Any suggestions? PI! Attorney?…..

  137. I recently lost my job, prior to leaving my job i withdrew my pension for an emergency related to my husband who promised to replace it. Fast forward I’m unemployed I have nothing my husband has not given me anything and we are currently separated our 3 kids are in my care and I am receiving no support. He works, filed the kids on his taxes and received a return, had a 20k inheritance deposited into his account, had a bonus from work coming and has a 401k with work. Can I file for divorce and have him pay the fees? Also how do I ensure that he does not hide/spend down/ transfer assets to cut me out? He also is part owner in his mothers home can I sue him for a portion of his stake in that property?

    1. I don’t know the laws of your state regarding attorney fees — you can ask a knowledgeable attorney in your area. Also ask whether filing for divorce would restrain him from transferring assets. In most states property he inherits is his, so it isn’t likely that you will get a portion of his inheritance or gifts to him from his family.

  138. NEW QUESTION, Please advise me.

    As I stated above I am in a state of unanswered questions from my ‘attorney’ the ‘new’ attorney that is supposedly taken over my case is now wanting a new retaining fee. my question is this even possible? he couldn’t even answer me as to what stage is my QDRO in? whos desk was it on or if it had even been started? he told me that he would need to ask the attorney that was handling my case in the beginning.

    Mt settlement clearly says:
    Husband is to pay half of attorneys, paid directly to clients attorney at the time of the signing of the QDRO.
    this was signed on 4/18/2013.
    I have called my attorney several times to find out the status of the QDRO and she always told me that it takes time.
    and now all of a sudden she is no longer on my case, and this other attorney calls me last night wanting me to come in on Tuesday with another retaining fee.
    I have called now 6 times to request to speak to the main attorney (his law firm) and he does not return my calls. and today when I called and spoke with the receptionist she then called me back and told me to ask my question to her. I then told her that I need to ask a question regarding the QDRO that was started on my case in 2013. she insisted that the main attorney was busy that I need to come in on Tuesday to ask my questions.
    I told her that I wanted to simply find out the status of the QDRO. she kept telling me to come in on Tuesday.
    Why should I have to pay another attorney to find out the status of a QDRO that was started last year?
    do I have any rights?
    Please advise me. what should I do?

    thank you in advance.
    I am so lost. maybe I should call the bar? or contact the BBB? or even another attorney? have they mislead me or have they screwed up on my QDRO? I don’t know but this sounds so fishy to me now.
    there has got to be a reason why my main attorney has dropped my case, and why the main attorney wont speak with me.

    thank you.

    1. Call the Bar in your state and file a grievance with them. Make sure you document dates of your calls and a brief summary of your coversation.

  139. My husband is divorce for almost 14 years now,the ex wife got the house , bank and savings account and 2 cars. The kids are 17 and 11 now! They have settle and deal that no child support ,since everytime the kids needs financial support he always there even though they need something in the house like appliances or repairs my husband will pay for it!i saw my husband like a dog because he always follow what the ex wife wants and dictate and I’m sick and tired seeing that situation.my question is …..just incase my husband didn’t do what the ex wife dictate is there any possible that she can filed for child support even though they settle already and they divorce already for 14 years?

    1. You can review his divorce agreement to see if child support was waived in the agreement (generally it is not waived since parents can’t bargain away the support their children are entitled to). If it isn’t waived, then it is possible for her to request child support until they are the age of majority in your state (generally 18 or graduated from high school, if that is later than their 18th birthday.

  140. Thanks for the useful article. Is it better then to be in broke right before the divorce? that way you have nothing to half anyways.

      1. I’m not sure what will qualify as nothing. All the debt we have was created in my name because his was shot and I was stupid and wanted to bring him happiness. I could walk and declare bankruptcy, but he would be mostly free, be able to live well (at least til he defaults on everything as is his rendering), and I make so little that I won’t be able to afford rent or my transportation to work, and Sallie Mae will garnish my wages. It’s like nothing with the benefit of still being chased by creditors. Would my spouse be required to make payments to me til debts are paid, or if I filed chapter 7, would he have to help me pay rent? It’s very sad to be in a marriage where the spouse has it all, but is still unhappy, and takes the attitude of “you’ll get what I think you should have to pay the bills.” Yea, guess who doesn’t do the bills and refuses to go over them with me?

        1. The laws of each state are different, but in most states debts incurred during the marriage is the obligation of both spouses. Ask an attorney familiar with the laws of your state for specifics of what would be required.

