If You Know That You Are Getting a Divorce, Should You Still Pay the Mortgage?

mortgagepaymentQ. My husband left me three months ago and now wants a divorce. Should I keep paying the mortgage on my house even though he could get half of it?

A. It can certainly be financially difficult to carry the full cost of a monthly mortgage payment on your own! We definitely understand why it could be tempting to stop paying the mortgage, especially if you may be essentially giving your husband a “free ride,” if he ends up getting half of the home in the divorce settlement.

The first thing to note is that it is NOT a good idea to stop payments on your mortgage while you decide what to do. Not paying your mortgage will negatively affect your credit score if you are a joint signer on the loan. You don’t want to do that to yourself if you can help it. Also, not paying your mortgage could lead you to default on your loan, which means the bank could repossess your house.

If you have any amount of equity in your home, you could lose it all, which is probably worth a lot more than a few more monthly mortgage payments. If you are having trouble paying your mortgage, you may be able to call your lender and get some relief. Some lenders, for instance, allow borrowers to skip one payment a year.

Next, you’ll need to figure out how your home is likely to be divided up in the divorce so that you can begin planning your next moves. If you purchased your home while you and your spouse were married, it likely will be considered community property (shared by both spouses). If you live in a Community Property State (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin, and possibly Alaska), then it is likely that your spouse is entitled to half of the equity in the house (and half the remaining mortgage debt as well).

If you live in a Common Law State (any state not listed as a Community Property State), then a judge has leeway in deciding how to distribute assets as part of your divorce settlement. If you can show a judge that you paid more of the mortgage than your husband, the judge may grant you a greater share of the home.

If you purchased the home with your own money before you were married and if your husband’s name is not on the deed, you may be able to make the case that the home is not community property. This is a difficult argument to make, especially if your husband contributed to the mortgage payments during your marriage or you used community property (i.e. income you earned while you were married) to remodel or fix up the house.

At some point (sooner rather than later if you are struggling to make mortgage payments on your own), you need to decide whether you want to try to keep the house or not. Many women want to stay in the home, especially if they have children, but that might not always be the financially smart thing to do.

If you want to sell, you’ll need to convince your husband to sell if the home is jointly owned. Though you will likely have to give your husband a share of the profits you make from the sale of the home, at least you can get out from under those mortgage payments.

If you decide that you want to stay in the home, you’ll need to negotiate for it during your divorce and figure out a way to buy out your ex’s share of the equity. (Here are some useful tips on How to Keep Your Home During a Divorce.) It can feel frustrating to give your ex more money when he didn’t help you with the mortgage payments, but at least you can get his name off the deed and know that your future mortgage payments will be building equity in an asset that is 100% yours!

Want even more useful divorce advice? Take a look at our divorce article archive and/or sign up for a local Second Saturday Workshop near you. You’ll learn tons at this workshop and meet other women like you who are preparing for divorce.

9 thoughts on “If You Know That You Are Getting a Divorce, Should You Still Pay the Mortgage?”

  1. My husband asked for a divorce 2 months ago.We we’re only married 5 years. We picked out the house together before marriage and the house is in his name. He left a month ago i’m still waiting to get served divorce papers. He did make the mortgage payment and i know he wants to keep the house due to the Equity. We live in Ohio, should i help pay the mortgage or save my money since i’ll have to find my own place.

    1. My best advice to anyone facing divorce is, Stash Cash. I don’t mean hide it, but rather have it available to get you through the beginning stages of divorce, while you are waiting for support orders or needing to consult with attorneys or needing to pay the rent when you move out of your home into an apartment.

  2. I live in California and I am a housewife and have to homeschool my youngest until he is able to get the appropriate training/tools to cope with his study/learning challenges. My husband is the one bringing income and it has been like this for most of our marriage of 14 yrs.. We have three children, one which will be an adult in a couple of months. The start of this year we both agreed to rent out a room in the house to pay off a credit card, but once he got someone to rent it, he decided to keep the money instead of paying the credit card. We had been wanting to refinance to pay for the credit card, too, but now he does not want to refinance because I don’t want to tell him what I’m going to decide on for the divorce ( I don’t trust him because he keeps on changing his mind, he has been shady about money decisions he has made without consulting me, and wants an uncontested divorce). He recently stated that there was an error from his job, and that is the reason why less money was deposited to our bank account which I use for all the expenses. He has another account which is where he gets the rest of the check deposited. He does not come home except once every like 14 days and takes usually my youngest to eat out. Besides that he does not spend much time with our children. He has another side job, but most likely gets paid cash. Since he has kept the rent money from the room and he is depositing less into our bank account and I still have the large credit card payment I have to pay for, besides the other expenses: I can no longer pay for the mortgage on my end. I told him since he was staying with the rent money from the room and is depositing less into our bank account, and he has his own bank account, and is receiving money there and is working a side job, a gets 2 bonuses yearly and had a raise due to COVID he should pay for the mortgage. He does not use the income mentioned above for any house or kid expenses, maybe a very tiny amount. Well he has decided he will not pay the mortgage. This will affect only his credit since I’m only on title and he is on title and the mortgage. My question is should I borrow money to still pay for the mortgage? I’m in the process of getting a job like in a month. It has been very stressful and I need to organize and get a health check up before I start working. Also, if he does not make the payments can I stay with the house if I request he stays on the mortgage until I qualify like in two to three years, under the condition that I give him his share. The mortgage would be paid with his child support and alimony and I would cover the rest with the income from renting the room and working. If you could please reply. Thanks!

    1. Let me see if I understand. Because he is taking so much of the money and paying so little of the expenses, you don’t have enough money to pay the mortgage? And the house belongs to both of you? And you are asking me what I think you should do? Why don’t you ask him, it’s his house and he’s taken the money –why is this your problem to solve on your own? I’d throw it back into his lap and let him figure out what to do. And if the mortgage falls behind, and they tack on fees and penalties, so be it. Alternatively, you can scrape around and borrow from friends and family to pay the mortgage, but guess who will end up with that debt as well, since he’s not even willing to pay the debt you already have.

  3. My ex husband of 10 years has not only hidden property but his current wife is claiming all title and assets to property held during our marriage. What type of attorney do I need.

    1. You are divorced, so look at your divorce agreement to see what marital assets were assigned to you in the divorce. Make sure that you have received everything that your agreement said you should, and what he does with the assets he received is his business.

  4. My husband left 2018 Aug stopped paying the mortgage, continual cancels cout dates pulling the sick card. Our new court date is coming up he went and got a new appraisal of the home which the appraiser appraised it 60k more than the 1st court ordered appraisal 2 1/2 yrs ago. This was all planned on his part to gain more $ from the equity. What is the law in CA. Can he gain more equity or it stops when he stop paying the mortgage???

  5. Pingback: If You Know That You Are Getting a Divorce, Should You Still Pay the Mortgage? | SortStyle.com

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