  141. Married 28 years, divorce finalized 4/18/2013 with settlement.
    He is a federal postal employee. TSP- under fers.

    PROBLEM or maybe not?
    My lawyer put in my divorce decree that the QUDRO is still in the works and we will meet back in her office once the qudro is finished.
    almost a year now………. when I call my lawyer, she just keeps telling me it takes a while to get the qdro back.

    I am getting nervous.
    Please advise me on this as I don’t even know the right questions to ask.

    ALSO- 2 days ago my lawyer called me and told me she is no longer my lawyer. that the firm has a new lawyer for me and he will be calling me soon.
    any advice would be greatly appreciated .

    1. Maybe getting a new attorney is a good thing. Tell that new attorney that your top priority is getting that QDRO finished and filed, and you want it to be the top priority of the attorney as well. Find out exactly where the QDRO is in the process and whose desk it is on, and then start calling, every day if you have to. Sometimes you have to be a squeaky wheel to get the grease.

      1. I have called the main/owner of the law firm several times, Friday, and today twice. I left a mssg with the receptionist as well as voice mssgs with no replies.

        I guess I’m in trouble.
        at this point ex has not kept in any of the settlement order (we have been with no heat this winter, he agreed to put heat in our home- he has not) and due to freezing conditions the water pipe froze (on the inside of my house) and insurance refuses to pay because we didn’t maintain heat in the home. so now we have no heat, nor water. this is going on the 41 day with no water.

        I know I need to take him back to court for contempt. I am scared.

  142. My husband and I are divorcing and have just begun the process. We are trying to figure out what to do with the house. He has already moved out and I am considering buying him out. However, I am on disability and that is my primary source of income. How do I do a buyout if I do not have a full time job? Is there even a chance? If we sell and I have to move, with the kids, I will be spending more in rent than what the mortgage payments are and if I buy a new place, it will be significantly smaller and still cost the same per month. How does a buyout work? We are in Massachusetts.

    1. It sounds as though you want to refinance the house to borrow the funds needed to buy him out, so the current mortgage payments are not relevant, since (if you can qualify to refinance) you will owe much more on the new mortgage and will have much higher payments. Find out from a mortgage company how much those payments would be, then see if you can afford them, considering all your other expenses. It may make more sense to sell the house and rent.

  143. I have been married for 24years. I would like to file for divorce. I have been a housewife for 22years. My husband pays all the bills and pays the repairs on my car and pays our daughter’s college fees and rent. Are my chances of keeping our home and being paid alimony to keep up with the bills to the house and cars a likely settlement in my favor? My husband IN NO WAY wants to give me the house nor wants to pay alimony. What (in your OPINION) will be my outcome

    1. The laws differ from state to state. In most states, it is the goal to maintain the status quo and keep things as they have been, awarding you the support you need to do so at least for the period you are going through the divorce process. That will give you a chance to weigh your options and balance keeping the house against the finances of selling it and living elsewhere. Talk to an attorney to find out what happens in your kind of situation in your state.

  144. If my name is not on our mortgage or deed and my husband has always paid all the mortgage payments, can he make me leave before we get a divorce? We have been married for 7 years. He also now will mot let my daughter, from my previous marriage, on the property.

  145. filed D after married 10 months. no kids. we have $3000 in bills, he did not work at all whole time and I was tired of supporting him. I owned a home 9 yrs prior and he wants equity for 10 months. I refinanced 17 months ago so there is little to no equity.
    he wants to walk away w no debt.
    he thinks I should pay him back cause his VA money paid for some bills.
    he is $6600 in debt to child support for his bio kid. Not my fault.
    he bought a vehicle during marriage, with money from a car he sold prior to marriage.

    whats my leverage. I have a lawyer but to keep costs low, I am trying to settle and have lawyer write it up.
    our hearing said he had to pay me min on cards, and maintenance w va money. still waiting to see it.

    Im thinking we should call it a wash on the equity. have him pay me $1300 on the bills thru va till that is paid and be done. fair? i just want a divorce as soon as possible. if we contest anything, its about 2 more months wait.

      1. I offered the above including him to keep his car. he refuses to sign. he wants to fight cause I wont get back together with him. so at least I tried. Hopefully the paperwork I sent him cannot hold me at that offer, since he is wanting to fight, I will ask the full 50% of bills, which is $3000 on his part. I had a typo above.
        I dont understand why people can act so crazy and selfish when a relationship ends.

        1. It’s amazing how women sound so much like men when they are the primary breadwinners. You supported him for 10 months and had “enough” … Imagine how we as men feel when we do it for 5-10 even 20 years. I hope you get the equality you have worked so hard to deserve.

          1. JC: I think what the real problem has been all along is that men generally do NOT want to pay women their fair share when MEN decide it’s time to leave. That is what you are talking about; not the issue of women who work and support and it’s vice-a-versa. Divorce isn’t a game of “he said she said” or “let’s stick it to the men.” Men do it for 5-10 or 20 years? Usually the wife/mother has the children ….. but the men don’t want to pay. OR, the men feel that they earned the paycheck when a wife is a stay-at-home mom and they don’t want to pay cuz “she didn’t work.” You know that dontcha? So, it’s difficult for me to imagine how you men feel when the marriage ends and you don’t wnat to pay support or divide property equally. Because statistically that is usually the case.

            Here is my case JC: After 27 years together with one adult disabled dtr, husband left in the night without one word of warning and with the shirt on his back and fled to another state to be with his girlfriend. So, get over it eh? Only thing is he took all the money! MY money as well as his. I am 67 yrs old with chronic physical conditions and leukemia. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. It’s been three years – I still can’t move out of the 4 bdrm family home (rental) becuz I can’t physically move and because I have no money to move or hire an atty.

          2. JC. In some way, I have to agree with what Sheri is saying. I have been married for over 15 years. Up until August of 2011, I worked full time for the entire marriage. Albeit, we have no children together-but my husband did basically the same thing. We never argued EVER! That in my opinion was part of the problem-he would just not talk. Then one day he decided he wanted out of our marriage, but instead of coming to me he too went to our joint account and took all the money. He is younger than I am and is still capable of working and bringing in good money (that is when he works-construction). He now seems to think “You go your way and I will go mine”..I am sorry, but it does not work that way. Gee, what can I say but Yes, the bills are ALL in my name. Some of which are on a contract (ie-cell phones, internet & cable) to which if I try and cancel, I am the one who will be charged penalties, not him!!
            I am trying to find a room mate to help me at least pay the rent. Our local government will only help me with 1 month of rent and or I am being FORCED to move into government home living in the city.
            So, JC-Do you think that is being fair?

          3. jc how much is a stay at home wife/mom worth? Calculate the annual cost of a chef, maid, nanny, chauffeur, tutor, nurse, therapist, personal shopper, you get it….

          4. Oh waaaaahh! You stay at home moms are always holding yourselves above others . What about moms with jobs who also do what you do, except not as much volunteering

          5. JC, the funny thing is, many men (and i have a feeling you’re one of them) want us to stay home and be their subservient slaves, cooking their meals, having and raising children, cleaning their house, all the while furthering their careers. I fulfilled these obligation but also worked two jobs many times while we were married, including up until I was 8 months pregnant with our third child to help make ends meet. He wouldn’t allow me to get an education. He made the money…and “my responsibility” was to our kids and household. So, I certainly did my share during our marriage, but have nothing to show for it. So your version of equality means I should have to start over from scratch with nothing. He’s had a steady career and climbed to the top on my shoulders. He wouldn’t be where he is without me. He can afford our house, so he’ll get to stay in it. Because he can stay in the house he will likely get primary custody of the kids, status quo. Meanwhile, I have to START a career at 35…after I finish college, which my parents are paying for because that asshat didn’t want me to be his “equal” in your interpretation of the word. I can’t even afford the $3,500 retainer fee, let aline a place to live at this point. But I will no longer allow an oppressive turd to rule my life with his paycheck, regardless of how unfair the divorce will be to ME, the woman in this relationship.

  146. Me and my family have one vehicle in my name and i pay the bill and my wife does not even have here license so will i get to keep my truck

  147. I am thinkin about filing for divorce but i have saved a few thousand dollars of my own work pay will i get to keep this money if i saved it

  148. am in month 2 of our mandatory year long North Carolina) separation and will be letting my husband “have” the house, he says he needs a divorce decree first in order to get my name off the mortgage and refinance in his name only…Does that mean we have to wait till we are divorced to have my name removed? We have a separation agreement which states during the year waiting period I have “custody ” of the house, but I have moved away to another state ( for my sanity) and his Military Housing allowance pays for the mortgage, we have a VA loan. I do not care about a buy out I just want him and the house gone! what is the best way to accomplish this?

    1. You can deed the house to your husband without a divorce decree. How to get your name off the mortgage depends on the rules of the mortgage company. If he must refinance to do so, and he does that while you are still married, then you will probably be required to sign papers saying that you claim no interest in the house.

    2. I went thru this in Nc myself. If you don’t want the house you can sign a quit claim deed
      . The attorney can draw it up. It gives you no rights to the house but your name will remain in the loan until refinanced. My ex husband was the primary, I was secondary on the mortgage. He walked away and signed the quit claim deed. But refinancing was too much for me to do . So his name remained on the loan until I sold the property 10 years later. He got zero$ from it and no signatures were required from him. But he also got credit for paying on a monthly mortgage. So I boosted his credit.

    3. My husband divorced me behind my back he sold my Jeep and now I have no money and I live with him I want out what can I do he’s very controlling also we were married for 33 years

        1. My husband has just started a trucking business about 3 months ago and every time he has a bad day he comes home and fuss and cuss me and my 80 year old uncle out, he tries to put him out late at night when he’s sleeping. He wants a divioce but will not leave, he pushes me down and bends my arm back until I’m crying for him to release me. I have no marks on me, their all emotional marks. What can I do to get my uncle and myself away from him? I’m on SSDI and can’t work. I desperately need alimony since he does not want to pay his full amount of bills. I need a pro Bono divioce lawyer.

        1. You can Google that question for your location and see what the procedure is and what
          form you need to fill out and file.

  149. I found out recently that my husband & I were never divorced, as I tried to get a copy of divorce decree to apply for SS benefits, and found the case was dismissed years ago. So we’ve been married 22 years, living apart for 15. I also discovered he knew about this pseudo-divorce for ten years & never said again. He recently took a buyout from an automotive supplier located in Michigan & never divulged that information to me. Can I take him to court to recoup any monies? My quality of life is nothing as I have 4 children, one of which is still a minor? Any help or information you can give me will be greatly appreciated.

    1. Im not sure I understand this, If he bought it with money he earned AFTER the divorcee was in essence made (not that you sure dont sound like you where giving any emotional support or anything afterwards) Why would you think you have any right to what is his?

      If he is not paying child support, or alimony and should be, that is different. However I am on the other side of this, with a wife who is going onto SS, I have zero funds myself, she choose to leave and now wants alimony.(which no judge is going to give since shes getting a higher quality of life than I am!) I am getting ready to file for SSI myself. So you may want to consider those questions.

      However beyond that, I must Agree with Ginita. It does seem rather shady, and you may be due things for honest reasons and should speak to an attorney right away!

  150. Soon to be Ex hold $500,000 in separate property in stock in his name. He will be inheriting his parents home (when they pass) and when he retires ex will have full medical benefits. I have been the bread winner for the last 23 years and paid for the healthinsurances for the family for the 25 years. He did not want his family business to pay for it, thus saving his family business $150,000 over our 26 year marriage. What is the best way to keep my retirement and pension plans since i have worked for 40 years and he worked for the family business for 35 years (no pension plan) and just started working for private industry with pension within the last 7 years? Is it possible to calculate my pension on a post tax basis?

    1. The laws of each state are different, so you’ll need to ask these questions to an attorney familiar with the laws of your state. In many states, if you are trading retirement accounts for non-retiremente accounts, the taxes that would be paid down the road on retirement assets are taken into account to make the division fair. But check with your attorney to see what will work in your situation in your state.

  151. A question. My soon to be ex husband has a credit card in his name only. None of my information was used to secure the card. Its maxed out now. Most of the charges on it are for himself. A few were for the household. He says I’m liable for half the balance. Is this true? We live in massachusetts.

  152. Hello I live in GA. My husband of 1 1/2 yrs. left me penniless, he moved out over an argument and has not paid any of the bills. I am disable and am expecting a SSD hearing soon (after a long 24 months). I have ask him to pay the bills and at first he said he would pay half, I do not have a job at this time ( I was working PT whenever I could) and no money.

    My Uncle (lives in MD) wired me money to place my belongings in storage. I can not even find a homeless shelter to go to. We are one month behind in rent and management will file a disposition on the 16th, I know I have about a month to stay in my apt before I am put out. If a man who claims to love you can do this, I’m so over it!!! Do I have any rights for spousal support until I at lease get my SSD? I also plan to divorce as my finances allow.

      1. My husband also left me with bills no heat broken down car he works for BIA on reservation and wont help me either I applied for SSI and cant seem to get help for him to pay bills we are still married

  153. I notice that you mention “him” being the one to leave and stop paying the bills. In this world of equality one would think that it could be either party that could be the billpayer.

    Irergardless of that fact, your book is simply a leeches guide to getting money.

    1. Thank you for pointing out that it could be either spouse. As for your other comment, this little guide encourages spouses to negotiate and settle their divorce peceably, thus paying less in divorce costs and dividing more money between them. If that makes the spouses leeches in your mind, so be it — most people would reserve that term for the attorneys.

      1. ????
        Great reply and thank you for the info. My husband is very financially controlling, and I’m the breadwinner ?
        I’m guessing I will need to take out a loan in my name to finance the retainer fee.? If I open up a PO Box do you think I could do this without him finding out?.

          1. Hello, I couldnt help but notice your credentials. Same as the high earning spouse who abandoned me. I have some questions and cant get a straight answer if any. Can you help? Stage 4 cancer and i broke my neck and back and he left me, took the money and is making my life terribly hard.

          2. You are welcome to ask your questions, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to answer them. You see, the laws of each state are different, and so I cannot answer any questions where the answers depend on how something is treated under the laws of your state. I could guess, but you don’t want me to do that, since my guess is no better than yours.

      2. Hi, ma’am, Good information and your comments made it well worth the visit. In fact, I went from a snarl to a grin, to a full-blown laugh so thank you for that. You blow the lid off the stereotypical CPA. I went from thinking about a divorce after well over 20 years but after reading these comments by other people, I think I’m just going to go apologize to her and move forward. I realize that my situation is not that bad. Ha!

    2. Leonard Kramlich

      I’ve been married 35 yrs.Wife refuses to be intimate.She won’t work.She has a cosmetology licence I’ve paid for 35 yrs.I will be getting a settlement from a car accident.I work 60 hrs a week.Will I have to pay alimony.And can she take half my settlement.I can buy her out with the equidy from my house.

      1. Many states provide that the higher earning spouse pay support to the lower-earning one if she does not have enough to pay her expenses, but I don’t know what your state provides. And often an injury settlement goes to the spouse who was injured, but again, I don’t know the laws of your state.

  154. Mark a goodwin

    I was severely injured, and had a lawsuit 10 months ago! I then bought a home and made a bad mistake on putting her name on. It! I’ve filled for divorce two time before! Now she filled and want 75/000 buck doi have any chance to fight for a smaller amount?!!!? 727/329/ 8314 thank you mark Goodwin!!!

      1. how can I get my divorce the faster way we don’t have children we get marriage in nevad we living in las vegas Nevada my husband left the apartment one moth ago now he wants the divorce

      2. Please help me my husband will not pay bills, just set around get high and cleans people yard to make money to get high and put all the junk in my yard. It looks like a junk yard. He said im a dum bitch. And if i leave his going burn down where i stay.

        1. If he doesn’t have the gumption to do anything worthwhile, he probably doesn’t have the gumption to burn down your home. So take whatever actions you need to take, and don’t pay attention to his threats. If you really think he is serious, get a restraining order and notify the police of his threats.

          1. My husband is a vet receives about $1800 a month and jam disable and I receive around $2500 monthly he has never paid a bill in the home and his money only last about 3days he owes it out for drugs.i pay all bills which is just about all of my income I told him that I will be getting a lawyer to make him help and told me they can’t touch his money because he is a vet

    1. lawrence johnson

      I’m starting my divorce case and I need to know if I’m exempt to work,hea?th issues where I can barely work living of welfare benefits will I be the one to suffer at the end of this divorce my wife has income and has turned her back on me knowing my condition and financial problems and we have a 15 year old child together and live in the same apartment who really wins here?

    2. My husband had a huge business , during our marriage years he defrauded me, took our home equity loan over $500,000 in 5 months to the business, forge my signature on s mortgage, took s personal loan against our real estate and home and then went to a personal banckrapcy and close his business.
      I lost all our assets, and he defrosted the banckrapcy court and took all the art from home .
      I am a physician with high income , now he filed for divorce declaring his SS as his only income even he sold our assets and he is after alimony and my pension.
      What am I to do? My lawyer tells me I am to lose in court.

      1. If he is not working, it is likely that social security is his only income. You can have him go through a vocational evaluation to determine his ability to earn money, and ask the court to determine support as though he were earning that amount. As for any funds he has remaining from selling assets, the income from those funds (such as interest) would be part of his income, but that won’t be much.

        1. I was living in another country and not working. So, my husband was sending money at that time so can live with out worrying. And, now we are going to get divorce; am I supposed to return that money?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top